Prem mums perspective

[Anna_due Dec]

Do you ever have to remind yourself to not be cross at pregnant women when they are bitching about how overdue they are or how they are so sick of being pregnant? There is a post in 3rd Tri right now about how they all want their babies born early. After my prems i've heard it a lot and have to remind myself that they don't have the perspective us premie mums have and what they are feeling is probably normal. It's still hard not to comment or lecture though. They have no idea how lucky they are or what we would have given to be huge and uncomfortable instead of leaving our babies at the hospital and being denied the "normal" first cuddle etc.

I remember bitching my way through my pregnancy about stupid things like alcohol and thickshakes with softserve in them, then i had my baby at 27 weeks. My husband took me to McDonalds a few days after he was born and he bought me the long awaited thickshake and i sat there with it in my hand, in the middle of McDonalds with tears running down my face saying "i'll give you this thickshake if i can just be pregnant again and the baby could be ok". Talk about perspective

 

[Agiboma]

It does hurt not being pregnant for the full term i these days when i see a pregnant woman i miss my bump so much, i also wish they only knew how lucky they are to carry their LO to term, i hope i get to expereince this in my lifetime

how are you doing Anna_due.... how is the bp congrats on reaching 24 weeks have you gotten the steroids yet.

 

[JynxPhD]

I haven't had a preemie but I understand. My pregnancies have all been very high risk and I find myself having to hold back from telling women off for the same things you are talking about. I mean how selfish and stupid can someone be to wish their baby to come early so their inconveniences go away?

I just keep telling myself that most of those types of women are ignorant or uneducated about those things.

 

[AP]

Anna - I'm with ya. Hence why I posted that my mission was 42 weeks
I cannot see, apart from selfish reasons, why people would want their baby to come early. Yes, I understand people can be uncomfortable and in pain with things such as SPD, but i'd rather take all the pain in the world than watch my child in an incubator!

I think some ladies need to gain perspective that pregnancy doesnt always go as smoothly as it has for them, a bit of respect for this section (and the stillbirth/neonatal loss section for that matter)would be nice.

ETA: I know that 37 weeks is considered full term but there are still instances where babies born then need a lil bit of help. You cant win - if someone has a baby at 36+something they instantly run around here shouting "I had a prem! My LO is a miracle!" and a few days more and they would be full term.

I suppose its a preemie mum thing, some of us will always be bitter and moarn our lost pregnancies and the experience we were 'meant' to have. I know I am bitter about it.

I guess this kind of thing, and thread, is all part and parcel of the experience of being parents to preemies. It's so hard.

 

[Anna_due Dec]

how are you doing Anna_due.... how is the bp congrats on reaching 24 weeks have you gotten the steroids yet.

I'm doing ok. i haven't had steroids and the dr hasn't mentioned them. i have an appointment wednesday and i though i might ask about it. I'm on progesterone though (whether it will help or not i don't know). I do feel sooo much better now i've passed 24 weeks but i'd love to get to at least 36. I want to have a baby i can take home with me when i leave the hospital. So in 3t they're all praying for no later than 37w and here's me praying to get to more than 36

 

[lizziedripping]

Totally agree. I constantly have to remind myself that non-preemie mums just haven't a clue, and really don't mean anything with their comments and flippancy towards pregnancy.

My first was full-term and big, so I was quite uncomfortable towards the end - I lloved being pregnant, but was probably guilty of moaning about the trials and tribulations.

Then came my second - the 24wker. How I hated myself for taking that pregnancy for granted, and longed to have my bump back and to get to term.

In this last twin pregnancy, I celebrated every week which passed, and prayed daily to reach 38wks. My boys were 9 and 7Ibs, so you can imagine the size of me - it was physically and mentally tough, but I would do it all a million times over rather than have a baby in intensive care fighting for life for months. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to bring home 2 healthy chunks compared to the nightmare time we had with our preemie. I wouldn't have traded the physical discomfort for anything - relative to the preemie experience it was a piece of cake.

xxx

 

[Foogirl]

I simply remind myself that until you've walked a mile in someone elses shoes, you can't really understand a situation.

Rarely have I heard a pregnant woman wish their baby would come prematurely. I hear them complain that they are uncomfortable and that they wish pregnancy was over and when they start to reach their due dates the "get this thing out of me" feelings can kick in. But never having experienced carrying a baby through the last trimester, I can't make any judgement. I daresay before I had a preemie I might have said something similar.

People will always say the wrong thing when it comes to commenting on premature babies or talking to preemie mums. Best just to ignore anything that might offend or upset you and remember they won't be deliberately trying to do so.

 

[bump_wanted]

so im not a preemie's mummy my LO was overdue and i was one of these people who thought as soon as i reached my due date i am done with being pregnant and its not until ive read this post that i can see if from (a little) your points of view its along the same lines as i thought i wanted to have a baby girl before i got my downs results in and then all i wanted was a healthy baby...i feel terrible now i think i was a silly 1st timer xx

 

[aliss]

I'm not a preemie mom (mine was one week overdue), but I don't understand it either. I remember katy posting Sophie's birth in 3rd tri (our babies had the same due date) and seeing what a hard time Sophie had - I cannot imagine. The amount of women who think that babies are "home free" at 37 weeks makes me wonder. I know being in third tri can be very uncomfortable, painful, even bed rest - but I don't see that pain being worse than the pain a preemie goes through - IV's, monitoring, breathing difficulties. At least we are adult women who understand what and why things happen. Preemies do not get that choice...

