Overbearning In-Laws!

[kmpssbl]

Hi ladies
So, overbearing in-laws...

I feel like this is the only place I can express these feelings, besides maybe my mom. Ever since hubby and I told his parents we are pregnant (on Easter Sunday), I feel like they are just waaaaay too into it. It is their first grandchild, so I can understand that they are excited. But COME ON! Sometimes I wish they would just back off a bit. His dad keeps throwing out stupid names, mostly Biblical, and they're just dumb. I am not as religious as hubby's family is, so I try to bite my tongue. Plus, we've already picked out names, and neither are Biblical. The name we originally chose was, but we changed our minds. Another thing with the name is this. Hubby's dad jokingly suggests to name the child after him. His name is not flattering at all, and I decided when I was a child myself that if I ever had a son, he would be named after MY dad. Hubby has no problem with this decision, and he totally respects it. We have not told his dad we are doing this if it's a boy...

His dad jokes around a lot about things he wants to do for the baby (names, building stuff, babysitting, etc), but seriously? This is OUR child. It will not be spending all of its time with his parents! Plus, I don't want them to raise the kid the way they "think" is right. They've already disagreed with us about schooling! We are sending the kid to school, but they think it should be homeschooled, like hubby's little sister currently is. I was homeschooled 2 years when I was younger, but that was it. Our child will learn how to deal with the real world.

I am sorry for the venting, but it's just so annoying! I had to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning to go have breakfast at their house this morning. All they wanted to do was talk about the baby. I was half awake and did not want to be there. The food was not good, and I just wanted to go back to bed. Thank goodness we were not there long. It's just so overwhelming, and I don't know if I can take it
I was almost worried my family would be overbearing, but my sister has #2 on the way, so it's not like all the focus is on me anyway (thank goodness). I like talking about the baby, but not so much with hubby's family. I am not like them and I hardly ever agree on their point of views.

Now I am worrying about naming the baby after my dad if it's a boy, and what hubby's dad will say. Hubby has already reassured me he won't care, and that it's OUR baby and not his and he doesn't get to name the kid.

Thanks for reading, ladies. If you have any advice or anything, please feel free to give. I just appreciate being able to post this

 

[EMSwife1124]

No advice.. just wanted to say I hope the situation gets better for you feel free to vent any time..

 

[KrissyKris22]

That does suck and it do seem as though his parents are a bit overwhelming. I would try to talk to ure dh and tell him how u feel. You don't want it to start causing problems amongst you too. Their probably just really happy. But they also should respect you guys decisions as well esp since ure the parents.

 

[RandaPanda]

I can see how some of these things could get on your nerves for sure, especially if pregnancy fatigue/sickness/emotions might be bugging you too at times. But, on the bright side, they are positive and excited about this new little one. Some people have no interest or support from their parents or in-laws, and I imagine that would be harder. It does totally suck when people start voicing strong opinions about how you should raise your LO, especially about education and religion, but strangers in the supermarket will even give new moms unsolicited advice, so to hear it from people who are directly involved in the life of the child isn't too surprising (but ya, still annoying sometimes!) The part that surprised me a bit is about them inviting you over for breakfast...for me, almost nothing tastes good right now or stays down, but I would just be thrilled that someone wanted to cook a meal for me! If you really don't want to do something (like go to their house for a meal) I think it's best to politely decline, which would maybe hint to them at backing off and giving you some time/space, and would allow you to set some realistic boundaries without discouraging them from their excitement about becoming grandparents! About naming him, definitely don't worry about how your FIL would feel about naming the baby after your father...I'm in a similar boat with using part of my mom's name or my MILs, and it's a tough one! But naming the baby whatever you want is one thing that I think people, even the most opinionated ones, start to accept very quickly...for family, they just have to meet your adorable little baby and will start to love the name on him/her, no matter what choice you make (barring some totally insane names!!) because of how much love they have for the baby. Good luck

 

[Pinkie 33]

I agree that it is much better to have supportive in laws that want to be involved however I can also empathise with how you are feeling (I'm in a similar boat). I think it's important to try and set the ground rules now. Be firm, polite and considerate to their feelings. However, if they want you to do something you don't want to do, refuse nicely. If they want to discuss schooling etc ( hell the baby hasn't even arrived yet!) say you'll worry about it nearer the time. Don't let this tarnish what should be a very special time for everyone X

 

[HelenJane]

Mine were exactly the same. You are doing fine to bite your tongue at the minute which is what I did because they were so excited but when the baby was born and they said things like babysitting, I could then say that I think the baby is too little and needs to be with you. They will soon get the message but I know how hard it is right now just push through it, it'll be different when the baby is here and you can be more strict with them

 

[ttc_lolly]

They just sound like normal, excited, soon to be first time grandparents to me I would just laugh and shrug off their suggestions and jokes for now, and if they are in fact overbearing when baby is here, then maybe you and your husband should address it with them then.

 

[Louise07]

Yep I can understand that they seem to be over bearing.
But count yourself lucky that your baby will have loving grandparents.

 

[Mummy to be x]

Ah their most likely just so excited at a new addition to the family, I understand it can feel too much sometimes but if I were you I think I'd just laugh it off etc for now

My OHs parents are over baring (not pregnancy related) but just generally full on people, not like me, but I just go along with it for my partners sake as hard as it can be sometimes. Try relax Hun

 

[_jellybean_]

Sorry you're having a hard time. It sounds like they're just really excited.

