over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[Libbystepof4]

Just interested to hear from anyone else in similar circumstances and maybe offer each other support.
I have four absolutely wonderful stepmonkeys. (Do not be offended. This is a term of endearment in our house.) DH and I want at least one or two together. I know, that's a lot of kids. Looking for a baseball team here. Haha!
So, we have been NTNP since January and I'm just starting to get serious about all the TTC in the last month. Have ordered my OPKs and BBT thermometer and am tracking. On CD2 Today (MAY 20).
It would seem there are extra challenges after age 35, so I thought it might be nice to hear from each other!
Anyway, I didn't see any other threads quite like this so I figured I'd give it a go.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Lol. Like the title.

I am starting to feel pressure about 35+ so would love to talk. We started trying in December, got pregnant that month, lost it in Feb., and this is 2nd cycle ttc (cd30/13dpo, no af or bfp so far).

I took my temp for the first time today and wrote it down, but have absolutely no clue what the charting is all about.

We would like 2, ideally, but I'll take what I can get!

Why are you feeling sad today?

 

[Libbystepof4]

Feeling sad because I really thought we had it this last month but AF came yesterday. I'm feeling better. Just needed to be sad for a bit. Its so confusing to pay such close attention to my body and notice every little thing. So many pregnancy symptoms are also PMS symptoms so its easy to get psyched out.
Have you looked up Fertility Friend? I find it very easy to use. It kind of just has a bunch of different pieces of information you can fill in daily and it does all the charting for you and tells in pretty plain words if you seem to be ovulating. I needed easy. Lol
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine how that must feel.
The over 35 thing is a real pressure cooker. The doctor is all "you have to relax or it will be harder" and it the next sentence he's all "you need to hurry. Its a billion times harder to pregnant after 35." Sure, I'll relax. Easy peasy. And poor DH feels like some sort of rented stud. I exaggerate, of course, but I'm sure you understand.

How long are your cycles, usually? You could have a BFP any time now!

 

[AnnieMac2]

As soon as I posted, "Why are you sad?" I was like, I'm such an ass. Of course the first cycle days are not a good time. I'm sorry about the disappointment.

Haha, you don't have to explain, you're talking to an exaggerator (is that a word) with a dry sense of humor. Yeah, if I'm extra nice to my husband, he thinks I'm ovulating.

I just signed up for Fertility Friend and I do like it overall. But it's sort of a mix between keeping me busy and making me obsessive. My last few cycles have been 26-29 days, so I'm longer than usual but I think mc changes up your cycles. Last time I got a bfp at 14dpo, but I also hadn't tested earlier than that because I was a normal person back then. I think I stress my body out and af doesn't come until I give up. That happened in the past when I got excited for accidents (they would've still been happy accidents though).

The over-35 pressure is brutal. Yes! Doctors do talk out both sides of their mouths! I feel like I'm starting to be one of those women people feel sorry for. Blah. Someone told me the over-35 hype is actually based on older studies and newer ones are looking better. I haven't verified that. I hope she's not a liar. Do you think you'll check out a specialist at some point? I've heard they tell people to check that out after 6 months with no success (if they're women of "advanced age." That's cute). I don't know if I will. It doesn't seem that long (aside from seeming long in emotional terms). Do you think your husband is feeling any pressure? I doubt mine is. I just tell him when we need to have sex (my sex drive is low right now. inconvenient), and he probably forgot how long we've been trying. How blissful!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Yeah it must be nice to not stress about it. I feel like if I go see a specialist then it would turn up the heat so so much. I'm putting that off as long as possible! It feels like its taking forever but everything I read says it can take up to a couple of years once you start trying. So I feel like I should not panic.
When I was a teenager there was a married couple I knew who had trouble. She was 36 and they tried for three or four years before she got pregnant. Then, it was like her body understood what they wanted, and they had five kids in five years! I was like 17 at the time so I thought they were nuts. Lol. I think about them a lot and it reminds me that if its meant to happen it will.
My sex drive has been down lately, too. And I find myself annoyed that I'm so not interested at times and I get annoyed with DH when he's interested. He doesn't even have to be obnoxious about it. Just making the interest known and I'm a fire breathing dragon ready to snap his head off. Poor guy. And normally I really try to be nice. But its hard to take it out on yourself when youre annoyed with you. He is a good guy, though, so he takes it in stride. Thank goodness.
He has four children from a previous marriage so I think that, even though he wants to have a baby, he doesn't REALLY understand the pressure and the want. My stepbabies are all so beautiful and great, and I love them like my own, but they arent my own. No matter how much I care and love them, they still have another mother who gets to decide their fate. The middle boy child, 5, is just in love with every baby he sees. The children dont know we are trying so it is torture when he spots a baby across a restaurant and goes crazy telling me how cute the baby is and he wants to play with the baby. He's a very sweet child, but he will not let up until that baby leaves! Lol. They think its weird that I dont have any babies. I just tell them I didn't have any because I was waiting for them first. They seem to like that.
FF is pretty easy to me. I just put whatever things I know in there and dont get too crazy. My OPK and BBTtherm should actually be arriving today. I'm hoping between the OPK and the info on FF I'll be able to make it count!

