People moan/crazily protective?!

[LilMiss_91]

Yeah... kind of a mixed post as didn't want to post twice about 2 such small niggles and I guess they kinda tie in together.
People are peeing me off something rotten lately. I hatehatehate all the unwanted opinions and advice people WILL insist on giving. I feel like telling them "I didn't ask for your input therefore kindly keep your thoughts to yourself"! The most recent ones have been about bedding and clothes... of all things
I plan on swaddling bubs while he's very small, using a traditional lightweight shawl that my mum used to swaddle all 4 of us kids. My sister disagrees with this and thinks sleeping bags are best. I don't LIKE sleeping bags for very tiny babies. If someone else wants to use them then that's upto them, but I personally don't want to. Big deal? Not really. If I'd said I was going to tuck him up with a pillow and a duvet then I could understand someone disagreeing!
And my OH's friends are really annoying me, as well as OH on occasion actually. Some of his friends are somewhat "alternative" and keep suggesting/posting clothes on facebook. One friend told me that I couldn't put the baby in a onesie (meaning a sleepsuit/babygrow) as they would turn out to be a chav. Another has suggested putting him in camo's (OH is into that kinda thing) and another suggested a babygrow with spiderwebs on it. And while those things might be fine and they aren't dreadful, they aren't the things I want to dress my baby in. I want him to look like a baby, not a dolly that I've dressed up.
I mainly just don't see why people think it's their right to go tromping around telling me what I should/shouldn't be dressing my own baby in.
When I say anything in return to these things like "I don't think so" or "it's cute but not something I'd choose" OH always makes me sound like I'm just boring and spoiling the fun which I'm not! I just want to raise this baby the way I want to, not how everyone else thinks I should. Some things I plan on doing will probably go down like a lead balloon with some people as they'll probably seem old fashioned, silly, and out of touch with the times. But I loved my upbringing and I like to think I turned out pretty well because of it! So I want to do the same for my little boy and give him the best start in life based on what I know and have experience of.
Whenever anyone says anything I can instantly feel my hackles go up and the blood start to boil and I come over ultra protective and defensive to the point of feeling like telling OH to take his friends and go take a hike! I don't know what's wrong with me?!

Sorry for the long post/moan, have been keeping this bottled up for ages and had to let it out!

 

[Mum2BKW]

Oh dear!

It sounds like no-one is intentionally upsetting you, they probably just want to share a bit in your pregnancy (as friends of your OH) and this is their way of being involved.

People have weird taste in baby clothes and I'm dreading some of the things that people might give our baby and I'll have to dress him/her in it to be polite! But then I think it's actually quite sweet of them wanting to be involved, even if they have really awful taste

As to their opinions on swaddling, sleeping bags etc - I'd suggest just not discussing it with them. If you know they are opinionated and likely to disagree with whatever you've chosen it might be best not to bring up those sorts of discussions, or change the subject if someone else does. I quite often just say that we haven't really thought about it and then change the subject, even though I know exactly what I plan to do - I just don't want their opinion on it thank you!

 

[Bun87]

Take their advice with a pinch of salt - I just smile and nod these days knowing fully well I'm going to do what I feel is best for us and our baby! I'm sure people think they are being helpful, just be polite and do your own thing I personally will have our LO in babygros for as long as possible - I want our baby to be a baby for the as long as poss, he/she has the rest of their life to wear 'grown up' clothes!

At the end of the day, you will know how you want to do things and you will have the connection with your baby and know what's best for them. Go with your instinct and do what you believe in x

 

[_Lexi_]

Oddly enough, I saw on Facebook last night one if my friends suggest a spiderweb onesie to another friend! I've had people make all sorts of suggestions. I'm not overly concerned about people buying anything too awful for lo, fingers crossed it will mostly be ok!! As for swaddling/sleeping bags, your baby, your choice. I don't like the idea of sleeping bags until lo is at least in her own cot, so about 9 months as we're having a crib instead of a moses basket, I'll be swaddling/using blankets till then. People will have an opinion on absolutely everything that you do, just ignore then and leave them to it x

 

[Mandyblur]

You sound just like me, i'm that sick of people shoving their opinions down my throat that i have banned people coming to the house, turned the house phone on silent, i'm ignoring facebook like the plague and i'm ignoring any one that text's or rings my mobile (have to keep that turned on for my husbands sanity) and to be honest since i've done that i've felt a lot calmer.

