Pregnant and really starting to hate my niece?!

[Kitsch]

Is this a pregnancy thing or am I just going crazy?! My niece has always been spoilt but recently I can't even stand to be around her as her bratty attitude drives me up the wall. Even my hubby says he bothers with her less now as he can't stand her right now. She literally just turned 4 the other day and it's not like I expect her to be a little angel 24/7 but it infuriates how she can be a total brat and my sister does nothing about it!

Her little brother is coming up to one year and the last few months she's really been acting up. She makes my sister feed her again as the baby gets spoon fed and my sister, her partner and my Dad all do it for her! Isn't this going backwards?! She hasn't used a stroller or pram since she was 2 and now she's begun demanding to be in the buggy even if my nephew is in it and sometimes they actually let her! She's also got into the habit of talking like a baby. I'm not on about just for 15 minutes, she will go on for hours doing it constantly and they don't reprimand her for it at all. She hates it when anyone plays with my nephew and will literally demand your attention if you're playing with him. She constantly snatches toys away from him also. I can understand this situation, she's gone from being a single child to suddenly having a little brother who takes some of the attention away/ gets to do things she can't as far as she's concerned but it drives me NUTS that they are just letting it all slide.

They let her get away with so much! The other day she was riding her bike around the house (which is a no-no as far as I'm concerned anyway) and she rode straight into me. I firmly told her to be more careful and she laughed and did it again. She refuses to eat dinner EVERY day, food she hasn't tried before is a definite no for her, she refuses it and even things she has had she will say "I don't like that" and the stupid thing is they will cook her another meal, sometimes more if she continued to refuse the meals. Sometimes they flat out give up, let her leave the table and 5 minutes later let her have cake or chocolate bars if she asks because the way they see it is they'd rather she ate something! The minute you refuse her anything she says "But I want it" as if this is reason enough and then begins to fake cry (really fake cry, I'm not just being cynical). She's learnt that my sister will let her off nursery school if she "feels unwell" and for some reason has it in her head that spitting on the floor is "being sick" so she will do this, then say "I've been sick" and say she doesn't feel well so she can stay home and my sister lets her! The other day it was her birthday, she thanked no one and my sister didn't prompt her to to thank anyone. My dad's partner turned up and my niece immediately asked where her present was before flipping out at everyone that the party food my Dad had bought for her wasn't what she wanted! My sister just always comes up with excuses when she's being a total brat like "oh she's just over tired" or "she's not feeling well" or "she's had a bit too much sugar today".

Don't get me wrong, I still love my niece but I have to leave the room most of the time because I can feel myself getting to breaking point where I literally just want to scream at her and anyone in the vicinity who isn't bothering to discipline her. If my sister catches on to me not approving of a certain situation she starts telling me how well behaved my niece is and how I'll be in for a shock when I have a complete brat and how I won't be able to cope with having a child.

I don't want to sound like I'm just being completely snobby or anything and I completely understand that raising a child is not easy, there will be times when I can't cope and there will be times when my child acts up but it's just the fact that it's literally 24/7 with her and I'm really getting to breaking point. I can literally feel myself on the verge of flipping out! It was such an effort on her birthday especially when she was flat out ignoring everyone who spoke to her in the morning once she had her presents and I just had to grit my teeth and bear it. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all as I know it's going to be even worse. I feel like I'm losing my sanity!!

 

[Eleanor ace]

It sounds like a pregnancy thing. Children go through phases with their behaviour and she sounds like a normal 4 year old testing boundaries. I'd just try to remember that your hormones are bound to make you more frustrated than normal and try to be kind to her.

 

[FlowerTots13]

Definitely a pregnancy thing! I feel this too, and I really am going to try bringing my little girl up differently to how my nieces have been brought up. Feel real bad saying it, but I think it's understandable as they also have quite spoilt behaviours, and can be quite nasty at times, even to myself and think its funny.

