Picking yourself up when AF arrives.

[sunlover72]

Hi all,

Just curious how you guys pick yourselves up when AF arrives?.

We are on our 16th cycle now, with my OH 43 and myself 38 know our number of months to try is limited by time.... and after some excited days squinting at possible lines on HPTs AF has finally arrived.

Im sure your all familiar with the feelings and extreme lows it brings,. And familiar with the feeling that it is never going to happen, and that perhaps it would be better to stop putting ourselves through the low every month and accept we wont have an addition to our family.

Obviously we are desperate for a baby of our own though... so does anyone have any tried and tested methods for firing up the positive mental attitude?.

 

[Eliza12]

sunlover72 - I hear you. AF just arrived for me too. I guess I just try to focus on the things we do have, and I ask my DH for reassurance about our lives together- just the two of us. He's pretty good about that. Then I dive into work or a hobby that I enjoy. Interestingly enough, after my hormones come crashing down from the arrival of AF, I don't feel much of anything... could be natures way of protecting us.

 

[twinkle1975]

I know this isn't very deep and meaningful but I cope by having a really good sob on the day AF arrives and being kind to myself - if I'm meant to be doing something that night & I don't want to go but would rather spend the night cuddled up with DH watching trash tv then I'll do that & not beat myself up about it. Then I visualise all the hurt from that month being wrapped up in a parcel and put on a shelf in the cupboard under the stairs, I lock the door & say its done with for this month, take a few deep breaths and then go out & do something we both enjoy.
Your OH is really lucky to have someone who thinks and talks about these things. I love my DH more than anything & he gives good cuddles when I'm crying but really doesn't know how to talk about what he's feeling!

 

[twinkle1975]

Eliza - I know what you mean - in the first few months of trying I cried all the time, but now once the intial punch in the stomach feeling has passed I don't.

 

[Nat0619]

Hi

Didn't want to just read and run. Don't really have any suggestions for PMA because I'm rubbish at having any! I'm 36, OH 41, so similar ages to you. We have been actively ttc for around 7 months now and I get so disheartened every month when the arrives. Always tend to have a little on the day she comes.

Every month I feel like giving up and trying to accept that maybe its just not meant to be for us. But I just can't imagine a life without a child so every month when I get to Ov time again (which I am now), I try again and get a bit more hopeful.

Sorry this probably hasn't been any help at all but just wanted you to know I completely understand how you feel x

 

[seoj]

I think you just have to try different things and see what works for you... personally, I hate the not knowing part. Once I know, then I feel I can focus my energy where it belongs (i.e. next cycle or pregnancy)-- so far, I've had to focus on the next cycle. Boo. BUT- not giving up the faith that it will happen. I just keep myself busy with researching, chatting on this forum and talking to my friends. I think having a strong support system is a MUST during these frustrating times... and then, some times I just let it out. I allow myself to feel the pain and frustrating- which ultimately makes me feel better... then it's done, and I move on.

Hope some of this helps lol. Oh, another thing I try to do... which I read about online... is imagining yourself pregnant. With an expanding tummy and all the wonderful things that will come with it... there is certainly something to positive thoughts- so maybe if we imagine it... then it will come. Can't hurt right?

One more thing... lol... the day AF arrives I go do something I wouldn't normally do, for ME! I've cut out coffee and I eat good and exercise regularly- so the day the witch shows, I go buy myself a big cup of yummy Starbucks coffee!!! lol. It's something small- but It does make me feel a little better

 

[one4 me2]

sunlover72 - I hear you. AF just arrived for me too. I guess I just try to focus on the things we do have, and I ask my DH for reassurance about our lives together- just the two of us. He's pretty good about that. Then I dive into work or a hobby that I enjoy. Interestingly enough, after my hormones come crashing down from the arrival of AF, I don't feel much of anything... could be natures way of protecting us.

This is pretty much what happens to me also....gotta keep moving on.

 

[sunlover72]

Thanks for all the ideas guys... i am normally the one that's ok when AF arrives. And i feel a bit churlish starting this thread (the bloke is supposed to be macho and unaffected?).

Onwards and upwards to the next cycle, good luck to you all.

