"practicality" thumping and pregnancy *tons of sarcasm inside*

[MrsNoMohren]

Almost as bad as religious thumping is this new found feeling of being "practicality" thumped as a mom-to-be.

Anyone else experience this?

The great thing is it can run the gamut and affect all forms/types of parenting and parents.

These are just some ones that people have thrown my way:

(I'm proud of my newly thick and long "mommy" hair. If I'm going to look like a beached whale dangit, I'm gonna have nice hair!)

"You're not going to want to wear your hair down and styled like that when this baby comes. They'll pull it and puke in it." Says disheveled mom "frenemy"

my response (in my head of course): I know you feel overwhelmed and just decided to throw your hair up today. I wasn't judging. Glad to see you are! I think I'll just buzz my head now, per your recommendation. Its not going to serve my baby any purpose.


"Enjoy wearing makeup now because once baby gets here you wont have time for it and its just not practical."- my MIL

my response (in my head bc I'm a doormat): Hmm. Good point. I wonder why I ever wore makeup...its just not practical!? Besides the fact that its something I like, enjoy, and makes me feel good about myself (I'm also a makeup artist professionally. doh!)...but I guess I don't need that now that I'm a mom and have been switched over to "practical mode". Every mom I see from here on out wearing makeup, I'm going to assume that the baby probably has a dirty diaper, is hungry, and is being undercared for by such an unpractical woman!

"You will not be able to (make baby food, cloth diaper, EC, have a natural birth, babywear, cosleep, succeed) because babies are way more difficult than your unknowing little pea brain can fathom!" -A majority of people who find out/weasel out of me/barge into my personal business about how I plan on "doing things" (note the mild exaggeration of the pea brain added because I can't type their tone or eye rolling)

my response (in my head because I'm an unknowing pea brain)- Why did I conceive!? Its not like billions have people have become parents for millions of years. Nope. Its a decision that should be deserved for rocket scientists and the people giving me this advice...not for me! Because I'm an impractical, long haired, idealist dope who lacks the ability to make choices and work hard to create the outcome that I want for my child.


*end sarcastic rant*

Thank you, come again!

 

[Angelbabymama]

Aha bless you. People are suck dic*s sometimes. Just ignore it, they're the small minded ones. I get iit all the time... You won't cope, you won't be able to have a home birth..blah blah blah. And my personal favourite "what the f*ck are you doing Lola you're going to ruin your life."
I have no time for people who doubt me, neither should you! xx

 

[TinySunshine]

Argh, yeah, what's with the negativity!? x

 

[pinkgem100]

I got told the one abouth cloth nappies... "what your using cloth nappies... really, how will you cope.. no seriously cloth nappies do they still sell them"

i buy cloth nappies - Birth to potty size - DD is 16months and is still in cloth nappies, i do u have disposable just incase or for long days out but for everyday and nursery (YES nursery) she has cloth nappies!!

xx

 

[mightyspu]

The people who tell me it's going to be hard??? Er, who has a baby because it's easy?

 

[mrsrof]

The people who constantly remind you that you're not going to be having much sleep (well duh! I did get pregnant knowing all of this!).

And my personal favourite "you're not even going to have time to shower you know". Yes I bloody well will, I have a husband who will be perfectly capable of looking after a baby for 30 mins while I have a shower and dry my hair???? Not my fault if you were too lazy to take your nose out of the book and get in the shower... (Edited to add...this last one is aimed at 2 particular people. They could start a club).

 

[aimee-lou]

My favourite ones at the moment are my family saying ' Earl's a handful, will you cope with 2?'

2 things anger me about this statements -

1. Yes, you're right, I'm 22 weeks pregnant and i hadn't thought about how I'd cope with 2. I thought that Earl would just vanish into thin air for a year while I saw to the new one.....idiots!
2. Why? Are you saying I can't cope with Earl? Are you saying there's something wrong with Earl? Should we not have had children in the first place let alone 2? Way I see it, Earl is happy and alive......therefore, we'll be fine! lol

Think before you speak people! lol

 

[mightyspu]

The people who constantly remind you that you're not going to be having much sleep (well duh! I did get pregnant knowing all of this!).

