Rant! about BD please read!

[kaylacrouch93]

Here is a lil background
1. i left BD when i was 9 weeks pregnant due to abuse
2. met OH when i was 3 months got married when i was 6 months.

Okay so Since i left my BD he wanted nothing to do with me nor "our" child until my son was almost 3 months old and then it was just phone calls every couple of days. He says horrible stuff about me and my oh like "He aint his dad and other stuff" my oh is the only dad my son has known. BD came and seen Evan 1 time when he was 6 months old & he wouldnt change him or nothing he really didnt spend time with him either all he did was feed him in the 6 hours he was there. Well fast foward a month later BD is in jail for 3 months now Evan is almost 10 months old and he wanted me to let him come get him 2moro for a few hours and take him back to where he lives ( 2 hours away) this is what i said.

i aint keeping him from you but he is 10 months old and u havent seen him but once and thats your fault we had a agreement that once u and him have a bond u could have him for a couple of hours...


& now he is on this thing about getting a lawyer what would you ladies do in my situation. oh just to add he has never contributed to be a dad in any way shape or form

 

[NoodleSnack]

If he's unreliable, it's best for your child that you cut off contact so he knows only your OH as his father when he's young, if it were me, I would be looking at legal means of establishing sole parental rights so he can't make demands and I wouldn't let him take my child anywhere alone.

 

[superfrizbee]

Sounds like he's just trying to scare you. If he can't be bothered to established any bond with his child he wont be bothered to follow a long legal process. I find it hard to believe that any court will let an abusive man wander off with a baby who he's only met once and doesn't have a clue how to care for, but they might ask for some kind of supervised visitation. Does he contribute financially? If not you could try the sole parent route if that's what you want. I suggest you get some legal advice for yourself either way.

 

[iwantabub]

I wouldn't let him worry you.

Chances are he's talking shit.

I'd do what's best for your son and if that's not seeing his biological father then so be it.
If it's gonna cause more heartache for ur lo in the long run then forget it

Oh and I certainly wouldn't be letting him take lo 2 hours away.
Screw that

 

[Bunanie]

I also think its all bs... From the sound of things I don't think he has any chance at all.

Your lo wouldn't enjoy him either as they don't spend enough time together, and he's almost a total stranger. I know my lo would have a melt down in the hand of an unfamiliar person.

There's no way I will let someone who doesn't know my baby to take her away, not to mention its freakin 2 hrs away. Does he even know what to do with him??? You are absolutely right to refuse him.

Sorry he sounds like a complete idiot, hasn't got a clue.

 

[RaisinKane13]

Ehh I think that it's bullshit also. If he wants to see him he should come to you and actually spend time with him. I wouldn't feel comfortable with him taking him. Also, to be honest, I wouldn't let him.

I wouldn't worry about the lawyer. Even if he does get one, he will not win because he hasn't been around! It's okay hunny just be strong!

 

[Joss_Taylor]

This sounds like my Mums situation but my brother and sister are 7 and 9. There father is completely unreliable and can't handle them for even a single day unless his two older kids are there. He pulls the lawyer crap all the time, it's just talk! I know my siblings would have been better off not being around their Dad (he was abusive towards my mom, and beginning to be verbally abusive to them). It's probably best you just cut the ties now. It breaks my heart when they ask why my Dad can't be there's too. (My father absolutely adores them and offers to spend time with them so they have a positive male influence. The only reason my parents didn't stay together was because they were both very young. He is a very good father, just lousy boyfriend).
It'll be easier if your OH is the only father your LO knows.

 

[kaylacrouch93]

He hasnt ever gave money or anything to help support Evan.. He keeps saying that he is gonna get him on weekends but he dont have a car nor a place to for my son to sleep like crib or pack n play.. he dont have any clothes or diapers for him and he is living with someone that has 5 kids of their own and lets girls come over all the time and knows that there teens are havign sex in their house oh and i aint talking like teens that have been together for a year or so im talkign about one night stands

 

[ruby09]

I would tell him to go ahead and get his lawyer. If he can't be bothered to buy diapers for his son, he won't spend the money on a lawyer. And even if he did, with his record he's unlikely to get more than just supervised visits, and he would still be on the hook for child support. I think you're right to say he can't take him out by himself, I wouldn't let him either.

