PND Support Thread

[cyclura]

Hello ladies I have come on here for a bit of support really, I had an appointment booked to go to the dr today to discuss our thrush and my possible PND, it took me ages to pluck up the courage for this appointment and I still was not sure if I would bring up how low and bad I am feeling. Anyway I never got there, I got to the car park and there was no where to park, I tried to park on the road outside and some random bloke came up and shouted a load of abuse at me for parking on the road, well I burst into tears and drove off so I never got to my appointment.

I rang the surgery and told them why I could not make the appointment and cancelled it, the receptionist was really nasty and again I burst into tears and tbh I dont want to go back there. Well the dr I was suppose to see called me up to rebook an appointment for tomorrow. Its all booked but I dont think I can do it..............I dont want to set foot in there again and I dont want to discuss this with them. I am looking into a new surgery but I just needed someone to talk to today and tell me I am not going mad, so I have turned to you ladies..I'm sorry to dump this on you

 

[becs0375]

Cyclura, you are deffo not going mad!!! Its not your fault there was no where to park!! These things happen, I would go to your appointment, if only to get the ball rolling till you change suregeries xx

 

[carly_mummy2b]

Hi, yea i am on anti-depressents, i dont know if its a conicidence but last night and this morning i have been so tired like i have never felt before like my eyes phsically hurt to stay open could it be the meds? x x

 

[Raggydoll]

Hi, yea i am on anti-depressents, i dont know if its a conicidence but last night and this morning i have been so tired like i have never felt before like my eyes phsically hurt to stay open could it be the meds? x x

How long have you been on the anti-depressants hun?

The first few days can be really hard whilst your body gets used to them. You can even feel really low but it will pass. Make sure you have good support around you.

x

 

[Raggydoll]

Hello ladies I have come on here for a bit of support really, I had an appointment booked to go to the dr today to discuss our thrush and my possible PND, it took me ages to pluck up the courage for this appointment and I still was not sure if I would bring up how low and bad I am feeling. Anyway I never got there, I got to the car park and there was no where to park, I tried to park on the road outside and some random bloke came up and shouted a load of abuse at me for parking on the road, well I burst into tears and drove off so I never got to my appointment.

I rang the surgery and told them why I could not make the appointment and cancelled it, the receptionist was really nasty and again I burst into tears and tbh I dont want to go back there. Well the dr I was suppose to see called me up to rebook an appointment for tomorrow. Its all booked but I dont think I can do it..............I dont want to set foot in there again and I dont want to discuss this with them. I am looking into a new surgery but I just needed someone to talk to today and tell me I am not going mad, so I have turned to you ladies..I'm sorry to dump this on you

You are definitely not going mad. How awful you got so much abuse going to your appointment and then from the Receptionist. I'm sure part of Dr receptionist training is in how to be a complete ass.

Hopefully once you speak to your doctor you will find things more helpful. Good luck with your appointment today. x

 

[Raggydoll]

Croc, that sounds exactly how I felt before I started my meds, its awful feeling out of control and so angry. I really think you need to go and speak to someone about some help, you have done well regognising you need help xxx

Carly, so pleased you got seen, did you get some meds?

Raggy, I am so pissed off with my surgery, they think meds help, yes they do but I want to find out why I feel like this, not just mask my feelings with happy pills!

Totally agree. Are you seeing the same GP? Is there a chance another GP would refer you to a CPN?

I saw a different doctor to my usual one last week and rather than addressing the problem he just put me back on Diazepam. He's the same doctor that just brushed me of with meds at the beginning of my PND. Some doctors really don't look further than short term solutions.

I've found some great anxiety help on the internet. I'll post some links later.

 

[Raggydoll]

I think I'm going to ask about going on meds. I just can't do this anymore.
It's 6:20am here and I'm wide a fucking wake. This is the latest I've got up in 2 weeks because Livi now thinks anywhere between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning is an acceptable time to wake up. And due to my insomnia I'm only managing 2 or 3 hours of sleep.

I don't even want to be near her anymore. Even when she's not crying I just don't want to be near her. I have my good moments, where I'm laughing and we're playing, but it's always clouded by something and I hate it.

I HATE medications of all kind, especially anti-ds and mood stabilizers. I've never had a good reaction to them and I've been on plenty. But I just can't do this anymore. It's actually getting dangerous at this point. Like this morning I screamed at her, like full on shouted at her to just go to bed. And then I proceeded to grab my hair by the roots and dig my nails into the side of my face. I actually drew a bit of blood from how hard I was pressing. I was just trying to calm down. I'm pulling out chunks of my own hair all the time just trying to deal with the stress of raising her.

And it doesn't help any that my mother ALWAYS makes me feel like a terrible mother. She constantly has something to say about how I'm not doing this right and how I'm not doing that long enough. It drives me insane. And recently it's pissed me off so badly that I just want to punch her. Like I can actually imagine myself just punching her in the face.

