Public Shaming

[chell5544]

To me this is the same as your teen standing in the kitchen with his friends and you saying "let's try not leaving our dirty pants on the bathroom floor in future.."
Raising kids is hard I'm looking forward to a bit of good natured ribbing when their older

that is something my mum would of done to me lol
i was at my cousins once and my auntie came down and said can you try and throw those tissue in your bedroom away in future lol
he had two of his mates there turned bright red n mumbled 'what ive got a cold'

 

[chell5544]

What do people think of it when it goes viral and makes it onto the news world wide like the shot laptop? Does it remain a joke when the whole world knows who your teen is and what they have done? Genuine question!

i dont know this is a hard one for me because people put alot of things on youtube that make their kids famous like have you seen the 'books for christmas' i think its funny but on the other hand he is always going to be known for that so just because its friendly and sweet does it make it ok?

 

[Tasha]

I dont think its the same as the pants of the floor situation, which ould be a few close friends rather than what is probably a much wider audience of school friends, crushes etc on fb.

 

[haylo]

i dont see anything wrong with a funny frape!

 

[hopeandpray]

I guess you would have to know the relationship that he has with his dad and friends to understand this situation. I have friends whose parents would do this as a joke and things would be fine all round and I know other people who would be destroyed by it. I assume that the former was true in this case. I don't think that public shaming is always wrong, say if a teenager is behaving like a child and then the parent decides to treat them like one, for collecting them from school in front of their friends if they have been messing about instead of walking straight home like they were meant to. I don't like the idea of shaming on purpose but if it's a side-effect of a punishment for bad behaviour then I think it's okay. Generally most parents I know use it more as a threat. Like - how would your friends feel if they knew you did/said x,y,z.

 

[Eternal]

I agree with those saying I depends on the relationship, I think in some cases it can be fine, although I do imagine there are cases where the parent would think it was fine to say that when its really not, if that makes sense.

 

[Tiff]

To me shaming in front of a few friends (ie - underpants on the bathroom floor) is different than having the entire world see what you've done. Parenting is hard buisness! I would say as well that to me it would definitely depend on relationship you had with your kiddo.

But for the OP in question, I don't think it would matter what type of relationship you had with your child, that's a bit extreme.

 

[Tiff]

Male High School Students Forced to Hold Hands as Punishment for Fighting

This came up in my FB feed today. It reminded me of this thread, do you think the punishment fits the crime? I will say, being suspended for a day or so doesn't seem to hold the same around of dread as it used to... kids view it as "woohoo, a day off of school!!".

I will add though, these kids actually chose this form of punishment rather than to be suspended.

 

[Tasha]

I think its slightly different if they chose this punishment rather than it being forced upon them. If my child chose that rather suspenstion I would say at fourteen fair enough they are old enough to chose which route they want to take. If it were forced on them, my opinion would be completely different and I would be very anger, as I dont believe humilation is the way forward, it could infact make behaviour worse. I think the fact they chose it means they probably didnt find it that humilating, more funny so maybe it isnt a great punishment either.

 

[Tiff]

It definitely is a misleading article title! But that's newspapers for you... trying to sensationalize it all.

 

[Jo]

Hmmmm, I think the OP is a little overboard and opens him up for potential bullying at school.
Although it does depend on the relationship and if his dad is a known joker and most of his friends know this as well.

I have taken Emily's over before but just with stuff like " I love my mum soooo much I'll make her a cuppa when ever she want"

I have threatend to post pictures of her grotty room and tag her in it if it doesn't get tidied, and I suppose that could be classed as public humiliation.

 

[Dragonfly]

The holding hands thing is stupid. Instead of finding out whats going on in these boys lives, they shame them like this in front of everyone for their own amusement really. Another punitive punishment that dances around the problem. And I am sure they choose the holding hands over the suspension as their parents and records wouldn't look good with that, thats the easy way. Not sure why some wonder why some dont respect authority when authority acts like this. May as well bring back the stocks.

I await my slaughtering.

 

[Tiff]

Await your slaughter?


I do get what you mean! Schools here really don't have any power whatsover to try and get into a child's personal life unfortunately. Could be different in the States, but up here my teacher friends have to be SO careful to not "overstep" in any way.

 

[Dragonfly]

I said that on facebook, got totally ripped up.

 

[lindblum]

I don't think the 'shaming' of the holding hands punishment is as bad as the one posted by the OP.
Anyway it did the job as one of the students said he learnt his lesson.


dragonfly - congratulations!

 

[Noelle610]

I think it's awful. Dragonfly essentially made both of these points, but I don't like it because 1) Kids are people and deserve respect, regardless of age and 2) While it may be funny, the "shaming" doesn't get to the root of the problem between parent and child.

 

[sandilion]

I think that was very poor form and shows a real immaturity in the father to do something like that. I am actually leaning towards this father being a bully, that's what i get from him doing something like that.

It's also a great way to make your kid not trust you and never want to open up to you. I find it disgusting, that father needs a reality check. I bet you any money that kid will grow up and eventually resent his father and wont have anything to do with him. My father used to mock me like that and ridicule me, and needless to say i have nothing to do with the prick now.

If this so called 'father' doesn't care to have a good relationship now and in the future with his son, then he is going the right way about it!

 

[haylo]

Not one person here knows the relationship between the father and the son

Stop saying stuff like the dad is a 'bully' this could have easily been a joke between the two and the son found it funny.

FGS

 

[Sarahkka]

I don't know. If I found out my kid was publicly expressing himself as planning to "beat some ho's", I would be so shocked and disgusted. Tiff and I were both horrified at the kind of vicious, offensive posts being slapped up on the Amanda Todd FB memorial site (recent bullying suicide victim, for those who aren't familiar) by very young teens. I really don't think a lot of those parents have any idea how their children are using social media. I think that dad was trying to teach his son that the power of self-expression comes with the responsibility of respectful posts, especially if you are making your FB profile public. I think he probably was trying to fight back with the tools his son would notice. The other alternative, and probably the one that would have ticked off the boxes of teaching a lesson and still leaving the kid a shred of dignity, would have been to shut down the account and remove the access to the computer.
It is going to be our big parenting challenge, I think: this dance between allowing our kids self-expression and freedom to explore/learn online and protecting them from/teaching them about the perils of this age of impulsive, imprudent social media. When we did stupid stuff as kids, it was usually forgotten about pretty quickly. Now, stupid teenage posts are immortalized online and will come back to haunt these kids. Not to mention how disturbing it is to see kids be so vicious to each other behind a screen. It's a big problem and we'll have our hands full coping with it.
I think this dad was just trying to do that - cope. Cope with an entity that is huge and changing faster than we can possibly hope to keep up with it. I think I would rather see a parent do something about such inappropriate posting rather than watch all these kids grow up thinking such disgusting public statements are somehow consequence-free and okay.

 

[jenniferttc1]

Eh, I don't think it's that bad. It's just a concerned parent speaking his peace with a matter on his child. Maybe I'm old fashion, but since children rarely get discipline these days due to being afraid CPS will take them away, the generations of children are getting worse. They don't know from right or wrong cause there is no punishment besides "I'm disappointment in you, go stick your 16 year old butt in the corner" That's not teaching them ANYTHING. Sorry, but I feel this newer approach to parenting is a load of crap. I stole candy ONCE when I was little, and was shamed for it in public by my mother. NEVER again will I do it.