Porn

[MissMamma]

Okay i didn't know where else to turn, i can't really talk about this to anyone else!

Now i know men watch porn and tbh i never really had a problem with my OH watching it but last night i went to bed early coz i was knackered and he stayed up. I came down this morning and opened the laptop to come on BnB and he'd left a page open with a porn video on!!

It made me feel like shit.

Atm we've not been having sex because i just really dont feel like it at all. Nothing seems to get me in the mood anymore. We've talked about it and he knows its just the pregnancy that's making me feel like this and he understands.

Now i know that truly its unfair of me to expect him to go without sex [he has a ridiculously high sex drive and we used to have a lot of sex ] and i kinda assumed he would watch porn but i didnt need the evidence left open infront of me! Its my frickin laptop!

I dont know how to get over it tbh. The girl in the vid was typically skinny, tan with perky boobs. No stretchies or hips or spots and it has made me feel like crap. I know that if he was single there's no way he would choose to go out with a girl with stretch marks all over her boobs and hips and i know his type is skinny girls and i'm definitely not skinny right now! I feel like he wants me to be something i'm not because of the people in the porn he chooses to watch.

I dont know what to do. The thought of sex right now just does nothing for me but i kinda feel like i should have sex with him just to stop him feeling the need to watch porn.

I never thought it would knock me like this, i thought i was okay with it. Its just a thing guys will always do afterall and i knew that! But i have absolutely zero body confidence atm and this has just made me feel even lower...

I dont really know what i'm asking here, i just needed to explain to someone how i'm feeling...

 

[MissMamma]

Arggghhh i just want to curl up in bed and be fat and stretchmarked and alone and cry but he's in there...

 

[Birdling]

Men like porn. They can't help it and it doesn't mean any reflection on you or your body. The poor guy needs to get it somewhere if he can't have it with you - lol
It sounds like being pregnant is making you extra sensitive and you probably need some cuddles right now. Tell him what you need - men do not read minds like women do

He shouldn't have left it for you to find on your laptop, but he probably just didn't think - another trait that men are reknowned for.

Give yourself a me day, pamper yourself and hopefully it'll all start looking better again.

 

[rainbows_x]

Oh hun

Don't feel pressured to have sex with him just so he won't look at porn! At one point me & OH were doing it at least once a day and I still caught him looking at porn, it's a man thing!

I understand how crappy you must feel, you know he would like sex but aren't in the mood, I felt the same, a big bump in the way and my feelings about my body really didn't make me want it! But he wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you, he's having a baby with you

I do think it was ridiculously stupid of him to leave t on your screen though Just maybe mention to him "you forgot to turn my laptop off lastnight" or something, and maybe say what you saw and you would rather he didn't look at it on your laptop. x

 

[excitedmumtob]

This is totally a man thing & by him leaving it on the laptop is another 'careless man thing'. Aint they daft sometimes?

Your hormones are everywhere and its understandable to feel down & without any confidence but don't beat yourself up about it.

He's obv in love with you and all the stretch marks aswell - there through carrying his baby afterall.

Hope your okay xxx

 

[Pixxie]

The whole appeal with porn is that it's a bit of fantasy, my OH said he likes watching porn with girls he wouldn't actually go for. All the girls in the stuff he watches are like the complete opposite of me but in real life he wouldn't go near girls that looked like the ones he watches (if he was single obviously)

I understand why you are upset, it's a bit of a kick in the teeth when we are feeling our worst! Tell him that he left it open on your laptop and ask him to reassure you that he still finds you attractive, I'm sure he will understand that you're feeling a bit naff about your looks xxx

 

[MissMamma]

thank you ladies

I wish i could talk to him about it but i just can't its too difficult for me to bring up. I dont know why, we talk about everything, he knows every little thing about me but this is a really difficult subject for me. I dont know why.

And i know he loves me, he tells me every day and he tells me that i'm beautiful and sexy but i find it impossible to believe him. I just dont see it when i look in the mirror and i honestly find it impossible to believe that he can.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Here's the deal with men and porn. Men need visual stimulation sometimes. It's not that they are looking at the girl and thinking, "Ooooo! I wish my wife/gf/other half looks like that!" They are thinking, "Oooooo! Sex!" Something I learned over the years. Men looking at porn is not bad. It's when they start substituting porn for sex with you that it gets bad.

 

[Birdling]

thank you ladies

I wish i could talk to him about it but i just can't its too difficult for me to bring up. I dont know why, we talk about everything, he knows every little thing about me but this is a really difficult subject for me. I dont know why.

