Our Assisted TTC Diary - Male perspective *UPDATED*

[lynseyology]

Hello Everyone,

This is quite an unusual post because I am the husband! I bet there are not many posts from the guy on here but, this diary will be one of them. The reason I wanted to post our journey into fertility treatment was because the problem we encountered trying to have a baby was found with me - poor sperm. I thought it would also be useful to people coming from a man since I guess men dont open up much about this kind of thing and that the diary of the journey would help those who are also about the go through the same thing.

We were trying for a year and went to the doctors because my wife was having bad period pains so we became suspicious... no issues there though. I have had two sperm tests so far and would never had suspected myself having problems. Ive never had any issues in that area, no testicles stuck inside from birth, no accidents to the jewels, I dont drink or have ever taken drugs so we (specially me) was very shocked when the tests came back bad. Its not so much the count because initially the count was 6 million (very bad) which went up to 20 million once I had changed my diet (im not over weight by the way, just ate rubbish!).

But even with what the doctor called a 'normal' count of 20 million my motility and morphology arent so great, motility was between 5-10% (should be 35% and above to be 'normal') and morphology 10% (this should be about 20%).

When I found out I felt very sad and guilty in many ways because I love my wife so much and felt like a hindrance - I couldn't give her what we wanted. I know its daft but it really did feel that way. I had silly thoughts the first day or two that perhaps she would be better off with another man, that could do the thing I couldn't. Crazy thinking back now but, even men have hearts you know.

So far we have been to the first fertility appointment last week (August 3rd 2009) and I have a last sperm test this week coming, its a different kind though. Its calls a 'washed' test, basically they take the sample and prepare it as if it was going to be used to be used inside my wife - from the quality of this they will decide what treatment we require (either IUI or IVF). If my sperms good enough for IUI then my wife will have to have a dye test to see if her tubes are OK so secretly I hope its not good enough so we go straight to IVF! I dont like the sound of the dye test and dont want her to have to go through it... any test that says to 'take paracetamol BEFORE the test' has got to be a bit rough.

I will keep updating this post throughout each appointment so everyone can learn from the experience.

 

[CurlySue]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Interesting to hear from a man. We do tend to slag off our husbands for being slightly less than understanding from time to time (a woman thing!) so it's nice to hear from the unique point of view of one of those Persons from Venus. Us from Mars, well, we aren't exactly of your mindset half of the time!

As for the dye test - well, it's not so bad. Trust me, if you CAN get there through IUI then it's a Hell of a lot easier and more straightforward, less invasive than IVF. The egg collection is no breeze (think codeine rather than paracetamol for before and after), the embryo transfer isn't exactly spectacular (is the same procedure as is incorporated for IUI) plus with IUI there is a whole lot less medical intervention. Her body would be better off with a more 'natural' route to pregnancy, i.e. IUI, and if it DOES come to IVF then she will at least be prepared for that and would know that she has exhausted the 'lighter' options.

If it IS that your sperm isn't good enough there is ICSI, the equivalent of IVF for those with sperm issues. I'm sure you'd be able to hold her hand through the process, though, and make it less tough. Don't write off other methods though, especially if your concern is your wife. A lot of people, when they reach the point of IVF, look back at the HCG and think "Ah, that was a breeze." It's different for everyone, obviously, but there are plus and negative sides to everything. Keeping an open mind is always your best bet, at this stage. I was never offered IUI since I don't ovulate regularly and drugs did nothing to help. If it is offered then it's always good to try, at least.

I suppose the best thing you can do is keep yourself open to ANY scenario. Infertility treatments are never particularly pleasant so it's always good to make sure that you are mentally prepared for any outcome and any event. That way, there are no alarms. No surprises.

It's tough that it's the woman that has to go through the physical side of everything, but we are tough. We get by. We get through. I suppose the man often feels helpless because other than 'jizzing in a cup' to put it bluntly there's not a whole lot he can do.

