Over-Controlling Partner

[meztisa]

I have been with my OH for three years now. He has always had a problem with jealousy and controlling behavior, but now it's getting out of hand. He doesn't hit me or anything, but when he gets angry he loses his temper and yells so loud and says the worst and most hurtful things. I really love him, but he is getting so controlling I can hardly stand it. I do not want to be a single mother, because when my parents find out they are going to cut me off and kick me out of the house for sure. I am seriously considering going to women's shelter for sure.

I know it's stupid of me to get pregnant by someone I'm not even sure loves me (but I do really love him) and who is emotionally abusive to me, and it's making me feel more and more depressed. It's so hard to sleep at night, and especially during the nighttime I am very sad, and I cry a lot because I'm so lonely. Is it wrong to make a relationship work just for the baby? I am scared that he will just desert me if we break up and end up paying child support.

 

[Pyrrhic]

If he is emotionally controlling and abusive towards you, then do you really want your child growing up in an environment like that? What life lessons are they going to learn from your partner? That it's ok to speak to people like that and use control to get what they want? What if he starts doing it to your child?

I would talk to your parents hun. At the end of the day I'm sure they love you and want you to be safe and happy. If you explained the whole situation to them they may understand.

 

[AppleBlossom]

*hugs* to you. I kind of know what you mean. My OH was the loveliest, most caring, most romantic person I ever knew and I was SO in love with him. So when I got pregnant I didn't have any worries about ending up a single mother because he said he'd stick by me no matter what. Since she's been born though he's turned very controlling, telling me what to do, using derogitory names like "woman" when he tells me to do something although he says he does that as a joke. But I do still love him and can't imagine being without him. Maybe talk to him about how you feel with the way he's treating you. Good luck x

 

[Beth_18]

rafwife is right you should sit down and talk to your mum n dad. hope it gets better for you x x x

 

[nikky0907]

Honestly,I think you need to run for the hills here.The way you described it,it's abuse and it can only get worse in time.
Your child will not be ok growing up in these conditions,it will be terrible for him/her.

Talk to your parents,tell them about your pregnancy and the situation you're in.You won't know where you stand till then...
I'm sure they will be supportive and helpful.They care about you and surely will not allow you to be abused in any way.

It's scary to be a single mom,that much I know.But it's not scarier or lonlier than being in an abusive,unhappy relationship.

 

[mz_jackie86]

Hey hun,

I had a boyfriend who used to be really loving then when he got angry or jealous would go nuts and call me every name under the sun, and scare the shit out of me.
But i always forgave him...then he hit me! And i forgave him as he promised he would never do it again....but he did...then he threatened to beat me with a hammer...
Im not sayin this is ur ex but it can always get worse.....
Do you really want your child thinkin its ok to be treated like that and have someone do that to them!? Or do that to someone else...cos i wouldnt!

Tell ur parents hun get it out the way we always think it will be worse than what it is....
And if they do treat u badly when they find out there is so much help you can get where u wont be put thru abuse by anyone.

There are so many single parents out there doing a good job, yer its great to have both but i wud rather be a single parent than let my child think its ok to mentally and emotionally abuse someone.

You have to do the right thing for your baby...cos who knows how much worse it could get....

Hope it works out for you xx

 

[xarlenex]

Like others said, it bad just now but probably only going to get worse. Your unborn child will soon be able to hear him shouting, swearing and calling you nasty things, is that really what you want for your child?

 

[colsy]

One of my best friends was in a similar situation to you. She couldn't bear to part from her fiancee because they had a gorgeous baby girl together. But things got worse and worse, and his emotional outbursts turned into full-blown jealousy and then he became physically violent to my friend. She stuck it out, despite everyone telling her to leave him, until in the end she realised her daughter couldn't possibly grow up happy in such a terrible situation.

Yes, being a single mum was hard for her for some time, but (and this is the nice bit), she then met the real love of her life and we went to their wedding in the summer and now they are planning their own little family together.

So there is life after the ex! There is a far nicer person out there for you. It might take time to find him, but for the sake of both you and your child I think you need to think things through a bit.

And I agree with what a lot of other people have said - that you should try to talk to your mum and dad.

Good luck!

 

[v2007]

I really do think that you shud sit down and tell your Mum and Dad that you are expecting their grandchild. And tell them about your bf.
He clearly sounds like he is having problems.
And to bring a child into that kind of relationship will in the long run may not be the best idea.
I was 16 and 4 months pregnant when the babies dad dragged me out of the house by my hair because i was helping a friend look after her sick dog.
He was mean, cruel and his daughter he has seen twice in his lifetime.
This was the last time i suffered at his hands and i left.
TBH i think the jealousy and control will get out of hand.
Being a single mum scared the crap out of me but not as much as he scared me.
Tel your Mum, she will probably be more understanding than you think.

Please pm anytime.



V x x x

 

[leeanne]

If he is emotionally controlling and abusive towards you, then do you really want your child growing up in an environment like that? What life lessons are they going to learn from your partner? That it's ok to speak to people like that and use control to get what they want? What if he starts doing it to your child?

I would talk to your parents hun. At the end of the day I'm sure they love you and want you to be safe and happy. If you explained the whole situation to them they may understand.

I so agree with your post.

Controlling behaviour can often get worse and more physical. I do advise that you get out of that relationship as much as you love him, you will not be happy and you and your baby's health and well-being are the most important!

 

[dizzy65]

if he is that way to u just think what he is goina be like to his child

 

[leash]

i think u should speak 2 your parents if they chose 2 kick u out then i personaly think ther heartless for doing that to u and ther grandchild especialy if they know how he is treating u ...violence tends 2 get worse during a pregnancy aswell...talk 2 your parents n if they do kick u out i think u will surprise yourself at how good u will cope...im 19 and pregnant with my 1st baby im single being the father was controlling and had serious issues i didnt want 2 take the change of him getting wirse so i left..