Over emotional or justified? Husband?

[HoneyBev]

My husband and I have been married almost 3 years now and have been together even longer. And just NOW all of his "secrets" are coming out.
How many woman he's truly slept with (apparently not his first, as he is mine), he frequented strip clubs the entire time we were dating, and apparently he proposed to an ex at the end of highschool , after she had a miscarriage. I feel so betrayed, yet at the same time I feel like I shouldn't care because it IS his past. I wasn't in the picture for most of it. So, why do I feel this way? I feel so self conscious already and now I'm learning all of this stuff and feel like he has probably been comparing me to people he's been with before, or still thinks about them.. Etc. it's breaking my heart. I don't think I would have married him had I known all of this before marriage. I'm just confused on why it's coming out now... Especially since I'm pregnant and WAY more emotional than before.
I guess my real question is, do I have the right to even be upset? Being that this is his past? Or am I just being over emotional because of the hormones?

 

[ToughhGal]

If he has lied about his past, I would definitely be upset. I think the number of sexual partners is a big issue because of obvious health concerns.

If he hasn't lied, I wouldn't be too upset. But maybe it is a little bit of jealousy you are feeling..? Not in a bad way, I can be a jealous person when thinking of my OH with his exes. Either way I think you need to talk it out with him. You will only grow resentment if held deep within. I hope you get to feeling better sweetie ♡

 

[CastawayBride]

I think it is natural for others to down play their sexual partners. I always made it a rule to have my partners tested. I wanted to know they were clean when we became involved and yes, I can count all my partners on ONE hand.

Now if he said you were his only he may be doing that as he did not want to ruin that special bond...it seems deceitful but I doubt he meant harm by it.

His past is just that, his past. I think it is a bit unfair to get upset that he didn't share that with you. I honestly don't want to know if my husband ever thought about marrying someone else. I was actually engaged to someone else and my high school sweet heart would have done anything to marry me.

When pregnant the little things can seem so big, I know. I hope this passes and remember he chose you to be his last, now that is something special!

 

[Yo_Yo]

It's never a great idea to go asking questions about your dh/ohs past like how many people he had slept with etc-all it will do is make you feel upset.

As pp says though-I'd also have more of an issue that he lied about things. He probably did it to save hurting your feelings, but it's never right to lie or good to lie to your significant other.

The past is the past-I'd personally try and look at the man he is now-I hoping by him being honest with you he had realised he shouldn't have lied and has grown as a person and learned from that.

 

[RinnaRoo]

It doesn't matter. He's with you now and as long as he's faithful and honest now, what's the issue. There's a few things that my OH hasn't elaborated on, and I'd rather keep it that way.

 

[lala222]

I think it's justified-he did basically lie about his past. Before you marry someone you should know important details of their past as it shapes who they are. With that being said, I personally wouldn't hold a grudge and definitely talk to him about it and why he hid it for so long, then move on. Holding on to the past will eat away at you, I know from experience. Try and let it go and don't compare yourself to the others, he married YOU!

 

[MamaLa]

I think its completely normal to feel how you are feeling. But you have to think of the reasons why you married him. Is the only reason why you marry him because he was a virgin? Or because while you guys were dating you suspected that he was at home on Saturday nights? Or that you were his only first and last love?

I know I would be upset if it were me. Ive been in somewhat of the same boat with my boyfriend, but I knew that I loved him as a friend and a lover. I would and have looked at the big picture, and worry and hope about the future.

 

[heidi87814]

I don't think it's necessarily what you found out, it's the fact that he's kept all this information from you for so long and has only now let you into another part of his life. Sometimes it changes the way we look at a person so it's obviously going to be a big adjustment for you. I'm not surprised it's affecting you.

I'd say that with a little time you'll be able to move forward but, for now, it's quite a shock so it's completely understandable why you're having these feelings.