Parents with 4.5-5yr age gaps between siblings

[rwhite]

We will be TTC late/end of next year and by the time our second baby would arrive Lachlan will be four and a half, five provided we conceive relatively quickly.

I was just wondering how those who have children that far apart find the age gap. I would probably prefer a 3.5 year age gap but obviously that isn't going to happen (we are looking to be financially stable before the next child, so unfortunately trying now isn't an option ) but hey ho. The gap we will end up with will probably be good though as we won't have to pay for two lots of daycare!

So a few questions (and feel free to add anything else you've found).
-Was your LO excited about the pregnancy and did they respond okay to their new sibling?
-Were they jealous at first, seeing as they have sort of established being the only child in a way for a little while?
-How did you find the newborn stage with having a 4/5yr old?
-As they got older, how did they get on together?
-Would you do the same age gap again? why/why not?

Thanks!

 

[lovehearts]

No advise but stalking

 

[Gingerspice]

Also stalking....

 

[MrsWatson]

Me too!

 

[Kess]

No experience I'm afraid, though stalking too as we're aiming for a 5 or even 6 year age gap. But my friend growing up had a sister 5 years younger than her and it worked really well when they were older (when I knew them, so tween-teenage older sister) as there was enough of a gap not to have much competition IYSWIM? The younger child KNEW she was definitely younger so didn't nag to do all that the elder sibling did, and the elder sister was able to take a more caring, older sister role rather than competitive rival. As adult they're still really close.

 

[smelly07]

I planned a 4 year and 2 months age gap - i never ever wanted children close in age for lots of reasons and although we are not having anymore children if i had done i would again have a 4 year age gap.

1:
My eldest daughter was very excited about a new sibling - she wanted a sister called sparkles - she got the sister but we had to compromise on the name choice.

2:
No jealousy at all more pride lots of pride!

3;
extreamly easy loved it - my eldest was older and understood and could do more for herself and wanted to help etc - i really enjoyed going back to the baby stage after enjoying my eldest soley and sorting ourselves out finacially before rushing into more.


4:
They get on briliantly - they adore and look after each other - (i wish i had a sister)

5:
HELL YES! as above ^^^ def 4 year age gap no more no less x


I loved having so much 1:1 with both my daughters my eldest started school 2 months after my youngest was born so i have had plenty of 1:1 time with my youngest too ......... i have never felt stressed with them - i have worked with children from 0-5 for over 12 years and through all my training and learning and experience the best age gaps for childrens sakes (not parents) is either 1 years or 4 years - another sibling effects the children less then it does a 2 or 3 year age gap or older.

For me a small age gap has just never been an option and everyone is diffrent and has different reasons for the age gaps etc but its not something i would ever plan - the age gap is fantastic x

 

[nicolefx]

No advice but also stalking . I would prefer around a 4/5 year age gap for a multitude of reasons. OH would have me pregnant with number 2 just now if he could LOL x

 

[Cleo]

My friend's little girl is 4 years older than their second (a boy) so I asked her what her experience was.

Her little girl Katie was very excited to have a little brother, but once he came she was less than enthused and wanted to send him back. She says Katie had (has) lots of jealousy issues and she thinks it's because she was so used to getting all the attention beforehand. My friend found the newborn phase quite easy as Katie was quite self sufficient and didn't require help with eating, dressing etc. The only part she finds hard is maintaining consistent nap times for the baby as she has to get Katie to and from school and it always seems to be right when her little boy would be going for a nap. Now that her son is a year old, Katie likes him a lot more, but she doesn't really play with him much yet.

In my personal experience, my brother was 4.5 years older than me and we very rarely played together growing up as we had nothing in common. We are friends now, but that didnt happen until we were adults. I wonder if things would have been different if we had been the same sex, and same with my friend's kids.

 

[Pearls18]

I planned a 4 year and 2 months age gap - i never ever wanted children close in age for lots of reasons and although we are not having anymore children if i had done i would again have a 4 year age gap.

1:
My eldest daughter was very excited about a new sibling - she wanted a sister called sparkles - she got the sister but we had to compromise on the name choice.

2:
No jealousy at all more pride lots of pride!

3;
extreamly easy loved it - my eldest was older and understood and could do more for herself and wanted to help etc - i really enjoyed going back to the baby stage after enjoying my eldest soley and sorting ourselves out finacially before rushing into more.


4:
They get on briliantly - they adore and look after each other - (i wish i had a sister)

5:
HELL YES! as above ^^^ def 4 year age gap no more no less x


I loved having so much 1:1 with both my daughters my eldest started school 2 months after my youngest was born so i have had plenty of 1:1 time with my youngest too ......... i have never felt stressed with them - i have worked with children from 0-5 for over 12 years and through all my training and learning and experience the best age gaps for childrens sakes (not parents) is either 1 years or 4 years - another sibling effects the children less then it does a 2 or 3 year age gap or older.

