Pregnant and really starting to hate my niece?!

[Tink84]

Def not pregnancy!!

It's hard to remind yourself though that it's the parents to blame.

I wrote a similar post around Dec last year but my niece was physically hurting her sister as well as not getting wrong for things. At the time we weren't allowed to tell her off nor did her parents. We are now. However things have escalated for us and her behaviour and the route cause is not lack of discipline now (was last year) it's jealousy!

 

[New Mrs W]

She does sound like a brat but I do think your hormones are playing a part. My neice, who was flowergirl at my wedding, can be very hard work when she's with her parents but on her own is really quite delightful. And yet towards the end of my last pregnancy I really struggled to be alone with her. The reason? She talked too much and asked too many questions!!! She was 5 years old at the time, kids of that age learn by talking and questioning, as a primary school teacher I know this but just had zero patience for the poor little lamb. Safe to say I 110% adore her again now. I suspect if you weren't pregnant then this would bother you much less. Try to remember that xxxx

 

[_jellybean_]

I want to add...it really IS her parents. As hard as it is to be around your niece, it's really not her fault. She's a child, and a product of her environment.

 

[pinklightbulb]

Oh, wow. Eamon had a hard time adjusting to Liam so I know what it's like in that regard when a child regresses, but there's helping them to adjust by making *some* concessions now and then, and then there's just plain pandering to stupidity and no way would I be falling for any of that. It's definitely not a pregnancy thing! Your niece isn't at fault, her parents are!

 

[shocker]

Sounds to me like your sister is letting your niece get away with more because she doesn't want your niece to associate her new brother with an increase in discipline she probably is letting her get away with more to try and ease the transition from only child, my sister did this aswell when she and her partner broke up, she let her get away with loads thinking it would make things easier on her but the fact is children need boundaries, during times of change its more important than ever to keep things rule wise very strict so that whatever changes go on around them they can rest assured that basic things will still be the same! Perhaps you could talk with your sister? I spoke with mine over my nieces behavior and made it clear I was just worried about my nieces wellbeing and in no way suggesting that my sister isn't a fantastic mother, because she is, but nobodies perfect! You could also help by taking your niece on a day out just the two of you, reward her good behavior and punish the bad and show her how grown up she is going for a girly day with you, ny oldest niece and I have been doing that since her brothers were born and still do now that she's 9 and long over any jealousy she had over her brothers its a great way of bonding and a nice treat going to town and having lunch somewhere nice

 

[ttcbambino#1]

It does sound like she's getting away with murder! Although kids that age are going to push boundaries and play up, but then it's down to the parents to manage that behaviour. My DD has manners and is polite and everyone thinks she's an angel, however let me tell you there are days where her halo well and truly falls off and she's a beastie! No one believes me, and I just have to try and ignore it and discipline her as normal, but it's incredibly hard work sometimes! I also have lost a lot of patience for all sorts of people and scenarios, but found that just went hand in hand with changing priorities once your pregnant and a mummy.

I also wonder if your sister feels a little bit guilty?? In the sense that she know has another child and your niece has obviously taken it quite badly! So she may be playing into the demands as she feels sorry for her? Not that it's an excuse but she may be struggling with feelings like that? I worry about that all the time to the extent that I feel guilty I'm going to be taking away my sole devotion to DD, I worry how she'll cope. She's a very good sharer though and I've involved her with this pregnancy, so hopefully she'll adjust ok!

 

[sethsmummy]

Wooweee, I've not read right through posts here just your first one.. BUT my neices can be exactly the same! But I don't hold my tongue, if they are being a little brat.. i will tell them off. In our family its just not acceptable to behave that way. My eldest neice did the exact same thing with the whole "where's my present" and i told her point blank if she didn't ask nicely and behave she wasn't getting it. My other neice is a complete and utter brat... I wont go into details but i really hate the days i know my sister is coming to visit... because given 5 minutes.. they start having tantrums and trying to trash the place. It is not normal behavour... it is learned behaviour... if they get away with it then they will keep doing it.

If i were you if she does it in your house.. then tell her off, i guaruntee you she wont know what to do with herself. The first time i shouted at my nieces and nephews they didn't know where to put themselves. Now i stick them on my son's "naughty step". And it sure works.

But i do agree pregnancy hormones will only be aggravating the situation. But seriously hun in your house just don't put up with it. Your house, your rules. And you don't want her thinking she can act that way with your child either!

 

[juicyfruity]

i agree with previous posters, i havent read through every one of them but i think your frustration is really stemming from how her parents are reacting to her behaviour. From what i read i see a little 4 year old girl feeling overshadowed by her brother and has discovered the only way to get attention that works is by doing these behaviours. and it is working! instead of punishing her i think she needs one of them to spend time with her alone, without brother. playing take her out little treats like that. if she feels she is getting the love and attention she wouldnt have to resort to such methods.

i think attention seeking behaviour is completely normal and when children engage in that kind of thing its because they feel they arent getting enough attention otherwise. we are all human we all need attention! especially children! but my word i can see how frustrating it must be for you because there really isnt much you can do without overstepping boundaries. i mean you could have a quiet word to the parents but that could come across as rude, you could talk to the girl and try spend time with her but then they could see it as you are 'stealing' their daughter away or making a 'favourite' of her.

its so hard to see what is the right thing to do in this situation! wish i could offer something better, but i just cant see what! i will keep it in mind though and get back to you if i think of anything!

 

[Vicki_Cream]

Is this a pregnancy thing or am I just going crazy?! My niece has always been spoilt but recently I can't even stand to be around her as her bratty attitude drives me up the wall. Even my hubby says he bothers with her less now as he can't stand her right now. She literally just turned 4 the other day and it's not like I expect her to be a little angel 24/7 but it infuriates how she can be a total brat and my sister does nothing about it!

