Pregnant friend moan!

[suffolksarah]

Hi Ladies.

Just a little moan/rant i am afraid.

Now one of my best friends is neally 30 weeks pregnant, and i am so happy for her, i just find it quite hard sometimes.
I went to visit her yesterday and she spent a whole 2 hours moaning about how sick she feels, how she has to eat every 10 min to stop feeling ill, how shes up and down in the night for a wee and how 'stressful' he weekend was sorting through all the baby things shes been given and having to do hard work sorting the houise out for when baby arrives. There i am 'laughing' when i am suppose to, and 'sympathsizing' with all her hard work. Also she said she was pleased as she had only put on 4lb (shes quite a big girl) and i have managed putting on about 9lb though comfort eating!! GRRRR!!!

It really got me down, how i would give anything to be in her position, re-decorate and sort the house or be sick every 5 min for the whole 9 months, at least she gets to hold her baby at the end of it.
She keeps saying 'i wanted our babies to be best friends' i mean i did to but i cant do nothing to change that, can i?
Other friends run up to her and touch her tummy, hug her, and ask if shes chosen names. How i long for this to be me!!

It doent help that i had to go to hospital yesterday, just to have some Moles removed, had to cancel the first appointment because i had just found out i was preg. yesterday the nurse can up to me and said 'congratulation, we herd your news' and did a bump shape with her hands (as if i didn't know what she meant!) so i had to tell her 'no not any more!' I mean it was the same hospital i went for my ERPC 5 weeks ago, it must have been on my notes!

Anyway sorry for the rant, i feel it helps to get it out of the system, esspically as you guys understand, if i told my friends how i felt i would seem jelous and unhappy for her!

Thanks for reading, fx'ed we all get there soon xxx

 

[Eternal]

Im so sorry, It sucks big time. i would give anything to be pregnant.

the flip side of it is i hate being pregnant, although im sure i will appreacite it better if i get pregnant again, i lost 3 stone with my son, and 2 stone with my loss. im so sick, i have no enegery, have spd, and i just feel awrful! however everytime i felt ok i would panic that the baby was ok etc.

i think losing my baby has really confirmed what a miricle pregnancy has and i hope i wont complain if it happens again.

i think for me its just being near pregnant women or hearing about theme etc i know so many people who are pregnant right now and when you hear them complaining i just want to scream how ungreatful they are!

 

[Zedfaca]

I know it's hard for you to see other pregnant women from personal experience. It's not fair to say that someone should just be grateful and not complain about things. I lost a baby five years ago and I still complained when I couldn't be in a sitting position for the last month of my pregnancy due to agonizing pain in my ribs. Now my baby wakes me up ten times a night and I'm so tired I'm hallucinating, should I just be grateful I have a healthy baby and not say a word about it? Or what about the injuries I've sustained from giving birth? Shall I be grateful for them too? I'm very, very happy to have my baby at last but it's been really hard work. It's so easy to imagine pregnancy, birth and childcare as a wonderful dream of loveliness but a lot of the time it's a real struggle. I think I've cried just as hard and as many times over losing a baby as I have over creating and taking care of my son.

 

[Sunshine31]

Hey Sarah
I know how that feels - and I'm sorry you've been through it. Reminds me of when my SIL sent me a 20 weeks scan pic of her "perfect baby" the day after my ERPC.

Zedfaca (above) is right I'm sure that pregnancy/parenting is really hard. But she's being a little unfair in that you're entitled to express these opinions in this section - it's what it's here for. I wouldn't recommend posting something like this in third tri but then I know you wouldn't. I'm sure she can find much needed support in the parenting threads because that's what they're for.

Take care honey, hope you've have a better day today xx

 

[fides]

Sarah, i'm so sorry you're having to go through this. You're not alone - there are a bunch of us who would also love to be miserably pregnant with a healthy child!

Like Sunshine, i wish you a better day.

 

[Reb S]

Hi Sarah,
I know how you feel - one of my college friends (same age) got accidentally pregnant, never having wanted kids (mine was 3 years TTC, IVF MMC in Oct). One of my other best friends is now pregnant also - they are both treading on eggshells around me, I am very lucky. I think your friend is being a little insensitive - is your friendship good enough that you could very gently say to her that you're delighted for her, but could she treat you very kindly? Maybe carefully remind her how she'd be feeling if it was the other way round. Or say nothing, take a deep breath and try to be happy for her. Scream when you leave the house! My sympathies x

 

[suffolksarah]

Thanks all, for your kind words.

Zedfaca, i am sorry that you are sleep deprived and finding it hard to cope. but to be honest your post upset me a bit. Do i feel you should be grateful? well yes i do. I think you should be grateful and cherish every moment together.
I agree that you should be able to moan if you need to. I was just saying that i felt upset as my MC is quite fresh to me and my friend was moaning about basically sorting out bumps new clothes and morning sickness, not about agonising pain and third degree tears, which if this was the case i would have more sympathy!
i know parenthood isn't all roses, but at the end of the day you have your child and know matter how painful, upsetting, tiring, it is you have that child with you!