For me a small age gap has just never been an option and everyone is diffrent and has different reasons for the age gaps etc but its not something i would ever plan - the age gap is fantastic x

Your posts always make me feel so much better about our choice to wait shame you didn't pick Sparkles though, I'm with your DD1 on that one

 

[smelly07]

I planned a 4 year and 2 months age gap - i never ever wanted children close in age for lots of reasons and although we are not having anymore children if i had done i would again have a 4 year age gap.

1:
My eldest daughter was very excited about a new sibling - she wanted a sister called sparkles - she got the sister but we had to compromise on the name choice.

2:
No jealousy at all more pride lots of pride!

3;
extreamly easy loved it - my eldest was older and understood and could do more for herself and wanted to help etc - i really enjoyed going back to the baby stage after enjoying my eldest soley and sorting ourselves out finacially before rushing into more.


4:
They get on briliantly - they adore and look after each other - (i wish i had a sister)

5:
HELL YES! as above ^^^ def 4 year age gap no more no less x


I loved having so much 1:1 with both my daughters my eldest started school 2 months after my youngest was born so i have had plenty of 1:1 time with my youngest too ......... i have never felt stressed with them - i have worked with children from 0-5 for over 12 years and through all my training and learning and experience the best age gaps for childrens sakes (not parents) is either 1 years or 4 years - another sibling effects the children less then it does a 2 or 3 year age gap or older.

For me a small age gap has just never been an option and everyone is diffrent and has different reasons for the age gaps etc but its not something i would ever plan - the age gap is fantastic x

Your posts always make me feel so much better about our choice to wait shame you didn't pick Sparkles though, I'm with your DD1 on that one

ha ha - tbh i think my youngest would have loved the name sparkles !!! her older sister was right - oh well maybe she will change it

i'm glad it makes you feel better - i dont understand why people worry about big age gaps although to me 4 years isnt a big age gap its just normal - i never understood people wanting the small age gaps at all - its a personal preference but 4 year gap i cant fault in anyway - siblings may or may not get on at any age difference because i feel thats personality based not how many years apart they are - you wont regret the wait if thats what is best for you x

 

[louandivy]

My friend has a 5 year old and a 1 year old and it was really easy for her. Her daughter was in school when her son was born so she had lots of bonding alone time, scarlet was thrilled to have a baby brother and loves to play the 'mummy' roll and has adjusted really well. There are quite big age gaps between me and my sisters and we are all very close too. I'm not sure if I want another LO but if I do I wouldn't even consider it for at least another 2 years!

 

[rwhite]

Thanks everyone, love the responses! I'm feeling really reassured now.

Smelly - your post has got me really excited I'm like you too - a small age gap has never appealed to me. I think I'd be a mess - I'm in total awe of those who do have two that are 2yrs or less apart.

OH has actually said to me "Don't worry about the bigger age gap, if we have a third you could always have them closer" and I was like nooooo I'm not patient enough

 

[louandivy]

Also, I think the fact that there was a fairly large age gap between me and my youngest sister is why I have always been very good with kids and adapted very very easily to having Ivy - I am one of four and we all basically helped raise my youngest sister

 

[rwhite]

That's interesting actually, as my sister is 11 years older than me so would be my babysitter growing up, and she loves working with kids...she's training to be a nurse at the mo and wants to specialise in paed nursing.

 

[fidgets mammy]

My son is five n the twins 5 months now. I see myself as lucky to have left the gap as the twins were HARD work n he basically entertaned himself for 12wks. But he was so excited for them. He loves them. They love him and hes very protective of them. It hit me harder as we'd had 5yrs of pure heaven together, hes a mams boy n the day i left him to have the girls broke my heart and still.does. But i think thats the case no matter what age.

 

[rwhite]

You must have been really pleased for the age gap with having twins!

 

[MrsH1980]

This post has really reassured me too - Myka is 2 in Feb and we are thinking 2014/2015 for No.2 but I was a little worried about the age gap

 

[smelly07]

Myka is such a gorgeous name!!!

glad i have helped made you excited OP - i can not say i am in awe of those who have a small age gap's i'm afraid hahahahahahaha more relieved its not me lol x

 

[Lina]

I'm another one who will be having a large age gap. It's difficult enough dealing with a toddler and am just about to feel like myself having been through terrible sleeping habits, will be enjoying this bliss for a while longer!

 

[rwhite]

I'm definitely looking forward to having a child who can get themselves up in the morning and get dressed etc if I've been up several times in the night with a clusterfeeding bubba that's for sure! So that will be something to look forward to.