Perhaps a breakthrough?

[LynAnne]

I've been waiting for DH to agree to start TTC for almost two years now and whilst we're probably a long way from actually setting any sort of date we had a bit of a chat tonight. For the first time he admitted that he still feels like a child himself and worries that he won't be any good as a dad. I thought that he felt this way but he'd never actually said it out loud before. For the record, I'm positive he'll be an amazing dad. I know he is just scared. He's also a bit worried about money when it comes to having a baby so he's going to see if he can negotiate a pay rise in the new year. He works with his dad so it can be a bit hit or miss there!

I still have no idea when we'll actually start TTC, baby fever is still at an all time high and I know we haven't actually sorted anything out but I feel like we made a little bit of progress tonight. He finally spoke to me about how he feels instead of just brushing me off with the usual "not yet" response. Maybe we will be able to start trying sometime in 2015. Who know? I've got my fingers crossed.

 

[jaspie]

Sounds like a breakthrough to me. This is how my OH started coming around to the idea. To begin with he didn't know if he wanted children at all and whenever I asked him he would brush me off and shut me down which was really tough as I didn't know where i stood and I was already broody! Then he said he did want to 'one day' and then when I'd try to talk about when in the future he would shut me down again. Frustrating! But then when he started to actually talk about why he wanted to wait rather than brushing me off it made me realise he was taking it seriously and that was a huge breakthrough for us!
Once we had talked about what was worrying him we knew goals we had to hit before setting a date and then we hit the goals and the date conversation followed. If i were you I'd ask in the new year about setting a date once he's got his pay sorted. I had to spell it out to my OH how important this was to me as he just didn't realise! And then we were able to compromise and set a date that worked for both of us. Good luck it sounds like he's getting there!

 

[LynAnne]

Thank you. In a way it's good to know that someone has gone through the same as me although we both know how much it sucks! I think I will try to raise the subject of a date in the new year but I think I'm going to also encourage him to talk about babies in general until then. He bottles things up sometimes and I'd rather he was just honest about how he feels instead of just forgetting about the topic for the time being. I just hope he can get the pay rise that he a) deserves and b) thinks is enough to start our family.

 

[jaspie]

He sounds like my OH, he bottles things up a lot! Good idea on talking about babies in general too. Hope he gets the pay rise!