pumping

[EmmyReece]

A bit early to be posting here I know, but this is something that is weighing on my mind at the moment

We're due our 1st baby in April and I really, really want to give breastfeeding my very best shot. However, dh is adamant that he wants to help out on the nights that he is not on night duty (he's a carer and has an overnight shift 3 nights a week), so that I get a break, and I think he's secretly worried about bonding too.

We were originally looking into formula feeding at night so that he could give bottles, but the more I think about it, the less I want to do this. I understand dh's reasons for wanting to help as much as possible on the nights that he's home and definitely want to take that into account. So I'm wondering how feasible it would be to pump enough to cover the night feeds and possible trips out?

Also, I've spotted a pretty good deal on the avent comfort electric pump on amazon (£69 instead of £115) and am so tempted to buy it, but my mum doesn't think it's a good idea in case we can't get bf to work for us

 

[staralfur]

In the first few weeks you're not going to want to skip many feeds as it puts you at risk for blocked ducts and mastitis, as well as hurts your supply. So unless you want to get up in the night and pump whenever your LO needs to be fed while your OH gives him/her a bottle, I wouldn't recommend it. And getting up to pump multiple times overnight would a) really suck, and b) kind of defeat the purpose of someone else getting up to do the feed.

I was supplementing with formula when my LO was born and would get my DH to take "shifts" where I didn't have to get up to feed/pump and could just get a solid block of sleep. I ended up with 3 rounds of mastitis in the first two months. It was miserable. I also had to pump and feed nearly 24/7 for weeks to get my supply back up to what it needed to be in order to continue breastfeeding. I'm sure some people will tell you that it worked fine for them, but in my experience, not so much. I would avoid it again at all costs, it wasn't worth it ultimately. Oh, and it was horrendously uncomfortable waking up to breasts so engorged it hurt to touch them.

Sorry, not to be a Debbie Downer, but looking back I think I made my life way harder than it needed to be thinking I was making it easier. Go figure.

Once your supply is established skipping a feed or two isn't such a big deal, so it's not that full-on forever!

If your OH wants to help out he could maybe do the diaper changes overnight and bring your LO to bed to be fed so that you don't have to get up at least.

 

[startd]

I have a 2 week old, so I'm still pretty new to all of this, but thought I'd share my experience so far.

My DH is hugely involved. He does bath time (which they both love) and takes him for a walk in the baby carrier each day, and does a lot of cuddles/skin-to-skin time. At night, he helps by doing changes and cuddling back to sleep.

I am pumping as well, because I ended up with terribly cracked and sore nipples. Having the pump has been a blessing because it's allowed me to continue to provide breastmilk - and my DH has been able to help with some of the feeds. It also means I can leave the house if needed, and know that my baby will be fed. It is very time consuming though - while I was just pumping I was pumping for 40 minutes every 2-3 hours, as well as doing a 30-40 minute feed around every 3 hours. It was a huge commitment.

 

[noon_child]

Directly feeding baby at night is really important for establishing milk supply and someone else doing it from a bottle can be counter productive cos you have to pump to avoid engorgement and to keep supply up. However night wake ups aren't only about feeds, there is changing, burping, settling etc., so you'll need OH involved even during feeds you are doing!

I also found my husband just didn't wake as easily as me. By the time I'd roused him, I was wide awake and might as well have just done it myself and saved the hassle. Then if she wouldn't settle or burp, I'd get him up at that point and he'd have to figure out what she wanted while I crashed back in bed.

Once you get to around six weeks, if baby is gaining well, you can relax a bit more about the odd feed here and there being from a bottle, however a regular supplementing arrangement can still lead to low supply.

 

[apreslaube]

There are tons of times to bond besides feeding. Please do not formula feed at all if not necessary if you want to breastfeed. I did on nurses recommendation and it was a horrible mistake. Baby is 3 weeks and I'm trying to bring him back to breast. Once you start with formula your supply decreases and you start needing more formula. You may need to pump anyway depending on your body but if you do be very careful with what bottles and nipples you use because you don't want the baby to just want the easy bottle and reject the breast

 

[BabyS14]

I pump exclusively. My daughter gets breast milk and my husband can get up and feed her while I am pumping. The first night breastfeeding was hell, as my milk really wasn't in and my daughter was literally trying to get something that wasn't there yet so it was horribly painful to have her on my boob for like 5 straight hours while she continues to scream. So I gave her formula and the rest of the night was perfect, my poor girl was hungry the entire time.

You will do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong answer to this.

 

[EmmyReece]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I really do appreciate them

My dh understands that there's other ways of bonding too, but he really does feel strongly about this, I've never really known him to feel so strongly about something. So we will see what happens when my milk comes in and is established after having lo in April

 

[tulip1975]

I think it's wonderful that he wants to do this. I started pumping once a day when LO was 2 weeks old and gave him one bottle feed each day just to get ready for day care and returning to work. It's definitely do-able, although when your baby is really toung, you may have to pump during the night feeds. But you'll be able to drop that eventually.

