Please help-uk social services

[annanouska]

Does anyone have any experience with ss? I'm going through a really tough time having found out yesterday I'm being referred. I rung NHS direct as lo bumped head , learning to crawl, and had a bad bruise around eye and I wanted advice what to watch for. I rung when he was around 4 months as he hurt his arm falling over hen learning to sit and also when he was about 5weeks he was having tummy it and rolled bashing head o. Wood floor and I was frighte ed on th soft spot. He was fine on all occasions and I did take to a and e as advised even tho he was fine. I'm a FTM and so over worried on everything. Each time he's being looked at and told fine.

Well when I rung yesterday asking what to watch for on the eye she told me she's referring me to ssas that's 3 times and feels it could be neglect. I'm distraught and haven't stopped crying.

I've spoken to ss to ask what happens they said they can't tell me I have to wait, I just want to know the process. I've ru g hv who has no worries at all over him and said its ridiculous.

I'm a wreck, I feel I'll. I'm frightened what will happen I don't like not knowing what goes on.

Will we have a nasty record? Will he always be labelled as known to ss? Do they contact nursery?

I've done nothing wrong and was just trying to care for my boy but now I'm so frightened we will be labelled as bad parents. I've never had experience of this and I know this is t true but I feel like I will be seen as some u fit parent of a certain type, thi k Jeremy Kyle!

Btw, I'm married, own home work etc, not sure why I said that really nothing against young mums or single parents etc, sorry that last bit sounds really snobby

I'm worrie dithery will watch my every move and be constantly monitored, I hate big brother things

I do t even feel I can leave the house right now I'm terrified xxx

 

[MrsButterfly]

Oh Hun have no experience so can't advise but its obvious from your post you are a great mum so please don't worry. I'm sure it's kind of a tick box exercise that they have to do and ss will take one look and leave you alone xxx

 

[LDC]

Try not to worry, it's standard procedure when LO is so young and you've made numerous calls. I had a visitor out because I took LO to A&E after she fell off the bed, they told me its standard because they're so young, but the woman was lovely.

Just let them come and do their thing. A lot of the time they ask if you need any support in case you're struggling.

I always think if you're doing nothing wrong then there's nothing to hide it's likely to be one visit to just give some advice.

Just make sure if LO is trying to sit/is on the floor that there is plenty of padding and they're on a mat away from doors/cupboards etc. bangs and knocks are easily done, we have wooden floors too.

X

 

[MrsHippo]

You poor thing, I'm so sorry your being put through it. Unfortunately now a days the littlest thing gets reported to ss. It's so wrong though, there are some really horrible people out there who couldn't give two s*its about their children yet good, honest people get stamped on as soon as something little happens.

I've never personally had to deal with them but a few years back someone was trying to get my mum in to trouble by telling ss she left the kids at home by themselves... Which wasn't the case as my sister (who was old enough to care for them) was looking after them. It was the odd hour or two here and there. But once ss got in touch she was in bits thinking the worst, but once they visited the house they told her there and then that they werent concerned whatsoever. Then it was closed.

They will most likely visit you at your home, but once they see you are a perfectly fit mother they will leave you alone. Children bump their heads and fall over all the time, it's part of growing up!

Its easy for me to say, but please don't worry yourself as much as you have. Xx

 

[butterflycake]

Dont worry - I don't have any experience of SS but I can assure you all will be fine! accidents happen - my LO has had his fair share and you are not a bad parent. Maybe they have to give SS the info after a certain number of incidents - but you should have been reassured that it was standard practice, not because little one is considered at risk.

Although its not acceptable to leave you feeling like this try and shift your perspective. There is a lot of pressure on SS to not miss a damned thing. I'm sure all UK mums will be familiar with the Baby P incident and I reckon the OTT way they handled you and LO is a by product of them being over cautious in some way or another. As you said your health visitor wasn't at all worried and theres a million other babies who've had similar bumps and bruises like yours - mine included! god if not more! So try and relax - speak to your health visitor again or maybe someone else at SS to try and put your mind at rest xxxxx

 

[.Mrs.B.]

