over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[AnnieMac2]

Yay! Corn! I thought you two cute, funny ladies would like each other and we're in the same cycle week. (And, Corn, that is NOT to put you on the spot to be a cheery comedian right now when you're going through this shit).

So yeah, I correctly temped 2 days out of 5 and not at all this am. Staying true to my disorganized self. Just to make me feel old, my OB said she was referring me to fertility specialists if it doesn't happen this summer. I don't really think there are actual issues to trouble shoot and not sure why she's going to, but I appreciate the proactiveness (word?). Figured I'd temp (or not) in the meantime if the specialist is interested in that.

So I just met a woman who will be turning 50 during her pregnancy lol. It was a total accident and her first (it was in a new relationship - guess it must've been pretty exciting!). I know after 35 is totally doable and I have hope for all of us. But the wait and issues that come with it are excruciating...Hope today gets better, girls xo

 

[Cornfieldland]

Yes I try to make light to cope with it, but I am really just sad about it all. Just once your pregnant you are in such denial when it's over. I hope Annie that we can all have our dream babies. I am scared even if I have a baby that I'll have the energy and money to take care of it. Geesh life is so complicated...but I want our baby so bad I don't care...living with my heart and not my head

 

[Libbystepof4]

Hi Corn!! Sorry I'm not more on the ball with my response. I live in Texas and we had crazy storms with floods and tornados all day yesterday. Ugh! Our internet was out. We have no complaints other than that, personally, but many in our tiny little town had flooding and wind damage real bad. We were lucky.
Yeah being this young (ahem) does pose its own challenges with this task. I have rheumatoid arhteritis so I definitely understand being afraid you won't be able to keep up with new baby when they arrive! Honestly, I'm still more afraid of going through childbirth. I'm a big wimp but I'm sort of on this tirade lately against all these doctors wanting to schedule unnecessary Cesarians. So, I'm all "natural childbirth is the best way!" And then I'm all "I'd like to be put into a very healthy coma at 8 months and waken up when new baby is six weeks old and birthing traumas are supposedly healed, thanks." I know time and health will resolve this conflict for me but you know, before you're pregnant you still think you have real control over it all. All my friends have told me to just not even bother having opinions about it now because they will change a million times!
Annie, girl I didn't temp yesterday. Today I'm 96.96. I'm looking like something pretty crazy on my temp chart. Y'all I seriously dont like those judgmental dotted lines on the day I didn't temp. Mean old chart.
HOWEVER, FF seems to think I'm fertile like right now. I think my mucus is ideal or something. That is still so weird to me. So I'm only CD8 but I figure, part of the reason I married him was for all the fun BDing so might as well! Lol
When will you see your specialist Annie? I wonder what they will say. I'm keeping my doctors at a distance so far. I told them I'd call if I got pregnant or got worried. Lol

 

[Cornfieldland]

Libby...tornados yikes! We get the tornado warning every now and again.
Lived in Texas for a summer when I was like 5...it didn't last long and we went back to Oregon. Then at 17 we moved to Hawaii. Met my ex there at 18, had my first baby at 21 and another at 26. Divorced at 30 and remarried at 32... Immigrated to Ottawa Canada to be with my husband. We met online, I don't advocate online dating but I happened to meet a very loving kind normal man amongst the weirdos. Now 37 and trying to have a baby. I got pregnant on a sloppy intoxicated night by pure luck...which has lead to extreme heartache and now on the TTC journey. I never thought I would be a women trying to get pregnant...but here I am ...ready to mount my pour DH when I'm ovulating LOL. He told me I have to warn him because he needs time he can't just turn it on. He likes more foreplay than me! I'm just like Do it! Nice mental pic... there's my life in a nut shell.
I guess your on the other side of the fence with step children. My ex sees my kids once a year for the summer. He is with the same girl he cheated on me with for 4 years of our marriage. ( violin playing in back ground) she treats them good so I am happy about that...but it's a hard pill to swallow that she is there "step mother" BTW I'm not saying that is you at all!! Your situation is completely different. But my kids are happy and loved and I try to not say anything negative around them. I've had a drink so I guess I'm chatty..

