Over 35 and still WTT?

[Halle71]

I just wondered if anyone here is still WTT rather than actually TCC?

It's very frustrating because I am 40 now but we can't TCC for a few months. I got pregnant at 37 and had Matilda at 38 but I was made redundant when I was in the early stages of pregnancy. I freelanced for a few months, took 18 months off with her and expected to start a new perm role last September. But I work in advertising and the market is a bit crap so I had to freelance before starting this job two months ago. Morally I feel I have to be here a few months before we try so in my head I have December/January

I am really conscious of my age now - I know lots of people who had their first baby with no problems and then struggled to have a second. If we have problems we don't have any time to sort it out....

Technically we could start now as I am eligible for SMP but I don't want to piss work off - I really like this job and can see myself being here for a few years which is unusual for my age in advertising where the average age is about 25!

I just feel like I am wasting opportunities as each month goes by.....

 

[Wendyk07]

Didnt want to read and run. i have been in limbo for a couple of months due to a query ectopic and the waiting around has been hard. I just want to get back to it. There are people on here that at the age of 40 fell pregnant on there first cycle trying so it can happen. You could start temping just now so that you know what your body is doing and when you would be likely to ovulate December/January. That way you are doing something and are in tune with you body at the same time.

Wishing you every success in your new job and on your ttc journey when it starts.

ps. What a wee cutie matilda is.

 

[Garnet]

I've been trying for two years and I'm 43. 2 MC and I noticed it is alot harder to get a pregnant and stay pregnant. I had my last at 40 years old. Not trying to sway you or anything but it seems to be harder as you age.

 

[Nolly]

I think Wendy gave you some excellent advice there. Use these few months to really get to know your cycle. Start taking your folic acid and generally get your body ready for pregnancy. If you need to lose/gain weight then start working on that.

It might help you. Instead of thinking you are wasting a few months by not ttc now tell yourself you are preparing your body for it.

I hope when you do start ttc you get your BFP straight away!!!

 

[Ruth2307]

It's good to hear that you like your job and to a certain extent I admire your loyalty however I have to constantly remind myself that the relationship between work and me is employer and employee; nothing more nothing less. They are not my friends. All I know is that when difficult decisions have to be made at work they do not think about you or your life or your circumstances. They just go ahead and do what they have to do for the sake of the business. I'm not saying that it is done with a smile on their face and of course there are some excellent managers out there who really do care and agonise over difficult decisions but for the most part it's the bottom line that counts.

With that in mind I would be hard pushed to ever put my life on hold for the sake of my job. You say that you'd be entitled to SMP - well go for it; that's what it's there for! I think you'd be absolutely gutted if you waited to try only to find that it took longer than expected to fall pregnant again. You may be one of the lucky ones but I wouldn't take that chance!

You may feel differently and perhaps you've had better experiences at work than I have but there's no way I'd wait!

All the best
xxxx

 

[Halle71]

Good advice Ruth and that's how I thought I'd feel but believe me, after about 10 freelance jobs I hated I really feel I need to nurture this one - as the indusrty goes this is as good as it gets for an agency who understands family commitments.
I feel I should wait a bit longer - maybe a year - so new year is a compromise between what I want (yesterday!) and what I feel I should do!

And everyone else, thanks, I will focus on getting my body in order.

Good luck girls x

 

[Ruth2307]

Good advice Ruth and that's how I thought I'd feel but believe me, after about 10 freelance jobs I hated I really feel I need to nurture this one - as the indusrty goes this is as good as it gets for an agency who understands family commitments.
I feel I should wait a bit longer - maybe a year - so new year is a compromise between what I want (yesterday!) and what I feel I should do!

And everyone else, thanks, I will focus on getting my body in order.

Good luck girls x

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I guess I'm in a different place mentally when it comes to my job basically because I hate it!!

Take care!

 

[NorthStar]

Whilst it is frustrating to wait I think the idea of spending the time preparing your body and getting to know your cycle is good.