 

[suffolksarah]

Hi Sarah,
I know how you feel - one of my college friends (same age) got accidentally pregnant, never having wanted kids (mine was 3 years TTC, IVF MMC in Oct). One of my other best friends is now pregnant also - they are both treading on eggshells around me, I am very lucky. I think your friend is being a little insensitive - is your friendship good enough that you could very gently say to her that you're delighted for her, but could she treat you very kindly? Maybe carefully remind her how she'd be feeling if it was the other way round. Or say nothing, take a deep breath and try to be happy for her. Scream when you leave the house! My sympathies x

Thanks Reb.
Thing is i think she (and most people) think i am over it now, i mean i laugh and smile now, and am not on the brink of tears all the time. (But i still get upset by myself and catch myself thinking 'what if'.) So i can see why she talks about her pregnancy loads, plus (obviously) she is very excited. And i am so so happy for her, but it still hurts! (i just try not to show it!!!)xxx

 

[sequeena]

Oh hun I felt exactly the same
I do complain now though, only to OH though. It's my way of coping with the constant ms.

Good luck

 

[HollieQ]

You poor thing it's so hard

I have a friend with a newborn and she's always complaining of his colic, I can't help but think to myself, 'well at least he'd not dead like mine' Isn't that awful? But it just makes me really angry when she complains about him crying etc I can't help it.

We'll all get there, stronger and happier than ever xxxxxxxx

 

[Eternal]

i agree, i mean i know ist not easy, but be careful who you are speaking to, to answer a thread in TTC after a loss with hostility isnt nice, we are greiving and if we are upset by things people say thats ok, and people should be ok with us being upset. it not like the OP said anything nasty to her.

i think this is the place to rant and complain as much as we need to to get us though the day. lots of luck xxx

 

[Reb S]

Hi Sarah,
I think you're being very brave. Lots of people think we're over it as soon as we stop crying in public - I got into loads of trouble at work about that one and I wasn't over it at all! Just keep your spirits up, moan here and keep your fingers crossed for our BFPs x

Zedfaca - I agree with the others - sorry to hear things are not all rosy for you, but this is the forum where we can vent our sorrow and get support. I hope the sleeping gets better soon! - and hope that we can join you in moaning about the difficulties of parenthood soon! x

 

[Fooled_Heart]

First of all Sarah

Its true what Reb says, people assume that you get over something like this so quickly but it takes alot of time. Its been 6 months for me and the last time I cried was yesterday.

Zedfaca Life isn't fair as we all know on here. No one is saying you can't complain about being a parent (that's what the parenting forum is for). Why would you respond with so much hostility in a TTCAL forum?? These complaints are obviously going to be on here and Sarah has every right to show her feelings, if you don't like it don't look. It clearly states in the title what sort of post this is. Her friend is being insensitive and if you look at her siggie you can see how recent her loss was, so back off a bit. Yes you're tired, you have injuries ect but you have your baby.

 

[Kempf]

Hi Hun, so sorry ...it is hard and i know that cos i have been there, to help your sanity a little bit, u can stay away for a while just to help urself i.e to preserve ur emotions, it's not that u r not happy for your friend, u r but u r hurting right now...probably reduce the time u r around ur friend for a while until u feel strong enough

Healing takes a process but remember that the grass will get greener.. All d best but remain hopeful

 

[wannabe mam]

Hi Suffolksarah,
I am so sorry for your loss and having to go through the emotional rollercoaster ride until we get the BFP. I am so glad you posted this because I am feeling the same. My friend has broke the news on facebook who I am happy for but she had an abortion a few years ago and she got pregnant this time in her first cycle of ttc! I just feel its unfair! We all need a rant and this is the environment for it, no one else understands, like someone else has said everyone thinks we are over it but it stays with us forever especially while still ttc its the worst thing I have experienced! This friend of mine was also complaining about not being able to drink, next time I see her I am going to have a very large glass of wine and wear a slimming outfit!
Hope you are feeling better, its so hard when all our friends and family get pregnant but hopefully that will be us one day, take care xxx

 

[Reb S]

Ha ha!!! Wannabe, that made me laugh aloud!

 

[wannabe mam]

Yes we may not be pregnant yet but we have WINE!

 

[suffolksarah]

Here here!!!!! I currently have a large Baileys on the go!!!

Thanks for all the support girls x

 

[fides]

here's a toast, then - to all the strong, beautiful women out there who are ttc!!

 

[Zedfaca]

I'm really sorry, I wrote all that out after getting no sleep whatsoever on my phone too so I didn't realise I'd come across like such a cow. I didn't mean it to sound like I was having a go. All I wanted to say was, I spent five years of my life waiting to get pregnant again. I didn't even have a partner so it was just an impossibly long wait. I was a mess during a lot of it. I'm looking forward to not sobbing my heart out the next time I have to buy my mum a mother's day card. I just wanted to say from this side of it, I moaned like an ungrateful so and so when I was pregnant. I was so happy at the same time, but it is really tough for some people. Your hormones are going crazy and you're so tired and in pain. I guess I was trying to say it doesn't mean people don't care. I thought that might help. I can see that was a bit dumb of me now! I really didn't mean to upset anyone. Sorry! I only said something because I know how it feels from both sides and I don't want anyone to feel bad if they do have a little moan when they are expecting. Because I felt guilty, you know?