I really dread talking to my therapist about this though because even though she's nice, we are two entirely different kind of people. She's the "everybody's innocent, no matter what you've done" kind of person and I'm the "He killed a child? Just blow his fucking head off" kind of person. I'm bitter and I'm cold and I hate the human race. Hence the reason I'm in therapy to start with. She's all smiles and shits rainbows and I fucking hate it. Especially since I'm their for abuse counseling. So I'm telling her all about what the ******* did and she's sitting there trying to reason for him! I leave there more bitter and cold than I started. But I can't do anything about it because she's the only therapist the state will pay for me to see and I can't afford another one.

So I'm stuck with a shit therapist, a shit home life, and a baby who cries all through the night. Yeah, life if pretty swell.

Your therapist is meant to be helping you with your feelings, she's not meant to be justifying what this person has done to you. There is no excuse for the abuse you've suffered.
Is there any chance you can request a new therapist?

Your mum is not helping your situation. I'm wondering if her making you feel like a bad mother is the reason you are so anxious with your LO. Are thereany local baby groups. I think you would really benefit from building confidence with your LO away from your home.


Don't feel bad for shouting at your little girl, it's not ideal but she is not coming to any harm. You are not a bad mother you are under incredible stress and lacking the support you need.
If you feel the tension building walk out the room.Just take a couple of minutes to get your head together. Your LO is not going to come to any harm if she is left for a couple of minutes in a safe place, even if she is crying, for you to take some deep breaths.
Try to avoid hurting yourself. I completely understand the need to escape the tension as I've been there myself.

 

[MrsR32]

Hi girls

I'm seeing my GP later today but just wanted to introduce myself because last night I realised that I might be suffering from PND. My twins are 8 weeks old today and I am really struggling to cope, I'm hoping someone can give me some hope that I will come out of this.

My symptoms are:
Crying all the time
Feeling like I've not bonded with the babies
Feeling that I'm a bad mother
Getting frustrated and angry when the babies cry
Wanting to be away from the babies

I went to a New Parents session run by the HVs yesterday and felt awful because all the other mums were doting on their babies, gushing about how much they loved them and how perfect they are and I just sat there hoping my two didn't wake up. I want to feel the rush of love that we're all supposed to feel for our babies but I just see them as a job, something I have to endure on my own until my husband comes home each night (I'm on my own for 10-12 hours a day and do most of the night feeds on my own apart from at the weekends).

My husband says he thinks I'll find it easier to bond with them once they start smiling and interacting with me where at the moment they only ever cry at me.

I feel like a failure. We had to have IVF due to male factor so I didn't conceive the babies naturally, I had to have a c-section because one of the placentas failed to produce amniotic fluid so I wasn't able to look after them properly to the end of the pregnancy and didn't give birth naturally and they were being topped up with formula before we even left the hospital so I wasn't able to feed them myself. Now I feel like I'm not loving them enough either.

I don't have any family nearby and with my husband's work he can't spend much time at home so I have to just get on with it. I've agreed to go to the GP today but I'm not keen on taking pills as I'm scared of struggling to come off them. Has anyone managed to come through PND without pills?

Has anyone else felt they've not bonded with their babies but managed to overcome this?

 

[Luke's_mummy]

I'm losing it. I can't fucking stand it anymore I'm so angry and down and I can't fucking take this shit. I can't sleep, I can't be bothered to get out of bed in the mornings. I love Luke more than anything but when he cries its like I don't even hear him anymore. He drives me mad with his moaning when theres nothing wrong. I had depression for a long time, I self harmed from the age of 10 till I fell pregnant, I want to go back to it so fucking much.


Ally. I had no idea you were struggling so much Sweetie. I'm always here if you need an ear on FB chat xxx

 

[missdubious]

Hi girls

I'm seeing my GP later today but just wanted to introduce myself because last night I realised that I might be suffering from PND. My twins are 8 weeks old today and I am really struggling to cope, I'm hoping someone can give me some hope that I will come out of this.

My symptoms are:
Crying all the time
Feeling like I've not bonded with the babies
Feeling that I'm a bad mother
Getting frustrated and angry when the babies cry
Wanting to be away from the babies

I went to a New Parents session run by the HVs yesterday and felt awful because all the other mums were doting on their babies, gushing about how much they loved them and how perfect they are and I just sat there hoping my two didn't wake up. I want to feel the rush of love that we're all supposed to feel for our babies but I just see them as a job, something I have to endure on my own until my husband comes home each night (I'm on my own for 10-12 hours a day and do most of the night feeds on my own apart from at the weekends).

My husband says he thinks I'll find it easier to bond with them once they start smiling and interacting with me where at the moment they only ever cry at me.

I feel like a failure. We had to have IVF due to male factor so I didn't conceive the babies naturally, I had to have a c-section because one of the placentas failed to produce amniotic fluid so I wasn't able to look after them properly to the end of the pregnancy and didn't give birth naturally and they were being topped up with formula before we even left the hospital so I wasn't able to feed them myself. Now I feel like I'm not loving them enough either.

