Pregnant, Single and Alone - very far from Home

[Angeltk42]

Well I am a New Yorker. I was born in New York, Raised in New York, Lived in New York but then I did something stupid and moved eight states away to Texas! 12/16/12 I didn't move alone, I moved with my ex bf (yes he was my ex when we moved) but he was also my friend. Well because of personal reason and basically being a scared little boy he ran back to New York to be with his mommy. I was upset at first and I still miss my friend from time to time but he left me in TEXAS!! 1/7/13 Hard to get over someone abandoning you in Texas and at the time he left I had no Job and was on the verge of being homeless!! Well thank goodness I found a job and found a permanent place to live!

Right after he left I felt more free to start dating. Even though him and I had been broken up for months we were living together and it was just akward to date around each other. At least for me but he didn't date either so I guess he felt it was akward too. Well shortly after he ran back to New York I met this guy "J" and he was really sweet, I thought he was adorable and we texted and spoke all day and night. 1/17/13 We met online. So after a week or two of talking on the phone and texting all the time we ended up meeting up in person. "J" was honest that he was married and just recently separated from his wife. They had separated last year for 8 months got back together for a few months then realized they needed to divorce. But unfortunately I met "j" right after they separated for the 2nd time. He is 27 and a father to three little boys (7,5,and 4) At first he was very adamant that we were just going to be friends possibly friends with benefits which I was fine with considering living in a sexually tension filled house with my ex was a nightmare sometimes! lol But after me and "J" met the first time he changed his tune and was like forget what I said about just friends or FWB i want to see how far this will go with you. I want to take this all the way because I really like you.

Ok so we hung out a few more time and finally I couldn't take the sexual tension anymore and because of our current living situation at the time we really had nowhere to DTD so we had to plan it out. Well it was amazing and after that first time we ended up finding places. Then my living situation changed and I got my own place and then the venue wasn't an issue for us anymore.

Shortly after I moved into my new apartment I wasn't feeling very well, my AF was 3 days late when it had been coming early for months so for peace of mind I took a HPT well I got a 2/24/13 Well needless to say I was in shock. But not THAT shocked because "J" and I hadn't used anything (so irresponsible I know and so UNLIKE ME) we both kinda realized what we had done after we did it that first time and even jokingly started talking about baby names. He brought it up not me. So I freaked out for two days on what the heck I was going to say to him about the situation. I mean we werent even a couple and here I am pregnant with his 4th kid and my 1st.
On 2/26/13 I finally got the courage to tell him but I made a crucial mistake and did it via phone instead of person. But I didn't want to alarm him by asking him to come over to discuss something important. So I told him on the phone and his reaction was like "oh wow" then didn't say much. I told him that if he wanted a DNA test I wouldn't get offened in fact I encourage it. (i know 100% it's his but maybe if he had that 100% assurance it would sink in better) I told him Abortion is not an option since I am PRO LIFE and he said "good because I don't believe in abortion either and would never want you to do that" Well at least we were on the same page with one thing! lol
He said he needed to think about everything because it was a lot to take in and he needed time.

So over the month of March we saw each other one time and he barely spoke to me. We went from talking EVERY DAY to barely speaking for days on end. He apparently started drinking more and even got into a Major car accident and got arrested for DWI. (he had no history of arrests before, I checked! lol)
Well at the end of the month we started talking more and more but there was this giant pink elephant in the room who no one spoke about but it was so hard to ignore.
I had my first Nurse appointment on 3/19/13 and she scheduled me for my sonogram on 3/20/13 and I was so excited I almost burst. I have not as of today revealed to the world I am pregnant so on those dates I certainly hadn't. But I posted on FB "So Excited about tomorrow, big day, how will I ever sleep" well "J" texted me later that night and said "whats going on tomorrow?" so i responded "sonogram" his response "O" and then subject got changed. He texted me the next day but never asked how it went or how I was feeling.

