Please help 5mth old waking hourly at night

[livziem]

Hi guys my baby is 5 months just and is mixed fed bf and ff (mostly bf). He has always been a rubbish sleeper but was managing 3 hours until recently it’s become less and less, 1 hour or (if I’m really lucky) 2 at night then waking up. The only way to settle him is by bf but even then he doesn’t always fall back asleep for a while! I’m trying to soothe him in other ways before feeding because I don’t believe he really needs it at night (he feeds regularly in the day and is a big boy!) but I always end up giving in because it’s all that settles him. I believe he is using me as a human dummy at night For comfort, (he refuses to take an actual dummy). It’s getting really difficult esp as husband works nights and can’t help at all ahhh I dont want to invest in a sleep program that might be a load of rubbish has anyone been through similar and got any advice? Constantly hearing from other mums their babies are doing 10 hour stretches is really disheartening!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

You dont think your 5 month old needs to eat at night? Maybe he is actually hungry but too tired so he snacks at the breast?

 

[livziem]

I think a few times at night is fine but don’t believe waking every hour at this stage is totally normal.

 

[blueblue]

It must be hard when he wakes so much. Have you tried giving him a bottle then settling him bf afterwards to see if it keeps him full longer? He may still need night feeds at five months.

I also mixed feed and I have issues with my milk/supply (not saying this is the same for everyone as I have friends with ebf babies who are fine) - even in the middle of the night, after hours of not feeding and being engorged, he would always wake an hour later if I bf only. I went to bottles at night and now I give him a bottle and then bf if it's later than 3am as he is more awake then and won't go back to sleep without it.

It is a bit different as he does self-settle at night (I put him to bed awake and he can usually go down awake in the night too). He is fed to sleep with a bottle for naps.

 

[blueblue]

Do you think he may be waking at the end of every sleep cycle? They are about 45 mins long.

 

[livziem]

Blueblue thank you for your reply. I may give a bottle at night when he wakes a go and see if we get anywhere. I’ve been questioned (rather unhelpfully) by my HV whether he needs bottles as he’s in the 95th percentile for weight for his age. However I think I’ll try because if it keeps him asleep for longer that’ll be a victory! Team no sleep is no fun!

 

[noon_child]

Night time is so isolating isn't it - and I imagine much harder when you know you have to do it alone.

Sounds very much like he's hit that natural developmental stage with is often called "sleep regression". At this point their brains change how they fall asleep and stay asleep, and for a while you get a baby who seems to wake all the time, never seem deep asleep etc. I ended up holding our LO through her first few sleep cycles every night for about two weeks (so for about the first three hours 7pm to 10pm) and we could see her twitching and squirming like her brain was wired. After being soothed quickly back to sleep a few times (because she was already in our arms) without needing to wake fully to get our attention, she seemed to calm down and sleep a bit deeper - so from there we put her in her basket and it was then easier to get 3 hours before she then woke for a night feed and went down for another 3hrs. After a few weeks we noticed she wasn't so jumpy in our arms and seemed more settled so we tried holding her for less and less time before putting her in her basket and thankfully it worked.

I know breastfeeding can be challenging because it feels like its all down to you and you'll never get your body back or be alone, but it isn't forever; feeds will space out, he will grow up and need you less. As you've already discovered breastfeeding offers your baby more than just milk, its the comfort that gets him back to sleep and makes your life easier during times when he's feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. It's a way of mothering, not just a way of feeding, so whether he needs the milk or not he may well still need the breastfeed. Him using you for comfort is his natural biological instinct and while it can make us feel overwhelmed as mothers sometimes, it's not wrong for your baby to seek this comfort or for you to give it if it feels right, and easy, to do so.

Do you have any support you can call on during the day to allow you to get more rest if you know you will be up all night. Even a couple of days of someone around to support you and give you a bit of respite.

If you feel comfortable with the idea, maybe look in to safe co-sleeping to see if you are able to make that work. Even people who don't plan to co-sleep find they do so occasionally when they just HAVE to and its much better to know in advance how to do this safely than to do it accidentally in an unsafe way.

 

[HLx]

Is he teething by any chance? That could be the reason some babies just want comforting through that painful stage

 

[blueblue]

Let us know how you get on, I guess if he sleeps longer then it's hunger, if he doesn't then it's the sleep cycle issue or he is teething and they haven't quite come through yet. Does he feed for long when he wakes?

