Rant: Mean and Inconsiderate

[Excited2See]

I have a pretty extended family. And I adore all of their children. Recently there has been a wave of FB pregnancy announcements, IRL, grapevine and every other way you can imagine.

The two cousins that are closes to me in age and who is aware of us TTC, have made me a bit sad lately. On Mothers Day she called me to tell me Happy Moms day because I am so motherly. The same day she sends me two pictures of positive HPT.

This follows a bunch of requests from me including $50 infant sneakers . This isn't her first. I thought she was a bit insensitive but today she sends me her sonogram. No conversation, no intro, just a picture with a sonogram.

My other cousin said she didn't feel inclined to let me hold her baby because I don't need the practice since I won't be having one of my own.

And another one decided that tagging me and only me in her Facebook announcement that was worthy of Life Magazine was appropriate.

Am I being too sensitive? I am happy for them that they are able to have children easily. I'm 25 and knew from 19 that it would be hard to conceive naturally. However, I would never tell someone I know in a situation where they want to have a child, was having certain difficulties and just be so inconsiderate towards them.


I just needed to vent a little.

ETA: I should've kept their fertility out of it. I would've hated if someone acted my lack of children in an argument against something I did that genuinely hurt them.

 

[BeachyFeelin]

Wow....I just....wow. That's some pretty insensitive stuff that is being thrown your way by family.

I just...don't even really know what to say.

The first cousin you talked about....I'm wondering if she's just so wrapped up in her own happiness is forgetting how hard this might be on you. It doesn't sound like she is trying to be rude. But it sure seems to be coming off that way. However, $50 baby sneakers? Sorry but...WTF? I hope you are not buying those for her.

The second cousin...sorry for saying this, but she sound like a total b*tch. That was an incredibly rude, insensitive thing to say to you and I'm sorry that you had to hear that.

I'm not really sure what else to say but...I don't think you are being too sensitive. Maybe it's time to step back from these 2 people for a few weeks, work on you.

 

[europa59]

I agree 100% with what PP said. The first cousin is being insensitive, the second is just being mean. Take some time away from them and focus on yourself and TTC.

 

[Excited2See]

I thought that I was being overly emotional. I thought I may have needed some big girl panties but I was like "hmmmm...let me ask around and see what others think."

OH and I stay pretty much to ourself. He is blood related to the b*tchy one. I was like "I don't want to hold your daughter anyway." even though I really really did.

@beachyfeeling- I find it hard to buy myself $50 sneakers, I wouldn't buy it for a child. Even if it was mine. I can crochet, and I wouldn't mind making a bootie or two.

Thanks for the response ladies!

 

[BeachyFeelin]

crochet booties make a lot more sense (and in my opinion are more valuable) than some sneakers....I don't understand when people put shoes on babies who are not even walking yet! Not even crawling yet!! Ahhh

 

[misspriss]

I agree cousin 1 was quite inconsiderate, and cousin 2 downright mean.

But really, the rant should be about inconsiderate and mean people, their fertility status has nothing to do with it. Are you really ranting about the fact that they are fertile? That really irritates me. I see threads like this occasionally and they really bother me. Just my feelings on the matter.

 

[Excited2See]

I agree cousin 1 was quite inconsiderate, and cousin 2 downright mean.

But really, the rant should be about inconsiderate and mean people, their fertility status has nothing to do with it. Are you really ranting about the fact that they are fertile? That really irritates me. I see threads like this occasionally and they really bother me. Just my feelings on the matter.

You're right. It has nothing to do with it. And in retrospect, I should've not be so bitter about my issues and addressed what it was that they did that upset me.

I have been thinking about it even before you said anything and I realize that Im not always attacking the argument but some of what I resent about them. I can admit that I am bitter but that shouldn't have been what I highlighted.

