Probably miscarrying...

[momwithbabies]

I admire your courage to try again. I understand worrying about another ectopic. Mine was called an interstitial pregnancy, which is considered a type of ectopic. It's tough to navigate through grief, especially so soon, but I completely understand not having time on your side.

I'm glad your numbers are going down and hope they continue. I'm here if you need to vent. The miscarriage experience is so hard and people who haven't gone through it before have a hard time understanding, I think. Please rest and take care of yourself!

 

[mrs unicorn]

Good to hear from you greekgirl. I'm glad things are starting the return to normal, physically. We have such a rough ride eh? I think it's great that you are considering trying again. I imagine emotionally it'll be a bumpy ride, one that I'll be on myself, so don't be a stranger! It's the worst thing to have to go through and trying the get back to normal life is hard, but we'll get there. Xxx

 

[pandi77]

Hey everyone.
Did my (hopefully) last beta test last Thursday and then numbers were at 230. I am going in for my follow up scan tomorrow to see if I am cleared up.
Thankfully the bleeding and the pain stopped last weekend. Well, the bleeding has been on and off...
FYI, I am 38 going to be 39 at the end of October and we are going to risk it and try naturally at some point soon. As soon as the doctor gives us the green light.
I am scared of course.
I don't feel 100% about the risk taking. I don't know how well I would deal with another ectopic. 🙁

Greekgirl are they going to flush out your remaining tube once the ectopic has taken its course? I had a perfect left tube I lost to an unexplainable ectopic and they went ahead and did an hsg of my right tube while removing the left and were able to flush it out which greatly helped me conceive our first baby at 38. I am 39 going on 40 and just got pregnant with baby number two with my remaining shotty tube with what my RE refers to as clubbed fimbria (the little tendrils that grab the egg and bring it into the tube) and the tube itself is ugly

Don't lose hope but also make them flush out your remaining tube so you have the best possible chances. Life finds a way even when we least expect it. Good luck and so sorry for your loss..pm me if you want to talk.

 

[greekgirl]

Thank you all for your support and ecouraging words.
It is definitely going to be tough trying again and I don't know when we will begin since my tube hasn't cleared yet and I have been having a bit of pain and brown spotting again. I will call my doctor soon. Maybe it's psychological.
I have been gaining weight- something is happening to my fast metabolism. Maybe it's part of the transitional period.
I find myself still feeling sad and hopeless even though everyone thinks I am so strong and not showing it.

Pandi77 I will discuss the flushing with my doctor. I imagine he will suggest getting the surgery again which we can't afford and insurance doesn't cover much of it.
Kid woke up. Write the rest later. Kisses

 

[greekgirl]

He is still sleeping. Just sighing in his sleep a lot.
Mrs unicorn, I won't be a stranger. Do you have a journal I can follow?
Mom with babies, (autocorrect separated the words in your user name) thanks for your kind words. What is an intestitial pregnancy?
Kat f any pregnancy from now on will truly be a bonus if it doesn't end up as a miscarry. I feel so broken sometimes, like my parts don't work well. And I guess they don't.
My best friend who lives an ocean away now actually said she would lend me her lady parts so that I could have my baby. I know she meant well but it hurt so much to hear that.
My doctor said that 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in miscarriage and it's nothing we do wrong. It's just natures way of making sure the pregnancy will be healthy and if not it stops on its own. He said I was lucky in my unluckiest of times ( actually, to be fair, I said it first and he agreed, he probably wouldn't have said that on his own) to have my ectopic baby stop growing and that I still have some chances of getting pregnant naturally but it is a major risk. Maybe I do need to get another HsG done to flush tubes. I am scared.

 

[lesondemavie]

Oh greek . We are hurting right there along with you. You do not need to be strong! Break down all you need. I think there is more beauty and strength in that. It hurts to let what you're feeling wash over you. You'll never get the chance to rebuild though if you don't. Friends have said so many well meaning things that sting, but it's hard to know what to say and it's more important that they're there even if they say the wrong thing sometimes. It sounds like trying again is the right path for you. I'm sure it's terrifying with what happened and what could happen, but it could also be so amazingly worth it. I hope upon every hope that it is for you. Seems that this has become your journal for now, so following xx. Hope we can be somewhat of a safety net of support for you as you navigate what lies ahead

 

[mrs unicorn]

I don't have a journal but maybe this can be yours, like Leson suggested. (I've sent you a friend request anyway) It's ok to feel this way hun. I don't know much about ectopics but if you were to fall pregnant again is there are early test/scan they can do to check if it's ectopic or not? If so it'd be worth doing to put your mind at rest.

