Public Shaming

[Ozzieshunni]

Lately, I see a lot of these popping up on Facebook:

Parents taking over their children's Facebook pages and revealing things about them or having them holding signs saying what they did wrong. Is this right?

My opinion is that it's not right to publically shame your child, regardless of what they do. I believe it breeds mistrust. Talk to your child about why their actions are inappropriate. To me, it's like airing dirty laundry.

 

[Eternal]

I admit I do find it funny, but I don't think it's right either.

But you see all sorts of really horrible Facebook pages and comments, usually stated by teenagers who think they are hard and funny, in which case all Internet privileges should be suspended until they grasp now wrong and hurtful these things are.

However, as for things like bragging up yourself a bit and such like of the one you highlighted, then no, it's an invasion of privacy and its humiliating. Can you imagine how he could be bullied for his dads actions.

 

[xemmax]

I do laugh but in all seriousness it's just awful. For teenagers it opens the door to all kinds of bullying - it's social suicide.

 

[omfgski]

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[robinator]

I try to see where the Dad is coming from and what led him to this place of exasperation, but there are other ways to handle it. Not publicly humiliating your kid and making him hate you for life.

 

[haylo]

I dont look at it as something horrible. No one knows how that kid acts at home or how they speak to their parents

I get frequently 'fraped' by friends, i dont think its going to damage my character. I also do it to my 18 year old brother (have done for the past couple years) and he doesnt hate me.

its harmless fun

 

[Dragonfly]

This is not good parenting skills at all. Shaming kids in public is horrible and I know as my parents made me feel ashamed just for being me and I was scared to do anything. This is their child, why do this? would they do that on their partners? its another human and their own offspring. Dosnt show much loyalty to their own, bad parenting skills, mistrust and alienating their children among their peers. I get why people laugh at this, yes its worth a smile but deep down shaming is so wrong on any one. Just looking at the bigger picture here as it seems to be a trend now with pics cropping up everywhere of parents airing their dirty laundry in public, least when my mum made me ashamed of myself she done it in doors. Why not sort out problems instead of this? some parents just beat around the problems and make them worse.

 

[haylo]

Do you girls not consider that this may have been a frape??? It's just a joke update - I get them all the time! Doesnt mean theyre bad parents at all just having a joke!

 

[TennisGal]

I don't agree at all with the public shaming, but I can also imagine a parent having a quick and angry reaction to reading their son talking about 'beating a ho's ass'.

Wrong. But I can see how you'd have a moment of fury.

 

[Vickie]

I can't believe I'm cleaning up this thread

Fine if you have a differing opinion to state it but some of the posts I removed have no purpose at all other than what looks like to antagonize others.

 

[Jaylynne]

Guess I missed something.

I don't agree with revealing the crying or revealing he was afraid of the dark bit. Wasn't necessary and I think mean spirited. I'm fine with the fact that the parent posted that his son shouldn't have written public things like he did. Until my kids are old enough I will monitor their accounts.

 

[Tasha]

That's awful. I would never do that to my child just to prove a point. I feel really old but it makes me worry about the consequences social media has on teens, and as much as I love fb, wish that I was bringing my children up in a time where there was no fb etc.

 

[PitaKat]

I don't believe humiliation is ever something that a child or teenager should have to experience, especially not at the hands of a parent or authority figure. It's a gross miss-use of power. I'm not so concerned with a teenager's social life, but rather their self-confidence .

 

[Bevziibubble]

I don't think shaming a teenager on Facebook is a good thing to do at all. It can really affect their confidence and self esteem at a time when it's really important to them. Kids this age will tease anyone for anything so I think what the parent did to this teenager is unfair.

 

[lindblum]

Even if the son was a total nightmare that's still out of order.

If the dad wrote that as a joke, I don't think it is funny. If it was because his son is insufferable ,well it's probably going to be a whole lot more worse now.

 

[special_kala]

I think when the girls are teenagers i would do it as a joke but a obvious joke. My dad used to embarrass me all the time when i was a teenager. Things like...

walking round tesco singing very very loudly "kala smells.....kala smells like poo..."
dropping me late at the school gates and screaming at me to get out of the car

He thought it was hilarious and i thought he was an idiot but looking back it was pretty funny. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your teenager.

 

[patch2006uk]

I think when the girls are teenagers i would do it as a joke but a obvious joke. My dad used to embarrass me all the time when i was a teenager. Things like...

walking round tesco singing very very loudly "kala smells.....kala smells like poo..."
dropping me late at the school gates and screaming at me to get out of the car

He thought it was hilarious and i thought he was an idiot but looking back it was pretty funny. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your teenager.

I agree with this. Granted, that post was probably excruciating for the boy, but if he has a generally good relationship with his dad, which is built on silly jokes and, yes, a little public humiliation, I don't think it's the end of the world.

Would I do it? No. But I don't immediately condemn those that do. I also wouldn't post about being 'hard' or other nonsense. For me, FB is about seeing which of my school friends are doing what, who is getting married or having babies, or graduating or getting jobs, that kind of thing.

I'll be teaching LO that he's not friends online with someone he doesn't know in real life. I don't think the internet is this massive evil that he needs to be protected from, but a tool that he needs to be taught how to use sensibly and safely. If this boy was behaving ridiculously, then he maybe deserved to get called up on it. It's probably also a very effective lesson in how the internet isn't private.

 

[chell5544]

I think when the girls are teenagers i would do it as a joke but a obvious joke. My dad used to embarrass me all the time when i was a teenager. Things like...

walking round tesco singing very very loudly "kala smells.....kala smells like poo..."
dropping me late at the school gates and screaming at me to get out of the car

He thought it was hilarious and i thought he was an idiot but looking back it was pretty funny. I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your teenager.

i agree with this too it all depends on what kind of relationship you have with your teenagers as to how much it will effect them.

also 'public shaming' if you think about it has always been used in the family environment in some sense for years ie all the baby photos that get put out at your 18th in front of your friends and the stories your parents tell of what you got up to when you were little to your new girlfriend/boyfriend.

i do think parents find it hard nowadays with social media to control acceptable behavior i mean i would have no problem if i heard one of my teenagers talking about being a 'hard man' or 'rolling a joint' or even picking on someone else on a street corner with a group of their mates to step in and make them get home now, i wouldn't wait until they weren't in front of their mates encase i 'embarrass' them i would do it there and then, to a teenager having your mum tell them in front of their friends is probably just as 'shaming' and embarrassing

 

[special_kala]

To me this is the same as your teen standing in the kitchen with his friends and you saying "let's try not leaving our dirty pants on the bathroom floor in future.."
Raising kids is hard I'm looking forward to a bit of good natured ribbing when their older

 

[omfgski]

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