 

[bananaz]

You need to go talk to a lawyer yourself and get a formal custody/parenting time agreement in place ASAP. Until then, do NOT let your ex take the baby for any length of time, even if he's acting nice or seems to be bonding with the baby.

I know lawyers can be expensive, but your son's security is not something you want hinging on the promises of a guy who is abusive, hostile and untrustworthy. If what you've said here is true and FOB hasn't been a caretaker at all and won't even change a diaper then you have absolutely nothing to worry about if this does go to court. Make sure your lawyer knows that he was abusive and has a criminal record too. If you want to let him have parenting time (and you may have grounds to deny him that, I don't know) then you can stipulate that it be supervised.

 

[kaylacrouch93]

i have talked to a lawyer all they say is i cant do anything until he files for custody

 

[NoodleSnack]

Talk to another lawyer, if you wait for him to file for custody, which he might not at all, it will just drag things out, who did you put as the father on the birth certificates?

 

[aliss]

i have talked to a lawyer all they say is i cant do anything until he files for custody

Correct.

I would let sleeping dogs lie.

You may very well face supervised visitations (or even unsupervised) in the future if he tries to disestablish your husband's paternity (as he would be the legal father anyways).

As far as I understand, this may be very hard for him to do in SC - the less he has to do with you, the better, and he might run out the clock without realizing it.

 

[Peggy O]

I agree. Get something in place right away. It's very important.

 

[aliss]

You can't really do anything if he's not the legal father (if she was married to another man at the birth, then that man is the legal father). It is up to the ex to dis-establish paternity and demand paternity testing/court, otherwise, nothing changes.

Unless she goes to court, declares her husband is not the father, dis-establishes paternity and demands ex be placed as father, but I'm pretty sure she's not interested in that!

It's not like you can go to court and demand that he can't try these things, he has a constitutional right to do so. And you have to realize that IF he decides to try this and gets rights, that a record of abuse only matters if it is a criminal conviction (not a complaint or phone call), and criminal record only relevant if directly related to the child/child endangerment. I don't mean to party poop but while you might get a lot of emotional support here, your legal reality is going to be quite different. Only your lawyer is going to be accurate here.

 

[kaylacrouch93]

Well in SC if they dont provide for the child or see the child for a year i can have his rights terminated - that is if he was on the bc but since he aint my husband is. He has no rights what so ever.

 

[aliss]

Well in SC if they dont provide for the child or see the child for a year i can have his rights terminated - that is if he was on the bc but since he aint my husband is. He has no rights what so ever.

Did your lawyer advise whether or not to discontinue contact then?

 

[Larkspur]

I would just mutter, "Fuck off, asshole," under my breath, and then say out loud:

"If that's the track you want to take, go ahead, but you will be wasting money that frankly, you could be spending on supporting your child. I am certainly not afraid of what a court would rule, considering you have shown almost no interest in your son or given him any support so far. If you want to get to know him, you can come and visit on a regular schedule until I feel comfortable enough with your bond to let you take him somewhere. Don't try to scare me with legal threats. I don't think a court will look on that kindly either."

 

[kaylacrouch93]

i dont have a lawyer i looked that up on google.. but he has only seen him once in 10 months so i dont think the court will rule in his favor

 

[bananaz]

Ah, I didn't realize he wasn't on the birth certificate. In that case I agree that just waiting and seeing what he does is really the only option. Given that he can't even be bothered to change a diaper it seems unlikely he's going to go through the hassle of trying to establish paternity and then claim parental rights, but I've learned the hard way that you can never predict the lengths some people will go to out of pride or spite.

If he does lawyer up then obviously he has no shot at custody but there is a good chance he'd get parenting time. Like aliss said, there has to be VERY compelling evidence that the father is dangerous for a court to completely deny him the right to see his child, but you may be able to place certain restrictions on it depending on the circumstances (supervision, no overnight visits, etc). I still think that you need to speak with a lawyer to get a clearer picture of where you stand and what the possible avenues are in the future so that if he pulls anything you'll be prepared.