Overweight and not looking forward to 1st prenatal appointment

[MyFavSurprise]

I have had 2 healthy pregnancies and babies, though during my first pregnancy I gained 100lbs and this last one I gained 30, and I still have all of that extra weight. My husband is happy with me exactly as I am, and I think I could be happy as I am for a while though I would like to lose some weight. I am going to do a prenatal workout program through this pregnancy and eat healthy so I at least don't gain any more, but I know they're gonna give me hell at the midwife's office for my size and getting pregnant again.

I just wish I could live my life and be happy making and raising my family. I know that health risks increase when you're big, but I haven't had any issues with either of my boys and my midwife last pregnancy said don't worry about it because it's not a significant increase. I know I need to lose weight but I'm not going to start fasting and doing P91 during a pregnancy so I'm not really sure what they want me to do. I just want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy like anyone else :/

Anybody else going through the same?

 

[Jessicahide]

Oh love one of my good friends was 27 stone when she was pregnant (375 lbs) She was very concerned they would be horrible to her, but they didn't say anything, she was ready with comebacks just in case lol, "I wern't to fat go get pregnant though was i!" being my personal fave lol xxx I think they are instructed to give everyone stick about anything they can xxx H&H 9 months xxx

 

[tinymumma]

First of all, congrats to you beautiful xxx Pregnancy always carries risks, even with exceptionally healthy people!
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum to you, so I hope I don't offend but I get the same. I was 46kgs (101lbs) when I fell pregnant and my doctor gives me a lot of flack for it. I won't carry full term, I'll have so many problems, I shouldn't play or lift my son because it'll cause me to miscarry, my baby won't develop properly (even though I'm naturally this way and don't have issues surrounding food), etc. I haven't told her that I was closer to 40kgs when I fell pregnant with my son because I think she would have a brain aneurysm, lol. I think everyone gets crap from doctors and midwives, about everything, regardless of weight.
You do you beautiful xx Don't let a doctor try and tell you how to run your life xx Loads of love to you xx

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Thank you both so much, you have made me feel so much better! I am even trying to switch offices after my initial visit because I'm so afraid of dealing with it :/ They've seen me gain all 130lbs and it's kind of embarrassing, not that I haven't tried to lose it.

Thank you for sharing your story about being a lower weight and getting the same kinds of issues, I feel like the bar is just set too high and problems should really be taken care of as they may arise instead of fear factoring them into us without any sign of something wrong.

I had a woman last time say "well you can't just keep gaining weight in every pregnancy, I remember when you first came in, you gained so much" the same woman then, when i pointed out that i had happily lost some weight during my last pregnancy said "yeah well, you could lose more" which just sent me into a negative space and I started gaining again.

I love the office I always go to but I am so not wanting to deal with negatives like that.. or the nutritionist who has definitely never had a pregnancy craving

 

[floridamomma]

I am about 30-35lbs over weight but was previously close to 70-80lbs overweight. I was nervous my ob would say something. She never did. I am however eating healthy and staying active. I gained a few pounds on vacaction but I haven't gained anymore in almost 2lbs

 

[Fruitmash]

I'm overweight and just got told I need a glucose tolerance test at 28 weeks and they put some crap in my
notes about additional risks which I didn't really read. I'm not gonna lose a couple stone right now so why bother worrying about it, right!

 

[sewing_mama]

I had my first midwife appointment today and I was really worried about this too as my bmi is quite high. They were very reassuring though and said it won't really affect my care other than having the more involved glucose tolerance test. I was worried I wouldn't be able to go to the birth centre as they have a bmi limit but it turns out they don't advise me to go there anyway due to complications with my last pregnany. Dissapointing but at least my weight is not to blame!

I hope you get a friendlier midwife this time x

 

[2ducks]

There is no point for shaming someone for something that can not be changed in the moment. I would hope that they would give you some guidance and encouragement on your plan to exercise and eat right versus making you feel badly about yourself.

Looks like you have a solid plan in place so keep moving forward with that!

 

[bcos21]

I gained 60 _ 70 lbs last pregnancy(give or take lol I tried not to remember exactly)and I was already overweight and every time I went to the Dr I gained weight of course and I could feel the tension as i waited for someone to say something. They NEVER did. I was the one stressing and driving myself crazy.this pregnancy I felt the same way at first and can you believe the only time they said anything at all was when I lost weight in first tri LOL (shocked me too) if they say anything, let them finish and then simply tell them that you are aware of your situation and unless it is causing problems (sudden weight gain etc) then you'd like this to be the only time you have this conversation because it will increase your stress and anxiety levels. I always joke that itsa terrible idea to make me stand in the scale before they take my blood pressure because I mean COME ON lol. Be kind to yourself.