 

[noon_child]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I really do appreciate them

My dh understands that there's other ways of bonding too, but he really does feel strongly about this, I've never really known him to feel so strongly about something. So we will see what happens when my milk comes in and is established after having lo in April

Does he understand the implications in terms of what it might mean for breastfeeding? i.e possible painful blocked ducts (or even mastitis) for you, lowering of your milk supply, the fact that to avoid these you might have to get up to pump anyway? Working as a team isn't always sharing everything 50%, it is also recognising and supporting each other's strengths and weaknesses. In those first weeks your ability to feed your baby is a huge strength and it would be great if he could do everything he can to support and celebrate that. The fact that your body produces milk to best feed baby shouldn't undermine him as a father, it just means that at that point in time you have very different roles to play. His strength at that time will be the fact that he won't be affected by all those silly hormones so he can be your rock, your perspective, your cheerleader, even your chef. These are no small things. Supporting you IS supporting your baby, just as it was during pregnancy because in those early weeks you aren't really fully separate beings as LO relies on you for everything it needs.

 

[EmmyReece]

Yes he does understand and we've both taken that on board, which is why we'll probably wait to start the pumping until around 6 weeks. This is something that he feels so strongly about that I'm not going to waver on.

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm surprised your DH is aware of the implications and still feels so strongly about it. He's so determined to feed baby that he's happy to see you possibly suffer and for your supply to be potentially compromised? I don't understand that at all sorry. It's the mums prerogotive how baby is fed, I'd be really annoyed if that was my husband. Totally different if he's just wanting to help out to give you a break but he sounds really pushy about it all. Breastfeeding can be hard enough without the added pressure.
The others have given really good advice do not more I can really add. Maybe be prepared that you may not be able to express- I never could.

 

[EmmyReece]

The thing is he's not being pushy about it at all and says he's happy to go with whatever I decide. But I know how strongly he feels about this, how worried he is that he won't bond properly because of the hours that he works and him having to work nights, how worried he is about me having to deal with everything on my own all night 3 nights a week. And I want to try and make that as easy as possible on him. It's hard to actually sit there talking about it and see him look so utterly terrified, almost on the verge of tears that he's so scared about bonding, so to say he sounds like he's being pushy and would be happy to see me suffer or my supply compromised I really don't think is fair I'm sorry to say.

We were originally looking at pumping straight away once my milk came in, but since reading the replies and the advice I've got we decided to wait until 6 weeks once my supply should be established.

Yes I am aware that pumping may not work, but like I tried to explain it's something that I want to try to make work for us.

 

[LoraLoo]

I didn't mean to offend you- it's just the way it came across with you using words like him being adamant and such. it just seems like he thinks the only way to bond is during feeding, but there are lots of other ways. I exclusively breastfed mine and my hubby definitely had a bond.
I'm absolutely not trying to put you off pumping because some women get along fine with it, and it can be useful if you need a break etc, but if you are doing it just for bonding purposes Id try and hold off making that decision Til baby is here- hubby may find he doesn't need to do the feeding to feel close to baby.

 

[EmmyReece]

It honestly is to do with so much more than bonding and I'm sorry if that wasn't explained properly to begin with. He really is worried about me dealing with it on my own 3 nights a week and wants to be able to give me a break at night as soon as possible.

 

[LoraLoo]

That's fair enough. Like I say it's a good option if you need a break or need to go out etc.

I would really try to give at least 1 feed during night (baby will likely wake up for a few night feeds) just to protect your supply - whether that's the first night feed, last etc. maybe worth just baring in mind- hubby will probably be glad to have one of the night feeds off by that point too 😄

 

[Tasha]

I wouldn't try and second guess how you'll both feel. Honestly his bonding will just come and you'll watch them grow close from cuddles and skin to skin etc and you'll love him even more

I pumped too early with Kaysie and ruined my feeding. I did it from three days after through bad advice!

 

[noon_child]

It sounds like you've come to a good compromise. You never know, by six weeks he may be wondering what he was so worried about with bonding and be totally in love!

 

[EmmyReece]

I wouldn't try and second guess how you'll both feel. Honestly his bonding will just come and you'll watch them grow close from cuddles and skin to skin etc and you'll love him even more

I pumped too early with Kaysie and ruined my feeding. I did it from three days after through bad advice!

Hormones are haywire today so that made me well up a bit I can't wait for that part to see him bond

He's worried about skin to skin as he's got a hairy chest

I want to try and make sure my supply is well established first so definitely wouldn't pump before the 6 weeks after the advice I've received here.

 

[Tasha]

It's amazing Emmy. You'll fall in love with him all over again. Even now I watch Matt with our children and just love that he's such a good daddy.

Matt has a very hairy chest too, newborns usually touch it and rub it because it's different but not pull it. Only now is he tugging it.

 

[Mississippi03]

From birth i formula fed my son overnight.. So id breastfeed all day.. But when he wakes around 2am id use formula.. But still get up to pump. Id tend to pump 3oz which was enough for dh to use at 530am to bottle feed breastmilk so i can sleep.. Then when i wake up up 7am i nurse plus also pump the other breast which gives me another 3oz to freeze or use when needed throughout day.. Its worked well for us, plus my boobs dont hurt as much and it gives my nipples a break. I alsothink its a good routine to help eventually west as well