 

[Libbystepof4]

Haha! I think when the children's mother found out he was getting married again so soon she suspected something like that, but it wasn't true for us. Then when she found out I'd known him alot longer I think she had some trouble. We were friends in college. My best friend was madly in love with him so I never gave him a thought. He apparently had it pretty bad for me but was scared to ask me out. He worked the slow play. Took 14 years but it worked like a charm! Haha!
We get the kids every other weekend, a month in the summer, and we trade holidays. We get extra weekends, too, when it works out. We try to get to school functions and things but she moved three hours away when they split up. Totally illegal but we are trying to be nice because she's from that town. Its hard though!

 

[AnnieMac2]

I'm glad you're ok, Libby! I didn't put it together - I was talking to my cousin in Houston yesterday who was stuck in a parking lot surrounded by flooding.

Haha, oh my god, you guys. I never thought I'd be worried I wouldn't be able to keep up with a kid because I'm so old and tired, but I am. Lol. Libby, I've heard RA is tough. I went to a rheumatologist recently. I have some lupus-y symptoms and probably some autoimmune soft tissue thing (I had foot AND hip surgery this fall. I literally just crossed my legs while sitting in a chair and put an inch-long tear in my hip. Ridiculous). I was a Div. I college athlete and state champion and no one around me would EVER guess. How did I get so decrepit?!!!

My husband and I met online! I never thought I'd do it and I was so embarrassed, but it was one of the best things I ever did. I was married once before...briefly...he was a jerk, to put it lightly.

Haha, Corn. Same here - I'm like, Jesus Christ - how long do we have to kiss for? Let's just do this!...my sex drive bottomed out or something as soon as I got stressed by all of this. I'm trying to turned it around and be a normal human this month though.

Libby - My doc just said call if you're pregnant or not by the end of the summer. I have no idea what to expect. Oh, and I reached for my thermometer and...it's gone. I lost it in 6 days. I'm the worst! I have 3 days and they're all over. I'm going to go on one of those threads when I need a laugh and be like, "Can someone look at my chart and tell me what this means?!"

 

[Libbystepof4]

Haha! Annie where did it go!?!
My mom and step dad met online way back when online first existed. I was a teenager. Totally bizarre but they're been married for 17 years now! I think so many people use the online method to find people to hook up with and dont put in the effort to find a real connection with a person and this is why so many online matches dont work. But some do, my parents, and you two with your DHs! It happens. But I think if you go to a bar looking to get laid, you shouldn't expect it to turn into a lasting meaningful relationship. Same goes for online meeting.
I temped this morning. It was close to yesterdays temp. Maybe I'm doing it right now. Lol
Did an OPK this morning. Faint line but I guess it has to be pretty dark to be for sure ovulating. So weird trying to pee in a cup when I'm half asleep. Not gonna lie, things got messy. I guess I'll get the hang of it soon enough.
And I'm totally right there with you guys. I'm like, ok let's do this before I get bored. You're losing me!! When I was younger, foreplay was so fun and now I'm like, yeah I'm good, let's go. So romantic. Poor DH is trying to be nice about it. Why does he all of a sudden want so much foreplay!?! What is going on?

 

[AnnieMac2]

I'm absent minded and I got a (3rd!!) concussion last year so I'm even more ditzy. Maybe I swallowed it and didn't notice

I know, right?! Even two years ago, I was all about everlasting foreplay. Our sex life is a mess right now. I gained weight and probably just don't feel sexy. I started working out, and we're finally able to get outside here in Buffalo after the worst winter ever (6 ft of snow in 36 hrs and longest, coldest streak since the 1800s? Come on). So maybe I'll burn some off.

I love you and your husband's story, Libby. 3 hours is crazy! Does she help with the drive every weekend? Cornfield, wtf! That was so awful of them. It must take a lot of strength to accept that she's the stepmother. Are they in Hawaii still? I'm kind of thankful that my ex became SUCH a huge dick. It made it beyond easy to walk out. So thanks, buddy. He cleaned out the joint savings and I totally got screwed financially, but I couldn't care less. And even though my husband and I are out of sync right now, he is such a good guy and will be a great father.

I'll work on things in the meantime and I hate to have so much riding on it, but if we got pregnant it really would help things so, so much!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Corn, I just noticed they must be still in Hawaii if they see them once a year. Sorry! I really do listen to people, but my short term memory is a little whacked. I'm not even working right now because I was just screwing stuff up when I went back to grad school and it was just time to regroup.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Annie actually my ex and I were in Hawaii and his girlfriend moved back to Michigan before we devorced because he wouldn't leave me, apparently anyways...I found this all out after the fact. Then when we devorced he went to go live with her. So me moving to Ottawa actually made it easier for him to see the kids. We meet half way every year and he sees them for 5-6wks. They have a child together as well now. She apparently had a miscarrage before it at 10wks. She is about 5 years older than me so I'm guessing she had her son at 39.

