Pregnant partner wants space and hates me?!?! (Broke up with me at 17 weeks)

[NeedAdvice67]

I don't know who all might be in a similar situation or might have some insight but my girlfriend is now 17 weeks pregnant and for the past 2 months has wanted literally nothing to do with me and everything I do irritates the life out of her. I feel no love and my head is 24/7 destroyed. Therapy is not helping and other forums have given me massive anxiety in similar symptoms of her just not enjoying being around me or wanting to include me at all.

We both live and work together, but she only speaks to me when I upset her to point something stupid I do out or rag on me. I'm literally at my wits end.

Please help for the sake of my sanity and our relationship, I really love her.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

I feel like any day she could leave me and be perfectly fine but she's putting up with me to afford the bills. I haven't received any positive reinforcement from her in over about 3 months total.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

I understand it's impossible to control hormones but what can "I" do?!?!?!

 

[NeedAdvice67]

Welp as of tonight she officially "doesn't care about our relationship anymore" as she "hasn't cared for past 27 years anyways" (she's 27 I'm 23). And told me all I do is irritate her and make her unhappy because I always just "do whatever I want"

 

[NeedAdvice67]

I should probably mention I already messed up by acting needy and weak in front of her by crying lots for weeks and definitely sought reassurance that our relationship was OK. She is most likely completely turned off to me at this point.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

Is there anyone else in this situation?!???! I'm literally losing my mind but I don't want to give up on her. She was nothing like this before she got pregnant unless it was all honeymoon phase because she got pregnant within first 2 months of us dating.

 

[margeandmom]

I obviously don’t know your specific situation, but pregnancy can make you kind of “hate” your partner (at least that happens to me for a bit). It’s something to do with all the hormone shifts and affects all women differently. She may be struggling with pregnancy anxiety / depression / mood issues which can cause irritability.

I would do your best to not take things too personally, if that’s what it is.

However it does sound like it would be worth your while to do some type of couples counseling — you seem to be having a huge communication gap.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

So I've asked her if that was something we could do and she says "ain't no 6 month relationship worth going to counseling for", "we haven't even been together for a year". And any attempt I make to conversation or reason with her just makes her even angrier.

We were almost having a normal conversation yesterday and the more I replied then more upset she got (IN A NORMAL CONVO!!!!) Then she kicked me out of the room to sleep in our spare room. I'm not gonna lie, I got defensive and said that's stupid that I can't sleep in our room after having slept in the spare room Mon- Wednesday already to give her more space. And she said "just keep doing whatever you want" even angrier.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

So I've asked her if that was something we could do and she says "ain't no 6 month relationship worth going to counseling for", "we haven't even been together for a year". And any attempt I make to conversation or reason with her just makes her even angrier.

We were almost having a normal conversation yesterday and the more I replied then more upset she got (IN A NORMAL CONVO!!!!) Then she kicked me out of the room to sleep in our spare room. I'm not gonna lie, I got defensive and said that's stupid that I can't sleep in our room after having slept in the spare room Mon- Wednesday already to give her more space. And she said "just keep doing whatever you want" even angrier.

I wake up an hr early to take care of her 3 dogs so she can get extra rest, I take care of them when we get home from work. I do the house cleaning, the trash, dishes, etc (no more laundry, she almost dumped me last weekend for doing her laundry for her) so that she can relax when she gets home but it's never enough. She's never happy with the things I DO do and still won't even speak to me.

 

[margeandmom]

Do you think it would help to live separately for a while? Living and working together 24/7 puts a huge strain on ANY relationship, let alone one so new. She probably just needs some alone time more often and can’t get it if you’re always together

 

[NeedAdvice67]

Do you think it would help to live separately for a while? Living and working together 24/7 puts a huge strain on ANY relationship, let alone one so new. She probably just needs some alone time more often and can’t get it if you’re always together

It's impossible, we both live in an expensive part of Florida in a house. If I move out she 100% will not make the payments = someone else will move in and I would have to find somewhere else. Would completely compromise our situation and open it up for another dude to move in. Also, I cannot afford to move again so soon as I just moved in 3 months ago. We also work an hr and a half away from the house so we ride share and we don't have family close by. It's really just us.

 

[margeandmom]

Hmmm… she is being quite difficult to work with considering you guys are going to have a kid together and will be in eachothers lives for some time ….regardless of what happens

 

[NeedAdvice67]

Which is exactly what I tell her and she says she's tired of me saying that "we're a team" or "we need to work together". But she's so closed off and won't work with me. She even plans all the baby stuff with her friends and family. I don't even get a real say on the name or what we're doing because it's "her house".

 

[NeedAdvice67]

I feel like an unwanted stranger in my own home where I come back to and it's draining everything out of me because I am already divorced since I was 22 because my ex of 6 years left me for someone else. I'm just reliving the same thing in my head every day.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

I guess I'm out of options, no way back, only forward. Is what it is

 

[NeedAdvice67]

So she just dumped me last night and I spent 2 hrs separating the rooms. Should I move out if I want any chance at reconciliation? She "wants to be single for now" and I don't want to be a financial placeholder until she gets a new boyfriend but I really care about her. I've been down this road before with my ex and us living together mentally destroyed me and it never worked out so she up and moved out when she got a new boyfriend.

 

[NeedAdvice67]

I don't want the same situation to happen and I really want to save our relationship. So if anyone could post in whether it would be best to stay and just work on myself with the possibility of her finding someone new or just move out and work on things slowly from a distance?

 

[MrsLux]

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Perhaps some distance but be what's needed to put everything into perspective

 

[NeedAdvice67]

So if she just needs space, being a roommate is okay with a chance to save the relationship? She is a completely different person from before the pregnancy from her way of thinking to opinions.

I know pregnancy is hard, but why end the relationship and push away the 1 person who truly wants to help and be there for all of it?!??!?

 

[MrsLux]

It sounds like she doesn't feel the same way though. I think perhaps some total space then agree a time frame to re group? It sounds like from your current situation that not much will change by being room mates?