over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[Libbystepof4]

We have to have a prescription for EVERYTHING. I guess you already knew that, though. Lol. And yeah I think pills isn't really the way to go right now. More looking for some sound tips to help calm down in the middle of something like that. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a cornered animal. I kept getting up and leaving the room for no reason. I was scared. My doctor is pretty good. He will be able to help. And he doesn't immediately turn to pills so I appreciate that. I think I need a massage and a nap right now! Lol
Dont worry, we know vaginas get messed up a bit for childbirth. But Annie's comment cracked me up! I'll live if I have to have a ripped vagina. I sure wish it didn't have to, though! Idk. My stepchildren all have giant heads and were all Cesarians because they would not fit down into the birth canal. So the vagina ripping may not even be an option. Of course, different birth canal. Different vagina. Lol

 

[Cornfieldland]

Libby..after lecturing you about anxiety I had the worst morning and flipped out. I had to go down town to pick up the boys passports at the american embassy...and I hate down town. I get very anxious driving in a town of 1 million people when I'm from a island of 4000. Anyhow I get there, go through security and get the passports...and they put the wrong date of birth on his passport! So he asked can you come back tomorrow and bring his birth certificate and another passport photo!? I was like no...I work and live far away. So then he wanted me to go buy a special envelope at the post office so they could send it to me when it's ready...blah blah I bought the wrong one..had to return it...I said every swear word possible and hyper ventilated. Funny the first thing I wanted was a shot of tequila or a chocolate bar but it was only 930am lol...guess that's my drug!

 

[AnnieMac2]

You guys - I was crazy upset too this morning! I was walking the dog and caught myself literally talking to myself lol! Like one of those angry, psychotic men hanging out in bus stations or something.

I'm so sorry you had to endure a panic attack. I have an anxiety issue and have had a couple. It's scary and I hope your doc is helpful. One time I panicked in a hospital and sweat through my scrubs - they're pastel and they were drenched, completely dark. I had to hide in the locker room and blow off 5 patients and have my husband bring me another pair. So I've taken Ativan for a really long time and had to wean off before ttc. It's category D. So ttc has been rocky because of that too. When it gets too bad, I take half of one of my pills, but it's only been like three times because I was really losing it.

Maybe give acupuncture a shot, Libby. There are ones that specialize in reproductive stuff/women too. I have actually fallen asleep in there before, I got so relaxed. I was very skeptical in the past, but gave another acupuncturist a shot after the mc and it was so helpful. I also started going to a massage therapist for the first time last week. I am just bleeding money trying to deal with the anxiety. I found it helpful except for the part where she started talking about how she's a doula and vag-ripping horrors. Haha no joke. She's cool though, I would definitely hire her. I was laughing so hard when she said she tells women the pushing part is sort of like pooping and just go ahead and poop if you need to lol.

You're right Libby. These crazy people are experts at manipulation. That's what my ex was like. Totally evil. You guys seem like you're handling it well.

Ok, guys, off to have a drink with one of my insensitive friends! Haha. xoxo

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh no! I'm sorry you had a rough time! That sounds crazy frustrating. I would have been furious about them messing it up! And then I would have cried. I cry easily. It makes me feel better. Lol
Tequila sure would help in that situation. And chocolate sure wouldn't hurt! Those sound good to me.
I'm now just sort of scared I'll have another attack. It was horrible. I broke out into a full sweat in an instant. Chest pain, dizzy. Ugh. Ive felt hungover all day. I think I didn't rest well last night. Too much up and down to temp this am. Negative OPK. I want this to hurry up and happen. I'm impatient!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Annie ive considered acupuncture before. Does it hurt at all? Ive seen photos and it looks totally weird. But I'm not ruling it out. I wonder if there's anybody good in my area. I just can't keep having this anxiety. I feel like a crazy person.
And seriously, vag ripping tales?! Hahaha!! If we ever started a band or wrote a book.....

 

[Cornfieldland]

Libby I was very close to tears...I cry to when I'm angry and frustrated. My boss told me once....you seem like a cryer...haha. Like when I get mad I cry instead of yelling is what she meant.
Besides alcohol I find massages, especially hot stone relaxing.
Are you stressed about conceiving? Or personal stuff?
How do the kids feel about you two having a baby?