3/28/13 Shock shock "j" decides to come over and hang out with me. We hung out DTD etc... well I finally mustered the courage to talk about the PINK ELEPHANT aka the baby. I told him how I just can't do this alone at least not completely alone. I know I'll be a a kickass single mom but when I thought I would be a single mom I thought I would be living in New York surrounded by my friends and Family. Not living in Bum F*ck Texas with not a single friend or family member for miles and miles. I told him I'm thinking about leaving Texas and heading back to the East Coast. My gay best friend and his bf wanted to help raise the baby and offered for me to move in with them. The BF had just been transferred from Miami Florida to Washington DC for a very big job. Washington DC wasn't NY but it was MUCH MUCH closer. In fact it would be only a 4 hour car ride to go see my mom in Long Island, NY. "J" said he understood and wished he could offer me some support or guidance but at the moment he was feeling very "lost" in life and didn't know what to do with his own life let alone the one that I was growing in me. I told him I understood I was last on the list of priorities because he had 3 little boys who were already born who needed their dad, plus his family and then way at the bottom was me and the LO I was carrying. I told him that if I had his support or the support of his family I would be able to stay in Texas but otherwise I would have to leave. He understood. I still encouraged a DNA test for his own peace of mind. I also asked him if he "cared" about the baby and he said of course he did and asked to be kept up to date on progress and the doctor appointments etc. I showed him the Sonogram and he even said awwww. I told him that even if I left Texas and he wanted to be a part of the babies life I would never keep the baby from him and even If I had to come to Texas a few times a year with the baby so he could see her/him I would.

Since our chat things have been way more relaxed. Although nothing was resolved in that conversation at least I don't feel like I have to avoid all talk of baby to spare his feelings. In fact the doc had asked me some questions about "j"s family history and I of course knew NOTHING so the doc asked me to talk to him. So the next day when he texted me I asked him about genetic abnormatlities and he said no nothing he could think of but then cracked a joke and said "well my family is genetically inclined to be too sexy!" lol I liked that we could joke around about the baby and not be so serious all the time.

I just wish I knew what the right thing to do is... I mean do I stay in Texas and at least give "j" the chance to come around? I heard a saying once that women fall in love with their baby at conception but a man falls in love with his child when he sees it or holds it for the first time. Do I rob him of the chance to meet his baby at birth? but on the other hand I feel like I can't base any decision on him MAYBE coming around. it's frustrating.

Well sorry this is so long I just wanted all the details out there so that you could fully grasp the full extent of the situation before giving opinions. All opinions are welcome Thanks!

 

[whatwillbe]

Hi Hun, I think if your going to get more support by moving closer to home, I'd move, he seems to be acting quite sketchy from what you've said, do you think he's been honest about the situation with his wife ? Sorry for asking but I don't trust men very much at the mo, or maybe he's acting like this because it's very soon after you've started dating that you've fallen pregnant, I now it takes two to tango and these things happen but maybe he's a bit scared cos it's happened so soon, I'd maybe give it a few more weeks where you are and see if he starts to step up to the mark, if not I'd deff move, being a single mom is hard and you'll need as much support as you can get, but if it does come to that I'm sure you'll be a great mom, just try and think of you and baby for now, good luck x

 

[Angeltk42]

Oh thanks for the encouragement it's greatly appreciated! Yeah I'm leaning toward moving too!
As far as the wife situation I do know it's true because I Facebook stalk his wife's page (it's conveniently unblocked!!!) lol so she posts how the breakup is hard and posts stuff about the kids... They seems to have a decent relationship they talk about the kids and stuff on fb. Plus I have been to his parents house which is where he is staying and met his dad so I doubt he would bring me there if he was still with wife.... But I don't trust men either and do I think he might be seeing other girls? Heck yes!!!

 

[beachgal]

My situation is somewhat similar. Fob wants nothing to do with me or the baby so I'm doing this solo (we were fwb).
I live 5000kms away from home (for work) and have made the decision to move back home to have the baby. I will be moving in with my parents who will help me and the baby. I considered staying here but definitely happy with my decision to go back where my friends and family are. Ill make the move sometime around 32 weeks...
The decision to stay or go will depend on you and how you feel but it sounds like you will have more reliable support back home in NY
I would be worried leaving it to chance that this guy will come around. My advice is that he knows where to find you in NY should he change his mind... Hugs

 

[Angeltk42]