 

[AnnieMac2]

I totally agree about the specialist - it makes me feel like things are being blown out of proportion. Although, I just got back from my new OB and with no prompting she said, "Ok, and if you don't get pregnant this summer, I'll give you a referral to a specialist. Or before then if you get anxious." haha so much for keeping things light. I guess I seemed really anxious.

I've seen stuff like that all the time as far as your story about the couple who got off to a slow start. I know three different couples who as soon as they adopted or started the process, got pregnant. One of them has an adopted 9 month old and now is due in 3 months! I wonder if your stepkids will have that effect. The 5 year old sounds cute. And that was such a sweet, perfect thing that you said to them all.

No af and no bfp. I've accepted that in all likelihood, af will be here soon and that we're starting over. Let's make June our month!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Yes! Let's do that! We are more prepared and hopeful! Less stressing, more baby dust!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Af came today. It's actually a slight relief (still very disappointed), but I went through all the shitty emotions anyway this week. Moving on to June with you! And also moving on to a glass of wine, or coffee, or both.

 

[Libbystepof4]

That's always my comment to DH, "Im having a drink tonight!" Lol
Sorry about AF. I know its a bummer, even if we expect it. I cried and cried on CD1 this time.
I think I will be starting the BBT tomorrow. If I can remember. I guess youre supposed to do it first thing before you even move very much in the morning. Idk how that's going to go.
Enjoy your glass of wine and your coffee. You deserve it!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Thanks! I think I got the crazy out of my system, so for CD1 I'm just exhausted! But CD1 in April was most definitely not a good day.

I've entered 3 temps, none of which were at the same time, and who knows what I did beforehand. Fertilityfriend is going to close my account and ban me.

Drink it up tonight! It's T minus 2 weeks and then you and I won't be having any for 9 months

 

[Libbystepof4]

I took my temp in the wee hours before moving with my new fancy BBT thermometer for the first time this morning. It seemed so low. I told DH we have now actual proof that I'm a frigid bitch. Lol
CD5 and I'm ready for AF to be gone. Ready to start BD'ing!
Its our turn!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Haha how low was it? I got a 95 today lol. I was probably mostly asleep and drooling with it half hanging out of my mouth. Lol! And yeah, I actually am a frigid bitch lately. He's such a cute guy, but my head's all whacked. Is there some way I can do this with a turkey baster like in some Cameron Diaz-ish movie?

 

[Libbystepof4]

Haha! Wouldn't that be easier!?! Ok mine was 96.something. I guess maybe it wasn't too low if you've had a 95. And yeah, during AF I'm beyond amorous and then when its over I'm all "why are you looking at me?" Poor DH! He must love me because I sure have been acting like a crazy person lately and he hasn't run away!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Me too! I wonder what that is all about. My body does not understand what I'm trying to do here!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Sometimes I think my body knows exactly what I'm trying to do and is refusing to participate!!
I have 4 beautiful stepchildren (they live with their mother and we get visitation) who are all between 4 and 7, and sometimes they make me think, hmmmm am I absolutely sure we want more of these... The 4 year old last night vomited right into his plate at dinner last night. At a restaurant. The other three screamed and "ewwwww!!!!" as loud as humanly possible just in case there was anybody in the entire place that hadn't noticed yet. And I gotta say, you know you really love a child when he runs over to you, crying, with vomit on his hands and shirt, and throws his arms around you, and you let him. So gross. I'm sure ive given too vivid of a picture here, but I'm just saying, be sure youre prepared! Lol.
My temp was much higher this morning. I wonder if maybe I didn't sleep so well. Its was 97.35 today. Idk.I think tomorrow I will start doing the OPK in the morning, too.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Oh my god! That is so many little ones! Sounds like a blast, but exhausting. It's so nice that you've been able to have such a close, loving relationship. How long have you been together? My best friend dated a guy with four kids and she absolutely loved them. They were older, so bonding with the two oldest was a little tougher, but they developed such a genuine connection.