I don't have any family nearby and with my husband's work he can't spend much time at home so I have to just get on with it. I've agreed to go to the GP today but I'm not keen on taking pills as I'm scared of struggling to come off them. Has anyone managed to come through PND without pills?

Has anyone else felt they've not bonded with their babies but managed to overcome this?

Hi,

I can completly relate to the way you feel . My daughters 3 months now and i'm finding it harder to get out with her and get things done. When im out I get nervous when she starts stiring and getting restless and as she's getting older she's mainly awake. Just last week I was going to town to shop basically did a u-turn cause I thought she was going to start crying, haven't managed to go out alone with her since.

Haven't even attempted going to the sure start groups as i'm ashamed of people thinking i'm a bad mother.

I used to feel like I hadn't bonded with her but now she's more alert it's alot more fun and rewarding. Also, one weekend me and my OH went out for my birthday whilst my mum looked after baby for the night, and I missed her so much I was greatful as I felt the bond was geting stronger.
I think that the bond grows as you care for your babies and having some time to yourself also helps and you can unwind a little and look forward to seeing them.

I need to get to the doc surgery but I keep on chickening out and feel that i'm going to be judged for having depression

 

[rainbows_x]

How do I go about getting help?

I'm not entirely sure it's PND or general depression. Do I just ring the doctor and make an appoint with the doctor? Do I have to tell them what it's for?

Yesterday was horrible, I walked out on OH (but came back) and whenever Ava cried I did to, I shouted at her too

 

[Luke's_mummy]

Hi hunny. Firstly, I'm here to chat whenever, and I know you have me on facebook. Secondly. Yeah, just make an appt with the GP and tell him whats going on.xx

 

[rainbows_x]

I really don't want to see my normal GP,he's no help really, can I request to see a female doctor?

 

[Luke's_mummy]

Of course! and if you don't want to tell the receptionist why then don't!!!

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

So my therapist can't prescribe medication, but she did tell me to make an appt with the doctor on staff. Except he's booked out till the end of MAY! I need help NOW not 2 months from now!

My mom was told to call a different doctor and book me an appt with them because I can't wait till May. Did she do that? Of course not. I can't make the appt myself because I'm underage and they're real pains in the ass about that.

So now she's bitching at me for being depressed when she could very easily change that! FFS She drives me mad!

 

[Happy13]

Any moms experience post partum depression/anxiety and go on to have another child?

Did you experience it again? And did medication help during pregnancy and stopped the postpartum from returning??

I didn't have the depression but I did experience anxiety. Now I am in my 3rd trimester and I'm just getting nervous!!!

 

[Mystique26]

I am experiencing what I think is PND right now. I gave birth to my 2nd child last 28 december. LO is now 2 months. I did not experience this with baby #1. I guess every pregnancy is different.

There is not a single day since last week that I didnt cry. It gets worse when DH goes to work. Ive never felt so alone and sad. I hope this gets over soon. I am very much open to advise and success stories from mums who experienced and got over depression.

 

[Boomerslady]

Just wanted to come in here and say hello to everyone. I'm not sure if what I have can be classed as PND considering Ben was born so long ago, but I finally agreed to see my GP and hes put me on 20mg of citalopram (does anyone have experiences of this?) and hes organising councelling.

Its a relief that after all this time I can finally talk about it, i cant believe I ignored it for so long. It doesnt help that my sister said i'm just lazy and dont have PND

 

[Mama1985]

Hey everyone, well Im back here again, I had PND with my first child, and then fell pregnant with my second, I had him and I thought I was getting better! but then it all started again, no energy, moody and snappy, etc with my first I had sucidal thoughts but before fri with my second I just wanted to get away from it all, I just wanted to walk out the door and go anywhere away from my kids and my husband, I have had a couple of really low days and fri night was the lowest.
I just felt like everyone depended on my but at the same time I was burden to everyone, in other words I was drowning, (does that make sense to anyone?)
and that it would be better if I wasn't here, at that point I reaaaaally wanted to have a drink mainly because I was feeling so low and hopeless and worthless and that I was so numb that I wanted to feel something, I was also thinking about sharp things and if I couldn't hurt myself at least I would feel something, (I said to my husband that night that I didn't want to be left alone just in case but he was like 'I can't keep watching over you, what can we do!' I said that maybe I should sleep and he can stay up with bubs' but he didnt want to because he had an early start the next day.)

anyway Im here on my own (his sister took the kids for the day) and I still feel low, I just don't know what to do.

sorry for the long post read if you want, reply if you want, its just nice to get it out

 

[annawrigley]

Just wanted to come in here and say hello to everyone. I'm not sure if what I have can be classed as PND considering Ben was born so long ago, but I finally agreed to see my GP and hes put me on 20mg of citalopram (does anyone have experiences of this?) and hes organising councelling.

Its a relief that after all this time I can finally talk about it, i cant believe I ignored it for so long. It doesnt help that my sister said i'm just lazy and dont have PND

My LO is just a bit younger than yours and I've still not been to get help. I'm glad you finally went! Hope the meds and counselling work for you x