Pregnant, alone, and very broken....Please help

[Metresa]

Hello everyone!

I am 25 years old and this is my first pregnancy. I am very thankful for the fact that I am going to be a mommy, when I found out I cried non-stop because I finally felt like I had something/someone to look forward to.
I have had ovarian issues since very young (cysts, bleeding, lumps, etc.) as I became older I have informed myself and it seems that although it's something to keep an eye on it didn't stop me from conceiving as I thought it would! My fear was always that of not being able to have a baby!

My issue is that although I am happy to be a mom, I always thought that I'd have a man by my side, a partner, someone who would truly love me, I thought this man would be the one I was with not so long ago....

Long story short, he turned out to be something completely different, a relationship that seemed to be beautiful and genuine turned out to be a lie, he came back to me 2 days ago, expressing his love for me, and today he decided it was all a mistake and that he realized he doesn't love me....

I may be young but I'm not stupid, love doesn't change in a matter of days, I guess all he wanted was to come back and use me. There's no other way around it.

So now I'm here, crying, thinking about my baby and about having to do this all on my own, perhaps I shouldn't have told the baby's father to stay away not only from me but also from my child... But the pain and the fact that he comes around on and off to simply play with me made me think that this is not the man I want around my child. Maybe I'm wrong, but I decided that I don't want a father who will only come around when he pleases than to actually be there for his child. This is what he has shown me with his attitude.

Being a first time mom, I am scared, will I be able to make it on my own? Will I be able to be enough for my baby? Will I be able to move forward in life?

I don't want to sound so dramatic but with all these changes I'm going through, plus not having any support, and feeling all alone I can't help but feel down.... I would love some opinions, someone who might actually understand where I'm coming from....

I had years without posting online, but today I decided I needed a way to vent.

Thanks in advance for any help!

 

[cat81]

Oh honey, so sorry you are going through such a horrible time when you should be able to feel excited about being pregnant. From your description, it sounds like this man doesn't deserve you. I am sure you are stronger than you realise and never doubt that you will be everything your baby needs. I hope you have some close friends and family who can offer you support at this time. Xx

 

[DobbyForever]

Hey. Hugs. I'm a single mom to be with my first as well. I had plenty of panick attack moments, but once I told my family and laid out that I needed them I have loved my pregnancy. The best advice I have is...

Partner or not, nobody is the perfect mom. Definitely do some single mom tips googling. I know seeing things like it's ok to sleep when your baby is awake for 15-20m or just inspirational articles about kids who made it to studies on how single parenthood isn't a death sentence for your kid helped me.

Find support. Whether it is family or friends, find a circle to rely on. I'm lucky to live close to family and they are being absolutely the best, but I also have a friend I rely on to bitch and cry and laugh with. Someone who goes to my appointments with me when my mom can't or who I can do a gender reveal for. Share your pregnancy with people. You deserve it.

Try to plan ahead financially. Look for deals on things like most registries have 10% off starter coupons and 20% off completion coupons (one month until due) and 20% off right after baby is born. Take advantage of sales and coupons. Look for classier secondhand stores. Really ask what you need. Like my mom insists I have a changer but I have this very long dresser already that I can move my clothes out of and just get a changing mat and boom same shiz lol. Look into resources for affordable day care.

Go for child and temproraty spousal support if you can.

Hugs. You can do this. And we are here for you. I'm on pretty frequently so if you need anything just pm.

 

[lilstarsmum]

I’m so sorry to hear that, girl. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Wish I could give you a hug - I just cannot imagine going through what you're experiencing. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the comfort and help you need at this time. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? A good counselor might be able to give you some solid guidance. Please don’t get stressed out. I know it’s not easy right now, but stay strong. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

 

[Metresa]

Hello ladies!!!! I thank you so much for the support and the beautiful words. I had read your answers, but I can't lie, I was so down and broken that I didn't even feel I had it in me to talk about the subject without feeling worst....

A lot has happened, and again, although I had hope, I saw once more that I am better off alone with my baby. A father who's only there when he wants to be will only cause more damage to my baby than me raising him/her all on my own.

I am slowly working on this...: I went through a really bad scare, all the crying and the stressing was causing me lots of pain, luckily at the ER I was able to verify that my baby is fine.... just have to stay as calm and as relaxed as possible.

Although that was scary it gave me a little push, it isn't about me anymore, it's about my baby and doing anything to keep him/her well.

I soon have my second prenatal appointment, and yes I'll be taking my doctor's suggestion of assigning me to a counselor.... hope that helps me heal sooner!!!!


Thank you all so much!