The fact that you are willing to express yourself is a good thing, though, so I am glad that you have chosen to do this!!!!!

 

[Rumpskin]

Welcome to B&B and thank you for contributing. It is great that we can get a male point of view in this section.

I wish you and your wife all the best in your journey xxx

 

[jojoD]

I think it's fantastic that you posted. My husband and I are in a similar position to yourselves. He is very quiet and doesn't generally discuss his feelings.. So having the male perspective is excellent

 

[BigFoot1980]

Hello!
Its so great to hear your side of the story. We have sort of the same problem as yours.

I agree with CurlySue, IUI is much simpler to do then IVF. But what ever u decide, I hope it is successful.

 

[Farie]

Thank you
Nice to see the other side of it.

 

[Kiki09]

Thank you for posting, nice to hear a mans perspective and worries, my oh is generally very good but its a really good insight reading your post!

 

[vineyard]

Our problem was exactly the same. Poor motility. My husband's motility was 16%. I wish you the best of luck! Feel free to PM me if you have questions!

OH, also, should admin move this over to the LTTTC journals?

 

[BizyBee]

Welcome! I am so glad that you have decided to join and share your story. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Mrs G]

Hi, welcome and thanks for posting!

It is hard to get your head around but try to see the tests as a positive move towards what you both want together. It might not be the way we all planned to conceive our children but if it gets us there then it's gotta be a good thing, right?!!

 

[Millnsy]

Welcome - There should be more men on here! As has already been said, IUI will be less invasive. Until yesterday I had no faith at all that it would work, after 2 and a half years, HSG, Lap and Dye, 6 months of Clomid and 2 IUI's we have finally got there so it seems it can work!

Best of luck and keep sharing!

 

[lynseyology]

Hello Everyone,

Its me again, the husband. We have just started our treatment for infertility (its me that has the issues) and this is an update.

I have recently just had my third sperm test, only this one was a little different. Its what they call a 'washed sperm' test, by that they mean preparing my sperm as if it was going to be used for IUI (and determine suitability). Since finding out my sperm wasn't all that good in the earlier tests I have stopped everything that was bad for me, taken every vitamin under the sun and stopped hot baths etc.

The test results for the washed sperm test took a week to come back and my wife and me went together to hear the results. Not good, the results were pretty much as they have always been and IUI would be no good for us. I watched my wife cry in the consultation that was heartbreaking and made the guilt I originally felt on finding out initially that I had problems come back ten fold. It was a bitter sweet visit to the hospital - bitter in that it hurt and sweet in terms of now knowing we were on a path of IVF.

I was happy to know my wife wouldn't have to have the dye test for IUI because everyone says it is so awful but, in my heart, if im honest, I will always wish I never had the problem and that life was easier than it was currently. I guess its hard to explain unless you're the one with the problems and the partner is the one who is a-ok, you hurt the one you love and there is nothing you can do but trust in science to help. I didn't feel sad for too long, a couple of 'quiet days' and I was back out of that black cloud and now I cant wait for the IVF to begin.

We are now waiting for the appointment to come through having chose Nurture as our clinic (we live in Nottingham and this clinic is one of the best in the UK).

I will update soon as that first appointment with the Nurture consultation has taken place.

All the best,

Stu

 

[Mrs G]

I'm pleased you are on the way! Although it is so hard, it does feel good to be actually doing something and you are getting so much closer to your dream.

Best of luck.

Kath xx

 

[peartree]

Thank you so much for sharing with us Stu and (belated) welcome to the forums. We're in the same situation, male factor infertility. It's so great to hear from a male point of view. I wish you and your wife all the best in your IVF journey. Keep us posted!

 

[oliveoyl]

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story
Wishing you and your partner a speedy journey to parenthood
xx

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Hi Stu, we're going through a similar situation. I'm gonna get my OH to read your posts as I think it will help him to realise there's others out there. He'd never talk about it to his mates. Hope all goes well. Looking forward to update!