 

[Cornfieldland]

Btw I'm sipping my red rasberry leaf tea...toning my old uterus, taking cq10 and maca, plus prenatals soooo expecting big things to happen

 

[Libbystepof4]

Wow! You're doing great. I dont know any of the good stuff to drink and take to help create a hospitable environment.
I am stressed about TTC a little. Not a ton because I feel like it hasn't been that long yet. A little impatient, sure, but not crazy stressed. The children dont know. They are all so little, we think its best to just tell them when we are expecting in a fun way so they get excited. Their mothers sister is TTC, as well, so they can ask her every five minutes if she's got a baby yet. Lol. Plus, we just dont want their mother to know until its too late for her to really try anything. As ive said, she's crazy and mean. I wouldn't put it past her to try to hurry up and take us to court for more money if she knew we were having another baby. And trust me, she does not need more money. She gets so much child support that she doesn't even have to work. And none of it is alimony. If she starts needing money she can get a job. Lol. But she knows that in our state, they consider how many children he has and how many are hers in deciding child support so if she takes us to court after a baby, she will actually likely end up getting less child support than she gets now. I tell you, she is probably the cause of half of my anxiety! Lol
But other things going on. My grandmother recently had two massive heart attacks and my aunt fell and bashed her head on her dresser. Knocked herself out, woke up in the hospital getting staples in her head. Scared me to death.

And I'm a crier and a yeller. I'll yell and then cry. I'm telling you, I really must be a crazy person. Lol

 

[Libbystepof4]

I think a hot stone massage would be amazing right about now. Maybe my doctor will prescribe that for me! Haha!

 

[Cornfieldland]

So I'm trying to kick my sugar addiction (things have been so stressful here this month that sugar and alcohol are my bffs) drinking a vegan shake this morning getting ready for work. I joking told my son I'm going to get sexy for summer...he says " but mom you can't you have stretch marks" hahaha...what a sweetheart! I said who do you think put them there?! Your brother started them and you finished them! Kids are great for a laugh, and your self esteem

 

[AnnieMac2]

Libby, I am so sorry about your grandma and aunt. I hope they recover well. You have a lot on your plate with the ex too. No wonder you're getting panicky! Acupuncture doesn't hurt. I was afraid of it because I hate needles, but the pins are so tiny that you can't feel them. When she takes them out, I can't tell what's still there and what's not. The research behind it is sketchy, but it clearly works for me. I'd say it's not worth going unless the practitioner is well-respected.

Corn, I cry when I'm angry too. I hate it because it looks like I'm an emotional disaster. I've been meaning to try the raspberry tea. My husband drinks maca - I didn't know it was good for fertility! I thought it had caffeine so I didn't bother. Good to know! Well I guess I'm done self-medicating with alcohol for the month. Af is gone and time to start the pressure cooker. It's cruel that tww is when you have to give up the comforting stuff. I never thought I would start enjoying af week the most. I have lost my mind over this shit!

When did you each get married? We did in September. I wish I was 25, in no hurry, and it was a less stressful start to the marriage. Today I actually feel a shade closer to my old self who was more fun. I wish I knew why so I can make it happen again!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Lol at the band, Libby. I'll have some Libby and the Vag Rippers tees made up for us.

I want to play that 80s instrument that's a keyboard/guitar.

 

[jothel]

it happened to me too. its not nice to loose but know that you are not alone.together we will get to our bfp soon. fingers crossed.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Lol at the band, Libby. I'll have some Libby and the Vag Rippers tees made up for us.

I want to play that 80s instrument that's a keyboard/guitar.

Libby and the Vag Rippers. And it's a Keytar Annie lol..
I'll be in electric guitar and have bonjovi hair.

 

[Libbystepof4]

My husband thought I'd lost my mind when I mentioned acupuncture last night. He was so sure it hurts. He's never done it. He has no idea but he is positive. I had a medial branch nerve block done a few months ago. Injections in the spine. Idk if you guys are familiar. But it was horrific. Incredibly painful and then it didn't even help me. But DH cited that as his example of why I won't like acupuncture. I told him its completely different in almost every way but he got his "I know everything" hat on right then so I just said "you've never done it and neither have I but it won't kill either of us to find out more about it" so he shut up. Lol. He thinks he is an expert on all things involving needles because he is diabetic, type 1. Totally different needles from the skinny acupuncture needles and the giant ones they stabbed in my back. He gets huffy. I give him a little bit and then he can remember he doesn't know everything. Lol
I think Annie and The Vag Rippers sounds more rock n roll. And your can definitely play the keyboard guitar. I want to play steel drums. Or those little drum things that just looked like flat hexagons. Maybe just percussion, in general. Yeah.
Well I'm going to the doctor this morning. Maybe he can tell me how to chill. I just read a NYT article this morning about pregnant women taking antidepressants and such. Idk. Its hard to think better about it just based on one article. I generally think of pills as a last resort anyway. It said that the measured negative effects of women taking SSRIs during pregnancy resolve and disappear by the time the child is 19 months old, but that the negative effects of a pregnant woman with a major depressive or anxiety disorder present later and last longer. Idk. They all seem to be able to prove their own points. I know one panic attack is not a reason to dope it up. Lol
Jeez. The OPKs are weird. I had faint line, less faint but still faint line and then almost invisible line this morning. I wonder if my ovaries are skipping this cycle. Crazy ovaries. I hope they dont try any weird shit.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Hi, Jothel - sorry to hear that!

