Rant warning. OH did CIO even though he knows how I feel about it :(

[Aidan's Mummy]

Yesterday I left Oliver with OH while I was at work. Oliver had been ill but was on the mend but I didn't want to take him to nursery as I wanted to give him time to recover. While he has been ill he has been very clingy which is understandable. He has also been crying a lot which again understandable. Well when I got home yesterday evening I heard Oliver crying in his cot. I went straight upstairs and got him and brought him down. I asked OH what he was doing and he said that he needs to learn and he decided to do CIO. OH knows how I feel about sleep training. CC I don't agree with but CIO I am absoulty against. Leaving a baby to cry until they fall asleep without comfort is totally unatural to me and I am very passionate about my views on it. I HATE the thought of Oliver crying in a room alone and not being comforted . OH knows my views on this and yet he went ahead and did it anyway without even talking about it. I am so angry. I have tried talking to him about it but he thinks he did nothing wrong Sorry ladies just needed a rant

 

[Dragonfly]

Uh oh, my house would be up in arms if this happened. what you going to do? I know its hard as you cant be there during the day but would break my trust in my partner.

 

[Irish Eyes]

You need to sit him down & explain how he's completely broken your trust. Ask him how he would feel if you did something he's completely against while he was out of the house? Getting angry & shouting probably won't help as he's also the babies parent & may feel you're telling him what to do. I would really struggle to leave Lo alone with him again though, not sure how you get over that.

Would be good to go in prepared with information that shows babies don't have the ability to soothe themselves once crying so would just be falling asleep from exhaustion, guys like facts & figures usually.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I honestly don't know what I am going to do. He has as much right as me to make parenting choices but at the same time he knows how I feel about it. He would hate it if I did something he was against Going to broach the subject again tonight and see where we get x

 

[Dragonfly]

but both you have to agree, its not fair he goes against your wishes either. Would it be ok if you took your kid somewhere and done something he didnt like?

 

[preggymammy]

It's bad enough doing it to a fully healthy baby but to do it to a baby who s recovering from being a little under the weather is awful!
I don't believe in CIO. As pp said, they fall asleep from exhaustion not from self soothing.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Defiantly going to have a chat tonight. Not sure how to approach it. I don't want it to turn into a shouting match x

 

[preggymammy]

I'm not sure what to suggest hun. If it was me I'd be so pissed off I'd scream at him hope you get it sorted xx

 

[CoffeePuffin]

I'd go beserk if I came home and he was doing CIO. I think I've convinced my OH not to do this though as I've shoved a load of research in his face and he even says to other people it's wrong to leave them to cry. I wouldn't be able to trust him again with LO if he did this.

I hope you manage to talk it through and he understands.

 

[fannyadams]

I would go mental but that's not the right thing to do- you're right to approach it calmly and talk it through.
Good luck x

 

[lozzy21]

I think i would have gone apeshit and told him if he did it again his bags would be packed. Its one thing to do things differently but to totally go against your wishes is just wrong.

 

[lilyd]

I really don't know what to suggest as, as you say, he is entitled to make parenting choices as well.

I understand what the other ladies are saying about trust being broken, but had you agreed it wasn't a method that would be used?

If it had been agreed then I would go beserk!

Hope you manage to get it sorted x

 

[AC1987]

my dh is exactly the same he lets her cry anytime he watches her even when I'm home, thats why theres no way I would let him watch her on his own.

 

[preggymammy]

I just don't understand how they can just sit and watch tv or whatever like nothing is wrong whilst their poor baby is alone in another room breaking his heart because all he wants is a cuddle! My baby crying for a second makes me so upset I have to work really hard to hold back my tears so I can be calm for LO.

CC is one thing but CIO is just cruel. How would DH like it if every time he tried to speak or interact with you, you ignored him like he wasn't there. Bet he wouldn't be impressed!

 

[jd83]

I can't believe he would use that method with a sick child! Even proponents of CIO would not use it during a sick period. I am a proponent of CC, but if my child is sick, I would never use it then. There is a reason they cry a lot when sick; they need extra comforting and care because they aren't feeling good.

The fact that he also knows that you are against using that method, and then did it anyways, with a sick child....I would go nuts. It would not be pretty. You guys def need to have a discussion about this and make sure he knows why using a method like that with a sick child is so wrong.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I would be livid! Maybe sit him down and explain to him WHY you are against CIO so he understands, show him some studies so he knows the science behind it. Hopefully he won't do this again

 

[Twister]

I would be so mad, especially as your LO is just getting over an illness. I'd be asking him what exactly he expected LO to learn from being left to cry, especially when poorly! My guess is he probably got fed up of your LO being so clingy and decided to take the lazy way out and leave him to cry.

 

[baby287]

I agree with pp...guys think, ugh this is annoying..I'll just put them in bed and they'll fall asleep eventually..

I'd kill him though lol definitely let him know that he broke your trust and now its upsetting that you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with her own father... Thats just not right.

 

[onetwothreebp]

have you two discussed this before? i wouldn't be happy, but i don't think my trust would be broken in my partner. you're right, he has a total right to parenting styles but it's best to come to one decision because otherwise it's conflicting and confusing for LO.

how much time does he spend with lo? is it possible that he couldn't handle the crying any longer and put him in the crib to give himself time to cool down? maybe he was just embarrassed and said he was using the CIO method? i'd discuss it calmly with him, fightng won't do LO any favours.

 

[MiniKiwi]

I would flip out

Honestly I'd tell my OH to pack his shit if he tries that again. God, so angry for you.

Sometimes you have to compromise but let him know this is one of those things that is NOT up for discussion.