PND Support Thread

[kgal28]

so after taking 1 pill of Celexa 20mg I am thinking I will not take it right now cuz the s/e were horrible. My Dr said I could break it in half but Im so sceptical about SSRI's and I am afraid to get on one. Has anyone else just used other forms of treatment like prayer,exercise, healthy diet and family/friends? I also would like to know how long this lasted for you ladies... PPA or PPD.

Thanks..

 

[Linzi]

Just have a question, not sure where to ask

I went to my GP on friday and was referred to a mother & baby unit at the hospital. She said they would be in touch, she wnated them to see me asap. She is on holiday this week and said she'd ask for another Dr to deal with it. She didn't give me any meds as she wasn't sure what was appropriate or what a proper diagnosis was, plus Im breastfeeding. She said that the unit would sort all that out for me. My health visitor has also arranged to visit on Thursday.

I know its only Tuesday, so its only been 2 days, but I havent heard anything still and I feel worse than I have done for a long time tonight. Ive had some nasty thoughts (I am staying safe tho, my husband is here with me and I have lots of distractions) and Im scared, I dont know if I should see another Dr tomorrow, or wait for an appointment to come through and jut speak to HV on Thursday.

I dont know what to do, just want this all to go away Ive spent the first 8 weeks of my daughters life like this and I dont want to waste anymore time.

 

[lisaf]

I would call and follow up. It sounds like things are pretty serious right now for you, and you don't know if the Dr. she asked to set it up dropped the ball or what. Hope they can get you in soon!

 

[Linzi]

Well I got my appointment in the post today.

25th october. so much fort getting seen this week ey?

 

[HungryHippo]

Well I got my appointment in the post today.

25th october. so much fort getting seen this week ey?

Hang in there! Keep yourself around adults as much as you can. It helps to have folks around...even though I found myself irritated by their presence some of the time. The 25th will be here before you know it! If you need to talk you can PM me. I've been there and know how awful it can be!

 

[HungryHippo]

so after taking 1 pill of Celexa 20mg I am thinking I will not take it right now cuz the s/e were horrible. My Dr said I could break it in half but Im so sceptical about SSRI's and I am afraid to get on one. Has anyone else just used other forms of treatment like prayer,exercise, healthy diet and family/friends? I also would like to know how long this lasted for you ladies... PPA or PPD.

Thanks..

I found exercise & diet seemed to help for short periods of time...but the anxiety always came back - especially at night. Family & friends were lifesavers for me. I know you seem skeptical of the SSRI's....and they do take a few weeks to kick in...I started mine around the 7-8 week mark and they took several weeks to take effect. I did start to feel better immediately...knowing I was on some form of meds that would show results soon. Don't completely count out the meds if the alternatives don't work out for you. I feel normal now. DH is leaving for a business trip all of next week and I'm slightly anxious about that - but I feel like I can handle it. I don't feel overwhelmed anymore, either. My PPA was insane, too - so that I'm feeling so much better is a big deal for me.

 

[Linzi]

Well I got my appointment in the post today.

25th october. so much fort getting seen this week ey?

Hang in there! Keep yourself around adults as much as you can. It helps to have folks around...even though I found myself irritated by their presence some of the time. The 25th will be here before you know it! If you need to talk you can PM me. I've been there and know how awful it can be!

Thank you hun I know you're right I'm just really struggling atm and I feel like I've wasted so much of my daughters life so far, she is only 8 weeks old I dont want to waste more time, Im never going to get this back, Im never going to have a newborn again and Im missing out on her

I can probably count the hours sleep Ive had in the past week on both hands. I can't sleep because I have nightmares about my children. Then when I do sleep Im awake every 20 mins checking on her, and I see her the way she looked when she was born. Blue. Even though I know she's not, I see her a bluey colour, exactly the same as the first time I ever looked at her. Then I get myself upset & have panic attacks, then have to sit and watch her the rest of the night. Its wearing me down I just want something so I can sleep

Sorry for the rant I just dont know where to turn or what to do now

 

[lisaf]

I got off work early yesterday and didn't want to go pick up my son from daycare until the usual time... I would rather sit in my car and listen to the radio
Feel like a bad mom for not enjoying every moment I get to spend with my son....
I think I need to increase my antidepressant dose, but don't have the time/energy to go to the doctor again.

 

[HungryHippo]

Well I got my appointment in the post today.

25th october. so much fort getting seen this week ey?

Hang in there! Keep yourself around adults as much as you can. It helps to have folks around...even though I found myself irritated by their presence some of the time. The 25th will be here before you know it! If you need to talk you can PM me. I've been there and know how awful it can be!