And i know he loves me, he tells me every day and he tells me that i'm beautiful and sexy but i find it impossible to believe him. I just dont see it when i look in the mirror and i honestly find it impossible to believe that he can.

Aww, you poor thing sounds like your self esteem is a bit low at the moment. You definitely need to tell him that you're feeling vulnerable and need his love and cuddles right now.
Then go and stand infront of the mirror naked and admire every single bit of yourself - stretchmarks and all

 

[MissCherry15]

I know how you feel!!
but at least your bf still loves you and that.
Mine decided to admit to me yesterday he finds pregnant women extremely unattractive and a turn off.
Im like thanks :/
i know my bf's ex was a big girl but he hated her being fat and ive got to her size now and i feel ugly

My bf is very horny alot but he is the one that dont want sex. we have gone for all the time to barely any and it seems that now im pregnant he is ten times less intrested in me and more in porn. and IM THE ONE THAT WANTS IT!
he chose for us to TTC i was WTT but he decided he wanted the baby so got me this way.
im dreading the next 7/8months!

im 18 and im not the fit 18year old he thought i was when we got together.
I have saggy boobs alot of stretchmarks and fat cause of my first baby. and now its all going to happen again. Im scared he will cheat while im pregnant.

 

[amygwen]

Awwwww I'm so sorry hun!

I can relate to you big time. I had NEVER minded before I got pregnant when my OH would watch porn. It really didn't bug me, (because I would watch porn too hahaha) and we had sex a lot, so I just assumed we were both really horny people who needed to satisfy ourselves to be happy and have sex. But then towards the end of my pregnancy we wouldn't have sex as much and now we don't have sex as much as we used to. When he tells me he's watched porn it really upsets me because I don't look how I used to and I just feel really self conscious and I feel like he is happier watching this skinny, pretty lady with perfect boobs have sex and not me. So I can completely relate. Your best bet would just be to talk to him and let him know how you feel so he at least knows why you're upset. That's all the advice I can give you though, he may stop watching it or he might still do it but have more common courtesy to shut off the porn before you ever see it.

 

[BigPoppa192]

*slowly backs off the thread* lool

 

[aafscsweetie]

i totally know how you feel. and like you said, you THOUGHT you were ok with it but all of a sudden these feelings are coming out of nowhere- 1) you are hormonal and PREGNANT! of course you react differently to things, and 2) your pregnant body is making you insecure about yourself. like for me, i could care less if OH watches porn normally because i really do know that i do it for him and he is happy with me and our sex life, but now that i'm pregnant i am just feeling so down about myself and the way i look that it's hard for me to even IMAGINE that he could possibly still find me attractive. so my "anger" about him watching porn isn't really even anger- it's just me feeling sad about how i look right now and how unconfident i am. so maybe that's how it is for you too? like maybe you are not really MAD, just feeling insecure and down about it? i totally, totally understand. and i also understand not wanting to talk to him about it. i wouldn't want to bring it up to my OH either because i wouldn't want to make him feel bad about something he shouldn't have to feel bad over.

all i can say is that this body you have right now is TEMPORARY and in the end it will all be worth it. i know it's hard to think about that when we are just a big fat blob who can hardly get off the couch, but your OH still loves you just as much as before- even more now that you are carrying his baby and starting a life with him. just remember that!! xoxo

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I know how you feel. The thought of my OH watching porn hurts me deeply. I know he has a very high sex drive, yet during pregnancy mine faltered. Knowing he would be looking at a skinnier, unblemished, perky boobed, toned, typcial 'pretty' girl hurt so much. I am the exact opposite - and worse since having LO. I have a stupid c-section scar and over hang, sagging boobs, a boy haircut, stretchies everywhere, flabby arms and legs, big calfs from swimming, gappy front teeth etc. (how sexy do I sound? )

Yet at the end of the day, all those girls on the screen were good for to him is a w**k. You are the one he kisses, cuddles, snuggles up to in bed and wakes up to in the morning. You are the one he has chosen to be with and have a baby with. You are the one he loves. Compared to those girls, you are the world. They are good for nothing but a little feeling of release. They cannot come par with you at all. Ever.

 

[MissMamma]

Awh wow, you girlies have no idea how much better you've made me feel. Okay i still feel like crap but you are so reassuring and deep down i know i do believe what you're all saying it just doesn't feel like it right now, iykwim?!