I waited until I was in my new job about 14months before we started trying, as SMP is barely enough to keep me in hair product, plus as a hiring manager if you invest in recruiting and training a newbie you are entitled to get something back from them before they go on maternity leave, harsh but true. So I say good call on your part.

 

[Halle71]

Whilst it is frustrating to wait I think the idea of spending the time preparing your body and getting to know your cycle is good.

I waited until I was in my new job about 14months before we started trying, as SMP is barely enough to keep me in hair product, plus as a hiring manager if you invest in recruiting and training a newbie you are entitled to get something back from them before they go on maternity leave, harsh but true. So I say good call on your part.

I wish I could wait longer as well but time is not on my side. The only thing that makes me feel better is that I fully intend to return and for a good number of years, although it will take a while for them to be sure of that! Originally when I returned to work I wanted to get any old job, get pregnant and then take it from there.

I know what you mean about SMP but in a way it makes me feel a bit less guilty that it won't be costing them much.

 

[Ruth2307]

plus as a hiring manager if you invest in recruiting and training a newbie you are entitled to get something back from them before they go on maternity leave, harsh but true. So I say good call on your part.

Sorry Northstar I have to disagree with you; I'm a hiring manager too and I certainly don't think you're entitled to get anything back. If you do then all well and good but it's not your right.

 

[FionaJames24]

Why don't you try to conceive now? It might take you a few months and that would fit in with your timescales. If you start trying to conceive next year, then you might be trying for another 6 months or even more. You are assuming that you'll fall pregnant pretty much straight away (could happen of course but unusual). If you start trying now then you will have given yourself a few months advantage.

I'll be frank, at our age the sooner you start trying to conceive the better, we just don't have the luxury of being able to wait until it suits everyone else, work in particulat. I'm in a similar boat - my boss agreed for me to move to another position in the company as the contract on my old job finished. He basically saved me from redundancy. I feel like I owe it to him to stay here and not leave him in the lurch especially as I would be coming back to this job afterwards. But the reality is that it could take me months to conceive and so the sooner I start the better.

Good luck with everything, your daughter is really lovely xxx

 

[Cypress]

Hi that is a really tricky situation, with no easy answer. I can understand your desire not to annoy your employer, as jobs (esp good ones with good employers, bosses, colleagues etc) are few and far between, and freelancing is rough (I've been freelancing for the past few years and would love to trade it in for a permanent job).

I can't offer advice on what you should do, as you must do what is right for you, what you feel is best after weighing up all the pros and cons. But I can say what I would do in your situation - I would absolutely start trying right now, immediately. (Note though, that I don't have any children yet.) I might fall preg straight away, in which case I would have to deal with that, including potentially alienating my employers and losing the job. But I'm 39, and I deeply regret every month that I waited before we started trying, and for me no job is worth the sacrifice of the precious few cycles we have left. There are just so many things that can go wrong with a cycle (I seem to learn of new things every month) that can cause delays (sadly they all increase in likelihood with age), I've come to view a good cycle as an extremely precious commodity.

If you didn't wait, and fell preg right away, I would hope that your employers would be understanding. No one can predict when they're going to get pregnant, and people fall preg by accident all the time, so employers should be able to deal with that.

If you do decide to wait, you might want to consider getting your fertility tested - here in the UK you can pay for the blood test privately (less than £200 I think), to test at least your FSH and AMH levels, which give an indication of your ovarian reserve; and maybe a semen analysis for your OH. If the tests come back ok, you might feel ok to wait; but if not, you may want to start ttc-ing sooner rather than later. (Also if you do wait, as others have said, use this time to prepare your body - healthy living, learning about your cycle etc. Zita West tablets contain a lot of good supplements. As sperm and eggs begin developing 3 months before maturity, lifestyle changes take 3 months to take full effect.)

Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

 

[NorthStar]

plus as a hiring manager if you invest in recruiting and training a newbie you are entitled to get something back from them before they go on maternity leave, harsh but true. So I say good call on your part.

Sorry Northstar I have to disagree with you; I'm a hiring manager too and I certainly don't think you're entitled to get anything back. If you do then all well and good but it's not your right.

That's cool we can agree to disagree Ruth.

OP has only been in job a couple of months, and actually likes this job and doesn't want to piss the employer of in the current marketplace. Most bosses are going to be pissed off if a new hire turns around and says they are off on maternity leave, maybe there are more understanding companies out there, but I can't say I've ever worked for any of them in the private sector at least.

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hi that is a really tricky situation, with no easy answer. I can understand your desire not to annoy your employer, as jobs (esp good ones with good employers, bosses, colleagues etc) are few and far between, and freelancing is rough (I've been freelancing for the past few years and would love to trade it in for a permanent job).

I can't offer advice on what you should do, as you must do what is right for you, what you feel is best after weighing up all the pros and cons. But I can say what I would do in your situation - I would absolutely start trying right now, immediately. (Note though, that I don't have any children yet.) I might fall preg straight away, in which case I would have to deal with that, including potentially alienating my employers and losing the job. But I'm 39, and I deeply regret every month that I waited before we started trying, and for me no job is worth the sacrifice of the precious few cycles we have left. There are just so many things that can go wrong with a cycle (I seem to learn of new things every month) that can cause delays (sadly they all increase in likelihood with age), I've come to view a good cycle as an extremely precious commodity.

If you didn't wait, and fell preg right away, I would hope that your employers would be understanding. No one can predict when they're going to get pregnant, and people fall preg by accident all the time, so employers should be able to deal with that.

If you do decide to wait, you might want to consider getting your fertility tested - here in the UK you can pay for the blood test privately (less than £200 I think), to test at least your FSH and AMH levels, which give an indication of your ovarian reserve; and maybe a semen analysis for your OH. If the tests come back ok, you might feel ok to wait; but if not, you may want to start ttc-ing sooner rather than later. (Also if you do wait, as others have said, use this time to prepare your body - healthy living, learning about your cycle etc. Zita West tablets contain a lot of good supplements. As sperm and eggs begin developing 3 months before maturity, lifestyle changes take 3 months to take full effect.)

Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

That is EXACTLY what I was going to say! I would recommend you go get your FSH and AMH tested now and let that information be a part of your decision-making. You can't make a solid decision in the absence of some of the crucial facts, and finding out (roughly) where your ovarian reserve stands is crucial. If you find out your levels are good, then perhaps you can afford to wait a little longer before ttc. But if you find out your levels are low, you may not have the option of wtt. If you don't get them tested now and you decide to wtt, you may find out later that it's too late, and I wouldn't want you to regret the decision to wait.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Halle71]

Thanks ladies

I was actually thinking about a fertility test, if nothing else to show my OH that we are not invincible. Three years ago, at 37, I had an accidental pregnancy from one naughty night in Amsterdam that ended in miscarriage but four months later I got pregnant the first cycle we were tcc. I had spent a good few months telling him how hard it would be for me to get a bfp at my age so now he thinks I'm just a big fibber!! I know that my chances could have dropped drmatically between now and then though.

The fertility/medical nutrition advice is all really useful and would at least make me feel I was being proactive. I think I will start taking the supplements and generally start eating a little healthier in order to give me the best chance possible.

The other thing is that I want a winter baby. A relatively trivial point but I don't want to be going back to work (however much I enjoy it!) in the middle of summer. Winter doesn't seem so bad somehow.
Oh, and we're off to NZ for a month at Christmas which would be a waste with the horrendous morning sickness I had last time.

See, now I'm talking like my OH and assuming I have some control over it...

I think I know my answer which is to wait but I hope I don't end up regretting it.

Good luck everyone - I will be watching everyone's progress and keeping everything crossed for lots of Olympic babies x