My situation is somewhat similar. Fob wants nothing to do with me or the baby so I'm doing this solo (we were fwb).
I live 5000kms away from home (for work) and have made the decision to move back home to have the baby. I will be moving in with my parents who will help me and the baby. I considered staying here but definitely happy with my decision to go back where my friends and family are. Ill make the move sometime around 32 weeks...
The decision to stay or go will depend on you and how you feel but it sounds like you will have more reliable support back home in NY
I would be worried leaving it to chance that this guy will come around. My advice is that he knows where to find you in NY should he change his mind... Hugs

Yeah that's how I feel too. He knows where to find me and I made it clear to him that I would never keep the baby from him if he decides to be in his/her life. I will come to Texas a few times a year he can come to us or whatever. We can skype etc. I will facillitate any relationship he chooses to have with the baby. I think as a mother we need to make choices for the baby first and ourselves 2nd and whoever else 3rd. So yeah I'm gonna have to go with my gut. However, the only thing that stinks is I have a great job here and I don't know if I will be as lucky back on the east coast. that's the one thing that scares me.

 

[Fraggles]

Does his family and friends know about you? Hi he definitely separated from wife?

 

[Angeltk42]

Does his family and friends know about you? Hi he definitely separated from wife?

When we first started seeing each other he would always tell his parents who he was with by my name when we were together indicating he spoke about me to them when I wasn't around. Then I met his Dad about a month after we started seeing each other... I talked and hung out with his Dad for at least 2 hours. But since Late February (when I found out I was pregnant) I haven't seen his family members or heard him speak about me to them when we are together and they call. I also know his sister knows about me because I asked him to get a recommendation for a beauty salon and he asked his sister and she was specific with who I should go to. So he has mentioned me to almost every memember of his family.

I am 100% sure Him and wife are separated - I stalk his wife's FB page lol She is always talking about how she is moving on and the breakup is effecting the kids but they are handling it better and better day by day. Or that he picked the kids up for his weekend visits and she misses the boys when they are with him. So I am pretty confident that relationship is over.

 

[whatwillbe]

Oh that's good, sorry I had to ask about his wife u just never know these days lol but if I'm honest it's similar to how things turned out withbme and fob, we were fine until I got pregnant, he used to invite me round to his moms and his place, then after I found out I was expecting the incites to his moms stopped and eventually he stopped inviting me to his, now I look back he was trying to distance himself from me , I still don't know why but I'm guessing he didn't want the responsibility of a baby, he didn't want me, although we planned the pregnancy, and I later found out he got back with his ex and he still hasn't met baby, I hope your fob doesn't turn out to be such an a hole and steps up to the mark but I can see similarities between how they both acted, but whatever happens you will be fine alone cos you have to be, it would be better with extra support though x

 

[Angeltk42]

Oh that's good, sorry I had to ask about his wife u just never know these days lol but if I'm honest it's similar to how things turned out withbme and fob, we were fine until I got pregnant, he used to invite me round to his moms and his place, then after I found out I was expecting the incites to his moms stopped and eventually he stopped inviting me to his, now I look back he was trying to distance himself from me , I still don't know why but I'm guessing he didn't want the responsibility of a baby, he didn't want me, although we planned the pregnancy, and I later found out he got back with his ex and he still hasn't met baby, I hope your fob doesn't turn out to be such an a hole and steps up to the mark but I can see similarities between how they both acted, but whatever happens you will be fine alone cos you have to be, it would be better with extra support though x

Wow that is sad that your Fob still hasn't met your baby I mean me and the fob were fwb at best so it's not like I'm surprised that he doesn't want to be involved but I just worry what I say to my child later on when she asks about her dad. I'm a very honest person and don't lie (except to my boss right now) lol but Idk how to say your dad didnt want to be around but u have 3 older brothers who he is a part of their life! That's what freaks me out. But yeah the support system I have on the east coast would be great and I know so many people love this baby already who live there and he/she isn't even born yet! I'm just going to pray to god and ask for his guidance. Hopefully his plan will be evident soon!

How long were u with fob before u got pregnant?