Work was really hard for me after my miscarrage too. I could barely get through the day, lots of anxiety and trying not to cry. As soon as I got to my car I would cry. Only this past month has it gotten easier. I work at a few different hospitals and so it was agonizing having to tell people over and over again for months that I wasn't pregnant. If I get pregnant again I don't want to tell people, problem is I get so sick around 7wks and the smell of poop makes me gag...it's pretty funny...but makes it hard to function.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Oh, I'm sorry Corn I figured that's what it would be like for me, so I chose the (fortunately available option) to stay home for now. What do you work as at hospitals? I usually volunteer a lot, but was afraid of even doing that. I will though eventually. I just got an email from a group I used to work with where you mentor pregnant refugee women. We'd work on English, childcare, how to navigate healthcare system (hard enough for me!), etc. Last time I unexpectedly ended up in the delivery room awkwardly cutting the cord! Anyway, definitely not good timing lol. How did you and your husband first meet in person/decide to you would give Ottawa/Hawaii distance a shot?

So guys, if you want your husbands to feel some urgency, get on board with temping, etc...tell them you're opening an elderly dog rescue if you don't get pregnant. (I'm serious when I say I'll do that!). Haha, my husband does not want that at his house. I'd be interested in adopting (human children) before then actually, but I think that makes him nervous. Anyway, animal hoarding threats are a good incentive!

 

[AnnieMac2]

Oh, and Libby, I was cracking up about your childbirth comment. I'm pretty sure I'll be so terrified. Whenever someone talks about childbirth, I start getting lightheaded and can't feel my hands lol. I used to be Miss All-Natural. And now I'm like yeah, max me out on the epidural. I was irritated when my sister said she'd carry a baby for me when she's all done (wow, she threw in the towel quickly on me). And then part of me was kind of on board with that plan. I don't think I'm going to be one of those "I lovvvveee being pregnant" women. When I was pregnant for a short while, I was just exhausted with a headache the entire time. Maybe I should go the elective surrogate route haha.

 

[Cornfieldland]

Well here's something funny and light. I had a plumber come and install my toilet and vanity. He remained me of Mario from Mario brothers lol! Short, thick hair, pot belly, thick gold chain around his neck and a missing tooth. Very friendly, told me I was a real women...and kissed me on the cheeks French style, which some people do here but still, when he left. Thought that was a little intimate for a toilet job

 

[Cornfieldland]

Annie, I work in dialysis. I love volunteers they make my life so much easier haha. I would love to volunteer for women refugees that sounds great!

My husband and I met here in Canada, I flew over and spent four days together. 6 months later when we saw each other next we got married! Crazy? Yes...but it was so complicated to see each other and I was so crazy about him I knew he was the one. We talked more in a year while dating than me and my ex did in 9 years. So we spent the first year apart due to immigration, then me and my kids came here a month before our first year anniversary. It's been hard, but he is so good to me and my kids. Also his mom lives with us, she had a stroke 6months after I moved here so that's hard too haha...mother inlaws!

Annie your sister sounds extremely self-centred! I'm sorry she's like that. Hopefully she never has to experience loss...she sounds a bit cocky!

Libby I have had a natural child birth and a epidural. And it hurt...mostly the contractions get extremely intense, but when you push the pain goes away. Until the head is ripping you apart...it burns like a mother! But I would do natural again because I know I can now. Call me a sucker for punishment.

 

[Libbystepof4]

