PLEASE HELP ME. Causing terrible arguments!!

[honeybee2]

Hiya Ladies.

I have a dillema. Basically I am getting married next year and me and my partner had drawn up a guest list.
I'm very happy with an 'intimate' wedding, 80 is just enough to make it personal but for there to be a great atmosphere. Anyway, to the point, my fiance wants to invite his best friends girlfriend. Now we dont get on (not because I pre judge anyone!!) but because she is very immature and childish...let me explain...

We got along at first, despite getting pregnant on purpose the first night she slept with my fiance's best mate (I have this info on good authority). She also drank heavily throughout her pregnancy and went clubbing 9 months pregnant drinking (don't even get me started!!!). Anyway, now she is 19, shacked up with my fiance's best mate, a 11 month old baby and living on the doll in a council flat. I started to dislike her when she refused to let my fiance's best mate see his mates or have any time away. I can remember vividly her excuse was "...well he's more mine than yours!" ...yes I know what your thinking!

My fiance's best mate has told us time to time he dislikes her and is only with her because of the baby.
We have 80 places for the wedding, including the bride & groom and have split this into equal parts so both of us can invite 40 people inc ourselves and considering my own close family takes up 35 people, its not alot to toy around with. Basically, the guests list has turned into a nightmare trying to find the 'right' people (I really hate that term) to invite. Its hard to choose who is most important and I really dont want to offend anyone. I really don't agree with inviting this girl, and most importantly this reason is because we can't invite some of our closest friends and relatives because there is no room so why should I let him invite her? He say's he has too- because she is a part of his mate's life, now although I agree with this (despite his mate constantly trying to find excuses to leave her, and the fact that he is banned from seeing his best mates) I just can't justify giving her an invite when my Aunty & Uncle can't have an invite.

I've asked this guy would he be offended if I sent him an invite requesting his attendance only and he said "no, its fine, its your day" however, she has found out and threatened not to let him go if she can't go. Now this is nothing personal, despite the fact that i dispise this girl non of our guests are permitted to bring partners or children- its an intimate affair.

Not only that...she's going to be sat there all day alone and bored. The only people she knows are in the actual wedding party who will be sat on the top table. Her boyfriend is one of the best men and he will have duties to attend to all day.

I wish people would understand, this is not a fairground attraction or a family day out- this is my wedding, and the only one I'll have.

 

[jadesh101]

I really wish she wasn't coming either, really can't stand the childish bugger, don't know why he can't just leave her, I think he should put his foot down

 

[honeybee2]

No one for any advice?

 

[Arlandria]

Eeeek its a really hard one - I can totally understand that at the end of the day, its YOUR wedding and you should be able to invite and do what you want and my one of my biggest quotes is "do what makes you happy, not other people!"

BUT...

I can also see where your OH is coming from! You cant invite one without the other if they are part of the package! iykwim?

I dont know what to say hun, if it was me, as much as i wouldnt want to i'd probably still invite her on the same reason your OH has given. This probably isnt what you wanna hear - its a shit world and ive totally contradicted myself but i'd rather not upset my OH and his best mate (as much as he said he didnt mind, he might have just been saying this not too cause a fight!)

At least you know you wont have to talk to her all night - and you never know she might suprise you!?

xxx

 

[MrsVenn]

At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you need to invite who you want to invite. I didn't invite quite a few friends nor my Uncle (and his family) and my Grandmother as they would have only been there for the 'free dinner'. Considering it was about £100ph, I wasn't prepared for them to turn up, sniff at it, complain, put me down etc. It was tough but I just held my head up high and stood my ground, have never regretted it since to be honest. I had a brilliant day with people who WANTED and appreciated being there.

 

[honeybee2]

lmao!!! thanks hun.

Ye i know im gona end up inviting the cow *ooops*

I just hate the fact we have to tred on egg shells to try and not offend anyone- i know its polite, but its our day. xx

 

[honeybee2]

its costing (for everything) about £50 pp. Which is a fortune to me because I'm only a student. And while she probably wont sniff at it (a free drink at the end of the day is a plus for her) she will get drunk and make a show of herself like she does at all parties that we're both invited too. OOO god help me!!

 

[Arlandria]

I had a friend who had OH like that a total *knob jockey* luckily they've now split up and im sooooo glad not to have to invite him

And my OH cousin is a bit of a 'centre of attention' kinda girl - and if she even so much as tries to steal one ounce of my thunder she'll feel the wrath of stressed out bride and i'll chuck her straight out hee hee

Aw good luck honey XX

 

[honeybee2]

cassandra- she will not only feel my wrath if she steals my thunder (and I never condone violence usually) she will be feeling the back of my hand!

 

[Arlandria]

 

[honeybee2]

she's just so annoying- and it takes a hell of a lot for me to actually hate someone, as its a strong word. But she- just takes the biscuit, and her head is shaped like a dolphins which doesn't help. My gosh I am mean, but for goodness sake, is there any need to be so childish and keep her boyfriend away from his friends? xxx

 

[Arlandria]

Obviously very insecure! And childish! x

 

[honeybee2]

i know. well, she better not whinge because she has no one to talk too. She wanted to come.

 

[jadesh101]

cassandra- she will not only feel my wrath if she steals my thunder (and I never condone violence usually) she will be feeling the back of my hand!

You know damn well she will feel the wrath of little sister Jadey tho

 

[Sofiekirsten]

I was in a simalir situation OH wanted to invite a friend but I hate his girlfriend....

So I stood my ground and this is what I said....

" Incase you haven't noticed my lovely OH I can't stand the bitch and guess what it is my wedding just as much as yours. If they don't like it then tough shit! "

My opinion is you are going to offend atleast one person at your wedding and thats just the way weddings are....my advice? stop trying to make other people happy, they should be making you happy and if they are not doing that then why should they be there on your special day.

Sorry if this sounds rude but I hate childish women who think they can posess there OH

Good Luck

 

[leighbaby]

I think that if you don't invite her, you'll just have to accept that he might not come

 

[Ozzieshunni]

At our wedding, we had to invite the wife of one of my husband's friends and she just sat there the whole time and pouted while he danced with me and some of the other girls so yeah....but she's not his wife so it really isn't the same thing. If you don't want her to come, don't invite her. It's that simple.

 

[honeybee2]

thats exactly what I said- i said to my OH its our day and people should be making us feel happy. Why should I have to think of other people's feelings on the day? At the end of the day I'm paying for their food and drink and hospitality and entertainment. Why should I have to think of others in any other respect? It is selfish I know, but for goodness sake, can't I be selfish for one day?

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I hear ya

 

[Arlandria]

How about a compromise - if you say, look really sorry (not) but we cant afford to seat you for the meal but you're more than welcome (not) to come to the evening reception? And just explain, you cant afford half your own family etc

If she spits her dummy just tell her to f off xx