 

[FutureMommie]

Sunlover, I hope that you are feeling better, I'm 37 and my dh is 48 and we have been ttc for almost 3 years, and it gets so hard when AF arrives, I feel like I spend my days counting; counting until I ovulate, counting the days until I test, and I felt like I was becoming consumed with ttc. Last cycle I decided that I could not continue to put my self through this mentally, and made the decision to just let it go and know that my time is coming, and its going to happen. It's ok to be sad and cry, this is a very hard and very emotional journey.

 

[Omi]

Well, i never cry. I guess i really know most of the time before hand - yet, you still hang on to hope unless proven otherwise.

Tbh, i really only start to feel low in the 1ww. I guess i can sort of feel the impending doom so when the arrives its not such a shock. Maybe i can read the signs by now and prepare myself before hand.

Im usually quite gung ho around ov time, right after and during af. Its my time to say, hey, here's another opportunity!

Currently i feel - blah! My cervix is low and that is not good news (for me). Back to the drawing board and a few consolation drinks for moi, methinks

 

[bdwell1904]

Sunlover I am so sry to hear . I know you and Serindippy were kinda getting your hopes up, I thought this might be it for ya'll also. I don't know if it'll help but I think about how blessed I am to have a DH who I love and who loves me dearly, we have a great life together. As much as I wish we could share the experience, If it never happens then I know at least I have my best friend at my side. It's ok to be down but look on the bright side time for will be here soon and what man doesn't look forward to that.

 

[bdwell1904]

Did ya'll read this thread ? It is so uplifting


Ding Dong forgot the thread name

A little story of hope x

 

[serendippy]

Lol BDwell, hes on his way (we only see each other weekends at the mo) and hes well happy, and me come to that as itll be time for some 'lurve'.

U are right tho we did kinda have our hopes up this month, more so than usual so it did come crashing down our ears a bit when AF showed.

Does anyone as well, try and cling onto a bit of hope even when AF is here? esp if its not ur normal AF. Ive done that once or twice when basically im just kidding meself...so need to not do that cos it aint good really.

 

[bdwell1904]

I did that when I had the odd cycle earlier this year. 1st my bbs got huge and they have only ever done that when prg. then cycle was 7 wks late, then would get a + one day then a - a few days later. all the while spotting here and there. It was driving me nuts, until AF came on like donkeykong, then i finally quit hoping. This is a crazy rollercoaster huh?

 

[Minno]

WEll, I'm at that stage now AF arrived slowly this morning, as expected, but still feel really fed-up and low. Am thinking I am gonna ditch teh CBFM and OPKs and just try to relax about it all and see what happens. Apart from anything else, its costing me a fortune every month. I hate it when I know deep down I'm not pg but still manage to convince myself I might be. I hate being on this train (
Sorry for moaning! xx

 

[bdwell1904]

Serendippy~ It is so hard being away fromthe one you love so much, I know 'cause I am only home 2 weeks out of the month...
Minno~ so sry to hear, have a good cry, a better cocktail and know I'm thinking of goodness for you

 

[Minno]

Thanks BD, you are a sweetheart.
So wonderful you live in the deep South - would love to visit Mississippi! Only been to Florida, LA and NY so far!
xx

 

[Leeze]

Hi everyone

I normally have a glass or 2 of wine and some chocolate! (the crying tends to come the day before when my PMT sets in). this month I had a delicious curry too! Then I try to think about all the things I haven't tried yet and start planning to use them the next month! this month's new things - softcups and Maca powder!!!

Fingers crossed for us all xx

 

[Goldy]

Hi,

Just could not let you all express yourselves without my input.

I for one just get depressed after testing (if I get the oppotunity to test and ...hope before the witch shows up!!) that moment when BFN shows up and immediately I embrace myself and I remind myself on what my mom used to tell me when she was still on earth that "there are kids out there killing their own parents with knives and guns and others just killing their parents with stress so thank the Lord that he is sparing you for the drama" and I move on, and keep the hope on for the next month!!!

 

[Jules2488]

Well, i deffinantly focus on the nextt cycle, and if AF is here it means im probably ovulating and normally. I feel like AF means i get a new chance every time, and if she didnt show...and i wasnt getting im not sure what i would do. AF has some positives because at least you know you can start again, as depressing as it is. You've got a clean slate and a chance to pinpoint ovulation and get onto !