OT....Fuming over OH

[firsttimer87]

Hi all,

Ok, so i know i might be being slightly unreasonable but my OH works nights every night (5 a week from Sun to Thu). He goes to bed when he gets home in the morning (about 9am ish) and i wake him up at about 6ish (depeneding on whe he gets to bed etc).So today i go up at half 6 to wake him, have a chat for a bit and he seems awake etc. So give him another kiss, he tells me he'll see me downstairs. That was over an hour ago! I caled back up to him at 7:15 and he said he's getting up. Its now 7:40 and still NOTHING!! I understand he needs to sleep etc (i'm not cruel lol), but i dont cook dinner until he's up and dont want to keep eating late and plus he's only around until about 10:30 before he leaves for work again and i'd like to spend some time with him!

Am i being unreasonably upset over this? he's been in bed for about 10hrs now, and i get approx 7 a night if i'm lucky (as stay up to be with him and have been in work for 6:30am for the last 4wks).

So i cant do dinner (well i could but whats the point in cooking a nice meal just for me for the rest to be cold/ruined when he gets up) and i'm not seeing him cos he's in bed! It just upsets me that i feel he'd rather do that tan be with me before he has to go to work!

Sorry for the rant ladies, just really upsets me at the moment xx

 

[sequeena]

Make yourself a snack, it's what I do my OH works nights too, I don't begrudge him because he works very hard and it takes it out of him

 

[Periwinkle]

I would just tell him at 6:30 that I'm starting the dinner and what time it will be ready. Let him ruin his own dinner if he doesn't want to get up!

It would annoy me too, the not being able to spend time together.

 

[Pixie2320]

I don't know, I understand wanting to see him and have dinner together - but if he's working his ars off and needs sleep then he needs sleep If it's not his fault you're getting less sleep ( like he's not waking you up while you're sleeping) then he's hardly to blame for it

I guess it's easier for me to put into perspective because my husband is currently working full time and then in school part time to get his next degree, so he's gone long before I wake up in the morning and some nights isn't home until 8 or 9 pm so it's just not realistic to put off dinner until he gets home or anything like that, we always have at least an hour to talk/sit around and watch tv together etc while he unwinds, but he's in bed by 10 every night and I appreciate the sacrafice he's making to get a better degree and be able to better support our family But we make the most of the time we have together whether it's an hour a day, or we're pretty much together all weekend long while he's off work..

So I dunno, I would try to be a little more understanding about it - maybe he's just overly tired and needs a little more sleep today/lately because he's stressed about the baby etc etc worrying about providing for his family.. As long as he's spending time with you and coming home to you

 

[DMG83]

could you take him dinner in bed one evening? just cosy up in there so he doesn't have to get up but you're spending time togheter? when DH is sleeping late or needs more than me i often go and just get into bed with him but knit/bnb/read...

 

[Periwinkle]

Nine and a half hours is surely enough sleep, even for someone working hard...

 

[firsttimer87]

sorry another thing i should have prob mentioned is that we also live with his younger brother so the majority of the time we get together isn't spent just the two of us. Unless he's up with me before his bro gets up.

I know what you mean about stress etc and dont get e wrong he does work really hard and i appreciate that, but i jst get lonely when I'm sat at home downstairs, waiting for him to get up. Cant really go out cos we're saving up atm and just miss him i suppose. I guess i'm just sat here thinking...its half 7, only 3 hours until hes at work...its 8 o clock, only 2 an half hours till hes at work etc etc

Thanks for the comments ladies xx

 

[Pixie2320]

Nine and a half hours is surely enough sleep, even for someone working hard...

Its surely enough for a pregnant woman too, but I still find myself napping sometimes during the day, or sleeping longer on weekends because it feels good?

 

[sequeena]

Nine and a half hours is surely enough sleep, even for someone working hard...

It depends on the work.

 

[Quackquack99]

I used to work nights when I was younger. But sometimes it took it out of me and once in a blue moon I would sleep for 12 hours. It seriously used to ruin my body clock. A PP mentioned maybe taking dinner upstairs to him so you can spend some time with him. My mum used to bring up a hot chocolate with cookies because I was that tired that I never cared about eating. Plus it was a lovely gesture.

 

[firsttimer87]

sorry for the continued downer lol...but i just feel that even tho he works nights etc (same length shift as me, maybe an hour longer) he comes home and goes to bed. Then when he gets up, he gets his dinner, watches tv or plays xbox then goes to work. When i finish work, I go to the supermarket to pick up anything extra i need for tea or anything we've run out of, get home and sort dog, tidy kitchen/bathroom/living room, sit down for 10mins as i'm shattered lol, get back up and put another wash load on while thats doing put previous load away or iron and fold up tidy, take clothes upstairs and put away, come down and jump in shower (during this time i've usually got dinner on too btw) blow dry hair and sit down with a cuppa for half an hour before i realise how late it is an have to go to bed! Phew!! I just feel he gets all the bloody rest he needs lol.

Sorry i know its a bit of an over-reaction, and prob pregnancy hormones not helping but feels better to get all off my chest! xx

 

[sequeena]

I felt like this a couple of months back too, don't worry about it the feeling will pass. It's hard not to feel a bit resentful when you're on your own all night and all day but it won't be like this all the time

 

[DMG83]

my DH randomly slept for about 12 hrs the other day! it was so weird but i often sleep for 12hrs - i can go for 2 or 3 weeks on 5 hrs a night, then i crash!

i used to work busy night shifts and always found i was more tired doing them than the equivalent day shift because of getting up in the dark and then working indoors, then coming home to sleep when it's light? could it be that that is making him so exhausted?

i'd just take him a drink and go in for a snuggle.. maybe he's feeling as down about the lack of time together as you but is too exhausted to make the first move? x

 

[heather91]

Hun it was EXACTLY THE SAME for me when my OH worked nights. Truth is, it knocks your body all out of balance, he was completely exhausted and couldn't get up til he had to be in work for the next (12 hr) shift. It's not the same as having 7 hours sleep at night, the quality of the sleep isn't the same.

The only solution for us was for him to leave and get another job because our relationship was suffering. I really don't think you're over reacting because I know how horrible it is.

 

[firsttimer87]

thanks again ladies. I think he knew I was upset last night (prob cos I was charging round the bedroom like a mad woman putting clothes away lol) and ordered me to go an take a shower and calm down . I dont know what its like to have a normal 9-5 relationship with him as he's been doing this shift since before we got together, but maybe he'll want to change when LO gets here otherwise we really wont see each other at all. Ah well, one thing at a time eh? Thanks again x

 

[lynnikins]

my OH works long hours in odd shifts and some days im lucky to see him for an hour total split either side of his work shift, its hard but just try to remember hes doing it for you, im facing the prospect if my OH gets onto the training course we want him to get of him being away mon-fri then working the weekends so we can keep going else we would all have to move and he would still be out 9-5 mon-fri and working nights as well as weekends but its not forever