Pregnant by a controlling emotional bully

[lucy_x]

welcome

 

[sparklydee]

Why oh why did u stop the pill when you were not getting on at all b the sounds of things ?

Because he convinced me that I was hormonally emotional and up & down because of the pill! I'd switched brands when I hit 35 because of thrombosis risk etc (I'm a smoker - well, trying not to be atm!) and according to FOB, my emotional state changed when my pill changed and he convinced me to stop taking it because I was "so up and down". Stupid stupid me ...

Doesn't mean I don't want my bean now s/he is coming though!!

 

[pocketwatch]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

There is a site called Baggage Reclaim out of the UK. It has all sorts of help on dumping an emotionally abusive man, which is what you have here. You absolutely can do this. For no other reason, than you are mirroring to your children what is "appropriate" in relationships - they are going to do the same thing you are doing if you don't put a stop to this.

You can do it. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children.

 

[loveylove]

I'm scared to get words mixed up or remember things in the wrong order because he then starts a new argument about that - heaven forbid I mis-quote him.

This line just totally brought back so many morbid memories... don't let a man patronise you or make you feel stupid... Read back your post.. it doesn't take a genius to see you're obviously a really, really strong individual. My ex use to make me feel so dumb I was frightened to speak my mind in case I wasn't grammatically correct... this in the end began to change my personality and make me someone I didn't want to be.

I don't know what to tell you to do, you need to do what's best for you and your children...

 

[Dragonfly]

Exactly what my close friends are saying and they are close friends not internet strangers.

It's hard to break free - I seem to be in some kind of cycle and I don't understand WHY it is so hard! As I posted above, he has a way of making it reasonably sound like it IS all my fault so I end up apologising to HIM for almost even having the nerve to have been upset in the first place.

because you are not strong enough yet to leave him , you want to break fee of the control but you are scared, he has controlled you so much that if you break free it feels like you will be alone and that thought is scary. Nothing is your fault this is what abusers do, they have the problem but make you feel like its you all the way. turns you into a door mat after a while. You love him and hope he will change but he wont it will get worse, if you threaten to leave thats when it gets worse. I hope he dosnt start violence as thats normally the course here. Its an insecurity thing. My ex was like this and you will find men who are like this all have this pattern. I thought I was alone but I had some councilling and left him, I was black and blue and bleeding walking away but dam it was hard but glad i done it. No kids involved here years ago.

 

[GettingBroody]

Sending you lots of Stay strong...

 

[sparklydee]

Exactly what my close friends are saying and they are close friends not internet strangers.

It's hard to break free - I seem to be in some kind of cycle and I don't understand WHY it is so hard! As I posted above, he has a way of making it reasonably sound like it IS all my fault so I end up apologising to HIM for almost even having the nerve to have been upset in the first place.

because you are not strong enough yet to leave him , you want to break fee of the control but you are scared, he has controlled you so much that if you break free it feels like you will be alone and that thought is scary.

That's very very VERY spot on.

 

[sparklydee]

I'm scared to get words mixed up or remember things in the wrong order because he then starts a new argument about that - heaven forbid I mis-quote him.

This line just totally brought back so many morbid memories... don't let a man patronise you or make you feel stupid... Read back your post.. it doesn't take a genius to see you're obviously a really, really strong individual. My ex use to make me feel so dumb I was frightened to speak my mind in case I wasn't grammatically correct... this in the end began to change my personality and make me someone I didn't want to be.

I don't know what to tell you to do, you need to do what's best for you and your children...

I'm a very strong person .... or I USED to be - that is what is unreal about this whole thing. I lost so much self confidence and all my friends commented I'd changed.

I'm getting my strength back now though, I think it's coming from my magic bean!!

 

[sparklydee]

Ohhh wow -- Pocketwatch thank you for telling me about Baggage Reclaim. I'm buried deep in the site now!!! am feeling better and stronger!

 

[Eve]

Hi, and welcome... and Been there, and it got worse, got physical and after 2.5 years I left, met my current OH and have never been happier with someone. Good luck hun and I wish you the best.

 

[Dragonfly]

Exactly what my close friends are saying and they are close friends not internet strangers.

It's hard to break free - I seem to be in some kind of cycle and I don't understand WHY it is so hard! As I posted above, he has a way of making it reasonably sound like it IS all my fault so I end up apologising to HIM for almost even having the nerve to have been upset in the first place.

because you are not strong enough yet to leave him , you want to break fee of the control but you are scared, he has controlled you so much that if you break free it feels like you will be alone and that thought is scary.

That's very very VERY spot on.

]
Looking back on one of your posts in this thread your a lot stronger than I was when I was with the controlling prick. I felt a sence of pride when I was reading you had high confidence and your inner you is screaming and fighting to get away from him. I didnt have a clue I thought I was wrong all the time and that if I left him he would actually kill me. Then i had the psychical abuse side of it. Got so bad killing myself was the only option and I did try it. Thats when I seen a ghost to (or maybe I was going mad but it flicked the blade out of my hand and filled the room with mist) scary crap. He was fond of the drink also, used to pretend he blacked out but there where times when he would flip over a burnt pizza! I wasnt myself at all then, I was a fun loving girl who went out with friends, went shopping, went on road trips. to this day I havnt been hardly out i just shut myself off and to be honest I still havnt come back to me and I dont think I ever will all these years later. I wont even get in cars now and suffered panic attacks , anxiety and even went to drugs myself to handle things. Looking back thats not me, I would kick anyones ass now but took that to happen to build me , I was weak and scared then. i think if I seen him now I would probably stab him He even starved my cats when I left him he beat the crap out of me, I never went back but my cats where there and for 3 months I listened to his calls and tried to get my cats. I got them scared and skinny back and 6 years later they both are nut cases and insecure. Such an evil *******. I say I had more of a low self esteem problem like I still have rather than being blinded by love. He was push and pull, love one min, go on like a prick the next. They have to rope you back in somehow after being assholes.

 

[mandy81]

welcome to BnB hun xx

 

[pocketwatch]

Ohhh wow -- Pocketwatch thank you for telling me about Baggage Reclaim. I'm buried deep in the site now!!! am feeling better and stronger!

It's completely awesome.

I left a sociopath. You can do it. You can do it for you - you can do it for your children. You DO NOT want them to follow in your footsteps and have relationships like this.

I believe in you. You can do it.

 

[PeanutBean]

:wave: Sorry about your tricky situation. I hope you have been getting some good advice on here.

 

[Panda_Ally]

Hello and Welcome! xx

 

[storm4mozza]

hey welcome, and hope everything improves for you soon

 

[Charl]

hi & welcome hun