Pregnant partner wants space and hates me?!?! (Broke up with me at 17 weeks)

I feel that if I stayed as just a roommate I'll stay in the friend zone, the only issue is if I move out she can't afford the house and might lose it if someone else doesn't move in. So there's no winning and she still sees me at work, so there's that also.

 

Honestly, even though she is tearing my heart apart I still don't want to give up on her. My gut tells me to stick it out and see what happens because then at least I did my best and it wasn't me that gave up. I don't need a temporary lover or any of this other nonsense, I want to marry this woman and grow our child together (yes, like a plant). I can live without the sex (as long as she isn't messing around) and I believe that with enough patience and mental fortitude I can be a better person as well by the end of this pregnancy even if it only turns out to be for my little girl. I can make the gym my new home and still take care of the house to minimize her stress.

I really wish I knew for certain but that's not something I can control. And what I can control is how I carry and develop myself.

I would still deeply appreciate if anyone in a similar situation might be able to share their thoughts or even experiences so we can vent together. Words of encouragement and reinforcement will also be deeply appreciated as I believe the following 4 months will not be any easier. Thank you for all who have read this far even if it has been me venting and whining about things I can't control.

P.S. I will probably continue to vent absurdities here anyways for my own sanity.

 

Thank you, I really hope so. I have been told that I need to be the rock in the storm right now. Definitely harder to apply than it is to say, but I'll work on it.

 

When literally the next day my anxiety is on level 10 thinking she might be talking to someone else XD. I literally exhaust myself but I also don't know how to completely stop that pattern of thinking because I know she has a lot of guy friends and now she's single.... that and the PTSD of my ex wife leaving me for someone else. Really doing quite the number on my mentality. Is what it is though right? Not like I can stop it even if she was, I can only ever move out if I can ever prove it lol.

Terrible feeling to be so close yet so far at the same time. She hasn't spoke to me since the break up which is kind of concerning me though that was only 3 days ago so you can see how I mentally escalate matters so quickly XD.

 

Welp, here's some filler and a twist. I discovered just how much of it is my fault as of yesterday from one of her friends and I'm not gonna lie this realization has been tough to accept. Especially since my instant thought is self pitty and depression but that is not going to help anyone, not me nor her nor our baby girl.

I have to accept that I am at fault and I have sent quite the lengthy apology to her via text. It is now time to work on myself and hopefully, just hopefully she will see the change one day and see it in her heart to take me back so we can be a family.

 

Mini update for my own sanity, I have now successfully left her alone for a couple days lol. Working on my overthinking and need for control. The gym and venting to friends has been my safety net so far. How people do this for months requires a God level of patience especially with the anxiety that 4 days has caused me. This is going to be quite the adventure but I can feel myself recognizing when I'm doing it now so I can stop myself and reflect.

 

I do as well, although we still work and live together. We now drive separate and have separate rooms. I hope she can see how much effort I'm putting in and also that she stills has feelings for me. It's mentally exhausting not knowing.

 

I have been incredibly selfish and unaware of her efforts. Today she actually apologized for being rude. My efforts are not in vain!!!!! Today is literally the best. I just have to keep it cool in front of her so she doesn't see my puppy energy and get pushed away more. WE HAVE PROGRESS!!!!

 

I currently go to therapy, I've been try a lot harder at work so we can have less financial struggle, and most importantly I've been leaving her alone and letting her come to me when she wants to instead of when I wanted attention. I was far too selfish with my interests and have to realize that she is going through a lot right now and even without that it isn't her responsibility to take care of me. We are equals and I need to be able to support my side of the table, even more so when she is struggling so we don't crash.


What would be some good ideas on how I could improve myself as a future father or contributions I could make to make her life easier?

 

Thank you very much for your input, I have no intentions of discrediting your recommendations. The more I hear it, see it, and read about, the more I'm able to acknowledge and identify when I'm doing those negative actions/reactions.

My biggest challenge has been changing the way that I think about things, so I appreciate the resource. I'm slowly understanding that I have no say in what she does or thinks and honestly if she doesn't want me after I've put my all into becoming the best version of myself then that is her decision and there is nothing I can do about that but at the end of the day I would have become better and I love her regardless of what she thinks of me. I can hope she comes to me but it's out of my hands. I will say that I would definitely marry her if given the opportunity lol.

 

It told me mine was "Anxious/Preoccupied", but I don't particularly know what that means for me, guess I'll have to find out. I already know I get insanely anxious in relationships because I have a fear of abandonment. All I've ever wanted was a family I can pour everything into and a partner that loves me for me so when anything threatens that possibility I freak out. I don't understand peoples needs for multiple partners or being unsatisfied with people because you have things you do together and separate. Just kills me that I even have the possibility of losing that happiness.

(Not trying to sound selfish, that's just how I always thought it out. I just want a wife who could be a good mother to our children)

 

So I just got home from my weekend trip and she told me she broke up with me because I was narcissistic and controlling. Everything I want to say just comes out wrong and anytime I feel like I'm expressing myself it now feels wrong. I just feel so disgusted and unsatisfied with my self after having fun all weekend with my family I come home to that. I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't seem to fix myself and I can't seem to make her happy. Everything just sucks so much, there is literally no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

So I've slept on the thought, I'm literally not even narcissistic or controlling. I've actually never once told her that she couldn't do something and I've never tried to change her actions. It was her decision to stop texting all her guy friends cuz I got upset when I saw a text from one. I never even said she couldn't I just expressed my concerns. And the other incident she was referring to was when she dumped me I told her if she started seeing other guys I would move out. That isn't controlling, that's me having feelings and self respect. I can't expect her not to date and if she dates she can't expect me to stay.

I'm just emotional lol

 

Anyone have any advice for opposing perspectives? Our communication appears to have broken down to the point where we don't understand each other. No woman just wants to talk and talk and talk. They want fun and to feel the love. How do I win back a woman who can't even hold a conversation with me?