 

[Agiboma]

how are you doing Anna_due.... how is the bp congrats on reaching 24 weeks have you gotten the steroids yet.

I'm doing ok. i haven't had steroids and the dr hasn't mentioned them. i have an appointment wednesday and i though i might ask about it. I'm on progesterone though (whether it will help or not i don't know). I do feel sooo much better now i've passed 24 weeks but i'd love to get to at least 36. I want to have a baby i can take home with me when i leave the hospital. So in 3t they're all praying for no later than 37w and here's me praying to get to more than 36

to be honest i try to avoid third tri, i am emotionally not ready to read those post, maybe once my LO comes home i MAY have a change of mind

 

[maisiemoo]

I can remember a few days before my membrane ruptured, that I actually said to people that it feels like the baby is going to pop out, that i'm fed up and wanted to get the next few weeks of pregnancy over etc Few days later my waters broke and then a week later I gave birth. As my daughter was also born with a congenital condition, she required surgery within 26 hours of life. We've missed out on the congratulations, the excitement and people actually being happy and excited for us. Instead we were met with the possibility of losing our daughter. 3 months on, she is doing well but has had a further 5 operations! It's hard for people to really understand where we're coming from and before the birth of my daughter, i didn't get it either.

 

[Foogirl]

The amount of women who think that babies are "home free" at 37 weeks makes me wonder.

Babies are "home free" at 37 weeks. By this point all their internal organs will be fully developed. At 37 weeks a baby is not considered premature.

In fact, I get rather annoyed by those who think at 37 weeks they have a premature baby.

 

[Anna_due Dec]

The amount of women who think that babies are "home free" at 37 weeks makes me wonder.

Babies are "home free" at 37 weeks. By this point all their internal organs will be fully developed. At 37 weeks a baby is not considered premature.

In fact, I get rather annoyed by those who think at 37 weeks they have a premature baby.

It's true at 37 weeks that babies should be "fully cooked" but sometimes due to mix up in dates etc, babies are not ready to come out but it doesn't stop women trying everything they can to bring on the labour. They think it doesn't matter after 37 weeks but if the baby was ready it would have come out on its own.

 

[AP]

In fact, I get rather annoyed by those who think at 37 weeks they have a premature baby.

I struggle with those posts, I have to admit, when I see people saying they had a preemie at 36+5, no probs, took baby home right away. Theres only a few days in it, its an estimated due date, not 100% bang on ykwim?

 

[Lottie86]

I *hate* it when people go on and on about how they want baby out now. If I hear people I know do it IRL I always make a comment about "well I'd rather have backache than sit and watch my baby covered in wires in an incubator on CPAP".

I spent the whole pregnancy on tenderhooks as I knew I was at a really high risk of prem labour and abruptions and everyone was amazed I got so far before they had to get him out. Being told to make sure I had my hospital bag packed before I was 24 weeks and them putting me in early antenatal classes meant I never took the pregnancy for granted and celebrated each week and half week I made and it infuriates me that so many women just 'expect' that they will go full term and moan about backache/spd, struggling to waddle around the shops to buy stuff for the nursery etc.

I spent the vast majority of the pregnancy on bed rest and the last 7 weeks in absolute agony to the point of vomiting in pain and it wasn't until his obs dropped that they then immediately whisked me down for an emergency csection but I would far rather that that had happened than they had taken him out at 28 weeks when I had my show and the pain started just to spare me the pain.

I don't appreciate the 36+5 'oooo I've had a prem but they were absolutely fine and came home straightaway' posts either although I do sometimes feel a bit of a 'fraud' in here iykwim as Findlay was 35+1 weeks whereas all of yours were an awful lot earlier.

 

[Laura2919]

I was in Blockbuster once and there was a girl who was standing behind me talking to her friends. She was 26 weeks and she said 'God I am 26 weeks and I just want this pregnancy to end! Its driving me mad, I have been told by the doctor that I need to stop drinking so much.. I only had a few beers one night!!'
I swear if it wasnt for my OH putting his hand on my shoulder I'd have punched her in the face.. I was breathing so heavy OH told me to go and start the car! Lol.
I couldnt believe what I was hearing, I'd have given my right arm for my daughters to be born a few weeks later and not have the start in life they had and here is someone standing here saying things that I wouldnt wish on my worse enemy! I was so angry I couldnt cry!!

 

[AP]

errr Lottie - you're not a fraud!

 

[aob1013]

I agree, i have hold back. I moaned throughout my pregnancy, but wish i hadn't of now .. i would still be nearly 37 weeks now if Leni hadn't of come early x

 

[poppykat]

I can understand how they feel because I think if I had gone full term I would probably have moaned about how uncomfortable I was etc...

However now I have had a premmie (34+6) I do get a bit upset about it. I would give anything to be able to turn the clock back and have a healthy baby who was born at 40 weeks.

What annoys me more is when I tell people about Chloe and that she was born early but still weighed 6lb 5oz they say to me, you are really LUCKY having her early otherwise she would have been huge and had a difficult birth. Oh yeah I am so lucky I didn't see my daughter for 15 hours after she was born and couldn't hold her for 2 days. And I am so lucky that I had to leave hospital and go home without her. And my crash section was so lovely and easy.

Idiots.

Sorry rant over

 

[AP]

Funnily enough poppykat i had similar comments recently when i discovered alex was actually 2lb 14oz at birth and not 2lb 4oz!
Bring on the big baby!