Protecting Our Children - BBC2 - 9pm - 30th Jan

[DanielleM]

Can you imagine what those plumber men thought when they had to unblock the bath full of old shit I do not envy their job!!!

 

[feeble]

Just at the point where they were unblocking the poo (and my stomach was going sideways) my oh did a massive fart it was horrible. It was like smelling it and watching it

 

[Nibblenic]

I just dont understand Why? why hasnt the cycle been stopped?

Every single one of the people on all of the episode had one thing in common. A abusive or neglected childhood. Either with or without social service involved. They have all continued the cycle of abuse.

 

[ttc_lolly]

That's usually the way it is unfortunately I guess something is damaged in them so bad that it's not able to be fixed. I like to think they are in the minority though - I know so many people that had some sort of abusive childhood, whether it be on a regular basis or on just one occasion, and they've overcome it and are doing so well for themselves.

 

[smelly07]

On a child protection training course i attended we were told that most abused children do not go on to abuse, i think it was about 25% do. (mainly thats the physical and emotional abuse) very little sexually abused children go on to abuse and neither do the neglected.
People can become abusers from all walks of life. x

 

[Laura2919]

That flat was dreadful I just don't understand why you would resort to having to do your toilet in the bath. the house was beyond filthy.

What is shocking is they just keep having children like the next one they have will be different, SS will just let them keep the baby, they have had no luck with the children before, I just don't understand it.

 

[Yammas]

I kknow coudl she not have gone to a neighbours or used a public loo???

As for continuing to have children I think that the couple will most likely have the little boy taken away as well especiallly as the mother said that she was still having 'little slips'. It must seem horrible for the other two daughters though if they do keep him when they grow up and find out that she cleaned up for him but couldnt be arsed for them, I know addiction is more complicated then that but still sad.

 

[kerrie24]

I just dont understand Why? why hasnt the cycle been stopped?

Every single one of the people on all of the episode had one thing in common. A abusive or neglected childhood. Either with or without social service involved. They have all continued the cycle of abuse.

I thin sometimes thats a bit of a cop out,how many lovely ladies on here have suffered horrible things in the past and went on to become fantastic mums?When you do something wrong its easier to try and put the blame on someone else than accept its your fault.

I could start neglecting my children and blame it on my past but I wouldnt lay a finger on them.I dont understand anyone who could.

 

[marley2580]

I just dont understand Why? why hasnt the cycle been stopped?

Every single one of the people on all of the episode had one thing in common. A abusive or neglected childhood. Either with or without social service involved. They have all continued the cycle of abuse.

Honestly I believe it's because the care system doesn't actually care. I'm not saying social workers are the problem but that the system is - I know loads of social workers that have left social work because they weren't able to properly help the children they were working with. The system is so busy covering it's own back that the children, families and even the social workers are no more than an after thought. JMO

 

[feeble]

I think it's because the very worst type of abuse is a sort of co-dependant reality, where the child believes abuse is love and then does the same to their own children because they know no different.

My brother was a copper and had to work with social services. He said one of the worst bits was trying to explain to a 12 year old boy or girl that the sexual abuse and often rape they received, was abuse.

We have this image of child (sexual) abuse being performed on an unwilling child who knows it is wrong, that is so often not the case

They think it is a normal part of life, and just what daddies/uncles/mums do.

It's very complex, but that was probably the most extreme example, the same can be said for most types of abuse, it becomes an ingrained, learned thing.

And then you get the sad cases of the woman in the first episode, who literally didn't know how to care for a child. That comes from the failings on the parents to show how to be maternal and also the failings of society (in my opinion) to TEACH children in schools what it is to be a parent or family member.

 

[Hellylou]

I thought it was interesting how one of the social workers said that in his profession they are not supported. As soon as something goes wrong they are hung out to dry, whereas in other professions you find they close ranks to protect their own. I couldn't be a social worker not only because it would be so upsetting, but to know that you are held completely responsible for the abuse other people inflict on their children would be a massive burden.