 

[TryinFor1]

I can see how pregnancy would play into it but honestly, my friends daughter is like this and I really didn't want to be around her when I wasn't pregnant. She has such a snotty attitude and sounds like your niece to a T. My factor of why it was severely annoying though could have been because I was ttc and I say the way her daughter was constantly acting. It scared me! Lol.

kids do go through phases so I hope its just that for these two! My sister nor my nephews went through this stage so I kinda hope my son doesn't either.

a lot of it is how they are raised too. if your sister isn't helping her with her manners and stuff then they won't happen, lol she is only a kid so they don't think about that stuff on their own.

Try to stick it out. As the other girls said, it sounds like its just a stage that she won't be in forever. she might just be a little jealous that all the attention isn't on her like she was used too and is starting to act out. Hopefully its over soon!

 

[Suffysmom]

I guess you just need to be thankful that you don't live with her. It's really not your child and your sister has a right to raise her child the way she sees fit - even if it means she is enabling her to be a little brat. Clearly your sister is okay with this as she doesn't seem to make any effort to change this behavior. I would limit my time spent with your sister and her family if it really bothers you but I don't see her changing the way anything is right now.

 

[Kitsch]

I really hope the pregnancy is making me feel worse about the whole situation as it would make me feel terrible to think that I just don't want to be around her at the moment for no reason at all. I also really hope it is a stage she's going through as hopefully it won't rub off on my nephew that way because she'll hopefully outgrow it by the time hes old enough to really start copying her.

 

[lunamoona]

I really hope the pregnancy is making me feel worse about the whole situation as it would make me feel terrible to think that I just don't want to be around her at the moment for no reason at all. I also really hope it is a stage she's going through as hopefully it won't rub off on my nephew that way because she'll hopefully outgrow it by the time hes old enough to really start copying her.

I can really feel your frustration, one of my husbands cousins is only 5 and her behaviour I find embarrasing, although everyone else doesn't seem to mind. I rarely see her but have to often bite my tongue to stop myself giving her some discipline. Last time she was hitting people in the face with a helium balloon so hard that it burst (not her balloon either). Her mother is incredibly rude, stuck up and bad tempered too so no hope for her children.

The only advice I can give is breath, count to 10 and remember that it's not the childs fault. I feel really sorry for this little girl as she's going to grow up having no friends as other children will not be too polite to put up with it. Talk about setting your kids up to fail

 

[ShelbyLC]

I'd say it's definitely not a pregnancy thing, though the feelings you're having may be made worse by hormones. To me it sounds like a parenting issue that will probably not be resolved if your sister doesn't admit she's going about certain things the wrong way.

(Just let me clarify - I am not one to tell people how to raise their children and I know I have no right to tell anyone if they are doing things the right or wrong way. But in this situation, if things don't change, it will only harm your niece in the long run. Maybe not physically, but it will set her up for problems in school and adulthood if she doesn't realize that she has to follow rules.)

IMO, if a child refuses to eat their dinner, fine. Let them go to bed hungry. And if they come back to the table an hour later and say they're hungry, reheat their dinner and give them that. The only exception to this for me would be if the child has an actual reason to not want to eat that meal - for example, if something is spicier than expected and they really just can't eat it.

I also think that this is bad for your nephew, which your sister should realize, and hopefully sooner rather than later. He's either going to grow up the same as his sister or completely unsure of himself and unable to hold his own. It's not fair to him at all.

Sorry for writing a novel in reply. Just my thoughts on things.

 

[lauren_88]

This sounds exactly like my OH's neice and nephew. We havent long made back up with them after falling out for a few years, so during this time we were banned from seeing the kids. Always sent birthday and xmas cards/presents and didnt even so much get a thanks from his brother and SIL. The kids are now 8 and 6, so in my opinion, old enough to know better. To sit in their company though, its like being round about 2 toddlers. They have no manners, run wild and do not listen to a thing anyone asks or tells them to do. I was along the other week and my neice began acting up, then decided to jump on my bump whilst I was sitting on the couch! I told her off only to receive a dirty look from SIL as she doesnt like anyone apart from her to tell them off....not that she made any effort to! I then got a cat and a hamster flung at me, and I left. I havent been back along since then, as like yourself I struggle to bite my tongue at times. They have got better since they have both started school, so you can imagine what they were like beforehand.

