PND Support Thread

[maybethisit]

I just feel shite. I had a horrible traumatic emergency c section under general anaesthetic and as a result didn't ever get that moment of meeting my daughter properly. I was so out of it I don't remember seeing her for the first time or seeing my husbands face when he met her.

Now she feels like she's an alien who's been dumped in my house. I don't enjoy looking after her and i despise the drudgery that is motherhood. I keep hoping I will wake up and it will all have been a dream and I can go back to living a care free existence. She's playing on her play mat downstairs and i am upstairs and don't want to go back down there.

Am I ever going to love my daughter?

I've been to my GP where the waiting list for counselling is 7 months. I am too scared to take AD's. Where is the support I need? I need someone to show me how to love and care for my child. I had my first suicidal thoughts at the weekend. I don't want to talk to any of my ante natal mum friends as they all enjoy parenting and I am worried they will judge me.

I hate this.

Hey xx It WILL pass, you will feel better and you will love your child and all the rest of those things - the way you're feeling is a symptom of the PND, that's all (not to belittle it in any way, absolutely the reverse, just that it's not 'you') however bad it feels - it won't always be like this.

It might be worth rethinking the antidepressants thing if you're still feeling so bad - they really can help and you probably wouldn't need to take them for very long; they can help get you back on enough of an even keel to cope until the PND passes.

I'm obviously not an expert but I wouldn't have thought counselling was necessarily the way to go for PND, which is largely hormonal, isn't it? Try and find someone you can talk to who does understand these things and can support you a bit - maybe there's a good midwife in your practice...? I wish there was something useful I could say or do. I hope it passes really quickly, you are so not alone in experiencing this, don't let yourself feel isolated because there should be support out there for you xxxx

 

[lisaf]

They actually say the best way to tackle PND is through 3 approaches.. medication, counselling, and social/group support (like this thread).
If one approach isn't working, then add another to the mix etc.

 

[victoriav]

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply ladies. Xx

 

[broodybeauty]

I'm so confused my baby is 7 weeks old and i worry everyday,how he breaths,the way he moves,sleeps,eats,how his poo looks.I stay awake at night googling illnesses he may have that way i feel if i am aware then he wont come to harm.I do love him and i enjoy talking and playing with him sometimes and i am very happy but then hit rock bottom and feel i am not in control of my own emotions.I am so anxious about his well being but yet still have good days,do you think it's pnd?xx

 

[lisaf]

PND can manifest as overwhelming anxiety. If it feels like its not normal to you, then you should talk to someone about it.

 

[FeistyMom]

I think I might need help, but I don't know what to do.

I've battled some depression on and off for several years, but it seems like right now my main issue is more anger management. I get so angry and easily frustrated right now, and I can't sleep at all at night - baby is sleeping quite a bit at night, but I just toss and turn. It isn't really from worry about the baby - it is just not sleeping. I find myself playing games of solitaire neurotically - over and over and over again, like I'm trying to turn my brain off and not think or something.

It doesn't seem like its PND, but it just doesn't feel normal. I've been snapping at my kids, I'm rude to my husband... and I think I might be a bit paranoid about becoming my mother. I feel completely angry at her for stuff from when I was a kid, but also crap she'll doing now, but I am equally mad at myself for doing some of the same things. It is like I don't know how to be a good mom, and I am blaming her, but blaming other people for things instead of taking responsibility is one of the things that she does and I don't want to be that person.

I think I should probably get some counselling or something, but I'm nervous about what my husband will think of me A lot of people think I'm super-mom, somehow holding it all together, but I feel like such a fake - my house is a disaster zone, I'm behind on laundry, dirty dishes in the sink I just feel like a complete failure, which makes me irritable, which makes it impossible for me to sleep, which makes me even crankier and then I snap at my kids when they do normal stuff - like make messes, whine for things, etc. Then I feel like a horrible person and think how I am messing up my kids' lives the way my mom screwed up my head, and then I feel guilty for unfairly blaming my mother who I should love and respect... Ugh.

So yeah, I guess I'm more scared that this ISN'T PND and that I'm just permanently nuts so I haven't really said anything to my doctor. I even stopped taking the anti-depressant I was on for a week (started back up when I realized I'm snapping at my kids and stuff). I guess I just need some help motivating me to get the help I need. Ugh.

