Please help! Family/life plan decisions 3 or 4 kids?

[Bex84]

I grew up with 2 sisters and none of us felt like odd man out and there was no ganging up, just usual sibling arguements. I wouldent base on gender personally as no guarentee. I have a daughter and this ones a boy. I dont think they will miss out if we dont have more. If either want to do something paticularly in gender steriotype then they have me and their daddy just if daughter wants to do sports my dh loves them as we dont go for gender steriotypes. They will have friends as well. I didnt do makeup etc with my sisters. I know lots of people who grew up 1/3 and didnt feel ganging up went on. If you want 4 go for it. With degree your still young. My mum is finishing hers and turning 60 soon. She has done through open university

 

[Rickles]

TBH - I wouldn't base anything on gender, I would take each baby as it comes... hopefully healthy...

My brother's wife talked him into a third - whom we all love dearly - but he is severely autistic with learning difficulties and it has put enormous strain on them and their other two children - and he's only 3, so there are tougher times ahead.

My BFF wanted 3, until she had severe pre-eclampsia and her first was born at 29 weeks... he's now going to be an only child, she's too scared to risk it again, and feels like she won the lottery once having a 29 weeker with no major issues... just a few chest problems and balance problems.

I guess I am saying - I desperately want this baby to be healthy... I'm not too worried about the ones that are years away... IMO life can throw you too many curve balls. I'm not taking a healthy baby for granted, just hoping the odds are in my favour. xx

 

[Enasy]

I will be 33 this year and after 2 years of trying we finally managed to get pregnant. Life doesn't always go the way you plan or want it to just be grateful for what you have. If you have 3 or 4 it doesn't matter as long as you are happy and healthy

 

[hello_kitty]

Thanks ladies for all your insights! I didn't think I'd get so many responses! Yes I think having a healthy baby is important of all. I was a little disappointed when this bump turned out blue but I told myself long as he's healthy. However I still hope one day I will be blessed with a little girl. It's not a matter of being stereotypical but I really do want a girl ever since I started playing with dolls lol. I was 21 when my mom had my youngest sister and the moment I held her I couldn't wait to start my own family and one day get a girl.

 

[hello_kitty]

I've think hard about it and asked myself "is it really the 4th child that I want or is it the idea of missing a girl?"

I think if I am blessed with my third being a girl I'd be more content to stop per dh's request. I experienced the mist horrible pain the whole day yesterday I think it must be spd. I was moaning and had to get dh to massage me. Although my health is fine for the most part this pregnancy seems much harder than my first. So again I concluded if I get my girl next time maybe I'll stop especially if the third pregnancy is as bad or worse.

 

[moter98]

I've think hard about it and asked myself "is it really the 4th child that I want or is it the idea of missing a girl?"

I think if I am blessed with my third being a girl I'd be more content to stop per dh's request. I experienced the mist horrible pain the whole day yesterday I think it must be spd. I was moaning and had to get dh to massage me. Although my health is fine for the most part this pregnancy seems much harder than my first. So again I concluded if I get my girl next time maybe I'll stop especially if the third pregnancy is as bad or worse.

I've felt the same way as you, always wanted a little girl since I was a little girl. Had so many plans and dreams about it...now I'm going to have 3 boys. Sometimes we don't get what we wanted and our dreams have to change a little. Just don't set yourself up for extreme gender disappointment if you don't get your girl.

 

[Bex84]

Ahhh you dont need to appoliguise for wanting a little girl. I adore my little girl and we have lots of fun playing with dollies, watching disney princess films, shopping for cute clothes etc though i think we have as much fun playing with dinosaurs and cars lol. I think most of us has our ideal picture from childhood of our future family and you may know how you feel more when you have a third and how it works with your family dynamic, and you can always have a longer age gap between 3rd and 4th. I am as close to my sister who is 5 years older as my sister who is 2 years younger. And i know my younger sister is close to older sister. We did lots together growing up so you can always change mind

 

[RinnaRoo]

Do what you feel in your heart is right. It sounds like you've got a plan.

 

[hello_kitty]

Dh said that we could always have our third and then I can go back to finish grad school afterwards if I'm feeling up to it I can have number 4 then #3 and #4 will be about 5 years apar5. So that's an option. Either way I don't want to think too much about my future babies because it's taking time and attention away from my current babies not fair to them. I'll just take it one day at a time and see where the road leads us. I should be worrying about what should go in my hospital bag instead lol.

 

[Timewaster]

We want/ed 4 children as well, 2 girls and 2 boys and we didnt want them to be very far apart. The reason was because our children would have each other as friends and I could go no with my career.

Our first two were both girls and we were slightly disappointed because that put pressure on the 3rd and 4th to be boys. Anyhow, we decided to go for no.3 (I'm currently pregnant with no.3) and as far as we know, this time its a boy.

Now, we are not sure whether we want a 4th child. So, in a sense we are in the same boat as you.

I know people tend to say do not put emphasis on the gender of your baby and all that but at the end of the day, you cannot let go of the feeling.

Before my ultrasound for baby.no3, I told everyone, my husband, mother, family, friends and even myself that I cared less about the gender of the baby. In fact, I was lying to them and to myself and deep inside, I wanted to experience having a boy. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting one or the other gender, what matters is at the end of the day, we love all our kids equally and I feel I do with my 2 girls and my baby no.3

 

[squirrel.]

I agree with the pp, there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience having a baby of certain gender. I too have always wanted a daughter. I have an amazing relationship with my mother and I really wanted that for myself. I have also always wanted a son; I wanted to experience both, that was for certain. When I had my son I was very happy to have our boy, but I did worry that the next two wouldn't give me the daughter I had always dreamed of. I was so convinced this baby was a boy before my gender scan at 16 weeks. Even when she said girl I didn't really believe it till it was confirmed at my 20 week anomaly scan. It now totally takes the pressure off number three, as I know I will be happy with whatever we get. I know if this had been a boy, I'd be feeling the same as you, worried I would never get the daughter I dreamed of. I hope you get your girl next and enjoy your beautiful boys in the meantime.