Wow! See I'm totally afraid of pain. My mom was all "yeah but you'll survive. Millions of women do it everyday." And I say "I know I'll survive but its going to hurt! And then it will keep hurting! And then trying to use the bathroom will hurt! And then I'm afraid I will never let Ben sleep in the same room with me again!" I freak out sometimes but I get over it. Lol
Annie, yes their mother brings them to DHs work on Friday afternoons so they just ride home from work with him. We take them all the way on Sundays, though. I really hate to say such bad things but she is just about the most selfish and vindictive person I know, so we do more for now in case we ever need a bargaining chip with her. It sounds terrible but she's just awful. Very shallow, mean girl. Catty, gossip, trash talking. I had to have a serious chat with her recently about all the chatter that happens at her house, because guess how I know about it- they say all this crap in front of the children! Wonderful parenting there. My poor girl showed up here one weekend totally stressed. Over the course of the weekend she told me some bad stuff that was said TO HER about her father and I and she was so upset because she didn't know if it was true and she didn't know what to do. This 7 year old little girl was so hurt by this stuff. I told her mother "look, you guys can have any opinion you want of me. Its your right as a human being and I honestly dont care what you think. You dont even know me. It will never have any effect on my life. But you need to make very sure the kids can't even hear you guys talking about us because they are the ones hurt by by your nonsense trash talking." She started to get defensive and I told her what was said and how upset the child was and she just said ok they would be careful. Honestly, I just wish we could have the kids full time. We may one day if she slips up. I know she goes out boozing it up and whoring around when we have the kids. (Seriously, I can't believe I'm saying all this right now) as long as she keeps it on her own time and the kids dont see it or hear about it, I'll not make a thing of it. But for the last three years she's been violating her custody agreement because we are nice. I think she knows that.

I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a pregnancy. I guess I'm lucky on that count so far.
Yeah what's up with your sister? I feel like she meant well but it sure does come off like she has no hope for you! What does she know?! Its going to happen soon!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Corn, I just dont know if I could be cool with the step mom. That disloyalty would wreck me. I just dont know what I'd do. I'd probably do the wrong thing and act like a jerk. You are very nice.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Lol - I love the romantic rendezvous with Mario.

I think you know when you know, Corn. I only dated my husband a year before we got engaged and I was sure right away that we would get married. I'm better at knowing what I want than I did in my 20s. And yes, my sister is very self-centered and immature. My brother and husband will tell you the same thing. Lots of amazing qualities, but she needs to get her head out of her ass. She's not actively trying to hurt people, but she doesn't care enough to think of other people's feelings. I don't know how much better that is.

Haha, Libby - she reminds me of the mother of my ex-boyfriend's child. She was always saying terrible things about him and doing crazy stuff and not providing a nice household. And then he found out she took the kid to a hotel with her and had sex with a guy in the same room! So disturbing. And my ex-boyfriend was a classy guy, so I don't know how they got together (but people would say that about me and my ex-husband sooo.) It's amazing how trashy people can be! I think you said the perfect thing to her, Libby. It's too bad you have to waste your time on the pettiness though.

I'm lying in bed and all I can think about is a head ripping through my vagina lol. I'll share my crazy dreams with you tomorrow. They should be interesting!

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh my gosh! I totally repressed the vagina ripping head part of what Corn said! Haha!
And yeah I ask DH all the time how in the world he married her. And he says every time, she lied. Everything she made him think she was was a lie. And he thought she was sweet and caring, because she's very good at manipulating people and he trusts everyone because it would never occur to him to be so deceptive. But she's evil. Its easy to forget because she can seem to agreeable and nice. We remind each other all the time, dont forget, she lies and manipulates. Not to be mean to her, but just to keep the guard up and always consider her motives. And we both hate having to be that way about anybody.

Y'all, I had a full blown panic attack last night. Chest pains couldn't breath, super dizzy. Seriously almost drove myself to the hospital. Ive never had a panic attack and was sure I was dying. DH thinks TTC is too stressful. I think its only a drop in the bucket. I'm thinking I might go to the doctor and see if he has any "calm the fuck down" tips. Please excuse the language. It was horrible. Have either of you had one of those before?

 

[Cornfieldland]

Sorry guys about the ripping vag images! Honestly it's not horrible...and if it is there's lots of pain meds it's the climax of bringing a child in to the world and it's the one time you can scream and swear at everyone and not have to say I'm sorry! Libby I don't think calm the f down pills are conducive to ttc but I have had those moments were I feel like I'm going to explode from the inside out... And I have high blood pressure and take pills for that. I tend to get stressed easy and hold it all in until I explode.
BTW my vagina didn't rip to bad haha.. First time I had one stich the second none. The trick is to let the baby come down slow and not to fast... Let it stretch it out naturally and tell those doctors to keep there little knifes to themselves thank you very much... That's what I did.

 

[Cornfieldland]

But Libby a muscle relaxer or Adevan once in a while shouldnt hurt before your pregnant. Better than a stroke... Muscle relaxers are over counter here in Canada and really help sometimes.