Do we ever get better? Does this sound like it could be PND or just me being a bit crazy and sleep deprived.

I love my kids, and I love being a mom, but I feel like I'm so horrible at it that maybe they would be better off without me.

Anyone else feeling this way?

 

[confused87com]

iv hit rock bottom again today. i dont know what to do, i have a cpn, but the idea of ringing her seems weird to me. i go to a group every monday but i dont know if i can feel like this til then.....i thought i was so much better

 

[lisaf]

I think I might need help, but I don't know what to do.

I've battled some depression on and off for several years, but it seems like right now my main issue is more anger management. I get so angry and easily frustrated right now, and I can't sleep at all at night - baby is sleeping quite a bit at night, but I just toss and turn. It isn't really from worry about the baby - it is just not sleeping. I find myself playing games of solitaire neurotically - over and over and over again, like I'm trying to turn my brain off and not think or something.

It doesn't seem like its PND, but it just doesn't feel normal. I've been snapping at my kids, I'm rude to my husband... and I think I might be a bit paranoid about becoming my mother. I feel completely angry at her for stuff from when I was a kid, but also crap she'll doing now, but I am equally mad at myself for doing some of the same things. It is like I don't know how to be a good mom, and I am blaming her, but blaming other people for things instead of taking responsibility is one of the things that she does and I don't want to be that person.

I think I should probably get some counselling or something, but I'm nervous about what my husband will think of me A lot of people think I'm super-mom, somehow holding it all together, but I feel like such a fake - my house is a disaster zone, I'm behind on laundry, dirty dishes in the sink I just feel like a complete failure, which makes me irritable, which makes it impossible for me to sleep, which makes me even crankier and then I snap at my kids when they do normal stuff - like make messes, whine for things, etc. Then I feel like a horrible person and think how I am messing up my kids' lives the way my mom screwed up my head, and then I feel guilty for unfairly blaming my mother who I should love and respect... Ugh.

So yeah, I guess I'm more scared that this ISN'T PND and that I'm just permanently nuts so I haven't really said anything to my doctor. I even stopped taking the anti-depressant I was on for a week (started back up when I realized I'm snapping at my kids and stuff). I guess I just need some help motivating me to get the help I need. Ugh.

Do we ever get better? Does this sound like it could be PND or just me being a bit crazy and sleep deprived.

I love my kids, and I love being a mom, but I feel like I'm so horrible at it that maybe they would be better off without me.

Anyone else feeling this way?

I worry that I'm just trying to medicate myself into being a better mom when I'm not cut out for it.
Since you have some specific anxieties, talking to someone could really help. I don't know what your husband is like, but I think most spouses would be upset if you just suffered in silence and needed help but were afraid to ask.

I know that obsessive thinking CAN be a symptom of PND. I do think you should really talk to someone to see what is going on. Sleep deprivation causes a lot of the same symptoms as PND which makes it hard to diagnose.

iv hit rock bottom again today. i dont know what to do, i have a cpn, but the idea of ringing her seems weird to me. i go to a group every monday but i dont know if i can feel like this til then.....i thought i was so much better

There are good days and bad days. I don't know what a CPN is, but you should really reach out for some help, suffering in silence helps no-one

 

[confused87com]

cpn- comunity psyciactric nurse, but i just feel like i am sent to the group as a 'miracle' cure. i still feel the same as before the group, we dont talk about anything important in it. I am the kinda person who can act happy on the outside, so i suppose i always look fine, but rele i am soo not. i thought i was over the worst of it but this week has made me realsie i cant go on like this.

 

[kgal28]

Hi ladies,

Just coming here to post for some ppd/a support..

Mine started about 3 months pp and hit me out of nowhere..

I tried xanax/celexa but ended up getting off both due to s/e so now I am just doing family support, watching my diet... and trying to get in exercise. Ive noticed I feel more anxious before my period comes and by CD 4 I feel less anxious. The depression is scary but it comes and goes throughout the day..

I have made an appt w/my GP for a BT to rule out thyroid or anemia or just find out if my hormones are all messed up and maybe I need a replacement..