And my personal favourite "you're not even going to have time to shower you know". Yes I bloody well will, I have a husband who will be perfectly capable of looking after a baby for 30 mins while I have a shower and dry my hair???? Not my fault if you were too lazy to take your nose out of the book and get in the shower...

With Jack, I managed to shower and dress everyday. Sometimes it wasn't until the afternoon, but I did it! And I wore make up (not much, but I never do anyway) and I left the house everyday. Not saying there isn't any shame in not doing any of those things, but some people seems to take an odd pleasure in the thought that you may suffer in some way. Why?

 

[mrsrof]

The people who constantly remind you that you're not going to be having much sleep (well duh! I did get pregnant knowing all of this!).

And my personal favourite "you're not even going to have time to shower you know". Yes I bloody well will, I have a husband who will be perfectly capable of looking after a baby for 30 mins while I have a shower and dry my hair???? Not my fault if you were too lazy to take your nose out of the book and get in the shower...

With Jack, I managed to shower and dress everyday. Sometimes it wasn't until the afternoon, but I did it! And I wore make up (not much, but I never do anyway) and I left the house everyday. Not saying there isn't any shame in not doing any of those things, but some people seems to take an odd pleasure in the thought that you may suffer in some way. Why?

I have no idea!! My sister was terrible when she had her first, for the first few months, she would be MANKY, greasy hair, smelly, thrown together and she'd claim that she hadn't had time to shower. The reality was that she would be sitting on her laptop or reading a book, even if one of us was there and could have watched him for half an hour!

She then wised up to the fact that if one of us was at home (I was at uni away from home at the time but would often be home at weekends or holidays) we would look after him so she took it to the other extreme and she'd say "mind him for 10 minutes while I wash myself" and an hour later there would still be no sign of her!

I fully intend to be clean, face on (to be fair I don't really wear much makeup anyway!!) and to be leaving the house most days. We shall see how we get on!

 

[KittyVentura]

Lol. I won't lie, 2 years ago I could have written your post. When I was pregnant I insisted I would never "let myself go" and that I would use nap times etc to make myself look presentable every day. I used to do my hair and make up every day...

In reality I've kept my hair long and lovely... but I've worn it down and styled maybe 10 times since Fin arrived. It tends to get thrown up into a messy bun most days. Same goes for make up... I do my make up maybe once or twice a week when I HAVE to... for visiting or play dates... the rest of the time I'm bare faced.

My opinion on it all did change once my son arrived... I still enjoy doing my hair and make up and feel really good when it's done... but I'd really rather use that time to play with my son or do housework etc when he's napping.

I do, however, know of some mums that do still find the time to do their make up and hair every day and power to them. xx

 

[NewlyMarried]

The two Im so sick of are....
The Maternity Leave Slam
"when are you finishing work?" "Im going to try and work to the week before" "Oh youll never do that youll be so big and tired theres no way - youll need at least two weeks off"
In my head....."SHUT UP!!!! I clearly said im going to TRY! I sit down all day at work and plenty of other people have done it why should I not even try just because you didnt???
Shocking News - Babies make you Tired
"I didnt sleep very well last night, I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep for a few hours", "Well thats nothing wait till the baby is here you dont even know tired yet"
In my head...."Why did noone think to mention this before?? You all kept this huge secret from me?? What! babies wake you up in the Night?? JESUS"
So because im pregnant im not allowed to mention im tired just because I will also be tired after I have a baby ... mission accomplished im shutting up now Sod off!


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh That feels so much better

 

[mightyspu]

Oddly, I found that it was a different kind of tired after Jack was born, before I was constantly being woken by my SPD and tiny bladder, however once he was here, I could go more than 5 minutes without a pee, and my pelvis felt so much better that the 2 hour block that he slept for was a relief!