 

[Leila Fae]

Hi there.

Just wanted to pop in and add my best wishes to you and your wife. My DH's SA results came back with low morphology so we're both frantically researching our options etc. It's great to hear a man's point of view on male fertility issues. We women are very articulate in our concerns and fears about our fertility but our menfolk are often less so.

Good luck!

 

[lynseyology]

Hello again everyone.

We had our first appointment with Nurture this week on 16th October 2009 – this is since we first went to the Doctors in May 2009, so 5 months. We are now on the ICSI route because my sperms motility is very poor but count and morphology are normal. It quite odd to think say 17 million sperm would be not enough to find and chew its way into an egg but, it’s true.

Nurture for those that don’t know, from what I’ve read, is one of the best clinics in the UK. Its bit scruffy when you finally get there in the QMC but none of that really matters and we were called into our appointment on time.

The first appointment is nothing more that an explanation of what lies ahead but don’t be fooled, you are on the IVF road. They just explain the road ahead from that day:

• Day 1 of the next period you have to ring to arrange a 3D follicle scan.

• Day 2-5 the scan happens.

• Day 21 you start the down regulation drugs. They ask you to pop in before day 21 to go over how to give the injections. I’m looking forward to this part, it will sound strange but in my heart this allows me to play a bigger role in it all (rather than just depositing into a cup). It’s like, to me at least, being able to look after her throughout it all as she is the one going through it.

• In the next 2-3 weeks she will have a normal period and once this happens she will have to have another 3D follicle scan to see how the eggs have matured.

• Then the stimulation drugs start over the next 14 days. During this she will have to pop into the hospital every other day for scans and blood tests.

• When the stimulation drugs finish after 14 days she will be given an HcG injection.

• 36 hours later I will have to give a semen sample and she will be put under general anaesthetic (not optional) and the eggs will be retrieved.

• 2-5 days after this they will transfer 1 fertilised egg into my wife and she will start to take ‘cyclogest peccaries’ for the next 6 weeks.

• 2 weeks after this we test to see if she is pregnant.

With this is mind we should be in a position to test for pregnancy at Christmas time which will be magical in many ways. I will be nervous but like anything in life if you never try then you’ll never know.

The doctor went over all the risks associated with ICSI but try to keep your eyes a little closed to this – if we read the side effects of the medicines we take we would all be permanently sick because we would never take them! There may be 1.5% chance of this and 2% chance of that but remember there’s 97.5% of the other and the ‘other’ is success.

I will keep you all updated as things progress.

Stu

 

[Mrs G]

So great to see that things are moving for you!

We did ICSI on a very similar protocol to yours and got our first time . Hope all goes well and we can continue to offer you some advice and support here.

Lots of luck
Kath xx

 

[lynseyology]

Hello Everyone,

Its been a little while since I've updated on here, we've been waiting for the next stage of IVF which for us at least is the injection stages.

We popped back to the Nurture clinic last week (December 2009) to go over how to administer the injections and to get our prescriptions. I've never seen such a big bag of medicine!! We have all the needles/medicines we will need for our first IVF cycle and the first down regulation injection is due on 10th January 2010.

I would be fibbing if I said I hadnt been worried about giving my wife the injections, I love her so much and didnt want to hurt her with a heavy handed jab. So, I figured I would see how I get on well before the injections start by sitting down with her and a single needle... doing a practice in my own leg, better to bodge it on my own leg first. It was my idea, might sound a bit daft but if you cant put a needle into your own leg confidently without pain how will you know how to do it (and more importantly do it without pain) for another person? Im not a doctor!

So, I pushed the empty needle into my thigh and... I didnt feel a thing. I feel fine now about giving my wife the injection knowing exactly how to do it and that it didnt hurt.

I just cant wait for the new year to come now, were both very positive for it all and I know in my heart 2010 will be a very special year in more ways than one - until im shown otherwise my thoughts will always be this way.

Happy Christmas everyone!