 

[Angeltk42]

Frustrated!!!!!! Fob was texting me saying how bored he was and how he was going insane sitting at home so I suggested we hang out and instead of saying No straight up he was being vague until I finally was like so do u want to? And then he was like I'm gonna clean garage and have a beer.... Wow so hanging out with me is lower than cleaning the garage... Nice to know where I stand. I guess god is giving me my answer.... Just a few more months and I'm out of here... East coast here I come!

 

[beachgal]

Sorry to hear he is being an ass . You and baby definitely deserve all the love and happiness in the world!
It sounds like you will have lots of loving arms to welcome you back to the East. Use that excitement of moving back to help you get through the crappier of days! I know it works for me

 

[Angeltk42]

Sorry to hear he is being an ass . You and baby definitely deserve all the love and happiness in the world!
It sounds like you will have lots of loving arms to welcome you back to the East. Use that excitement of moving back to help you get through the crappier of days! I know it works for me

Thank you! I think I need to focus in the hoards of people who love me and baby and it won't matter about fob in the long run! I'm not looking forward to the actual move hahaha but that's bc idk how the heck to move while pregnant! Lol

 

[beachgal]

Well I've been shipping stuff/boxes home the last couple of months to help downsize. I also decided to sell my furniture off slowly and just make the drive back with items in my car. Spread it over time if you can - helps eliminate the stress when you are heavily pregnant!

 

[Angeltk42]

Well I've been shipping stuff/boxes home the last couple of months to help downsize. I also decided to sell my furniture off slowly and just make the drive back with items in my car. Spread it over time if you can - helps eliminate the stress when you are heavily pregnant!

Oh good idea! I was planning on selling all my furniture (except bedroom) and then hopefully it will be far less to deal with but I have a Prius so I doubt I can haul much in my car lol

 

[Angeltk42]

So he is either completely losing it or has always been insane and i'm just seeing it. Sunday night/ This morning he texts me. It was pretty late. He asks what I'm doing which is laying in bed watching TV since it was 1am. Well apparently he is walking 5 miles home from the bar because he went out with his friend and got into an argument with someone at the bar and instead of punching them in the face decided to walk home. Then he saw I was awake (pregnancy insomnia) because I posted on FB.
Doesn't mention anything about the stuff I was mad about on friday. And just chats me up like everything is peachy. But then has to call me because while texting me he kept getting distracted and walking into the middle of the road (4 lane hwy in west texas) luckily it's late and no one was really on the road but still he could have been killed. So he is chatting me up for over an hour and we start joking around that if he gets hit while we are on the phone the police will see our call as the last call he made before he died. He started joking that he would make sure to accuse me of hypnotizing him to go into the middle of the road. I'm like wow thanks you want your unborn child to be born in prison. He is like Well it's free food! WTH!?
I tell him there is no way I would have walked 5 miles home, he is like well I ran part of the way. I was like OH HELL NO i wouldn't run at all. you would if there was an ax murdered behind you! I was like true then I would run but then again I wouldn't have to run fast just faster than you! LOL he was like not if i trip you first! I'm like wow again killing me and the unborn baby. NICE. It was all in jest but he was definitely drunk.. even though he swears not. lol

 

[beachgal]

Eeeeks, I think a move back to NY is a good plan

 

[Angeltk42]

Eeeeks, I think a move back to NY is a good plan

Right! Ugh at least for now his antics keep me amused and laughing! Hahaha these guys are sooooo ridiculous!

 

[blamesydney]

Me and FOB dated for 3 months before I got pregnant with LO. He then proceeded to leave me and get a new girlfriend (whom he also impregnated and just left now that she's 9 months pregnant, thank god, I was beginning to seek legal action to keep her away from my child because she's crazy but that's beside the point) he was a complete asshole my entire pregnancy. He went to my ultrasounds and never to any other appointments, and when I saw him or texted him he'd never even speak to me. I pretty much decided fuck him but gave him every opportunity to have a relationship with our child. I pretty much hated him until the day she was born. We both shed some tears, and after that he'd come over once a day USUALLY to see LO. He fell in love with her. He still fucked up every now and again and missed a doctors appointment and came late and blah blah blah, but the important thing was that as she got older, I could just see him falling deeper and deeper in love with her. (He's the one holding her in my siggy). Now he has her three days a week every week without fail and loves being a dad to her.