I am so not doing the temping well. Today I walked down a long flight of stairs and let out the dog with it in my mouth. I'm embarrassed to let my husband see I'm doing it, so it's a little hard. I think he's already concerned about how intense I am over this, so I'm trying act cool. I'm not a good liar, so I'm sure he's totally on to me haha. Hope you guys have a great weekend!

 

[Libbystepof4]

We have been married for two years. We were friends in college and drifted. Then he got divorced when his youngest was just 1. So we reconnected and have been together since. So the kids were 2,3,5&5 when we got married. There is only 1 girl. She is one of the twins. Her twin brother and the youngest accepted me immediately. They love everyone so they didn't bat an eyelash. The girl and middle boy were very slow. The girl tried her hardest to destroy our relationship, including lying to me and her father and her mother. It has been rough with her but she's getting there. I told DH that the girl would be the biggest challenge because of the whole mother daughter loyalty thing. He didn't believe me. 2 years later he still worries she is too mean to me. (She has one of those mean girl moms. She can't help it really.) The middle boy just slowly and steadily warmed as he got to know me. His was probably the healthiest way, and now he loves me the most. That child would come live with me and never look back if he could. I love that. He is 100% wild, all boy, but just as sweet as he can be. My mom calls him angel demon cuz he's so sweet and so bad all at the same time! Lol
I'm right there with you with the intense thing. DH sounded a little worried when I told him I was getting the Thermometer and all. You know, at first I was all "let's just see if it happens" and now I'm all "do you think sacrificing animals will help?" Obviously, I'm kidding about animal sacrifice, but my tone about it has gotten a little more serious. I think he's afraid I'm going to stress too much and make myself sick. But he really wants it, too. He tries to be cool about it but I see it.
You guys have a good weekend, too! Sorry for my ramble about the munchkins. I just love 'em!

 

[AnnieMac2]

You're not rambling, it's a good story! I always like the reunion ones. That's funny, because I would have made the same call about a little girl having a hard time. I've dated two men who each had a 4-6 year old son at the time and their moms were the mean girl types as well. The sons were oblivious, but I remember thinking that if they had been girls, the dynamic could be a lot more complicated. Great job on overcoming that stuff! And lying is so tricky.

I'm going to stop hiding the thermometer (haha...that sounds like something potentially creepy...reminds me of when I was taking anatomy and a box of latex gloves was lying around on my bedside table. My sister came for a visit and yelled from my bedroom, "What weird fetish do you have?!"). Do you temp at the EXACT same time each day? My chart looks like an EKG monitor. There's no way it will be informative.

Lol at sacrificing animals. Did you ever watch True Detective? I'm picturing all the weird voodoo stuff. "You in Carcosa now."

 

[Libbystepof4]

I didn't even temp this morning. I was up and down all night because I dont feel well and my back was hurting. The alarm on my Thermometer went off and I just didn't do it because I knew it wouldn't be accurate. And I can't really temp at the same time because I read the most important thing is for it to be like the second you wake up before even really moving your body at all. I do that at a different time everyday so its impossible. I'm going to keep doing it but I know it may not be perfectly reliable. Maybe it will get better the longer we do it?

 

[Cornfieldland]

Hi Libby...Annie invited me to this party...so blame her
I lord where do I start...crappy day for me here. Just coming off a chemical and on CD3 wah wah...TTC after 35 is full of surprises and totally blows chunks!! But I'm still hanging on to my mental picture of me and my husband holding our baby someday. Hopefully sooner than later because I'm not getting any younger as my son kindly reminded me that I'll be 40 in 21/2 yrs haha..2 boys ages 11, soon to be 16 from previous marriage, hoping for our one and only with my sweet loving new husband