Problems with my 12 year old son

[netty]

Hi everyone,

Need some advice but also don't know if there is anything I can do

My oldest son is 12 years old.
He has always been a lively boisterous boy (he does have slight adhd that we manage without medication although he does have melatonin on school nights so he gets a decent sleep.

over the last year he is an absolute nightmare with his 5 year old half brother.

He can play nice with him but he then it turns rough and naughty - I am sure some of this is due to age difference etc

but

over the last month particularly he is picking on Alex constantly - he holds him back, he says horrible things to him, he tells tales on him and generally picks on him.

I obviously have to tell him off - I feel as though as I am on his back all the time, he thinks I love the 5 year old more than him , I feel as though I am getting more detached from him.

We are stuck in a rut and I cant get him out of it

Not sure how anyone can help but I am in despair with the whole situation

 

[RinnaRoo]

Have you gone out with your oldest just you two lately? Or just sat and played with him and had a chat? Not about his behavior. But just about him and what he likes to do. Try that and see what happens.

 

[seoj]

^^Like above- I'd carve out some 1:1 time with your oldest. Also, he's well old enough to verbalize WHY he's doing what he's doing. Or at least explain his feelings about it all. I would listen and let him feel heard... maybe that's why he's acting out more? He feels brushed aside- as it does happen to first borns more often (no matter when the 2nd is born)- it's a natural feeling. Even my oldest (hubbies daughter from prev marriage who we rais full time) had a hard time when our LO first came along (she was 14yrs at the time). Even though she loves her sister- she wasn't the "star" anymore. People came over to see LO and coo over her- and my oldest did get pumped aside a bit. So we just had to make an extra effort to check in with her- to take time with JUST her (me and her, hubby and her etc...). Plus all of us as a family unit of course. It's a lot to manage- but you can find a good rythm.

But in time, my oldest moved past it. Maybe your oldest is going through some development stage and it's hitting him more now? Or there is a reason he wants more attention. Either way- I'd simply take time and talk to him. Find a way for him to express his feelings- and validate them. Then ask him what you can do to make it better... and him too. You'll figure it out

 

[netty]

I think that would help - he is away with his dad this week so gets full attention there - just him and his dad.

I will do something with him next week

thannks