It's a huge problem in our society. When you think about it, there are plenty of people out there who are for many reasons disadvantaged - mentally, socially, but they are perfectly capable of creating children. What they aren't capable of is caring for those children, and it's really no surprise. They can barely care for themselves. Parenting is not an easy job for even the most advantaged people who have had privaleged upbringings - nobody is perfect at it, in my opinion. Take a person from a very disadvantaged background, with nothing to draw from, and the job becomes an almost insurmountable task. I know when I was at school there was a 'childcare' course option for girls to take, where they learned how to change nappies, etc, but it was never considered as a serious options choice for the wider majority, only those who weren't particularly academic, which is a crying shame.

 

[marley2580]

I've never bought the whole people that abuse were abused themselves thing - it always seems like an excuse that gets trotted out once they've been caught for something. Feeble, you're right in that there are so many kids that grow up thinking that what mummy/daddy/uncle does is normal. But once they start talking to friends, staying over at friends houses etc, the vast majority come to realise that what's happening is wrong, but they don't know where to go for help or who they can talk to.

 

[feeble]

unfortunately abuse DOES go in cycles, the evidence for this is monumental.

I think its a might kinder reality too, than just accepting that some people are 'evil' or whatever, there are Reasons people behave in the way that they do.

I was abused and one of the hardest things was learning how to treat other people socially. I felt utterly uncomfortable with every person i had in my life, i was unable to love or be love. I was effectively a tough nut to crack and it prevented me from having friendships, relationships or being able to trust anybody.

Liam did crack me though, and i was healed through him, but i was intelligent and able to sort of pick through my own emotional downfalls in order to gain some sort of ability to interact with people... That is one person who suffered moderately mild abuse. Many people arent that lucky/able to see themselves and change themselves.

I also think that some people just fancy children And some (more than you would think) never ever act on that, but some dont have that power of self.

Its just so complex, but personally i would rather believe that people abuse for a reason, rather than ignoring evidence that suggests the same and just saying some people are evil.

 

[marley2580]

Sorry, but I completely disagree. I'm not saying that it never happens but if the cycle of abuse was true then the majority of abusers would be female by now as, statistically they are more likely to experience abuse. Through my own experience of working with hundreds of survivors of abuse, the vast majority of survivors go to very great lengths to ensure that their children have a better life than they themselves had. https://www.centrefortherapy.ca/Mythsofabuse

 

[marley2580]

I personally believe that the causes of abuse are varied and complex. Some of it is about power and control, some of it comes about through ignorance, some from personal situation, some from mental illness or indeed a combination of all these things.

 

[Lightworker]

Whilst I agree many survivors of abuse go on to be perfectly competent parents, its blatantly obvious that a significant number perpetuate the cycle of abuse. That is a fact.

 

[feeble]

Whilst I agree many survivors of abuse go on to be perfectly competent parents, its blatantly obvious that a significant number perpetuate the cycle of abuse. That is a fact.

Thank you, not all abusers go on to abuse, but SOME do, it does run in cycles.

 

[marley2580]

Can you please show me the evidence of this? I genuinely want to know.

 

[feeble]

This is very interesting... Explains how sexual abuse can lead to unsatisfactory sexual in counters later in life which then leads to further abuse

https://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/issues/issues9/issues9.html

Here

https://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32315

In particular

Children who are abused or neglected are more likely to become criminal offenders as adults. A National Institute of Justice study found "that childhood abuse increased the odds of future delinquency and adult criminality overall by 40 percent" (Widom, 1992). Child sexual abuse victims are also at risk of becoming ensnared in this cycle of violence. One expert estimates that forty percent of sexual abusers were sexually abused as children (Vanderbilt, 1992). In addition, victims of child sexual abuse are 27.7 times more likely to be arrested for prostitution as adults than non-victims. (Widom, 1995). Some victims become sexual abusers or prostitutes because they have a difficult time relating to others except on sexual terms.

 

[feeble]

This one is pretty harrowing

https://www.childprotectionprogram.org/guide/2.php

You might want to just read this bit x

Up to 40% of those abused as children become abusers as they grow into their teens or earlier. The inabilities to trust, love, nurture, and care for others caused by parental abuse spawn, in some, an aggressive parasitic anger in which misdirected rage is poured out on children.

Researchers say that sexual abusers of children, whether male or female, practitioners of incest or out-of-family exploitation, often share one common characteristic: they themselves were abused as children. And the pattern of sexual abuse is repeated.