Please help -- RE: Sleep

[Lilly12]

So, we co-sleep at night, we have from birth.
She sleeps 10-12 hours during the night without really waking up.. she'll feed a couple/few times but neither of us really wake up for that.
BUT she'll only sleep good ON me.. if I put her next to me.. RIGHT next to me, she'll sleep a little while and then fuss cause she wants to be on me.
She also does not fall asleep by herself, if I put her down sleepy , she'll immediately fully wake up.. I have to rock her to sleep then go to bed with her.
My back hurts from laying down in the same position with her on top of me all night.

NAPS-
she will only nap either ON me, or in her swing. If it's on me, she'll fall asleep after I rock her for a while (stand up, rocking , since we don't own a rocking chair).
She'll nap in her swing fine for 30 mins.
On me , it used to be an hour but she's in wonder week 26 right now, so everything is out of whack.

I don't like putting her in the swing for every nap though.


How do I break this rocking habit?
How can I show her that she will be OK without being on top of me when sleeping?
I don't want to leave her crying just for my selfish reasons.

 

[LuckyD]

I have a similar thing with my LO, although we don't co-sleep but her bed is right next to mine...

She was not sleeping as well as your LO though! Awake every hour or so and then after about 2.30am would NOT go down again, it was a nightmare!

So about 6 days ago we started trying PU/PD, but a fairly gentle version of it - more No Cry Sleep Solution than the Baby Whisperer...

It has really helped a lot - I thought she would NEVER go down without us rocking, singing etc for ages, but the first night she went to sleep by herself in her cot (after 1 hour 45 mins!). When I say by herself, I mean without us rocking her to sleep - we of course didn't leave her alone!

Since then she has gone to sleep by herself every night, with us there with a hand on her and singing to her, and she hasn't cried at all. And if she does get upset, thats when we pick her up.

She still wakes in the night, but usually less than she was - about 2-3 times as opposed to 7-8 times. Sometimes just a hand on her and a gentle song resettles her and she goes back to sleep.

Naps - not so good, she still only naps well on me or in the pram, but I am taking things slowly as this is a big change for her and I want to make it gentle for both her and me!

Anyway, early days yet, but just wanted to share that as I have been surprised at how well it has worked - the night before we started I said to my Mum, 'I just can't imagine her ever going to sleep in her cot by herself' - but the next night she did it!

 

[Lilly12]

Thank you... That's great your LO sleeps by herself now!!!

could you tell me how exactly you did it?

 

[aliss]

It took mine about 10 months to go down without rocking/motion and that was because I started playing the same lullabye over and over again every time I rocked him to sleep. After a few weeks, he associated the music with sleep. I recommend trying a positive sleep association like music that doesn't require you

 

[LuckyD]

Thank you... That's great your LO sleeps by herself now!!!

could you tell me how exactly you did it?

Well, she doesn't exactly sleep by herself every time....as I said, still naps on me mostly! And it can take a looooong time to get her to sleep in her cot at night...but hey, I figure little steps are ok and we'll get there in the end!

Ok, so what I am doing is:

- first of all I started decreasing the amount I rocked her before she went to sleep, just sang to her the same song over and over quietly and kind of swayed with her
- once she had done that a few times I just held her standing still and sang to her, and she would fall asleep in my arms
- a couple of days later I tried PU/PD for the first time. Did the whole bath, stories, song, feed routine at bedtime until she was really sleepy, falling asleep on the breast...

Then I moved her gently into her cot and sang the same lullaby to her quietly, with a hand on her chest, so she could see me but not making eye contact.

She totally woke up and was looking around the cot, talking, playing around and I thought she would never go to sleep...I ended up singing to her with my hand on her and reading book at the same time.

She started getting tired and making a few protests - not crying, just kind of fussing. I think on that first night, she started crying a couple of times in a way which meant she was getting upset - so if that happened I picked her up and held her in the cradle hold in my arms, and sang to her, but didn't rock her. When she was calm I would put her down again.

The first night it took 1 hour 45 minutes! Since then it has taken around 40mins to one hour, although on Sunday it only took 15 mins.

If she wakes in the night and I have fed her recently, I just put my hand on her chest and sing to her again, she usually resettles without me having to pick her up.

I have tried this for naps but she seems to get more upset and it can take over an hour of me trying to get her down for a 20 min nap! So we are easing into that slowly...

I have noticed that sometimes I pick her up and she cries harder - I don't think she always wants to be picked up. I think it is important to know when to do the pick-up - I would never leave my LO to cry, but if you pick up on the first little fuss then it doesn't really work - my LO can fuss for about 20 seconds or so and then calm herself down again.

The Baby Whisperer has a whole technique which I am following a bit but as I said I am doing it in a bit more gentle way i.e. not doing it for naps yet.

Have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution? It's got all sorts of ideas that are suited to co-sleeping as well...

We are nowhere near perfect with any of LO's sleep yet, but it is better than it was, and I would personally rather take a longer time but have less crying!

Good luck! And if you have any more questions just ask

 

[Lilly12]

Thank you.

I think a lot right now has to do with wonder week 26.
She's fighting naps for 3 days now, then after 2 hours of trying to take a nap she will take a 30 min nap .. Geez .
Then she still wakes up tired and we can start all over again.

Yes I might get that no cry solution book! Thanks for the tip.

I'd love for her to just go to sleep, so I can put her down n her staying asleep without me, thatd be awesome. That would mean a lot more freedom for me and more time with my hubby! Hope that will happen.. Some day!!

 

[LuckyD]

Yeah, I totally know how you feel. Last week was the first time since she was born that my OH and I ate dinner together while she slept. It felt strange!

I would definitely get the book - it is so baby-centred and really great for attachment-parenting parents!

 

[Lilly12]

Thanks!!
And my DD was born at home in water too btw!!

 

[LuckyD]

Awww, hurray for home water births! They are pretty close in age as well.