I'm so very sorry about Zane.
It gives me hope and strength to know that you and your OH are trying again. One minute I want to try again and the next I don't. It's such a bizarre state to be in. With having our boys we know how much we have to gain, but also what we lost. I know that if we hadn't of lost our triplets at 16 weeks 4.5 years ago we never would've had DS1, so it wasn't in vain and I would've have gone through it a million times to have our amazing little boy. The same happened with DS2, after I m/c at 6wks. It doesn't make you forget, but for me I feel like it made sure our experience and grief wasn't in vain. It made me feel like we hadn't gone through the loss to end up with nothing. It also dulled the pain to be able to be looking forward to a new life, and made bringing our beautiful boys home oh so much sweeter. I don't know if any of that makes any sense. DH and I just talked about it and he's 100% supportive of trying again right away, as it's painful for him too and he desperately wants another baby. I'm just so terrified. I'm terrified I'll loose the pregnancy at 36+ weeks, or something will happen to the baby after it's born and we haven't even started trying yet. DH said I'm way over thinking it and I need to enjoy every moment because we never know how many moments we'll get, and I know he's right, but it's hard to not worry. I called my OB this after noon and asked her to take my IUD out tomorrow morning, so we can go ahead and start "not, not trying" for awhile. I took our son to COSI (children's museum) today and looking around almost every mom had their face buried in their cell phone. It made me sad and angry all at the same time, and I'll admit I had been guilty of that too, but those moments with your kids may be the only one's you get. DH and I have learned that first hand. I just wanted to plead with them, please please enjoy these moments. Soak them up because life is so very fragile. One moment you and your child could be here and healthy and the next, gone. For that I'll be forever thankful to Grace and Paige. They've taught me to live in the moment and not take things for granted in a way I never would have had we not had and then lost them. I don't want to be anxious and worried, but just soak it up knowing that we really have no control over many things in life. I feel like I can't give my boys enough hugs and kisses and can't tell them I love them enough. I'll always love our baby girls and be forever thankful for them. We've had moments of numbness, anger, anxiety, and unconsolable sadness. Our baby girls broke our hearts when grew their wings and left this earth, but they made DH and I better parents, better spouses and better people.
To every parent who's lost a baby, no matter how small, I wish you healing, strength, love, and rainbow babies.
It gives me hope and strength to know that you and your OH are trying again. One minute I want to try again and the next I don't. It's such a bizarre state to be in. With having our boys we know how much we have to gain, but also what we lost. I know that if we hadn't of lost our triplets at 16 weeks 4.5 years ago we never would've had DS1, so it wasn't in vain and I would've have gone through it a million times to have our amazing little boy. The same happened with DS2, after I m/c at 6wks. It doesn't make you forget, but for me I feel like it made sure our experience and grief wasn't in vain. It made me feel like we hadn't gone through the loss to end up with nothing. It also dulled the pain to be able to be looking forward to a new life, and made bringing our beautiful boys home oh so much sweeter. I don't know if any of that makes any sense. DH and I just talked about it and he's 100% supportive of trying again right away, as it's painful for him too and he desperately wants another baby. I'm just so terrified. I'm terrified I'll loose the pregnancy at 36+ weeks, or something will happen to the baby after it's born and we haven't even started trying yet. DH said I'm way over thinking it and I need to enjoy every moment because we never know how many moments we'll get, and I know he's right, but it's hard to not worry. I called my OB this after noon and asked her to take my IUD out tomorrow morning, so we can go ahead and start "not, not trying" for awhile. I took our son to COSI (children's museum) today and looking around almost every mom had their face buried in their cell phone. It made me sad and angry all at the same time, and I'll admit I had been guilty of that too, but those moments with your kids may be the only one's you get. DH and I have learned that first hand. I just wanted to plead with them, please please enjoy these moments. Soak them up because life is so very fragile. One moment you and your child could be here and healthy and the next, gone. For that I'll be forever thankful to Grace and Paige. They've taught me to live in the moment and not take things for granted in a way I never would have had we not had and then lost them. I don't want to be anxious and worried, but just soak it up knowing that we really have no control over many things in life. I feel like I can't give my boys enough hugs and kisses and can't tell them I love them enough. I'll always love our baby girls and be forever thankful for them. We've had moments of numbness, anger, anxiety, and unconsolable sadness. Our baby girls broke our hearts when grew their wings and left this earth, but they made DH and I better parents, better spouses and better people. To every parent who's lost a baby, no matter how small, I wish you healing, strength, love, and rainbow babies.