 

[kmpssbl]

Thanks everyone

I have talked to hubby about it, and he knows I am annoyed. It doesn't help that I have become more irritable, so a lot of what they say is just annoying for the most part. He always says his dad is just joking and doesn't care what we choose when it comes to name, etc. He's just excited. I am glad my child will have 2 sets of loving grandparents, which is something I did not get to grow up with. I understand their excitement, and I am glad they are excited. MIL tried to call me twice yesterday after we returned home when I was taking a nap, and I did not answer. She always calls at the wrong time. What bothered me was that I told her I was going back to bed after breakfast, and she still called me

Again, thanks for all your input I will be sure to try to talk to hubby about it if it continues (which I know it will). I've already expressed to him that I don't like when his dad suggests names when we've already picked them out! AHH! lol

 

[ttc_lolly]

It's the pregnancy hormones too, they amplify everything! That's great your husband is understanding though and will act on your side if and when the time comes

 

[shirlls]

It must be very frustrating for you. Even although they are just very excited which is nice, sometimes 'too much' caring can get tedious and suffocating.

I know it isn't the same thing, but my parents can be very overbearing too, and it can be very suffocating. They get over-excited about everything and have something to say and endless comments and opinions to put on us about how we raise our LO and the twins on the way. They are like a dog with a bone about things and the most recent this is, our living arrangements and how we can't live in a top floor flat with 3 kids (top floor only being 2nd floor!) and will need to move soon. It is constant and they won't drop it, but we have no intention of adding the stress and expense of a house move on to being pregnant with twins! But they won't listen and it is so suffocating. I know deep down they are only trying to help but they don't realise how overbearing they are being. I am an only child so that has a lot to do with it as I am their only focus of attention.

And above all that,babysitting is seen as a massive chore and they rarely do it or help me out with any of the more tedious tasks like nappy changes, etc but will stand by and watch and pass opinion and comment on us doing it. If your father in law is offering to happily babysit and help out let him and you will be glad of the help believe me

x

 

[RandaPanda]

Lol, 2 calls during an attempt at napping, and after you were just there, would make me super cranky. I need my naps!!!

 

[kmpssbl]

Lol, 2 calls during an attempt at napping, and after you were just there, would make me super cranky. I need my naps!!!

OMG tell me about it! I was pretty upset about it. Plus, the first call was to ask for something, and the second was 5 seconds later letting me know her phone would not ring if I called her. I wasn't going to call anyway...
I am serious when it comes to my sleep, whether it's naps or bedtime. Don't wake me up!!

 

[katertots]

I have the same issue. I just stay away from them. She starts getting all biblical on me and I just tell her ENOUGH! She spouts off big time.

 

[kmpssbl]

So I briefly was able to talk to hubby a little bit ago about this. Tears ensued, of course.

I am extremely irritated about his family reunion coming up in July. His aunt decided to book a beach house for like 25 people, and did not include hubby's family! There are 6 of us. Now we have to find one on our own. I am irritated because MIL sent us a couple she found that are 2 bedroom. WTF? I think 3 bedrooms would suffice because I don't want to be in the same room as his annoying little sister. He knows I can't stand her, but by that time I will be 4 months along, and spending a few days with his family. His brother is the only one I get along with...
I can't wait to see how this goes...

I also told him how his mother just will not leave us/me alone since we told them about being pregnant. Hello! Leave me alone! I don't like all the attention on me, so it's rather annoying that she keeps calling/texting me. Yes, I know y'all are excited, but if there was something wrong, you'd know. Hubby told me to just stop answering my phone. I haven't been answering it anyway Plus, if I needed something, I'd call MY mom.

Anyway, I'm so glad I have a place to vent about it. I feel like when I rant to hubby, I am only offending him because it's HIS family that's being annoying. Yeah, my sisters get on my nerves about certain things, but I can tell them to shut up. MIL is a little more soft spoken, and it's hard for me to build a relationship with her. Oh well, I guess we'll see how the next few months go...

 

[katertots]

I feel exactly the same way. How do you complain to your DH if its about his family. I find it only works out nicely when he is also upset with them and lately thats been every time we go over there. Last time I saw his mom she told me that her son needed jesus in his heart and he was a hateful person. Who the heck talks about their son that way? DH was super upset but I told him dont worry about it shes just mad that your not going to her cult of a church. LOL

 

[kmpssbl]

Oh, I always let him know when his family is bothering me. He knows I am really annoyed with his dad throwing out stupid names. And now he knows how annoyed I am with both his parents constantly calling us about the baby. We barely walked out of the doctor's office on Monday before his dad tried calling to see how it went! We were driving, so we didn't answer. Just let us have our moment, for Pete's sake! I told him today that I feel smothered and overwhelmed by them being so pushy and in our business all the time lately. That's when he told me to just not answer my phone, and I am ok with that I also told him I haven't felt like we are able to enjoy this together as a couple without his parents just getting in the way. My own mother doesn't even bother me so much about it! And I am her baby (youngest)!

 

[katertots]

I think you are really me talking LOL....

Right there with you!