Oh hunthis could have been any one of us, all LO's have falls and bumps, the only difference is you made those calls just to be sure. It's really nothing to worry about, SS are there to help not to analyse you and I'm sure they will know straight away that you are just a typical mum with a typical LO, they are trained to know the difference after all.
Like PP's have said it's just standard procedure as they don't want to miss anything, if 1000 mums have to be referred to save one at risk baby then 1000 mums will be referred. Please don't worry.
xXxXx

 

[summer rain]

I'm sure SS will see that all is fine and be annoyed with NHS direct staff for wasting their time and resources. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm quite surprised they are referring to SS as they usually refer to your HV team first, who then may decide to refer you onto SS but because your HV team will know you and be able to judge the situation fairly, its rare that they do refer on. I never called NHS direct after having my eldest because I did feel the staff on the phone were judgemental and because they don't know you personally or even see you face to face I did feel that could lead to them making snap decisions and referring to SS needlessly. My eldest was a nightmare always getting into things and eating things that were not edible, being able to unfasten seatbelts on bouncy chairs and his infant car seat from a few months old, and when he was older being able to unfasten baby gates and attempting to drive his ride on car downstairs something he did more than once. My youngest has been similar and has been to a&e twice. The other reason I don't call NHS direct anymore is because the info they give out is very scripted and they always advise the same thing, if your baby experiences x, y and z symptoms then go to a&e/call an ambulance and give you a list of possible symptoms that may occur (which seem to be the same things regardless of if they have fallen over, eaten something they shouldn't or are generally unwell!). The NHS choices site often has more info than the staff at NHS direct have xx

 

[Gina91]

Stop panicking! If they do anything they will visit you first I'm sure and they will see there's no neglect! Some children just have more accidents than others!
...I'm sure you already do but just make sure LO is extra padded/protected from now, maybe put him on a mat for sitting/playing or get one of those play pen things? I know its not ideal!
Its annoying that you try to do the right thing by ringing NHS and then this happens!

 

[sethsmummy]

dont worry hun its just standard procedure. I had a friend who was constantly taking her little one to a&e whenever she had a fall (sometimes it was obvious that her daughter was fine.. but she was a worried FTM.. and we all panic in that situation). when your child is crawling/walking then accidents are going to happen. Heck when my son was 9 months old he was black and blue! He was learning to walk and we didnt really have a lot of room as i lived with my sister.. so he was constantly banging into things or bopping his head.. infact to this day he is never without at least one bruise/mark on his head/face.

they will come out have a chat with you.. they may contact the nursery hun but im not sure. Dont be afraid though. you have nothing to hide x

 

[annanouska]

Thanks everyone. I kind of accept the short term actions I think I'm just more worried about the long term implications, like him always being seen as "known to ss" or something. I wish I'd never asked for advice, I knew he seemed ok and just wanted that extra reassurance, shouldn't have bothered!

I've still been feeling really bad today, I know I do ,y best for lo and everyone comments how happy it is. I think I just don't take to accusations so good xxx

 

[bookreader]

I really wouldnt worry.
Social workers are damned in the do, damned if they dont.
So it is better to investigate than not to, and yes it causes worry, but better that than some child getting missed and there being terrible implications.

From my experience, ss will contact you and probably visit. Once they see everything is ok your case will be closed. Your child will not "be known to ss" as they arent, they have simply looked into a query.
They may contact your HV, which will clearly be of support to you.

 

[lozzy21]

Yeah because you ring NHS direct when your neglecting your child What an arse! Im sure nothing will come of it.

 

[newmumgg]

Hey

Try not to worry too much. I am not a social worker, but I do work alongside social services so I know their processes fairly well. Although, of course, each area differs. They'll do an initial assessment, which may involve one or two meetings with you, they'll look at your baby, they might contact the nursery and health visitor (but they may not). And then after that, they'll put together some recommendations and then if they feel every thing is okay, they'll close the case. The recommendations might involve different forms of support if they feel / you feel it would benefit you and your LO.