And this just made me laugh:

*slowly backs off the thread* lool

So thank you for putting a smile on my face BigPoppa were you hoping for something else? But seriously, i would love an honest guys opinion about porn because i cant bring myself to talk about with OH...

 

[aafscsweetie]

hey sweetie. i'm not a guy of course but the way my OH feels about porn is that at the end of the day- it's just that: porn. it's not actually sex, and its never be as good as having sex, especially having sex with someone you love and care about like he does you.

 

[BeckyBoo]

My OH did it when I was pregnant for our daughter. We were both 21 at that point. I found it by accident in the 'History' when looking for a website I had previously visited. I was disgusted.

When I prompted him about it, all I got was a shrug and 'I was bored'. To be honest, I don't think it was anything more than that. Men will be men. I wouldn't take it as a personal attack against you hunnie.

I now rip my OH about it, I make comments when we're out about what type of videos he was watching if I see something reminds me of it. He gets VERY embarrassed. I do believe he hasn't watched any since, or he's get better of hiding it. Either way, what I don't see I don't care.

You're both young, as we both are at 23. There are still alot of hormones going about. He probably watched it when you weren't pregnant. Only problem it effects you now is your confidence. I'm sure you're even more beautiful now. I'm afraid the Edwards of Twilight who lust after their women and would die for them, don't exist.

Don't beat yourself up about it hun x

 

[MissMamma]

My OH did it when I was pregnant for our daughter. We were both 21 at that point. I found it by accident in the 'History' when looking for a website I had previously visited. I was disgusted.

When I prompted him about it, all I got was a shrug and 'I was bored'. To be honest, I don't think it was anything more than that. Men will be men. I wouldn't take it as a personal attack against you hunnie.

I now rip my OH about it, I make comments when we're out about what type of videos he was watching if I see something reminds me of it. He gets VERY embarrassed. I do believe he hasn't watched any since, or he's get better of hiding it. Either way, what I don't see I don't care.

You're both young, as we both are at 23. There are still alot of hormones going about. He probably watched it when you weren't pregnant. Only problem it effects you now is your confidence. I'm sure you're even more beautiful now. I'm afraid the Edwards of Twilight who lust after their women and would die for them, don't exist.

Don't beat yourself up about it hun x

dammit!lol
yeah i know he has always watched it but i honestly thought i was okay with it. i'm sure the only difference now is my confidence but i dont feel like there's anything i can do about that and its just like he's rubbing it in my face that i'm not the skinny toned girl i was 8mnth ago...

 

[BeckyBoo]

My OH did it when I was pregnant for our daughter. We were both 21 at that point. I found it by accident in the 'History' when looking for a website I had previously visited. I was disgusted.

When I prompted him about it, all I got was a shrug and 'I was bored'. To be honest, I don't think it was anything more than that. Men will be men. I wouldn't take it as a personal attack against you hunnie.

I now rip my OH about it, I make comments when we're out about what type of videos he was watching if I see something reminds me of it. He gets VERY embarrassed. I do believe he hasn't watched any since, or he's get better of hiding it. Either way, what I don't see I don't care.

You're both young, as we both are at 23. There are still alot of hormones going about. He probably watched it when you weren't pregnant. Only problem it effects you now is your confidence. I'm sure you're even more beautiful now. I'm afraid the Edwards of Twilight who lust after their women and would die for them, don't exist.

Don't beat yourself up about it hun x

dammit!lol
yeah i know he has always watched it but i honestly thought i was okay with it. i'm sure the only difference now is my confidence but i dont feel like there's anything i can do about that and its just like he's rubbing it in my face that i'm not the skinny toned girl i was 8mnth ago...

Trust me hun, when my OH met me, I was a size 10, 9 stone, nice ass, perky boobs.

Now... 7 years later... I have reasonable position boobs, size 12-14, 11stone... bums not too bad, but my stomach is destroyed with stretch marks and he still goes to bed with me every night.

I have very little confidence, compared to what I am, I'm horrible. He tells me that my stomach is the way it is because I've gave him 2 beautiful children and for that reason, he'll always love me.

Why don't you go out for a days pamper, pop into ann summers, buy some sexy underwear and surprise him. Just because your pregnant doesn't mean you're not sexy. This might also get you in the mood. My libido was completely destroyed when I was pregnant too.

 

[baby.moo]

I used to get mad at my OH watching porn and actually yesterday I watched it with him and we got ideas and made something out of it. Honestly I'd rather my OH watch porn than cheat because then we'd have some huge problems that might end in aggravated assults lol.. talk to him about it and how u feel.. emotions are definately high when you are pregnant