 

[momwithbabies]

Praying for you! It's so hard. And I know people like your friend mean well, but it hurts.

Interstitual pregnancy is where the baby implants right outside one of your tubes, in a muscular area of your uterus. The uterus doesn't get good blood flow there and the larger the baby grows, the more dangerous it can be for the mother. Like other ectopics, rupture can cause extreme bleeding. My baby died at 10 weeks. We were hoping the placement of the baby would improve as it grew. This type of ectopic is difficult to diagnose, but once I started gushing blood, I knew what was happening and called 911. Mother Nature can be so cruel at times. I'm coming up on a year since I lost my baby. Easter will be difficult because that's when I told my family I was expecting. So many happy memories, hopes, and dreams gone in an instant.

I'm having a rough day, so I apologize for the rant. The days do get brighter, with time. But it still hurts.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Momwithbabies sending you lots of I think it's normal to have these dark days, the dates are a constant reminder. Xx

 

[greekgirl]

Oh greek . We are hurting right there along with you. You do not need to be strong! Break down all you need. I think there is more beauty and strength in that. It hurts to let what you're feeling wash over you. You'll never get the chance to rebuild though if you don't. Friends have said so many well meaning things that sting, but it's hard to know what to say and it's more important that they're there even if they say the wrong thing sometimes. It sounds like trying again is the right path for you. I'm sure it's terrifying with what happened and what could happen, but it could also be so amazingly worth it. I hope upon every hope that it is for you. Seems that this has become your journal for now, so following xx. Hope we can be somewhat of a safety net of support for you as you navigate what lies ahead

Thank you so much. Yes, it will be tough trying again. DH is all ready to go and I am very cautious. I feel like I momentarily can't breathe when I talk to my friend who is pregnant with her second right now. We would have been only a few days apart in our due dates.
I wrote that grammatically incorrect but I don't care.
It's not going to be easy...

 

[greekgirl]

I don't have a journal but maybe this can be yours, like Leson suggested. (I've sent you a friend request anyway) It's ok to feel this way hun. I don't know much about ectopics but if you were to fall pregnant again is there are early test/scan they can do to check if it's ectopic or not? If so it'd be worth doing to put your mind at rest.

I have no idea if there is an early scan or test. Guess we will just have to wait and see.
I added you!

 

[greekgirl]

Praying for you! It's so hard. And I know people like your friend mean well, but it hurts.

Interstitual pregnancy is where the baby implants right outside one of your tubes, in a muscular area of your uterus. The uterus doesn't get good blood flow there and the larger the baby grows, the more dangerous it can be for the mother. Like other ectopics, rupture can cause extreme bleeding. My baby died at 10 weeks. We were hoping the placement of the baby would improve as it grew. This type of ectopic is difficult to diagnose, but once I started gushing blood, I knew what was happening and called 911. Mother Nature can be so cruel at times. I'm coming up on a year since I lost my baby. Easter will be difficult because that's when I told my family I was expecting. So many happy memories, hopes, and dreams gone in an instant.

I'm having a rough day, so I apologize for the rant. The days do get brighter, with time. But it still hurts.

I am sorry you were having a rough day. And I am sorry it took so long to log on. It will get better. It has to.
I am so sorry you are feeling down.
are you and DH trying again?

 

[momwithbabies]

Thank you, Greekgirl. How are you doing lately?
Husband and I want another, but at this point, don't know if it will ever happen. We are on a break right now, just focusing on life and our marriage. Miscarriage has put a strain on our marriage, but we are in this for the long haul.
I pray every day for another one. It took us 5 years to conceive the one we lost, but I've had 2 healthy babies before. Praying God lets me do it again.

