please dont let me become a MIL from hell

[kirstybumx3]

argh,
so ive been reading peoples responses on my MIL thread and im starting to feel pretty bad. i still dislike the MIL, still dont want her at the scan, and still think she favourites everyone else and makes no time for us.
BUT i do see others point of view (even though they dont know her)

its made me worry, do i want sons?
i dont ever want to have a daughter in law that will dislike me...
although i vow right now that i will NEVER be like my MIL, its a worry isnt it?

 

[HSlady4]

Trust me, I have a MIL that can SERIOUSLY irk me...BUT I see the things she does and know that I won't do what she does later in life because it drives me nuts and makes me have days that I don't want to be around her. So you know you will not want your DIL to resent you, so you will know how to "act" in a way that won't drive your future DIL insane! Haha. I didn't see your other thread yet, BUT, if you don't want her at the scan then don't. If you OH does, wellll, then you two will have to figure that out. I say to my husband when my MIL gets all "crazy" acting - maybe your mom can push my babies out for me and breastfeed my twins when they are born. But fortunately, my husband KNOWS how his own is over the top MOST of the time, so he is always siding with me. Hell, even my FIL knows his wife is an emotional train wreck who does NOT know boundaries. Pick your battles GL though!

 

[Mjane84]

I don't care for my in-laws. Just last night, DH told me that they are complaining about my interest in cloth diapering. Their reasons revolve around when they cloth diapered in 1975. They can't seem to grasp that, gasp, things change! They are generally a fountain of useless or invalid advice.

That said, I have actually been googling a lot of complaints that MIL's have about their DIL's, namely when it comes to grandchildren. A lot of them feel like they have a great relationship with their DILs until the baby is born, and then they get pushed aside in favor of the maternal grandmother. I see the thought posted time and again that these DIL's, namely the ones with sons, are going to be dealing with a hefty dose of karma when they themselves become grandparents.

I am really trying now to treat my inlaws how I'd like to be treated. That doesn't mean that I am letting them walk all over me, or make stupid comments without hearing a retort from me. But I am using this experience to learn what it will take to be a MIL that my (if I have a son) future DIL would like to be around.

 

[ncmommy]

I think I lucked out that I have 2 MILs that are great and I generally enjoy spending time with them. Of course they live far away so I don't have to deal with them all the time. I think a lot of people come on this board when they have problems and want to vent so that is why we see a lot of MIL vents, I'm sure there are plenty of good ones out there. But I agree with PP that we should try and treat them as we would want our future DILs to treat us. Of course, there will be exceptions to that.

I guess all we can really do is learn from our own experiences!

 

[sue_88]

The reason I have ever only wanted 1 daughter. (I only want 1 child)

And I am getting her. I'd have hated to be the paternal grandparent - regardless of relationship that manages to be built, it's nothing compared to a mother & daughter.

 

[iwantabub]

I still think u should tell her shes not welcome at the scan...I wouldnt feel comfy with my mil there.. saying that ...

I have my mil and my dh step mum my other mil who is the most caring and wonderful woman ever and would jump off a bridge for any of the kids and us... shes great...

I think when I become a mil I will just try and remember that even if im not partial to the woman lo brings home I still will treat her great coz thats the woman my sons in love with. ..

Saying that im not gonna put up with my boy being hurt or treated like poo either so its hard.

 

[chartay]

It is a hard topic. And I hadn't thought about it from the mom of a son's perspective. Maybe this is why MY mom is so crazy...I have 4 older brothers j/k But no, really my mom is insane. I talk to her all the time, but in all my life, there is only ONE thing we get along with about, and that's when we talk about geneaology. Otherwise, we are complete opposites. Which is fine with me, we are different people, but she has yet to come to grips with it.

As far as my MIL is concerned, she definitely goes a bit overboard with most things. But it's because she really is TRYING to please people. Even if she goes about it the wrong way, the intention was still there. My SIL didn't really have her be a part of her pregnancy with my nephew, even not inviting her to/telling her about the baby showers. And I know it hurt her a lot. So I offered to have her come to one of our ultrasounds. Then I found out I only get two and I want my gender one to be just DH & I.

As far as your previous post about your private scan...I still think you should do what you feel is the best course. And I'm sure you know deep down what that is. Your mom did pay for it, so it would be right for her to be there. But, here they only allow two people in the room. I don't know how many are allowed where you are, but it could be something to check in to. That way she doesn't show up expecting to be able to go in, then you find out that it's limited. Did she invite herself, or did you say DH invited her?

And the whole favoritism thing, my MIL does that too with my BIL. But since finding out we are expecting, she has changed that quite a bit. So hopefully our baby will be treated just as well as my nephew.

The fact that you are recognizing what it could be like with a potential future DIL, is a good sign that you will do just fine. Knowing there could be an issue and taking steps to prevent it is a great approach. So I wouldn't worry, you'll be a good mom/MIL

 

[AmethystDream]

If she can't be a good example, then let her be a lesson