pregnant and upset

[Brown1428]

I'm expecting my 3rd, his 2nd our first together. This was not planned and we were very careful. Condom broke I took the morning after pill and here I am at 12 weeks. I knew at some point id want to possibly have 1 more, but honestly he wasn't who id thought it would be with. We've been together 4 years and just recently things were going down hill, and I'm not stupid a baby will not fix this. To top it all off, this pregnancy has been hard, harder then the first 2. He's supportive for the most part, but I can't get over the feeling like I've screwed myself out of a happy loving relationship. He's a good father to his daughter, he's okay for the most part with my children, but our relationship has not been easy. I keep telling myself that pregnancy is a miracle and if its meant to be it will and I know that I'll love this child no matter what. But a huge part of me is upset that once again (like my two previous Children)I did not choose the right father and I'll be suck doing this alone raising this child from a broken home. Does anyone else feel this way, or have gone through something similar? Or am I a horrible person?

 

[mummy2o]

I totally know where your coming from. This is my 2nd and OH's 1st. OH and I have been together for about almost 2 years now, but we had problems before I got pregnant. I'm just noticing them more now I guess since I'm pregnant and things bug me more. Don't get me wrong, sometimes he's the most lovely guy in the world and then other times he's a complete idiot. My biggest concern is his and my son's relationship. My son has autism so I know he isn't always the easiest child in the world, but generally pretty good. My OH has OCD so they can clash at times. He's to loud, to messy and just general kid stuff. He's 6 going on 3/4 and moans that he still likes cbeebies and in the night garden when other kids his age are into Skylanders, Ben10 etc. I tell him over and over again that he's not normal and even if he was he'd still be acting his age. As between me and him we want different things in life and I think long term it won't work. I am not sure how he will be like towards a baby, who he has no control off and it scares me a little, but I know at the end of the day I need to do what is best for my children, if its with my OH or without is yet to be determined.

 

[tddunn]

I have been in your situation before. About 5 1/2 years ago I was dating a guy that I really liked, but the relationship was almost too forced to work. We were both in the military at the time and I ended up pregnant unplanned. I was terrified, but I was wanting to at least keep the baby. He in no way shape or form wanted the pregnancy to work out, and on multiple occasions forced the phone to my ear to schedule an abortion, I would always come up with an excuse why I couldnt that day. Eventually he told me that he refused to be a part of this and I would be doing it alone, and when I deployed I would have nobody to help care for my child, and would be kicked out and not have a job. It was a horrible horrible situation. Eventually so broken down I gave in, and I can honestly say I regret it every single day to this moment. I had a very healthy baby (12 w 5 d) that I could have raised on my own, and my current husband would have happily adopted my child as his very own. I was not happy with my situation before but I am devistated by it now. My suggestion is try to make the best of it the way you can. I know that is hard, but God does not make mistakes and his goal is never to hurt you. Trust in him and I guarantee that things will work out much better than trying to control things on your own, like I did.

 

[OnyxSnowfall]

I have been in your situation before. About 5 1/2 years ago I was dating a guy that I really liked, but the relationship was almost too forced to work. We were both in the military at the time and I ended up pregnant unplanned. I was terrified, but I was wanting to at least keep the baby. He in no way shape or form wanted the pregnancy to work out, and on multiple occasions forced the phone to my ear to schedule an abortion, I would always come up with an excuse why I couldnt that day. Eventually he told me that he refused to be a part of this and I would be doing it alone, and when I deployed I would have nobody to help care for my child, and would be kicked out and not have a job. It was a horrible horrible situation. Eventually so broken down I gave in, and I can honestly say I regret it every single day to this moment. I had a very healthy baby (12 w 5 d) that I could have raised on my own, and my current husband would have happily adopted my child as his very own. I was not happy with my situation before but I am devistated by it now. My suggestion is try to make the best of it the way you can. I know that is hard, but God does not make mistakes and his goal is never to hurt you. Trust in him and I guarantee that things will work out much better than trying to control things on your own, like I did.

God's forgiveness is profound (not implying you think that what transpired needs forgiveness from God!). But: I hope you are able to find peace and forgive yourself. Most of us go through dark periods where we do something (and or not do something) we regret but we can learn so much from it. I'm sorry you are hurting. You were in a hard spot with what sounds like no support. No one should judge that (including you! ), none here are perfect. We oft beat ourselves up when what we really need is to engulf ourselves in some self-acceptance and love - I know I have rejected myself out of fear I would no longer think something I did or did not prevent would mean I felt it was right and i might possibly do it again out of apathy or worse... like somehow holding onto the negativity was both punishment and prevention... but I have slowly learned wisdom comes out of learning and moving on.

Your post just struck me and I felt for you

Brown: I too am uncertain about the current father of my baby. It will be his first and my third... we conceived right before he moved out of state (during an extremely unstable time... we had been taking yet another break just prior and it was a very messy situation). Being a single mom is no cake walk, but ultimately trying to make something work that is utterly broken can be more exhausting and stressful and seldom ever empowering. Neither are appealing tho', I knows. I am sorry you are in a similar situation . I hope you have family and friends to lean on if you decide you and the father are not going to be able to have a happy/content/stable relationship. I try to focus on the positives of my boyfriend (he is really amazing and good with my two boys) but without trust... yeah.... I have had a few good cries about feeling trapped in this situation.

 

[josephine3]

Dont have any advice but wanted to send some love and wish u the best of luck. Im sure u will cherish ur new baby just the same. Me and my oh have our problems right now and this pregnancy was also unplanned. It is very scary!