If I were you, I would just distance myself from it or maybe speak to another relative? Your sister comes across as trying to put a brave face on it to be honest. She is probably just going along with your neice for a quiet life whilst raising a 1 year old. Shes only making it harder for herself in the long run as these behaviours will never leave your neice if shes allowed to get away with it. Imagine her with the same behaviour as a teenager along with hormones lol! Xxx

 

[Peggy O]

Sounds like lazy parenting to me. I would never have gotten CHOCOLATE and CAKE (?!?!?!?!?) after refusing to eat dinner? OMG. They are setting themselves up for a bad time if they don't set boundaries and consequences in place NOW. Not easy but necessary.

 

[cbass929]

She just sounds like a brat! My kids never have acted like that, and my son didn't back track when i had my daughter if anything i think he grew up a little more ...

But i have noticed that there is certain people i just can no longer stand to be around at all. My mom for ever now have had our ups and downs... she a witch and treated me like crap my whole life. I would think and some point she changed and try to give her another chance for me to be the one in the end hurt, upset, rejected and just a complete mess. My DH has told me for a couple years i just need to drop it and leave the relationship alone because unless she works at it too i'm wasting my time... well its my mom... The last time i tried was right after i found out i was pregnant and in the clear (well passing the time i mc last year) and i told her the first person in my family that i was pregnant. Because she said i never tell her anything i begged her not to say anything because i wanted to tell my dad and him not find out from my sister. She couldn't keep her mouth shut for 2 days! i was pissed... Then among several other things i had complications with bleeding from a 1 inch placenta tear and she never has called once in 11 weeks to check on me, see how i'm doing, ask if theres anything she can do, say i'm sorry your going through this NOTHING! So i got in the F U mode and just can't even stand for someone else to mention her name! it makes me not even want to talk to my once a year family (all expect 1 person my Granny) because i don't want them to know anything and go back and tell her!

It's something about pregnancy that you just can't handle the BS anymore from anyone! I just hope it lasts for me once i'm not pregnant anymore!!

 

[lemongrass]

My niece has never really been disciplined either. She's 9 and she doesn't say please or thank you. Except to me because I refuse to cater to that. Her mom never made her. The year before last I took her trick-or-treating and after several houses I told her that she has to thank the people for giving her candy and she said "my mom doesn't make me say thank you." It drives me up the wall. Just this last visit we went for a walk the 3 of us and she flipped out the whole time (an hour). If her mom ignored her she would of stopped but she didn't, she engaged the behaviour the entire time. When we got back to the house she laid in the doorway and howled for 10 mins before I said to my SIL "why don't you just go to the store?" as we needed some things. She did and her kid was yelling at me that she needed tissues and can't walk because her legs hurt so bad. I told her once that I can't get up (I was icing my back) and if she came here I would tell her why but I won't talk to her while she was freaking out. We were playing cards when her mom got back from the store.

I don't tell my SIL how to raise her child. Thats her prerogative. But then she proceeds to tell me that my ideas on how I want to raise my child are wrong. Manners are really important to me and I want to teach my kid to use Mr. or Ms./Mrs. unless the adult has corrected them. She tells me that she wants kids to see themselves as equals and she wants to be seen as the fun one. I bit my tongue but I thought, it's pretty damn obvious your kid sees themselves as an equal- you never discipline her!