I have avoided telling my non BNB friends how hard life is going to be when their babies get here, because there are plenty of other people around who will do that for me, and none of those views were invited anyway!

 

[pinkgem100]

Lol. I won't lie, 2 years ago I could have written your post. When I was pregnant I insisted I would never "let myself go" and that I would use nap times etc to make myself look presentable every day. I used to do my hair and make up every day...

In reality I've kept my hair long and lovely... but I've worn it down and styled maybe 10 times since Fin arrived. It tends to get thrown up into a messy bun most days. Same goes for make up... I do my make up maybe once or twice a week when I HAVE to... for visiting or play dates... the rest of the time I'm bare faced.

My opinion on it all did change once my son arrived... I still enjoy doing my hair and make up and feel really good when it's done... but I'd really rather use that time to play with my son or do housework etc when he's napping.

I do, however, know of some mums that do still find the time to do their make up and hair every day and power to them. xx

i feel the same.. when my DD was a baby i still went and got my nails done every couple of weeks, would have a shower and sit and dry my hair whilst she was napping of whilst OH was in.. now shes older i dont get my nails done they always get broke when i playing with her and i shower and do my hair after her bedtime so that during the day i get to spend time with her.. i dont wear make up everyday, just for work or if im going any where special but i do make an effort to be clean and tidy, its not always easy especially if shes in a bad mood but i manage.. not sure i will with two but i can give it a try and find out what works best...

usually when im going somewhere for that day and i wan to put make up on, i get up 10/15 mins before going in to wake up DD and i sit in my pjs and do my hair and make up, i then do all the mummy things like breakfast, OHs luch for work etc and then get us both dressed and we are ready and i havent missed any time with her.

xx

 

[mummy2b2010]

omg i get this ALLLLL the time...

i get lots including:

'you do know its gonna be hard with Ollie and a newborn, especially when chris (DH) is working away' in my head 'uh yes thank you im not stupid, i have raised one child knowing it isnt easy so f~~k off'

also i get 'second labours are harder, more painful and faster' ok again im not thick, and trying to scare me into thinking i may not make it to hospital in time is not gonna win you any awards for flavour of the month.

and my personal favourite 'oooohh your son was 9lb ouch, your gonna have at least a 10lber this time then'

first off yes he was 9lb and i birthed him with no pain relief in 4 hours, he was heavy yes, but he was a skinny little thing that was all arms and legs...and secondly if this baby is bigger, SO WHAT as long as he is healthy who gives a f##k arghhh

ok sorry my rant is over too lol xx

 

[MrsNoMohren]

These are all good additions ladies

Yea my thing is just I hate the unsolicited advice 24/7 and the overgeneralization of anyone with a child. And my husband and I are what you might call eccentric and pretty over the top....practicality has never been our strong suit and now suddenly I'm supposed to be the queen of practical or my baby will suffer? Have these people never heard of different strokes for different folks?!

I may find myself feeling like some of you ladies and not worrying about my hair, etc like you've stated, once shes here. But I may not! I may (and my guess probably will) want to still do my makeup and hair bc it is my passion and my livelihood. And I think I'm allowed to have that option without being told that I'm impractical or "crazy" for entertaining the idea. To me the people who say that stuff are people feeling inferior or guilty because they dont...which is why I said in my first point- I don't judge moms for how they choose to style themselves...so they need to leave me alone!

Its funny what was said about people saying they don't have any time with a newborn...and I've had a similar experience. The newborns I've been around sleep a good deal during the day at least and there are plenty of 20 minute breaks with close family (like myself) coming over to visit and hold sleeping baby to wash yourself. And also like was said...it seems like a good excuse to surf the net or watch TV and blame your personal hygiene on your baby. hahaha. Again, I would never say anything...and I truly try very hard not to judge because I feel like if I do karma will come back and bite me in the arse for thinking those things about a new mom.