 

[Excited2See]

crochet booties make a lot more sense (and in my opinion are more valuable) than some sneakers....I don't understand when people put shoes on babies who are not even walking yet! Not even crawling yet!! Ahhh

I don't understand a lot that people do. I'm in this stage where i keep saying I'm not judging but I realize after the fact that I'm being all judgy. Personally, I'm too cheap for those kinds of shoes for a person who will wear it maybe once.

But to each their own I guess.

 

[LittleLala]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down it is so hard to deal with our emotions while struggling to conceive.

I hope you have a supportive partner who gives lots of cuddles and listens to your rants (I know I need my husband to listen to mine, or else I would explode!)

These forums are really great to let off steam and talk to others who understand...

Also, who asks someone to buy them $50 baby shoes?? Haha that made me laugh.

Don't worry- our time will come and we will be able to hold our own babies soon enough
Xxx

 

[misspriss]

I agree cousin 1 was quite inconsiderate, and cousin 2 downright mean.

But really, the rant should be about inconsiderate and mean people, their fertility status has nothing to do with it. Are you really ranting about the fact that they are fertile? That really irritates me. I see threads like this occasionally and they really bother me. Just my feelings on the matter.

You're right. It has nothing to do with it. And in retrospect, I should've not be so bitter about my issues and addressed what it was that they did that upset me.

I have been thinking about it even before you said anything and I realize that Im not always attacking the argument but some of what I resent about them. I can admit that I am bitter but that shouldn't have been what I highlighted.

I understand. I get it a lot from my sister who is struggling with long term unexplained infertility, so perhaps I am a bit touchy too. She never says anything directly, but makes a lot of bitter comments on facebook about people who are fertile, so it is probably a raw nerve for me. I've been able to get pregnant pretty easily, but just suffered an early loss. Anyway, I'm probably a bit more sensitive than I should be.

 

[Excited2See]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down it is so hard to deal with our emotions while struggling to conceive.

I hope you have a supportive partner who gives lots of cuddles and listens to your rants (I know I need my husband to listen to mine, or else I would explode!)

These forums are really great to let off steam and talk to others who understand...

Also, who asks someone to buy them $50 baby shoes?? Haha that made me laugh.

Don't worry- our time will come and we will be able to hold our own babies soon enough
Xxx

OH is amazing. I don't say it enough because I can be a fussy person with him but he is more than a sounding board. He's my best friend so it's easier to tell him some things but I think somethings he just don't fully understand.

Yeah these forums are great. I am glad that I join and have seen what amazing a community you can find online.

Yeah, these are the sneakers: tiny url . com/lbahd9y

They know that I am not about to buy that. She must've knocked her head a bit hard that morning or some such.

 

[Excited2See]

I agree cousin 1 was quite inconsiderate, and cousin 2 downright mean.

But really, the rant should be about inconsiderate and mean people, their fertility status has nothing to do with it. Are you really ranting about the fact that they are fertile? That really irritates me. I see threads like this occasionally and they really bother me. Just my feelings on the matter.

You're right. It has nothing to do with it. And in retrospect, I should've not be so bitter about my issues and addressed what it was that they did that upset me.

I have been thinking about it even before you said anything and I realize that Im not always attacking the argument but some of what I resent about them. I can admit that I am bitter but that shouldn't have been what I highlighted.

I understand. I get it a lot from my sister who is struggling with long term unexplained infertility, so perhaps I am a bit touchy too. She never says anything directly, but makes a lot of bitter comments on facebook about people who are fertile, so it is probably a raw nerve for me. I've been able to get pregnant pretty easily, but just suffered an early loss. Anyway, I'm probably a bit more sensitive than I should be.

No, I don't think you're more sensitive. I was more insensitive than I should be but .

I know I mention that I come from a large family. The average person has 4 children. Some much more than that. So, there is no reason why most of them won't speak freely about their pregnancies but the ones that know and still say hurtful things . OH would tell them to go (do rude things to themselves if I told him what they say) so I keep the peace by editing some of what I tell him.

