Rant of an Infertile Woman

[lola13]

I don’t mean to offend anyone with this, but after 3+ years TTC, I feel entitled to a good rant. These grievances may not be logical, fair or shared by others, but as I said, I must have the right to something in this TTC hell. I fully acknowledge others have been through more than I have – I haven’t experienced the pain and loss of a m/c and certainly others have been ttc longer than 3 years.

1) Bad Parents – I can’t quite figure out why God gives babies to some people. When I see a bad parent, sometimes I want to snatch the kid and run for it.
2) BFP Announcements on First Month TTC – these girls are so annoying (I recognize it’s not their fault, but they still bug the crap out of me).
3) Complaints about how long it’s taking when they’ve been TTC 3 months – these girls really drive me crazy. Are you serious, you think it’s taking too long? Give me an effing break. I’m sure you’ll get pregnant next month.
4) The cost of ovulation tests, PG tests, clomid, IUI, and of course, the inevitable tampons.
5) My step-mother-in-law. I so dislike her that I missed a few months of TTC, questioning if I could handle being around her more if we have a baby.
6) Facebook, How many times have I seen pics of old friends that have had 2 babies in the time I’ve been trying for one. They just keep popping up with new pics.
7) Unexplained infertility – the frustration of knowing something’s wrong, but they just can’t identify it. If I don’t know what it is, how can I fix it?!!
8) Women who already have kids but act like the world is ending b/c they can’t conceive #4. This one might ruffle a few feathers, but you can hug your kids for a little comfort. I’d like to experience motherhood, even if just once. I don’t deny your pain is real, but hopefully you can understand my position, too.
9) The stress of planning sex around ovulation. I am so sick of testing, giving DH the advance notice, planning work travel schedules around it, buying airline tickets so we’ll be in the same place at the right time, and maintaining a hopeful attitude through it all.
10) People that ask when we’re having kids.
11) People that have stopped asking when we’re having kids (although this is preferred to those that still ask).
12) Clueless, but fertile, women – I’ve explained ovulation, temping, and OPK’s to women who’ve had babies to help them conceive a second. Of course, they’re pregnant again.
13) Having to turn away when I see a baby. I just can’t deal with it anymore, so I act cold and distant to mask my real emotions.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I appreciate having a safe place to let it out. I hope this isn’t like Jerry McGuire’s memo, and I end up regretting it in the morning.

 

[ermm23a]

You left off the best one!!!!! When well meaning friends (who know you're TTC) tell you to "relax, it will happen when you're not trying."

 

[genkigemini]

I was LTTTC for a VERY long time too and I SOOOOOO get where you are coming from. I am a proud graduate but I will never forget those days so you have my complete understanding and sympathy.

 

[todteach]

Sending you . I know where you're coming from. xox

 

[Blue12]

My rant - if you don't mind me crashing your rant.....

Is that people who are not ready to ttc yet (may not even be in a relationship) assume that they will never run into infertility problems.

I do think that it is much healthier to believe that you will not have fertility problems and that you will conceive. But honestly, you think you are invincible. And in some ways it feels like they look at you with "disgust" (not the right word) "pity" because something like this will never happen to THEM, unlike me.

I have had someone who is 35 and does not even have a partner say to me
"I need to find a partner because I am running out of time" followed by
"oh sorry I hope I didn't offend you". I thought gosh I am not offended one bit. This poor girl could be waiting for this guy all this time and then find out her or her partner have a problem and really be in trouble. SO I said no you totally didn't offend me. And she says "well, just you know that like you can't and have to go through this not like me"
***Honestly how does she know that she is "perfectly" fine.**** I hope for her sake she is because this is a devastating situation. BUT HONESTLY.