I also have found a loving, wonderful boyfriend whom accepts me and my child and I've completely moved on. Also, my FOB and I are actually really good friends. I'm happy.

Moral of the story is, move or not, you may be surprised how things turn out. I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but things certainly change once they see that bundle of joy. But you definitely need all the support you can get throughout your pregnancy as well.

 

[Angeltk42]

Me and FOB dated for 3 months before I got pregnant with LO. He then proceeded to leave me and get a new girlfriend (whom he also impregnated and just left now that she's 9 months pregnant, thank god, I was beginning to seek legal action to keep her away from my child because she's crazy but that's beside the point) he was a complete asshole my entire pregnancy. He went to my ultrasounds and never to any other appointments, and when I saw him or texted him he'd never even speak to me. I pretty much decided fuck him but gave him every opportunity to have a relationship with our child. I pretty much hated him until the day she was born. We both shed some tears, and after that he'd come over once a day USUALLY to see LO. He fell in love with her. He still fucked up every now and again and missed a doctors appointment and came late and blah blah blah, but the important thing was that as she got older, I could just see him falling deeper and deeper in love with her. (He's the one holding her in my siggy). Now he has her three days a week every week without fail and loves being a dad to her.

I also have found a loving, wonderful boyfriend whom accepts me and my child and I've completely moved on. Also, my FOB and I are actually really good friends. I'm happy.

Moral of the story is, move or not, you may be surprised how things turn out. I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but things certainly change once they see that bundle of joy. But you definitely need all the support you can get throughout your pregnancy as well.

Awww thanks I appreciate your story... Well I know he loves his three sons very much and has them every other weekend now that work isn't an issue. He sends me pics of him and his boys when he is with them and the pics make me happy and sad at the same time. I love seeing him be a loving dad but just don't know if my LO will have that connection with him. I hope so... But only time will tell! But for me being in west Texas alone hoping he comes around night not be the best choice... But the fact is Idk how I will move right now regardless I'm kinda broke... So I might have no choice but to stay here longer than I expected. So maybe he will bond with LO once they are born. keeping positive and hoping for the best!

 

[Angeltk42]

FOB's friend accidently ran over his foot friday night so by saturday morning he was going to ER. To both of our surprises he was admitted - possible surgery. The doctors, thank goodness decided against surgery but he had to stay in hospital until today. I offered all weekend to bring him food or anything he needed and yesterday he asked me to bring food which I did. I didn't want to overstay my welcome and tried to leave after a few hours of hanging with him but he kept giving me a guilt trip that I was leaving him or abandoning him. I love babying people when they are sick or hurt so I had no problem taking care of him and making sure hospital staff was caring for him properly. Even made sure he got a proper shower, his meds on time etc. Because of him not wanting me to leave I ended up staying at hospital from 4pm sunday to 1:30am monday morning. It was to the point where the nurse asked if I wanted blanket and pillow to sleep over. FOB kinda got upset when I opted to leave. I have work at 8:30am and hospital is about 15 mins further away from my job plus I had no clothes or toiletries. I still felt guilty leaving him. Plus he was super affectionate wanting to hold my hand or hug and snuggle against me. Maybe it was the drugs he was on??? rofl
We might not have the most ideal situation considering we were FWB at best when I became pregnant but we were working toward a relationship before the :BFP: and then it kinda got derailed. But spending all day/night with him yesterday made me see the guy I have feelings for again. I'm confused.

Call me crazy but lately I have noticed any time he gets Bad News or Good News he immediately calls me or texts me to tell me what is going on and share the news. I personally only do this with close friend and family and then the person I am currently with. I just feel like maybe he wants more from me again. But doesn't have the courage to ask. IDK Grasping at straws?? probably. lol Pregnancy hormones giving me a false sense of something? probably! lol
All I know is a lot of feeling resurged in me last night. I guess because sex doesn't cause me to get feelings and yesterday was the first time in a long time we hung out with no sex. We had so much fun joking and laughing and like I said I love taking care of someone. He even called me "babygirl" several times. It's been since before I got pregnant since He called me that. I love when he calls me that makes me melt. Mostly because I'm 32 and he is 27 hahaah so I like that he is younger calling me babygirl ROFL!