I think you need some space from people and some time to yourself - believe me people will back off once the baby is born - they soon get bored of them once the excitement of a new arrival has passed x

 

[LilMiss_91]

Oh dear!

It sounds like no-one is intentionally upsetting you, they probably just want to share a bit in your pregnancy (as friends of your OH) and this is their way of being involved.

People have weird taste in baby clothes and I'm dreading some of the things that people might give our baby and I'll have to dress him/her in it to be polite! But then I think it's actually quite sweet of them wanting to be involved, even if they have really awful taste

As to their opinions on swaddling, sleeping bags etc - I'd suggest just not discussing it with them. If you know they are opinionated and likely to disagree with whatever you've chosen it might be best not to bring up those sorts of discussions, or change the subject if someone else does. I quite often just say that we haven't really thought about it and then change the subject, even though I know exactly what I plan to do - I just don't want their opinion on it thank you!

Oh I know they don't really mean any harm by it it's just my crazy protective-mummy reaction I don't think it helps though that I'm the sort of person that dislikes being told what to do anyway, so add into that preggo hormones and nee protective feelings I never had before... the result is a bit scary hehe

I'll definitely give that a go I'll go practise my nodding and smiling technique!

 

[LilMiss_91]

I personally will have our LO in babygros for as long as possible - I want our baby to be a baby for the as long as poss, he/she has the rest of their life to wear 'grown up' clothes!

Totally agree with you!
They're small for such a tiny portion of their lives. I think "grown up" clothes must be rather uncomfortable in a way :/ I've banned jeans (unless they're dungarees) until he's a year old lol.

 

[LilMiss_91]

Oddly enough, I saw on Facebook last night one if my friends suggest a spiderweb onesie to another friend! I've had people make all sorts of suggestions. I'm not overly concerned about people buying anything too awful for lo, fingers crossed it will mostly be ok!! As for swaddling/sleeping bags, your baby, your choice. I don't like the idea of sleeping bags until lo is at least in her own cot, so about 9 months as we're having a crib instead of a moses basket, I'll be swaddling/using blankets till then. People will have an opinion on absolutely everything that you do, just ignore then and leave them to it x

Haha that's a coincidence!
I always just think so long as you pop them in it for a visit to that person then they'll be satisfied! Or if it's really hideous, pretend it's a bit big and you'll put it away until he's grown into it... fingers crossed they'll forget about it!
Yeah I agree with you, I think sleeping bags are bags when they're a bit bigger but I think newborns (not all obviously as they're all different!) like to be wrapped up and kept snug a bit more

 

[LilMiss_91]

You sound just like me, i'm that sick of people shoving their opinions down my throat that i have banned people coming to the house, turned the house phone on silent, i'm ignoring facebook like the plague and i'm ignoring any one that text's or rings my mobile (have to keep that turned on for my husbands sanity) and to be honest since i've done that i've felt a lot calmer.

I think you need some space from people and some time to yourself - believe me people will back off once the baby is born - they soon get bored of them once the excitement of a new arrival has passed x

Goodness, sounds like you've probably had a worse time of it than I have!
Unfortunately I can't really escape people so easily :/ even if I avoided Facebook I'd still hear about it from OH! And he seems to enjoy saying things he knows will annoy me. I don't think he realises that it does genuinely p*ss me off and I'm NOT just playing around!
But I will do my best and maybe take a step back from people when I can

 

[Piper84]

I found the best solution was to not talk to anyone about our plans (sorry if that sounds like advice lol!)

The thing that surprised me the most was how people who are actually parents (I'm thinking of my MIL) dishing out advice left right and centre and going on to say how much they hated their parents giving them advice the whole time

 

[LilMiss_91]

I found the best solution was to not talk to anyone about our plans (sorry if that sounds like advice lol!)

The thing that surprised me the most was how people who are actually parents (I'm thinking of my MIL) dishing out advice left right and centre and going on to say how much they hated their parents giving them advice the whole time

I've actually been trying to avoid my OH's mum for exactly this reason! She also works in childcare just to add to it! I also have a bit of a "bumptouchingophobia" and she can be a bit grabby lol.
Thankfully my mum is brilliant and will give advice when I ask for it and if she makes a suggestion otherwise she somehow manages to not make it sound patronising/naggy/bossy