Then, I had someone else who was WTT. She tells me
"oh hun, don't worry even when I get pg (she is wtt for another 2 years) I will still check up on you and support you through your journey"
All I could think was, what makes her so sure that she will not have problems either. And, do you see me as this defective person that will just never get there. They say they will support me, but more they just pity my situation and don't see my life moving forward, yet this will never afflict them.
***Again I don't wish it for anyone, but HONESTLY***


I have one friend who is a counsellor and when she listens to me talk about this she is so realistic. She said it is healthy to think that you will not have problems ttc. But it is important to be aware that problems may occur. She has said that when people ask her about if/when/how many children she plans on having she always says if now, rather than when. She says she is still hopeful that she won't have problems, but is aware that it is a possibility.

Rant over.

Thank you for letting me rant.

 

[lady blush]

I so agree with you ladies.

I want to have a rant too pleas if you girls dont mind.

Ive been trying for 6 years now and every month is hell when the dreaded witch arrives.

My rant is about my sister in law she knows we are having troubles concieving and still she finds her self telling me how she has been to the doctors to have a scan bcoz she gets painful period's she says how her doctor said she is very fertile (she has no children yet) and that she realeases alot of eggs (ergghh excuse me but how the hell do you know your fertile just becoz you have a good test result 's doesent mean you are fertilie) she keeps going on how when she wants to concieve she will get pregnant on the first month, she rubs all of this in me and DH face( she is NOT DH sister she's dh brothers girlfriend).
The MIL is another story her and the sister inlaw are always on the fone to each other talking about me all the effing time she has even told the sister inlaw that she better hurry up and give her grand children bcoz she says she wont get eny from me and dh grrrrr what an effing cow.

The worst one is when your at a kids party and everyone has kids there and all they talk about is how easy they concieved etc.grrrrrrrrrr its not as easy for some people to concieve....................they just rub it in my face and they always ask me and DH so when isit your turn arrrrgggggh shut the hell up.

Some people should be a bit more sensitive towards us but they just treat us like invalids.

Rant over phew that feels better out than in.

 

[MrsJPC]

Ha - you have made my day!!

Can I just add pregnant women moaning because they can't eat certain foods. One so called friend turned to me and said, 'I can't believe you are eating poached eggs near me, that is so unfair' I wanted to scream least you are effing pregnant!!

If I have to hear one more time how much they miss pate I may scream!!!

Thanks ladies x x x

 

[Serene123]

 

[Zipp]

1) Bad Parents – I can’t quite figure out why God gives babies to some people. When I see a bad parent, sometimes I want to snatch the kid and run for it.

^^

I know!!! Obviously I would never do it but it is still a thought at times. x

 

[caline]

My additions....

My sister turning to me when her son (who is not well disaplined) is misbehaving and saying "are you sure you want one of these"?

A girl at work telling me i must speak to her friend who had one round of IVF in Bruge and got pregnant and now has a daughter, and how great the clinic is and how i need to go there, and telling me all about her friends cycles, and how IVF works etc...when she herself conceived number one on the first month of trying, and is not pregnant with number 2, also conceived on first month of trying.

And, yes, MIL saying, after 2 failed IVF's, if I relax then it would 'just happen'.

Oh, and also how Sis in law keeps telling me when they are going to start trying for number 2, and how they are going to time it so she doesn't have the baby at Xmas, and various other dates through the year, and yes, she conceived her daughter on 1st month of trying.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'm liking this post. Release of fustrations!!!

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

xx

 

[lola13]

Thanks everyone for your additions. It does feel better to let it out!! Rant on!

 

[Deb111]

Great thread!!

Can I add mine ...

We're going for ICSI treatment as hubby has been diagnosed with azoospermia (ie. no sperm present in his SA) He has to have an op to hopefully find out that he is producing some and there's just a blockages. But equally, there's a reasonable chance that there just wont be any sperm and then we either have to adopt or think about a donor sperm

... anyway - my rant ....