Thank you hun I know you're right I'm just really struggling atm and I feel like I've wasted so much of my daughters life so far, she is only 8 weeks old I dont want to waste more time, Im never going to get this back, Im never going to have a newborn again and Im missing out on her

I can probably count the hours sleep Ive had in the past week on both hands. I can't sleep because I have nightmares about my children. Then when I do sleep Im awake every 20 mins checking on her, and I see her the way she looked when she was born. Blue. Even though I know she's not, I see her a bluey colour, exactly the same as the first time I ever looked at her. Then I get myself upset & have panic attacks, then have to sit and watch her the rest of the night. Its wearing me down I just want something so I can sleep

Sorry for the rant I just dont know where to turn or what to do now

I was given Ambien for sleep and told it was okay while breastfeeding. I didn't see any adverse effects in LO and it did help me fall asleep. Maybe ask your HV about it? Also, a bedtime routine for myself seemed to help. A bath and then I'll read...like a trashy romance novel or something silly - NOT baby books! Your just need to find something that helps you relax. Your baby will be just fine! And keep reminding yourself that this will get better.

 

[HungryHippo]

I got off work early yesterday and didn't want to go pick up my son from daycare until the usual time... I would rather sit in my car and listen to the radio
Feel like a bad mom for not enjoying every moment I get to spend with my son....
I think I need to increase my antidepressant dose, but don't have the time/energy to go to the doctor again.

Can try just calling to see if they'd up your dosage? I didn't enjoy my LO either...still makes me feel guilty thinking about it. Don't beat yourself up - there are lots of us out there who started out like this and we're going to be great moms!!!

 

[Linzi]

I got off work early yesterday and didn't want to go pick up my son from daycare until the usual time... I would rather sit in my car and listen to the radio
Feel like a bad mom for not enjoying every moment I get to spend with my son....
I think I need to increase my antidepressant dose, but don't have the time/energy to go to the doctor again.

your not a bad mum hon you're so strong for getting help! You should pop in & see your doctor again, it will help xx

 

[HungryHippo]

Yesterday was rotten. But I had at least 2 great weeks before that. It seemed to be that LO didn't nap well and was fussy because of it. Holding a baby all day and being fearful that if you put her down she'll scream is what drives me to insanity. Moms w/o PPA don't seem to get that upset by it. Some days I wonder if I'm a spoiled brat and need to suck it up. But the dread lasted all day and there were several bouts of tears. It felt totally different from the two good weeks before. Today wasn't perfect - but it was a lot better. So today was me learning that there will still be bad days but it doesn't have to stay that way. That's a relief!

 

[lisaf]

I finally remembered to call my doctor today, only of course they close at 12 on Fridays

I'm sick right now and have NO energy, my son was cranky and just wanted to be held. His favorite thing (sticking his fingers in my mouth) is an obvious no-no since I'm sick. UGH, just not a good day. Then of course he goes and melts my heart by laughing his head off when I tickle his face with a tissue and make silly noises.

 

[coco82]

hi,

Dunno if this is the right place. I don't *think* i have PPD as i don't feel depressed, but there are other niggles that just don't seem right to me. Maybe some can tell me if it's normal as i'm a first time mum or whether i do have a touch of PPD or anxiety problems.

I have had depression in the past, and the way i feel doesn't really feel like i did then. I don't feel depressed. But, i am obsessing about whether my baby is ok. (this may be down to nothing more than it took three years and ivf to get him, i thought we would never have kids so he is very very precious to us, not that all kids aren't precious but hopefully you know what i mean!)

Every day i worry about bad things that could happen to him, now or in the future, until i get myself so worked up i'm in tears. I have trouble sleeping at night, i just listen to him breathing because i'm terrified of SIDS. Theres a whole other bunch of things i do and check, even ridiculous and i know they are, like triple checking all the windows and doors are locked in case someone breaks in and steals him! Or the blood transfusion i had after his birth was infected with something and i've passed it on to him through my breast feeding. It all sounds so silly when i do or think these things and i know they are silly and extremely unlikely, but i can't stop thinking them.

I went to the local sure start to weigh him and couldn't wait to get home, people were chatting to me and i felt like crying, just wanted to be out of there. The HV invited to me all the social stuff they have going on there, and i can't think of anything worse. A lot of new mums complain about being lonely, but i'm the opposite. I hate it when people come round to the house, i want to be left alone. When people are round, i'm distant and irritable, i just want them to go away. I'm the same with my husband, easily irritated, though not as much, maybe because i can leave the room, but i have to stay and grit my teeth if you have guests. I feel like he's having a go all the time, even though he's in reality just asking a simple question.

I love being a mum, i love my baby beyond words, and i love my husband, my life is great and i do feel like it's great. But, I dunno, somethings not right in me.