 

[2have4kids]

I'm not over weight but I have an attitude and I'd hate for a mw to tell me I could lose more weight. If you go to that same cheeky biatch, state right up front that you'll not have anymore unprofessional comments about your weight, losing weight or gaining more weight. It's your weight, every pound snd you're the one who has to deal with it not her and her negative, rude, nosey comments are disparaging, the opposite of what should be coming out of a professional's mouth.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Thank you all so much, I feel much more confident about my appointment tomorrow. I think it's so sad that I'm not even that excited to find out about my new beautiful baby because I'm more afraid of comments that won't do me any good anyways.

I should add, the lady with the nasty comments is like the director of the center, i see her each time I make a new appointment..she's actually pretty nice but way too blatantly honest, and pregnancy makes me sensitive! My husband was ready to cuss her out after she said that to me last time because i was crying my eyes out at home. Like pregnancy isn't hard enough.

But i just got my hair done, picked out a cute outfit, and I'm having another wonderful baby so they can shove it! Thank you all so much for helping me feel confident.

I'm going to do as bcos21 suggested and tell them that the conversation doesn't need to be repeated unless it is affecting the baby. Thank you all for your wonderful advice

 

[Mrs. Tigger]

For what it's worth, I was really worried about my first appointment as well. I live in Denmark where everyone seems to fit the same model: tall, thin, and fit. I'm not originally from here and I don't fit that model, so I am always conscious of it when I visit the doctor.

I am overweight (I lost 50kg to try and get pregnant, it turned out I also have PCOS and hypothyroidism, neither of which helps my weight in the least, but I still weighed 104kg before getting preggo). I was really worried about my first apointment.

It turns out, the doctor was more concerned about actual health metrics (blood pressure, whether there is protein and sugar in my urine, etc) and I didn't get a lecture about my weight at all. Instead I got a for losing 50kg before getting preggo. My urine test was perfectly good and my blood pressure was 126/86.

There are good doctors out there. If you don't like yours, then I'd definitly find a new one. There's no use lecturing a woman about being overweight after she's pregnant, anyway, other than discussing how much weight should be gained during pregnancy.

 

[bcos21]

Good luck tomorrow! Hold your head high!

 

[2have4kids]

Be it a director or a lowly nurse, no one should be speaking to you like that. If she says anything rude you can always rebutt with 'do you speak to everyone like that?' Or 'do you show other women such little respect' or simply 'my weight is none of your business and if you haven't anything encouraging or positive to say, hold your tongue'. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow!

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Today actually went very well, our entire meeting was with that lady, she was very nice, no smart a comments about having a baby so soon or my weight. Got everything set up and she scheduled me to see the midwife, do my first GD screening, and..one other appointment, I cant remember what for but there were 3 on the paper anyway, so far so good..she cleared me for the exercise group without saying anything too, which is all good because my husband said he was gonna yell at her if she said something and I didn't respond assertively (im soft spoken...usually)

Now looking forward to meeting this midwife who I apparently met once before, and see if she is going to schedule a dating scan due to my fundal height.. I hope she does, I suspect I am not really 7 weeks yet because it wasn't until 5 days after missed AF that I got a faint positive...though today my sample was sooo diluted, practically clear because I'm soo thirsty, and the pregnancy test was still positive so maybe I am...I guess Ill see!

Thank you all again so much. And I agree, nobody should be able to talk like that to anybody. I usually am just too startled to reply effectively but always have the comeback a few days later hehh. I will remember what you said in case she comes at me with something like that down the road

Thanks again everyone!

 

[keepinitreal1]

I'm so happy it went well for you. I had similar concerns to yours and unfortunately they were justified - I first got hell for being about 20lb overweight and later on again since I only gained 3lb until 27th week. Had to go for glucose test as well but came back clean. Had a healthy baby at 41+0, absolutely no issues. But now the pounds I gained (about 18 in total) just fell off me + some of the pp weight since I'm on my feet all thr time.