 

[nolansmom]

I think that if it's your family and a sibling you are relatively close to then it IS your business if your niece is acting out. If it's possible that you feel this way because of pregnancy then wait it out and see how you feel and what the behaviour is like later on. I have a nephew that is a couple years older than my son and during a family weekend he taught my son to say "shut up you F***ing ***hole"... My son came up to me and told me what he was taught. I was mortified. I think that parents who have misbehaved children are sometimes stressed and tired of trying to get them to listen so they just slack off. Sometimes they get used to crappy behaviour from their children and i personally wouldn't trust my own child to be left with parents who can't manage their own. Good behaviour, politeness, manners, good listening skills are all things that children should have. My take on it is that if it were my sons friend who came over to visit and taught him that language would he be invited over again? NO, NO NO... I would be worried about potential bad behaviour rubbing off on sibling or cousin. Keep an eye on it and see if this "phase" passes. To add - my nephew has encouraged my son in various ways to be "sneaky" to lie to me - to "pretend" he finished his dinner in order to get dessert etc.. So yes behaviours can and do rub off on other children around. I now DO NOT leave them alone playing for very long - check on them every 10 minutes when they play wii etc.. I'll be damned if I let someone else's piss poor parenting skills rub off on my son..

I really hope the pregnancy is making me feel worse about the whole situation as it would make me feel terrible to think that I just don't want to be around her at the moment for no reason at all. I also really hope it is a stage she's going through as hopefully it won't rub off on my nephew that way because she'll hopefully outgrow it by the time hes old enough to really start copying her.

 

[katieeandbump]

My niece is EXACTLY the same!! All I can say is, I learnt from my brother and his ex gfs mistakes.. My children are and never will be like her. Even now my 2 year old and 8 months old are better behaved..! Honestly don't worry, just because she's a child or because ur related shouldn't mean u can't be irritated sometimes! All kids can be brats quite true, but nothing infuriates me more than a parent who doesn't set boundaries and let their children behave badly!

 

[Kitsch]

My niece is EXACTLY the same!! All I can say is, I learnt from my brother and his ex gfs mistakes..

My husband and I agree that although we're both getting impatient with what's going on, if there's any thing good about it, it's that it's made us more determined not to do the same for our child.

I do try to discipline my niece if I see her misbehave but she either doesn't listen or my sister tells me "you can't just tell them off for everything bad they do". My husband used to try but he says he's given up now as even my niece knows that if her Mummy isn't backing us up, she doesn't have to listen to us/ do what we say.

Hopefully when our little guy arrives we'll be so busy with him/ over the moon that her behaviour won't get to us any more.

 

[_jellybean_]

I wouldnt want to be around her or her parents, and would avoid them as much as possible. Your sister sounds a bit ridiculous IMO.

 

[doggylover]

Not a pregnancy thing!

My cousins (3 and 5) are so poorly behaved and are never reprimanded. If they come to our house they break countless things (accidentally though) but because they receive no displace at home they don't respond to us telling them stop, or no. They hit people, one takes my grandmas walking stick and uses it as a battering ram. One tells people he is going to 'slice them up on the face and kill them'. They are two lovely little boys...when their parents aren't around. If we are ever alone with them (twice as the mother refuses to leave them, only when she was in labour with no3) they are wonderful as they respect our rules, but as soon as the parents turn up all hell breaks loose. At my wedding they ran riot and almost destroyed the cake......and never ever reprimanded. Or they get "don't do that" and then when they do it again they are ignored.

Totally their parents fault. No discipline or structure at home. I know I will not be a perfect parent (far from it!!) but I will teach my children basic manners, respect and boundaries!!

That said, pregnancy thing too! Since I got pregnant I've been paying more attention to how my nephew (15 months) is raised, and thinking "never..." Or "oh I like that!" I think that's only natural though.

 

[CandyApple19]

since ive got kids too and im.close to my big sis we will put each others kids in place if they are acting horrible....maybe ask your sisters permission to tell her daughter off if she physically hurts you again....all the rest is upto ur sis xx

 

[aliss]

since ive got kids too and im.close to my big sis we will put each others kids in place if they are acting horrible....maybe ask your sisters permission to tell her daughter off if she physically hurts you again....all the rest is upto ur sis xx

I agree with this. My kid is my kid but he damn well better listen to his auntie & grandma too!!!

 

[twice unlucky]

its definately not a pregnancy thing. i dislike brats like that n dont bother with them coz of theyre not taken out of the habit they grow up like that too. supernanny all the way.