Oh my god, it is nothing like a nerve block. I never experienced nerve blocks myself though. The needles (in my case at least), aren't pushed in very far, like 1/4", sometimes less. I could barely see one, it was like bee stinger stuck to a band-aid thing because you can't even grasp it. Trust me, I hate needles. I had to have compartment syndrome testing and the needles were so thick you could've shot mashed potatoes in there. They went inches deep. I am rh- too, so I had to have a rhogam shot in the ass for mc, straight into muscle, and I jumped in the air and screamed lol. The nurse made a crack about a big butt. Then I punched her (just kidding).

Pills are my last result too, but I have friends that take Zoloft (SSRI) through pregnancy and it's pretty safe. I'll be taking Lamictal (I have epilepsy) and it's generally worth the risk. I am terrified of postpartum. People use Lamictal for mood disorders too. Maybe it'll help. Good luck at your doctor!

Cool, so we've rounded out this deal. This is going sound so good. I'm getting a mullet and a jean vest to go with my acid wash jean shorts. Rad!

Lol at your husband. Mine does that too. I'm like you have never even heard of [insert lots of things]! Stop talking!

I get the smiley face OPKs for stupid people so I don't mess it up

 

[AnnieMac2]

Oh and they left the bee stinger one in for a day and I was just supposed to rub the patch if I had more back pain. So you really can't feel some of these, even when I pressed on it.

 

[Cornfieldland]

So now we are starting a band, taking pills, and acupunture, and TTC. I. Et anyone reading this thread thinks we are insane ha!
Guess we each have our problems, I have high blood pressure, I have ever since my early 20s so I am taking my meds for that and I'm on the one for pregnancy now.
Also lady's I had my first red rasberry tea last night, and I noticed my tummy feeling strange after a couple hours. I read it also helps with constipation and had a really nasty poo this morning so maybe it's working! Plus it's day 6 and I'm still spotting which I usually am totally done day 5. So I think it's cramping my uterus...maybe.
It's suppose to tone your uterus and help your lining thicken, so I've read to drink it up until you ovulate or something. Plus maca root Annie is suppose to help egg quality and cq10. So I'm giving it a go.

 

[Libbystepof4]

I need to write these things down! I feel so ignorant. Corn, is there a specific kind of tea? Ive never even heard of this until you guys.
I'm not getting a mullet but I suggest you all buy stock in White Rain because I have bangs and they are going up in the air!
So they leave the needles in there? Yeah that nerve block is horrendous. Big huge needles that go in about two inches, through muscle into the hollow joints on the side of the vertebrae. Jeez, that sucked!!
My doctor,(the one who I bragged about not being into pills, yeah that guy) wants me to take Prozac. He says its safe through pregnancy. Idk. He gave me some xanax in case I flip out again, but he thinks I need the Prozac because he believes I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder. I already have medicines I dont want to take. I really didn't want to add more. I told him that and he said he usually agrees with me about that but that he truly believes I need this. He said he has previously thought I might have an issue with anxiety but had no such complaints and that if now I'm having these physical symptoms then its bad. Stupid anxiety.

Yeah, ladies, I'm fairly certain any readers must definitely think we are insane. Well, I just think with all the vag ripping involved with having babies, we'd have to be crazy to be trying so hard to have that! Lol

 

[AnnieMac2]

There was only one time she left needles in. Haha we are one big hot mess! I didn't know Prozac was safe. I think I need a bit more help with the anxiety than I'm getting. I got nervous because my old OB and new OB gave me conflicting info on meds. So I called a reproductive psychiatrist. Randomly stumbled into learning that was even a thing. She specializes in PMS, postpartum, prenatal and teratology so she's on top of everything. I see her in July. Feels sort of far off since I'll be all panicky in the meantime.
I hope you girls can catch a bit of a break this wknd and feel better. I'm off to my SIL's and will probably only check in once tomorrow. Xo