Pregnant and alone

[BeingClaire]

Hi there,

Im 12 weeks pregnant today. I've had hyperemesis since week 5 and had a few hospital stays because of it.

My relationship has finished 2 weeks ago and i am in absolute pieces. I have a termination appointment next week but i will be 13 weeks pregnant when i go.

The only reason im having a termination is because I dont want to be pregnant and alone. Being on my own and pregnant scares me and having a termination scares me.

So all in all, hyperemesis and split up i really cant cope.

I have another child with my ex so he comes to pick her up occasionally. He came round last night to chat and he told me he loves me and doesnt know what to do. But he is seeing someone else even though he says he isnt.

How do i get out this black hole???

 

[lenamar2010]

I wish i could help you. i guess that a termination appointment is an abortion isn't? Just don't. There should be a reason that explains why that baby is inside you. And believe me, if you're meant to suffer or endure hard times you will go through that anyway no matter what you avoid it. That baby might be your company, your path to happiness...you don't know.
Rearding that man, your ex, think back about what made you two split. Is it worth having this illusion going on?
God bless you!

 

[Darlin65]

I would really think about your appt before rushing into it. Sounds to me like you are just scared sick and alone and are a bit frantic about what to be doing. The fact that you even posted this tells me there is a part of you that doesn't agree with making that decision. All of the things you have mentioned happen to women all the time and even worse. It will be very difficult but I think once all is said and done and your precious LO is here and in your arms it will be all worth it. Hyperemesis won't last forever and most ladies see it vanish in the 2nd tri. It's not something you will always have to endure. Think back to the other LO you have and how you would have felt had she never been born. I'm sure you have had some tough times with her as well. Since splitting from her father I'm sure it never occurred to you it would all have been easier had you never had her. As for the ex and still having feelings I would be very cautious. I am sure there is a very good reason you split and don't let the fact that you want knight in shinning armor to whisk you away and rescue you cloud your judgement. I hope your sort everything out and do what is best for you and your LO's. Where there is a will there is a way

 

[Darlin65]

On another side note.... Keep mind how permanent the decision you are making is and so soon as well. Maybe consider carrying to term to give yourself more time to sort things out with you and all your relationships and then if you feel you still can't do it there is always adoption. Termination is just so final. Once done there is no going back or changing your mind. I'm sure there is a reason for your little miracle

 

[Leikela]

I agree with all the other ladies posts. I think you need to step back and take a good look at your situation and what you are about to do to yourself and your unborn baby. At 13 weeks, the baby has everything formed and is moving it's arms and legs and even sucking it's thumb. The heart is pumping about 25 quarts of blood. Is that something you want to "terminate" because your relationship didn't work out? It sounds drastic to me and something you will regret in the future.

If you truly do not want the baby, then at least have it to term and give it up for adoption. There are many families out there that cannot have kids that would give an arm and a leg to give your baby a family and unconditional love. I hope you find the right answers!

 

[spikey doodle]

I totally disagree with the comments above. I think it is not our business to pass judgement on what is best for YOU.

I'm sure you haven't taken any of this lightly, and if you feel termination is the best option for you, then that is what you should do.

I've never been in your shoes, but I think you need some support, maybe some close friends, or a counselor? Someone who you can talk to and help you decide what is the best option for you.

And yes, termination is final, but let's be honest ladies, it's not like it you can't have another baby at a later time in your life, when things are stable. I personally know that I could not deal with giving birth to a child that I give up for adoption, but that again, is a totally personal decision.

Do what is best for YOU, we are not here to judge, only to support ;-)

 

[KrisblessedX3]

I am sorry you are going through this. But I can promise you though it seems that way now, you are not alone, ever. Please don't rely on this man for all that you need. I have suffered from hypermesesis with both my other two pregnancies and it looks like this one will turn that way soon. It is a very hard thing to go through. But if this guy could not support you through this time when you need him the most, then it would have probably just have been the next thing that would be sending him on his way as well. It is a true test to who will stand by you during a time like this. I cannot even take care of myself during that kind of sickness and everyone around me basically has to help me with everything. It is very dibilitating. Just remember that a split second decision can end a life that could otherwise bring you a life time of blessings. I will be praying for you and your unborn child.

 

[Nrs2772]

I totally disagree with the comments above. I think it is not our business to pass judgement on what is best for YOU.

I'm sure you haven't taken any of this lightly, and if you feel termination is the best option for you, then that is what you should do.

I've never been in your shoes, but I think you need some support, maybe some close friends, or a counselor? Someone who you can talk to and help you decide what is the best option for you.

And yes, termination is final, but let's be honest ladies, it's not like it you can't have another baby at a later time in your life, when things are stable. I personally know that I could not deal with giving birth to a child that I give up for adoption, but that again, is a totally personal decision.