It would help to know if any of you went through this w/out meds and how long did it take you? Also, what helped?

 

[Janny Wanny]

Janny - many women who do not seek treatment for PND say it lasts up to the whole first year the 'baby blues' which are totally normal are only 2-3 weeks long... longer than that is PND and it something that will eventually go away, but you will miss out on enjoying a lot of your baby's first year if you don't get it under control with treatment/therapies etc.

yeah ive been trying to get help!! been to docs they dont listen said they will get me someone to talk to and now they arnt, i have an extra hv coming out who ment to help me with this and she just told me its normal thats all. i been in tears trying to get help but no1 seems to wanna know! so just been trying to help myself but its getting worse.... im scared that if i go to docs and say stuff like i feel like i wanna end my life because its kinda getting that far!they will take Jared off me!

i just dunn what to do anymore! i had a little depression before having jared which didnt help buts its due to my tablets! i just feel like im not happy with my life at all! it effecting my relisionship too! i just keep thinking that i wish i had of waiting before having a baby. dunno if tht makes me a bad mum but i keep wanting to turn the clocks back

 

[HappiestMom]

Well the title says it all..its 2 weeks tomorrow since I had LO and Im going insane from this depression already..Ive been to the Drs, saw the midwife and she said that I have definitely moved from the babyblues to the PND/PPD thing and she prescribed zoloft..but said it would take up to 6 weeks to start to feel normal again...the pharmacist said it can help a bit within the first few days but idk..I just feel hopeless right now..night times are the worst..like Ive been crying since 5pm or so on and off.. to top it off both hubby and I have had sinus infections since the night LO was born..his started then and mine started a few days ago...and now LO has it too....

Im just soo sick of this horrible alone..depressed..nothing good to come of anything...I dont blame LO...I blame myself for wanting a baby so bad and now thinking what have I done to mine and my hubbys life.... just a minute ago I actually asked him if he regretted having her...he said no of course not shes the best thing ever besides you...why would you ask that..and I told him because Im afraid that he will think me wanting a baby so bad and then having her and all this happening is my fault and that I ruined our marriage and how our life used to be and that we didnt spend enough alone time together before we had her..we will be married 2 years in February...

I have no one to talk to here..no friends..and all my family is 3 hours away...hubby goes to work around 9 and doesnt get home tilll 6 or so and the whole day I am just miserable...I dont mind taking care of LO...now Im worried about her since shes sick and having so much trouble breathing and so much trouble with reflux but I dont mind taking care of her or waking up with her in the night..I just am so sad and depressed allll the time..I havent felt this bad since my ex-fiance of 6 years broke up with me...and I had no one then either as I was away at college.....night times are always the worst even when hubby is here...

I just get so depressed even thinking about 6 weeks from now to feel normal from the meds..it seems like such a long time to suffer..I know part of the reason I am so sad is that I havent come to terms with her birth yet...I had wanted a natural water birth but ended up on pitocin..having my waters broken...getting an epidural and then had an emergency section because her HB was going crazy and we found that her cord was in a tight knot which was what caused that... my hubby was sick and stayed that first night with me..went home the next day and my mom was there with me..and then she left that day too to go back home to NC (we are in TN) so I was alone in the hospital the 2nd night after my C-section with LO..and then alone again the 3rd night...my hubby was in a bad mood coz he was sick and emotionally I told myself it was better that he wasnt there since he was sick and that I did have help from nurses and all..but...now looking back on it I guess it took more of a toll on me than I thought and now Im resenting him for "abandoning" me there since its a time we cant get back...so my whole birth/hospital experience sucked because of that...


I guess I just need others to talk to that are going through it..and anyone that has been on zoloft and how long it took to kick in

 

[Wynterheart]

I tried to get help but my midwife just went on to tell me about her baby blues and how she got over it. Really?? I dont care about her I care about me and getting help. She wouldnt give me anything. Im just having a really bad day today.

 

[HappiestMom]

I tried to get help but my midwife just went on to tell me about her baby blues and how she got over it. Really?? I dont care about her I care about me and getting help. She wouldnt give me anything. Im just having a really bad day today.