I don't vaguebook though. Its too much of an hassle.

 

[LittleLala]

What are you studying?
I'm studying education right now... 1.5years down, 2.5 years to go haha. I never thought I would want to be a teacher, but my husband is one, and after visiting his classes and seeing how much he gets out of it, I can't wait now!

 

[carrie_penny]

I have a wonderful husband but I did marry and older man. I have a step son that is my age and his wife (my BFF just for the record) is just a few years younger. They are expecting their second and while she knows it hurts, she knows how happy that I am for them and for us (grandbabies ROCK!). If she ever said anything like your second cousin, I would have back handed her and told her check herself before she speaks to me again. My DIL and I are very close and we are super honest with eachother, she is the only one that gets the conflicting emotions I went through holding their first in the hospital, but that level of mean is just way beyond anything. As far as the first, I would get her what she needs since this isn't number one and maybe drop a hint that she is being a bit rude.

I have the FB flood right now too. I have 9 expecting friends and family memebers. I have had the comments like well, when are you finally going to join the club-once I explain that it may take a while and what our case is they are embarassed for the most part-, well I guess the two of you don't want kids of your own... I try to let it roll off my back, but it gets hard some days. I have spent many an afternoon crying over my disapointment and desire.

Hang in there, most people aren't meaning to cause you pain, they really just don't think before they speak.

 

[calm81]

I'm not sure about the first cousin, but the 2nd one that said you didn't need to hold the baby was being a big B!!! Some women can be so caddy. Also, don't spend $50 bucks on baby shoes that will be worn maybe 3 times. My mother (doting grandma) bought my 2 year old son air jordans and 2 weeks later too snug, bummer.

 

[Excited2See]

I have a wonderful husband but I did marry and older man. I have a step son that is my age and his wife (my BFF just for the record) is just a few years younger. They are expecting their second and while she knows it hurts, she knows how happy that I am for them and for us (grandbabies ROCK!). If she ever said anything like your second cousin, I would have back handed her and told her check herself before she speaks to me again. My DIL and I are very close and we are super honest with eachother, she is the only one that gets the conflicting emotions I went through holding their first in the hospital, but that level of mean is just way beyond anything. As far as the first, I would get her what she needs since this isn't number one and maybe drop a hint that she is being a bit rude.

I have the FB flood right now too. I have 9 expecting friends and family memebers. I have had the comments like well, when are you finally going to join the club-once I explain that it may take a while and what our case is they are embarassed for the most part-, well I guess the two of you don't want kids of your own... I try to let it roll off my back, but it gets hard some days. I have spent many an afternoon crying over my disapointment and desire.

Hang in there, most people aren't meaning to cause you pain, they really just don't think before they speak.

I'm hanging in there. Lately, I've been working on watching my words because I can be the Snark Queen. I used to drop bomb not hints. I just hide them from my newsfeed. I think I can be happier for them from a distance and not when I am constantly reminded. but to you.

I have been so emotional this cycle that everything gets to me. I was upset at OH for taking a shower before me. which is why I wondered if I was being overly sensitive.

@the bolded words: I like your attitude!!

What are you studying?
I'm studying education right now... 1.5years down, 2.5 years to go haha. I never thought I would want to be a teacher, but my husband is one, and after visiting his classes and seeing how much he gets out of it, I can't wait now!

Political Science and a minor in History. I'm applying to a History MA program. Might teach High school history.

I'm not sure about the first cousin, but the 2nd one that said you didn't need to hold the baby was being a big B!!! Some women can be so caddy. Also, don't spend $50 bucks on baby shoes that will be worn maybe 3 times. My mother (doting grandma) bought my 2 year old son air jordans and 2 weeks later too snug, bummer.

I can buy a lot of yarn for that amount of money. I'm not cheap by far but some purchases aren't worth it. I am glad I have friends who love my blankets because those are my go to gift.