 

[lisaf]

Anxiety is definitely one of the ways PPD can manifest itself. Obsessive thinking is too. I'm no doctor, and worries are a big part of being a mom but you say that it doesn't feel right and if you don't think it is, it probably isn't.
My only question would be how old is your baby. If they are 3 weeks or less, you might still just be in the normal hormonal fluctuation post-birth. Its possible to get diagnosed with PPD that early though.

 

[lisaf]

I actually came to check on this thread because I'm having trouble with obessive thoughts again. Its stupid simple stuff, but if I wait in the car with my baby while my husband gets gas or goes to the bathroom, I worry about getting car-jacked... I play it out over and over and over in my head like how my husband will come back out and we're gone, and he'll think I'm messing with him hiding around the corner and wonder how long until he'd call the cops etc.

It takes the smallest thought to trigger me too. Last night we were discussing weaning soon, and I want to do BLW. I feel I should review baby first-aid, choking/heimlich etc before we give him solids. Totally normal feeling, then I suddenly realize my inlaws don't know how to do that stuff either, and they watch him 2 days a week (won't be feeding him for a while though!). So I start playing out in my head how long it would take them to call 911, what if they try something stupid/dangerous for a baby before calling, picture my child turning blue as the seconds tick by etc.

I also worry every morning that my baby has died of SIDS.. I get up and leave the house before he's awake, so I worry that I'm going to get a phonecall while I'm at work from my husband telling me he died.

I HATE this...

 

[HungryHippo]

I actually came to check on this thread because I'm having trouble with obessive thoughts again. Its stupid simple stuff, but if I wait in the car with my baby while my husband gets gas or goes to the bathroom, I worry about getting car-jacked... I play it out over and over and over in my head like how my husband will come back out and we're gone, and he'll think I'm messing with him hiding around the corner and wonder how long until he'd call the cops etc.

It takes the smallest thought to trigger me too. Last night we were discussing weaning soon, and I want to do BLW. I feel I should review baby first-aid, choking/heimlich etc before we give him solids. Totally normal feeling, then I suddenly realize my inlaws don't know how to do that stuff either, and they watch him 2 days a week (won't be feeding him for a while though!). So I start playing out in my head how long it would take them to call 911, what if they try something stupid/dangerous for a baby before calling, picture my child turning blue as the seconds tick by etc.

I also worry every morning that my baby has died of SIDS.. I get up and leave the house before he's awake, so I worry that I'm going to get a phonecall while I'm at work from my husband telling me he died.

I HATE this...

Bless your heart - that's some rough thinking there. Have you tried looking up statistics on how often these things happen? Maybe bring some reality back into the picture? I try to shake my head and laugh at myself when I start getting "worst case scenario" thoughts. It does help - if only momentarily. I hate it for you! I know it's not easy. I've been told that when we think like this we feel we're 100% responsible for the baby and that only we can care for them. My therapist reminded me that my parents and in-laws have a proven track record in that we made it through so to no obsess when LO is in their care. I'm okay now with my mom, but my dad not so much. Baby steps. Hang in there, Sister!

 

[victoriav]

I just feel shite. I had a horrible traumatic emergency c section under general anaesthetic and as a result didn't ever get that moment of meeting my daughter properly. I was so out of it I don't remember seeing her for the first time or seeing my husbands face when he met her.

Now she feels like she's an alien who's been dumped in my house. I don't enjoy looking after her and i despise the drudgery that is motherhood. I keep hoping I will wake up and it will all have been a dream and I can go back to living a care free existence. She's playing on her play mat downstairs and i am upstairs and don't want to go back down there.

Am I ever going to love my daughter?

I've been to my GP where the waiting list for counselling is 7 months. I am too scared to take AD's. Where is the support I need? I need someone to show me how to love and care for my child. I had my first suicidal thoughts at the weekend. I don't want to talk to any of my ante natal mum friends as they all enjoy parenting and I am worried they will judge me.

I hate this.

 

[Janny Wanny]

hey guys just wondering..... is it still normal to have pnd a year a 4 months after having baby? i still have it really bad and noone is helping im just being told im normal! defo not i barely play with him or anything its not normal!

 

[lisaf]

victoria - if you mention how bad it is, suicidal thoughts etc, surely they can get you help sooner? What are you afraid of with ADs? They're not for everyone, but they are a lot better than the alternative if you don't have other means of support
The love will come, once your PND clears

Janny - many women who do not seek treatment for PND say it lasts up to the whole first year the 'baby blues' which are totally normal are only 2-3 weeks long... longer than that is PND and it something that will eventually go away, but you will miss out on enjoying a lot of your baby's first year if you don't get it under control with treatment/therapies etc.