I hate it when Drs blow off stuff we say because they think we are just getting it from what we have heard from others and making it up...and telling us that its normal..well..a lot of things are normal but that doesnt mean you should be forced to just deal with it....colds are normal but that doesnt mean you shouldnt take meds to make it go away faster right?...no reason to suffer when you dont have to...

maybe see your regular every day Dr for a referral to see a therapist that specializes in it instead..someone that is going to do more than tell you its normal and someone that specializes in the mental/emotional aspect of pregnancy and postpartum instead of mainly the physical part like midwives do...

 

[lisaf]

Janny Wanny - I think you HAVE to mention the suicidal thoughts. It will tell them that this is something to take seriously and not just normal issues. I really don't think they will take your child off of you.

Wynterheart - I agree about seeing a regular doctor. Your midwife is still thinking the way they used to before they understood how serious PND/PPD is.

Mrs Jerome - I was told that zoloft takes 3-4 weeks to have an effect, and I really did feel a difference by 3 weeks. Make sure you have lots of support, people you can talk to, your OH etc so he can be extra supportive giving you hugs or breaks from LO as you need it. I do swear that the first 2 months of my sons' life felt like a year but at the same time, the 3 weeks until my medication kicked in seemed to go really fast.



I finally called my doctor to get my prescription increased... they called in the new prescription. My husband tried to pick it up, insurance wouldn't refill it until it was ran through as a new dose. I went back a few days later only to get home and realize they gave me the same dosage Called my doctor back again, they called in a prescription again. I checked again and they called in the SAME dose! I had to call my doctor again, tell them the dose I was currently on and say I need something more than that... now I'm waiting until Monday for my doctor to come in.
Geez, its lucky that I am so determined to get help, I came close to deciding it just wasn't worth having to keep calling and I hope that isn't something that happens often. It took me weeks just to make the first phone call

 

[sequeena]

Hi girls just popping in... never seen this thread before, hope you don't mind me posting

I was diagnosed with PND when my LO was 7 weeks old. It wasn't a shock as I had depression pre pregnancy but I was devastated.

Long story short I had a rough pregnancy. PPROM at 14 weeks. I was told I'd miscarry and if I got to 24 weeks I'd have a stillborn. I was on bedrest 18-24 weeks when miracuously my waters healed though I continued to suffer with Oligohydramnios. Had suspected pre-eclampsia but thankfully wasn't that.

Gave birth at 40+3 after 3 days of long labour, 3 hours 2 minutes established and 57 minutes pushing. My beautiful little boy was born with an extra thumb which we didn't know about beforehand so that was a huge shock.

At 2 weeks old he was in hospital with a blood infection, he had a cannula and a lumbar puncture. He was very poorly. Everyone thought it was meningitis because he had a rash, he screamed and screamed, only drank 1oz of milk and was very floppy at times.

After that we were fine until LO was 7 weeks old and I just broke down in front of my HV. A doctors visit later and I was put back onto antidepressants. I do have a lot of support and I have just started a PND group but I find things very tough as I have a lot of issues in the past to deal with (childhood sexual abuse).

Thomas is having an operation on the 22nd to have his thumb removed and to have his ear corrected as we were told that didn't form properly either. He'll be in and out of hospital as he grows up because his one of his 'normal' thumbs are not connected to his hand properly and is shorter than the other thumb (quite common in polydactyly apparently). So I'm very stressed My house is never clean enough and I'm so scared he'll get ill again.

 

[lisaf]

hey sequeena - that is an amazing story about making it to 40+3 when things were looking so dismal.
I know its extra rough to be dealing with depression when you have so much to be thankful for.. it adds a layer of guilt (at least it does for me).

 

[sequeena]

I do feel awful guilt especially when I get annoyed because he won't sleep etc

 

[lisaf]

I don't know how women with bad sleepers do it. I know I have a sleep disorder that makes me need my sleep very badly but even 1 wakeup a night knocks me on my butt.

 

[sequeena]

He's usually ok. He doesn't STTN but we go to bed late (say 1am) so he will sleep 1-7am or whatever but lately he's just screaming all the time. Must be to do with his teething.

I am an insomniac so I'm used to it x