 

[greekgirl]

Well, I hope you get your third baby too. It is tough... At some point I felt my husband wasn't being supportive but he was trying in his own way by giving me alone time to process.
Tonight I found out that another close friend is probably pregnant with her second.
All those feelings from my failed Ivf rounds, the disappointment, the sadness, the worthlessness, the jealousy, the pain... It all came back. It might sound ridiculous being that I am a mom and yes, it took almost 4 years of trying but we did get our baby and he is a wonderful, tiny little human. It might be abnormal and wrong of me to feel this way... It just seems that everything we do has to come with a struggle. Why is it so easy for others? Now I will get to hear about two pregnancies and then two births- I do wish them both well, of course. It will just be difficult for us feeling like the disfunctional ones. Always the outsiders...
I don't know.

 

[mrs unicorn]

It doesn't sound ridiculous greekgirl. I think after suffering a loss, when we receive news like that we're always going to have a huge mix of emotions. Happiness (? maybe eventually), but most likely jealously, frustration, a sense of injustice and even anger. We got very frustrated as it feels like it's been a long and often difficult road for us so far. Not our relationship but everything that surrounds it. We've been together 12 years and had to live apart during the week for 8 of those. Finally we now have everything we've been working towards - except a baby. We had that, then it was taken away from us. I remember DH saying 'isn't it about time we got a break. For one thing to go right for once?' It's upsetting sometimes when all I see on Facebook are pictures of my friends and their babies. I often wish I'd accidentally got pregnant years ago. But I guess there's no point in thinking like that. I was always too good at taking my bcp on time!

 

[greekgirl]

Last beta test yesterday.
It seems I am being tortured. I actually thought at some point today, I don't want to get pregnant again. I am too sad now, too scared it will happen again and am sick of being reminded of it having happened.
My results were 2,9.
I guess we can move on now.
Today was a terrible day.
I wrote about it in my journal. (My signatures don't show up here, do they?)
I can't go on explains why it was terrible again.
Hope everyone who still reads this has a good night's sleep.

 

[momwithbabies]

I know it's hard. Hang in there - it does get easier with time. My numbers took forever to drop, too. Glad they are there but I know it sucks. The journal is great to vent your feelings.

My baby died a year ago this Tuesday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him or her. I haven't had a moment lately to fall apart, but I feel like I need to. It's tough keeping on a happy face when you're hurting. I know the pain never goes away, and the more you allow yourself to feel, the better you'll be.

If others only knew how much pain we've experienced - I had a lady jokingly ask me if I was pregnant (and she knows I lost a baby last year). I was nice and said "No, I'm just fat." But if she only knew the pain I felt when she said that.

I'm ranting on, but know that I'm here to vent to.

 

[greekgirl]

Hey. I thought I would write here to see how you all have been doing. So what's new?

We are trying again...
If any of you girls still read this post an update.

 

[momwithbabies]

Hi, Greekgirl! Glad to hear you are trying again! How are you doing?

Life is good over here with summer in full swing. I'm down 8 pounds and have been running. I think running gives me some time to be in the moment. Been trying to have sex more often, but we are still working on that. I'm wanting to dialogue more about trying again, but I'm afraid that it will put us in a stressful marriage again.

 

[greekgirl]

Hi, Greekgirl! Glad to hear you are trying again! How are you doing?

Life is good over here with summer in full swing. I'm down 8 pounds and have been running. I think running gives me some time to be in the moment. Been trying to have sex more often, but we are still working on that. I'm wanting to dialogue more about trying again, but I'm afraid that it will put us in a stressful marriage again.

Good for you! Running, I hear, helps keep the mind clear. I don't know what to say about how to go about discussing the issue without it putting a strain on your marriage. My husband and I joke about how we probably shouldn't have another kid because we are so tired all the time. But trying can be fun if you leave all the temp taking and day watching. We try whenever we are in the mood and when the little one is taking his afternoon nap which is usually every other day, sometimes every day and sometimes we go 3-4 days without trying because it gets too hectic in the house. Don't get me wrong, we do try within the estimated before and after ovulation time period but on and off. When I got pregnant with my ectopic baby we had only tried once, way too early in my cycle and we had an injury that day so we stopped before we got a chance to finish. So you never know.