Having said all of that, from what you've said, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. Remember their thresholds are pretty high, and although they'll probably accept the referral because its for a baby, it's very likely they'll not take it very far once they speak to you and see everything is generally okay. Little bumps happen to all babies and it sounds like you are just a very cautious mother (quite right too) who likes to get things checked out.

I'm not too sure whether your LO will have a 'record' but I would think it would have something to do with their regulations about how long to keep files/data. It's useful for social services to keep information about previous referrals in case in a couple of years or even later than that, there's another referral, and then the information from previous years can really help to fill in the gaps. But even if they do keep the data/information, I'm not sure any other professional/agency would have access to it. I'm not 100% sure but you should ask this question.

Good luck! Again, please don't worry, i'm sure it'll all be okay

 

[bookreader]

Yeah because you ring NHS direct when your neglecting your child What an arse! Im sure nothing will come of it.

People do actually. I know the very nature of calling could make people think this is being non-neglectful, but it does happen.
although obviously the vast majority of people who call do so as they are caring parents.

 

[sophxx]

Its hard for the other person on the other end of the phone they have a protocol to follow which is roughky three times in so many konths equals referal.

Could you maybe go on a 1st aid course then you would know ehat yo do ir what to look out gor snd wouldnt needvto ring?

 

[BlueHadeda]

I'm not in the UK, so I might be totally out of line here. But wouldn't this practice of "referring after x number of calls in x number of months" put moms off from calling? And thereby putting children in danger of not getting the medical help they might need? This is seriously screwed up imo. Like the OP, I don't take well to accusations, and things like having SS breath down my neck would freak me out totally. Though I wouldn't dare put my child's life at risk, I would most definitely think very very carefully before calling if I knew they're recording and will refer after 3 calls!

 

[sophxx]

i think its roughly 3 calls or lists of.the same nature in so many months so 3 accidents bumps ect! not your child being properly ill. surely Uf your.ring once for.a bump.and get advice the next time the advice Will be the same so you coukdbt need to ring as you would all ready know it? its a tough one as some children really are being abused and they have to put ssomething in place to be able to pick there children.up or offer parents who aren't coping for a number of reason support

 

[Ktothema]

OP - please don't worry, I worked in a social services team for some time (though I'm not a social worker) and I know they always preferred to deal with cases like yours where they were protocol calls and likely not to need intervention (not through laziness, just as its nicer if they don't need to get involved). They do have to cover it all I'm afraid and there has to be something in place and it sounds like you've just fallen foul of it.

I do agree slightly with the comment above that it could put people off if it were well known. Though its not x calls in x months simple - I know I called them several times over a couple of months when dd was small through panicking about things but as they were all different in nature (I think it was cold, tummy bug and a banged head, and probably something else) and we weren't referred. Its one of those damned if you do, damned if you dont situations for parents.

 

[WelshOneEmma]

I'm not in the UK, so I might be totally out of line here. But wouldn't this practice of "referring after x number of calls in x number of months" put moms off from calling? And thereby putting children in danger of not getting the medical help they might need? This is seriously screwed up imo. Like the OP, I don't take well to accusations, and things like having SS breath down my neck would freak me out totally. Though I wouldn't dare put my child's life at risk, I would most definitely think very very carefully before calling if I knew they're recording and will refer after 3 calls!

That's exactly what its going to do.

After recent cases of babies/young children dying despite being known to SS they now seem to be going into overdrive. It's a worrying time (for me anyway).

 

[annanouska]

Thanks everyone. The reason I called is they were different...
1. Bump when little so worried on soft spot

2. His arm clicked when he fell learning to sit , turns out he has colicky joints anyway

3. This time his bruise was a bit in eye so wanted to check on eye side of things.

I'm an over anxious mummy I kno! I also kno it wasn't at all intended, I hope! , but I kind of read that like it was my own fault for calling over the same thing.

I have been on first aid course and have come from a medical family which is the problem as I kno what complications there could be. Btw the medical lot are no longer around hence y I can't call them.

I'm not as worried now just want it over