If anyone else tells me to "stop worrying, it'll all be fine" I think I will slap them ... hard! There is no part of this that is fine - even if we are successful in finding sperm and getting pregnant and going full term, yes it will be incredible and worth it all, but it's still far from 'fine' ... all the drugs and intervention (which I am extremely grateful is available), the surgery, the procedures, the cost. It's not fine ... you hear about druggies getting pregnant and their babies have to be weaned off with methodone when they're born and yet 'someone' decides it's fine for them to have a baby, but not me?!

Oh and now I've got going .... I'm a christian and have had so many people say they will pray for us and I am grateful for that ... but I really have to stop myself at times just turning round and saying "what's the point? - he's let this TTC nightmare happen so why would he step in and help now" What have I ever done to deserve this? Personally I do believe there's a God out there, but I'm not convinced that me having a baby is on the top of his list of priorities

Ooohhh that feels better xx

 

[DragonMummy]

Oh crikey you've all hit the nail on the head! I know that I am fortunate enough to have a child but he was 3 years in the making (hope for us all!)and I am knocking on to 14 months this time round so I think I am allowed to join in on this occasion!

I started TTC last April. There was nobody pregnant at work at that time. There are now about 15 pregnant women, plus a good 5 or 6 off on mat leave. It is starting to take the piss quite seriously, particularly when you are having a meal break and 3 of them are in there discussing the baby kicking and how it was an accident. Yes my friends, at least half of them are unplanned.

Vexed doesn't even cover it!


There is a small comfort (it's tiny but it's there) that when my little boy was born, I recognised the magic and wonder far more than any of the mums that took their babies for granted. He was infinately more precious because he was so unlikely. Yours will be too.

Now all you need to do is relax and stop trying so hard....

Seriously, thats what a woman at work said to me on Monday. "youre trying too hard"

Er.... I don't actually ovulate so I have to take masses of hormones to force my body into it.... I don't really have a choice!!!

 

[todteach]

Seriously, thats what a woman at work said to me on Monday. "youre trying too hard"

Er.... I don't actually ovulate so I have to take masses of hormones to force my body into it.... I don't really have a choice!!!

Exactly!!! Funny how we've all heard this. And how stupid people sound (to us) when they're talking to a woman with PCOS who isn't ovulating on her own. Ummm, if I let nature take it's course, I would never be able to become pregnant. Shheeesh!

 

[Deb111]

"Trying too hard!!?!?!?" and "you need to relax!" I must google hubby's azoospermia again and see if I missed those 2 as being casues of hubbby's azoospermia?! Don't you just love it?!

 

[Frindabelle]

LOVE this rant! so so so true!
xxx

 

[FBbaby]

My rant is about people telling me that I am still young and look so good I've still got plenty of time to get pregnant. Trying to explain that looking young and the age of your eggs are totally unrelated, all I get is 'that's rubbish'.

I am tired of people telling me how exciting it is to be turning 40 this year, how that was their best birthday etc... for me, it is just a reminder that as time goes by, my chances of getting a bfp with IVF let alone naturally are shrinking along with my eggs. Yes my grand-mother was 45 when she had my mum and my mum was 42 when she had my sister (ntnp only 4 cycles), but my fsh levels and AFC count makes it clear that I don't have years ahead of me, especially when OH SA shows low morphology.

 

[sarlar]

AMEN ladies!!!

 

[Deb111]

My rant is about people telling me that I am still young and look so good I've still got plenty of time to get pregnant. Trying to explain that looking young and the age of your eggs are totally unrelated, all I get is 'that's rubbish'.

I am tired of people telling me how exciting it is to be turning 40 this year, how that was their best birthday etc... for me, it is just a reminder that as time goes by, my chances of getting a bfp with IVF let alone naturally are shrinking along with my eggs. Yes my grand-mother was 45 when she had my mum and my mum was 42 when she had my sister (ntnp only 4 cycles), but my fsh levels and AFC count makes it clear that I don't have years ahead of me, especially when OH SA shows low morphology.

Yep ... my hubby's family tell me that his Grandma had twins at 45 and went back to work the next day! gggrrr Bet her hubby didn't have azoospermia!