Do what is best for YOU, we are not here to judge, only to support ;-)

I do not think anyone is judging her and just saying she can go on and have a baby later on in life when "things are stable" is a bit naive and it treats her unborn baby like it is a thing instead of a little human being growing inside of her. At the end of the day, she will do whatever it is she is going to do, but I do wish she would consider this very final decision before making it.

 

[Leikela]

I agree with you Nrs2772.

Also, I am adopted and if my "birth" mother had decided to abort me, I would not be here on this earth. I was adopted before birth and I have a wonderful loving family. My "birth" mother's unselfish act of giving me up, provided me the opportunity to have a great life. My family is my family. It doesn't matter we don't share the same genes. I am so grateful! A baby is life. A gift. We are not judging, but expressing our opinions. We all have the right to do that.

 

[spikey doodle]

...just saying she can go on and have a baby later on in life when "things are stable" is a bit naive and it treats her unborn baby like it is a thing instead of a little human being growing inside of her. At the end of the day, she will do whatever it is she is going to do, but I do wish she would consider this very final decision before making it.

I believe that is called judging!

 

[Nrs2772]

...just saying she can go on and have a baby later on in life when "things are stable" is a bit naive and it treats her unborn baby like it is a thing instead of a little human being growing inside of her. At the end of the day, she will do whatever it is she is going to do, but I do wish she would consider this very final decision before making it.

I believe that is called judging!

I am judging you and your comment.

 

[Dawn2411]

beingclaire, I hope you really think this through before you make a final decision. I had horrible morning sickness with my second pregnancy for the first 5.5 mos. and lost my mom when I was 8 mos. along. I'm so glad I didn't consider aborting my son because he is what kept me from compleatly falling apart after loosing my mother and is now the most amazing 13 yr. old I know lol. My point is, god gave you that baby for a reason so make sure you really think your decision through before you make a final one. I'm not judging you, I just don't want to see any one make a rash decision that could effect them for the rest of their life. I know some one who had an abortion many yrs. ago and was never able to get pregnant again, she never got to know what it's like to be a mother. I have 4 precious children but long for one more. I have lost my last 3 pregnancies and it's heart breaking to go through. We are now seeing a f.s. and putting out tons of money trying for something that used to happen so easily for me (getting pregnant and staying pregnant). You are very blessed to be caring a baby (Imo) but the choice is yours hun. I also wouldn't let some guy who isn't worth my time determine my future or the future of my baby. Good luck to you sweetie and I hope you don't think I'm being mean, I truley am just trying to help.

 

[SaucySac38]

beingclaire - What a place to be. I am sorry that this is the place that you find yourself in and I offer you hugs of support and encourage whatever decision you need to make . If this is not the time for you to be pregnant then follow that path. If you decide to keep it then follow that path. No one can tell you what will be the best path. I will say that a baby is not going to be a panacea for the pain you are going through so please don't place that responsibility on its shoulders. It will not be fair to you or the potential child. I am 38 and pregnant for the first time. If I did not feel ready then I would not keep this baby. Period. In the end, I have to do what is best for me and you must do what is best for you (no matter what anyone else may think). Someone mentioned a counselor (whether before termination or after or in place of) and that is a sound piece of advice. Sort out for yourself what you need and let the rest of the world worry about its self.

 

[Darlin65]

I totally disagree with the comments above. I think it is not our business to pass judgement on what is best for YOU.

I'm sure you haven't taken any of this lightly, and if you feel termination is the best option for you, then that is what you should do.

I've never been in your shoes, but I think you need some support, maybe some close friends, or a counselor? Someone who you can talk to and help you decide what is the best option for you.

And yes, termination is final, but let's be honest ladies, it's not like it you can't have another baby at a later time in your life, when things are stable. I personally know that I could not deal with giving birth to a child that I give up for adoption, but that again, is a totally personal decision.

Do what is best for YOU, we are not here to judge, only to support ;-)

Not to sound harsh or anything but I can't believe on all forums you would post on here "Oh, you can just have another one later". Obviously you have learned nothing from being a part of BnB and have learned nothing from the other ladies on here. A baby or a pregnancy is not something you are promised in life. It's not a sure thing and just because you managed to conceive once does not mean it will magically happen for you again whenever you are ready. Also did you not realize you are in the over 35 section? Why don't you do some more reading 1st and realize how hard it s for most of these ladies to conceive. Was just very inconsiderate to me. Also nobody told her don't do it they simply said to think about it more first and make a well thought out decision.

 

[Vickie]

I'm sorry but BnB really isn't the place to discuss terminations.

Per forum rules and TOS:

While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.

Thread closed