A friend had the HV say the same thing about bottles. It's completely up to you, they tend to discourage mixed feeding as they feel (and I think a study may show?) that it ends breastfeeding earlier, but it doesn't have to. It's possible to do both, he'll still get the comfort from you. Bf is great for soothing them when they are teething.

I hope you are able to get some rest soon!

 

[Bevziibubble]

Mine used to wake quite regularly as I think they struggled with sleep cycles. It was exhausting but it did improve over time.
I hope you're able to get some more sleep soon.

 

[livziem]

aw Thank you all for the encouraging replies. I’ve been catching up on sleep yesterday Thanks to my grandma who came to help after I admitted to people I was really starting to struggle, and didn’t get a chance to respond on here. She’s the only family that live in the area and I feel terrible leaving my baby with her as it is, because of her age and she has an arm injury :/ . I tried exchanging bf to a bottle the night after I posted and he wasn’t that interested but did sleep for a few hours after. Maybe coincidentally or maybe it’s going to work out better only time will tell. Did the same thing tonight and didn’t make an ounce of difference. I think a couple of you have hit the nail on the head with teething as today we have bright red cheeks and an extremely fussy baby!

I think I struggle with still feeling like I’ve got that newborn tiredness level, when other people I know are taking their babies to swim class at 10am in the mornings with ease. It makes me feel a bit like a failure!

 

[livziem]

Night time is so isolating isn't it - and I imagine much harder when you know you have to do it alone.

Sounds very much like he's hit that natural developmental stage with is often called "sleep regression". At this point their brains change how they fall asleep and stay asleep, and for a while you get a baby who seems to wake all the time, never seem deep asleep etc. I ended up holding our LO through her first few sleep cycles every night for about two weeks (so for about the first three hours 7pm to 10pm) and we could see her twitching and squirming like her brain was wired. After being soothed quickly back to sleep a few times (because she was already in our arms) without needing to wake fully to get our attention, she seemed to calm down and sleep a bit deeper - so from there we put her in her basket and it was then easier to get 3 hours before she then woke for a night feed and went down for another 3hrs. After a few weeks we noticed she wasn't so jumpy in our arms and seemed more settled so we tried holding her for less and less time before putting her in her basket and thankfully it worked.

I know breastfeeding can be challenging because it feels like its all down to you and you'll never get your body back or be alone, but it isn't forever; feeds will space out, he will grow up and need you less. As you've already discovered breastfeeding offers your baby more than just milk, its the comfort that gets him back to sleep and makes your life easier during times when he's feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. It's a way of mothering, not just a way of feeding, so whether he needs the milk or not he may well still need the breastfeed. Him using you for comfort is his natural biological instinct and while it can make us feel overwhelmed as mothers sometimes, it's not wrong for your baby to seek this comfort or for you to give it if it feels right, and easy, to do so.

Do you have any support you can call on during the day to allow you to get more rest if you know you will be up all night. Even a couple of days of someone around to support you and give you a bit of respite.

If you feel comfortable with the idea, maybe look in to safe co-sleeping to see if you are able to make that work. Even people who don't plan to co-sleep find they do so occasionally when they just HAVE to and its much better to know in advance how to do this safely than to do it accidentally in an unsafe way.

Noon child thanks for your helpful response we actually already do cosleep! I think I’d loose my sanity if I didn’t haha! X

 

[blueblue]

Sounds like he is teething, I hope it gets better soon! You can get teething soothers that go in the freezer, I have one from Dr Browns. I used Calpol with my DD when the teething was very bad and I knew they were breaking through but didn't want to use it on a regular basis. Breastfeeding will help with the teething, try nursing more in the daytime? I always knew when my DD was teething as she used to hum whilst breastfeeding.

I'm glad you got some help from your grandma. It's ok to ask for help, we aren't meant to do this alone, even just having someone who can be empathethic helps so much too. It's hard when you they don't sleep, I feel awful when mine has a worse night.

You're not a failure! All babies are different and some are much easier than others. My DD was always the one who had a tantrum whilst everyone elses were content. Everyone finds it tough, but not everyone will admit it, try and find some other moms who will be honest about parenting x