Her little brother is coming up to one year and the last few months she's really been acting up. She makes my sister feed her again as the baby gets spoon fed and my sister, her partner and my Dad all do it for her! Isn't this going backwards?! She hasn't used a stroller or pram since she was 2 and now she's begun demanding to be in the buggy even if my nephew is in it and sometimes they actually let her! She's also got into the habit of talking like a baby. I'm not on about just for 15 minutes, she will go on for hours doing it constantly and they don't reprimand her for it at all. She hates it when anyone plays with my nephew and will literally demand your attention if you're playing with him. She constantly snatches toys away from him also. I can understand this situation, she's gone from being a single child to suddenly having a little brother who takes some of the attention away/ gets to do things she can't as far as she's concerned but it drives me NUTS that they are just letting it all slide.

They let her get away with so much! The other day she was riding her bike around the house (which is a no-no as far as I'm concerned anyway) and she rode straight into me. I firmly told her to be more careful and she laughed and did it again. She refuses to eat dinner EVERY day, food she hasn't tried before is a definite no for her, she refuses it and even things she has had she will say "I don't like that" and the stupid thing is they will cook her another meal, sometimes more if she continued to refuse the meals. Sometimes they flat out give up, let her leave the table and 5 minutes later let her have cake or chocolate bars if she asks because the way they see it is they'd rather she ate something! The minute you refuse her anything she says "But I want it" as if this is reason enough and then begins to fake cry (really fake cry, I'm not just being cynical). She's learnt that my sister will let her off nursery school if she "feels unwell" and for some reason has it in her head that spitting on the floor is "being sick" so she will do this, then say "I've been sick" and say she doesn't feel well so she can stay home and my sister lets her! The other day it was her birthday, she thanked no one and my sister didn't prompt her to to thank anyone. My dad's partner turned up and my niece immediately asked where her present was before flipping out at everyone that the party food my Dad had bought for her wasn't what she wanted! My sister just always comes up with excuses when she's being a total brat like "oh she's just over tired" or "she's not feeling well" or "she's had a bit too much sugar today".

Don't get me wrong, I still love my niece but I have to leave the room most of the time because I can feel myself getting to breaking point where I literally just want to scream at her and anyone in the vicinity who isn't bothering to discipline her. If my sister catches on to me not approving of a certain situation she starts telling me how well behaved my niece is and how I'll be in for a shock when I have a complete brat and how I won't be able to cope with having a child.

I don't want to sound like I'm just being completely snobby or anything and I completely understand that raising a child is not easy, there will be times when I can't cope and there will be times when my child acts up but it's just the fact that it's literally 24/7 with her and I'm really getting to breaking point. I can literally feel myself on the verge of flipping out! It was such an effort on her birthday especially when she was flat out ignoring everyone who spoke to her in the morning once she had her presents and I just had to grit my teeth and bear it. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all as I know it's going to be even worse. I feel like I'm losing my sanity!!

Holy crap, you could have written this about my half sister! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!

Drives me absolutely potty, and if I have to discipline her (she thinks it's funny to hit my dog and rabbit - heeell no!) then she does the whole fake crying thing, y Mum smothers her and does the whole "ooooh my poor BABY!!" thing, and then I am the one who gets a bollocking!!

 

[Harley Quinn]

I have similar nieces, actually. They are a bit older, but the same kind of behaviours that just don't make sense and are obviously a result of what's going on in their home life.

I also look at their behaviour and think to myself, "Well, I'm going to do things differently so my kids won't turn out like that." But since my son was born, I mean now that I actually KNOW how hard parenting is... I am a little less judgemental of my SIL. Especially since she has two older kids and I just have a 10 month old. I like to think I'll be a better parent, but I bet she set out thinking the same thing when she first was pregnant. We all do the best we can. We moms need to support each other as best we can. Now, sometimes that means letting someone know you don't appreciate the way their kids are (repeatedly) treating you, but most of the time that means encouraging and loving them as best we can. IMO, if you can't do that, then yeah, maybe it's best to just avoid them for a while. Better than exploding some random time and creating an awkward moment (felt like doing this many times).

 

[Butterfly89]

Uhm, no. It's not just because you're pregnant, I totally disagree. Clearly her parents have a blatant disregard for their child's manners and if they don't start NOW, she is going to be 14, and a wild child. This is NOT normal behaviour and it is (or should be) unacceptable to the other members of the family.

A little bit of jealousy or sibling rivalry is normal, but to this degree? Not to mention the spoiled attitude and ungratefulness towards having food and presents and love of family... Most kids appreciate those things naturally unless they have been spoiled. At 4, she DOES know better. And when she doesn't, her parents should be stepping in to correct her. I'm not really blaming the kid at this point since it's really her parents that should be teaching her!

I wonder if the people saying this is normal behaviour also have children like this. Because mine sure as heck will not be behaving this way! I have 6 nieces and nephews and one acts a lot like your niece, but it's the same; her parents give her special treatment and never correct her behaviour, allow her to whine and fake cry to get whatever she wants, make her special meals for no reason, and reward her bad behaviour. It's making transitioning to "big girl school" very difficult for her. I actually feel bad for kids in this situation. =(

I would say you don't have to deal with this behaviour and it's fully acceptable if you wanted to pull back and tell your sister until she starts encouraging manners and polite behaviour, you don't want to be a part of spoiling her. That's kind of what my family has done with my niece and her parents. Quite a few parents have pulled their kids away because they dislike the influence and they feel its not right to be encouraging this type of parenting.

I know everyone has a right to raise their child as they wish, doesn't mean I will be a part of it or let it influence my child badly!