 

[socitycourty]

I don't care what anyone has said to me, there is absolutely no way I am not taking a shower every day or putting on my makeup. It's something I have done for my entire life (except the makeup, started when I was 15) and it's not going to change.

My own mom did the same thing, she took care of herself as well as taking care of us.

Have already been told that I won't be able to handle cloth diapering, or exclusive bf'ing, or making my own baby food.

It is very very irritating so most of the time I don't volunteer any info anymore.

On another forum I was on there was a HUGE fight between some members as one person said that moms who didn't bother taking care of themselves or whatever were "martyrs" and liked to complain and feel sorry for themselves. needless to say it was a lively thread and got very ugly.

To each their own but I intend to keep on taking care of myself and making myself look and feel good. I can guarantee that won't change.

 

[MrsNoMohren]

The two Im so sick of are....
The Maternity Leave Slam
"when are you finishing work?" "Im going to try and work to the week before" "Oh youll never do that youll be so big and tired theres no way - youll need at least two weeks off"
In my head....."SHUT UP!!!! I clearly said im going to TRY! I sit down all day at work and plenty of other people have done it why should I not even try just because you didnt???
Shocking News - Babies make you Tired
"I didnt sleep very well last night, I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep for a few hours", "Well thats nothing wait till the baby is here you dont even know tired yet"
In my head...."Why did noone think to mention this before?? You all kept this huge secret from me?? What! babies wake you up in the Night?? JESUS"
So because im pregnant im not allowed to mention im tired just because I will also be tired after I have a baby ... mission accomplished im shutting up now Sod off!


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh That feels so much better

Oh man, how could I forget the whole tired thing!?

I totally feel ya there. I pee like 8 times in the night, have terrible round ligament pain along with random pains. Sleeping has become a rare commodity. Of course I cant tell anyone even slightly because if I do I'll be reminded of how much worse it will get with baby. Well...I mean this isn't the only time in my life I've not gotten good sleep...just the first time its because I feel like my bladder is going to explode. I think I'll be able to cope with baby.

PLUS! Why do people think that this condition just fell upon and we've gotten this far being totally clueless.

I should be an extremeist/alarmist and say to anyone who says stuff like that: "So you do think I should terminate?" Just to see the look on their faces. OMG they would flip!!

I could never do that though....Evelyn would hear me and take offense

 

[NotNic]

I agree with societycourty. If you are used to your mother doing something when you were growing up, then it's less likely to seem impossible when you become a mum yourself.

My Mum was very trendy (and still is). She wore lipstick everyday (but not much else make up wise). She always looked great, our house was immaculate, she made dinners from scratch, we were well dressed, well behaved and we could all read before we went to school. Looking back she was super mum! I'm not saying I'll manage to do anywhere near as much as she did, but I will wash my hair when it's dirty and keep a tidy house, and not turn into a slob just because I will have something else that demands my time.

 

[mrsrof]

I agree with societycourty. If you are used to your mother doing something when you were growing up, then it's less likely to seem impossible when you become a mum yourself.

My Mum was very trendy (and still is). She wore lipstick everyday (but not much else make up wise). She always looked great, our house was immaculate, she made dinners from scratch, we were well dressed, well behaved and we could all read before we went to school. Looking back she was super mum! I'm not saying I'll manage to do anywhere near as much as she did, but I will wash my hair when it's dirty and keep a tidy house, and not turn into a slob just because I will have something else that demands my time.

Agreed! My mom was always well turned out, always clean (to this day she has a bath every single night as she got into the habit of bathing when we'd all gone to bed when we were little (there are 4 of us) so still does it), face on and ready to face the day. Granted my dad was brill and got our brekkies and made our lunches every day. But like you say, you're more likely to think you can do something if your own mom managed it!!

 

[socitycourty]

Some people really do say the meanest things (intentionally or not) when you are expecting, especially if it's your first. Usually I just smile and say OK