As long as you feel fit and in reasonable shape, I would not give it a second thought. Enjoy your pregnancy

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Only 20 lbs? I'm 130 over :/.. I'm sorry they gave you a horrible time for that. I know the midwife will say something at my first appt because she has to, so i will talk to her about it then.. Hoping to lose some weight this pregnancy by eating well, working out, and walking.

Thank you!

 

[Ellivort]

You should enjoy your pregnancy! No doctor should turn it into the negative. I'm glad to hear your 1st appt was a good one!

I'm in a similar situation except I've been various stages of overweight all my life. I gained very minimally (25lbs i think) with DD 7 years ago, lost that weight, but over the 7 years had gained and lost numerous times and at time of our current conception was 40 lbs heavier than I was in 2009.

We had actually just seen a fertility specialist who had said I had to lose weight before we would go the medicinal route to overcome my PCOS. He was very nice about it, but it gave me tremendous guilt to see how my weight was the barrier to conception!

A day later I had a BFP (taken because I was about to start a strict diet and exercise routine and I wanted to be sure. Jokes on me! lol)

Any doctor worth his weight will be compassionate, but clear about the risks. Mine was actually wonderful diagramming PCOS for me and showing where we can make changes to break the chain in PCOS. Before he said it I saw the word FAT in the chain and knew that was where I had control. It upset me, but wasn't surprising and the doctor was kind about it.

If the doctor or midwife ever does make you feel badly about it I would consider finding someone else. Regardless of your weight, this is a joyous happy time.

There is no doubt everyone wants to have as healthy a pregnancy as possible, but we shouldn't be made to feel badly because we aren't in optimal condition at conception!

Best of luck for fantastically healthy pregnancy!

 

[ltrip84]

I just thought I would drop in. I would say I'm about 100 lbs overweight. I was lighter with my 1st child, but still heavy. I gained about 45 lbs that pregnancy and lost it all in about 3 weeks. Then, for some crazy reason, I packed all of it back on plus another 6 lbs. Come to find out, I had developed post partum thyroiditis. It is a thyroid issue that can come after giving birth. Unfortunately, my son is now 27 month and I'm still hypothyroid, but I fortunately was able to get pregnant again with the help of a RE since I have PCOS.

My weight never came up at my dr. office or how much weight I should gain. They were more concerned about bp, urine, etc. like another poster said. I'm glad your appointment went better than you expected, but if your midwife gives you trouble, find another one! Good luck to you!

 

[MyFavSurprise]

You should enjoy your pregnancy! No doctor should turn it into the negative. I'm glad to hear your 1st appt was a good one!

I'm in a similar situation except I've been various stages of overweight all my life. I gained very minimally (25lbs i think) with DD 7 years ago, lost that weight, but over the 7 years had gained and lost numerous times and at time of our current conception was 40 lbs heavier than I was in 2009.

We had actually just seen a fertility specialist who had said I had to lose weight before we would go the medicinal route to overcome my PCOS. He was very nice about it, but it gave me tremendous guilt to see how my weight was the barrier to conception!

A day later I had a BFP (taken because I was about to start a strict diet and exercise routine and I wanted to be sure. Jokes on me! lol)

Any doctor worth his weight will be compassionate, but clear about the risks. Mine was actually wonderful diagramming PCOS for me and showing where we can make changes to break the chain in PCOS. Before he said it I saw the word FAT in the chain and knew that was where I had control. It upset me, but wasn't surprising and the doctor was kind about it.

If the doctor or midwife ever does make you feel badly about it I would consider finding someone else. Regardless of your weight, this is a joyous happy time.

There is no doubt everyone wants to have as healthy a pregnancy as possible, but we shouldn't be made to feel badly because we aren't in optimal condition at conception!

Best of luck for fantastically healthy pregnancy!

Thank you! That reminded me a little about this OB I went to a few times before my last pregnancy.

We wanted to start ttc, knowing I was overweight but we were happy and ready. Problem was, my periods had unexpectedly just stopped for a few months and I went to her to find out why, she refused to do any testing and just kept saying I would never get pregnant at my size (about 80 lbs overweight) and I needed to buy this book called Getting Ready to Get Pregnant. I was so distraught about my missing periods as it had never happened to me before and I knew I had an ovarian cyst because I had horrible pain (she also said it was impossible to have pain from it, but the cyst had been discovered on ultrasound at the emergency room prior) anyway, turned out while I was there in her office the conception was already happening. She just pretty much would not have anything to do with me unless I lost weight, it was unbelievable.