dinkery
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- Joined
- Sep 15, 2013
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Well hi everybody. I've been lurking around here for a few weeks but this is my first post. Hoping to be part of the sense of friendship and support you all seem to offer each other here.
As the title says, we are unexpectedly expecting, haha. Got married in late June, and apparently knocked up the week after the honeymoon! Not exactly an advertisement for my bc brand. Kind of a long story as to why, but I didn't find out until I was 8wks along, and it was a SHOCKER. In 2 days I'll hit 12wks, and we've grown used to the idea and are happy.
Well, I'm happy when I'm not terrified. Having not planned for or even really thought about this (was planning on YEARS in the future), I cannot tell you how much anxiety I'm going through.
We don't have an extra penny and will be forced to move into my in-laws' den with no privacy. That will be myself, my husband, 4 cats, and not even a closet for our clothes or a bedroom door to shut if we want. *sigh* Could be worse, we could have no support at all, so I suppose we must be thankful for small blessings - it's just going to be very trying.
Also, I am already crying nightly over having to give birth. I feel completely ridiculous but it is the thing that has always scared me about being a woman, that I'd have to give birth someday. I don't want to push a watermelon out my poor little vagina! I can't get past the thoughts of screaming, bleeding, tearing, episiotomies, suction, forceps... I also don't want to be cut open *shudder* for a c-section. I wish I could just... I don't know... sneeze! And the baby would shoot right out, painless! (Somebody please tell me modern medicine is working on that.)
I'm having horrific nightmares every single night, and wake up in tears or yelling out loud. Also, I get my morning sickness at night instead, which leaves me sleep deprived and feeling ill all day. It really affects my day because I work full time, go to college full time, and am trying to start packing us up for the move. Not to mention the acne, cramps, backaches, headaches, fatigue, nausea, indigestion, and pain in my boobs and nipples so bad I feel like somebody's trying to saw them off with a butter knife.
I am looking forward to the baby, but I feel like nothing is as it should be. All this is not how I wanted my first pregnancy to go, and not the situation we wanted to be in. And I worry that all the negative vibes and stress hormones I'm bathing the baby in are very bad for it. I've begun writing in a little journal about my fears and feelings, hoping it will help me relieve some of my tension and take it off my unborn child, but so far I still feel the same - like a pressure cooker about to burst and scream bloody murder while crying buckets.
So I'm reaching out - can anyone relate or help me? Or at least say anything good about my nightmares of zombies chewing on my stomach? Like somehow they mean my baby will be awesome or something?
As the title says, we are unexpectedly expecting, haha. Got married in late June, and apparently knocked up the week after the honeymoon! Not exactly an advertisement for my bc brand. Kind of a long story as to why, but I didn't find out until I was 8wks along, and it was a SHOCKER. In 2 days I'll hit 12wks, and we've grown used to the idea and are happy.
Well, I'm happy when I'm not terrified. Having not planned for or even really thought about this (was planning on YEARS in the future), I cannot tell you how much anxiety I'm going through.
We don't have an extra penny and will be forced to move into my in-laws' den with no privacy. That will be myself, my husband, 4 cats, and not even a closet for our clothes or a bedroom door to shut if we want. *sigh* Could be worse, we could have no support at all, so I suppose we must be thankful for small blessings - it's just going to be very trying.
Also, I am already crying nightly over having to give birth. I feel completely ridiculous but it is the thing that has always scared me about being a woman, that I'd have to give birth someday. I don't want to push a watermelon out my poor little vagina! I can't get past the thoughts of screaming, bleeding, tearing, episiotomies, suction, forceps... I also don't want to be cut open *shudder* for a c-section. I wish I could just... I don't know... sneeze! And the baby would shoot right out, painless! (Somebody please tell me modern medicine is working on that.)
I'm having horrific nightmares every single night, and wake up in tears or yelling out loud. Also, I get my morning sickness at night instead, which leaves me sleep deprived and feeling ill all day. It really affects my day because I work full time, go to college full time, and am trying to start packing us up for the move. Not to mention the acne, cramps, backaches, headaches, fatigue, nausea, indigestion, and pain in my boobs and nipples so bad I feel like somebody's trying to saw them off with a butter knife.
I am looking forward to the baby, but I feel like nothing is as it should be. All this is not how I wanted my first pregnancy to go, and not the situation we wanted to be in. And I worry that all the negative vibes and stress hormones I'm bathing the baby in are very bad for it. I've begun writing in a little journal about my fears and feelings, hoping it will help me relieve some of my tension and take it off my unborn child, but so far I still feel the same - like a pressure cooker about to burst and scream bloody murder while crying buckets.
So I'm reaching out - can anyone relate or help me? Or at least say anything good about my nightmares of zombies chewing on my stomach? Like somehow they mean my baby will be awesome or something?