Really annoyed

[Kitten]

No-one else I know really follows AP type approaches but I never comment on the way they do anything. I post on another forum and most of the ladies on there formula fed, weaned on 17weeks to the day, don't believe in co-sleeping etc. etc. but I never pass comment or judgement on how they do things.

Anyway, one of the girls posted saying that everyone seems to think her daughter needs solids so she's thinking of weaning (19 weeks) and she asked for tips on what to start with. Due to the way she worded the post I said why did people feel her baby needed to be weaned? Was she losing weight or was it just because she was 17 weeks? And that my mum had been saying similar things to me and that if she wasn't comfortable with it not to feel pressurised.

Anyway one of the other ladies replied saying how the original poster had been asking for advice from people who had already weaned (like herself). Which is fair enough but why comment on it? All I was saying was that she shouldn't feel pressured either way and to do what she thought was best. I even said that I knew loads of healthy happy babies that had been weaned at 17 weeks and that if she thought she was ready to go for it yet this woman felt the need to have a dig?

It just really fecks me off when people get shitty with me for holding out til 6months to wean, or following BLW, or breastfeeding like because I'm doing things different to them I'm somehow judging them or whatever. I've never tried to force my views on anyone and tend not to talk about the way I'm doing things as I can't be bothered to get in a debate. I'm sure it's a defensive thing due to their own insecurities of being badgered by health visitors for early weaning, or feeling bad because they couldn't breastfeed or whatever but it really bugs me that I feel I have to just go along with what they're saying to avoid been jumped on for 'judging' them or for having different views. I mean, waiting til 6months is the guideline ffs, it's not like I'm making up my own wacky rules

 

[kitty_kitty]

i have had not yet had my baby but i know from other forums about different issues that some people will have a go.

I think you answered your own question really it is her insecurity or guilt that made her reply like that.

I think sometimes people misread what is posted or take it in the wrong tone too

 

[Vici]

It def seems to me that she jumped on the defensive so has something she feels guilty about! The good thing about us gals here is that we can appreciate that we all do things differently but don't judge those different to us!

 

[mommyof3co]

I think many moms feel insecure...they are always worried about what others think. I def think she was out of line....but I've seen things like that happen soooo many times...I run a parenting forum too so I've seen quite a bit on there. I think if your secure in your decisions it shouldn't matter what other people say anyways. For example...one that's a very hot topic is vaccines...I don't care if other people vaccinate, I don't care what people think about not vaccinating...I KNOW by not vaccinating I'm doing what's right for MY kids....that's what matters, not how others feel about it. The only time it gets to me is when people act like mine are diseased from not being lol, but it's just ignorance.

 

[Blob]

Its really hard to know how people are saying things on sites and even texting...

Everyone has their own opinion..my mum always says to me that the people who are most defensive are the ones who either regret what they did or feel inferior so they put down everyone else because they have a chip on their shoulder.

 

[Wobbles]

Seems to me you seen the woman state 'everyone else says' so asked a reasonable question - people who don't wean until the guidelines but we don't all have the same child so it's hard to advise on forums. Got to love how defensive we all get over our own little things

Lets not turn this into a anti or pro weaning thread though which is very possible ...

x

 

[Kiree]

i think it depends on the type of person too, i honestly think some people cant open their mind enough to allow another person an opinion unless its in line with their own. fair enough if you'd had a go at the girl who was asking about the weaning, but you were just giving her an insight into different ways of doing things. and things like that can mean the difference between doing what HVs etc advise, or doing something which makes much more sense.

i mean for example, BnB converted me to babywearing and BLW, which i knew nothing about before I joined. These approaches make so much sense to me, and if there hadnt been people discussing them on forums, I would never had encountered them. and i can honestly say that these things have enhanced my relationship with my son. that means the potential was there for this girl to learn about things like that too, and make her own mind up. but if someone is going to jump all over your opinion, that girl might never look anymore into it.

i wouldnt take it personally hun. it says more about that person than it does about how you live your life. not all people who had to go down certain routes think the same, i promise! i mean, i couldnt breastfeed (soooo wish i could, but thats another thread entirely!) but i wouldnt get shitty with another person who could/did BF. id be more likely to say, I admire you and Im jealous.

hope youre ok now and she hasnt rattled u too much! x

 

[Kitten]

Thanks girls, no wasn't trying to start a discussion on anything other than ranting about how I hate when people judge you when they're against being judged if you know what I mean! I was just really hacked off and needed somewhere to vent and this seemed the most appropriate place.

I think I'm just going to keep my mouth shut in future I think. Like some of you have said, this site is really good because you can ask for advice or discuss these things without being attacked, I might just hang out here from now on hehe.

 

[polo_princess]

People will always judge you hun no matter what you do, if its not your parenting skills, its about something else, they way you look, where you are from, the things you do etc etc

Forums are an invaluable source of information for us new (and old) parents, you just have to remember at the end of the day theres another person sitting at the end of the computer and we all have different personalities and ways of putting our opinion across.

Dont get annoyed by it, take it on the chin and give your advice to people that actually want it and who will find it useful

 

[kirsten1985]

I tend not to talk about the way I'm doing things as I can't be bothered to get in a debate.

This is what I do....I don't talk about my choices to family, friends, HV, people on here (except perhaps in this actual section). Makes life easier.

 

[Blob]

Yea i dont think there is any point in getting into a debate a parent will only do what they think is best for their baby anyway and thats the way its meant to be If someone doesnt want to take your opinion on a question they have asked its up to them

I also agree Kiree if i hadnt of come across this forum i would have been a much different parent i think!

 

[JennTheMomma]

I know how you feel. I'm not a judgmental person at all, I know not everyone parents the way I do. I'm confident in the way I parent and never pass judgement. Yet other moms who must not be confident feel that they need to tell AP moms how wrong they are.

 

[Suze]

I tend not to talk about the way I'm doing things as I can't be bothered to get in a debate.

This is what I do....I don't talk about my choices to family, friends, HV, people on here (except perhaps in this actual section). Makes life easier.

Snap!

 

[saraendepity]

I tend not to talk about the way I'm doing things as I can't be bothered to get in a debate.

This is what I do....I don't talk about my choices to family, friends, HV, people on here (except perhaps in this actual section). Makes life easier.

Snap!

and me!!!!

 

[diz]

some times i think that people also take posts, just like text messages or e-mails in the wrong tone... its difficult to relay tone if your not actually physically vocalising.

My FIL was going on about how i would be able to switch to formula now Noahs older and had all the good stuff

some people just dont get it hon xxx

 

[Babyshambelle]

Yup, I agree with tending to keep things to myself, I think some people (not you girls on here obv ) think i'm the crulest mum in the world for not weaning until 6 months unless I feel she is ready before (which she isnt). I think sometimes the people I tell about how I do things think I deliberately do things differently because I like being different from everyone else! I believe that every mum has the right to choose how they bring their children up regarless of if I agree with what they are doing or not, on the other hand, I have no problem offering bits of advice or information if I think it would help them out. I am often poinitng out that a 4 month growth spurt is the usual reason for unnecessary early weaning, and more often than not the mum hasnt been told this by a HV and is very grateful that I told her.

xxx

 

[Shifter]

I steer clear of "mainstream" mums now, both online and in the flesh. I find it hard not to talk about the way I parent and find it really hard to offer advice that doesn't sound preachy so I feel it's best just to keep to the company of other AP/NP mums. I think that most people who are open to other ideas will seek them out so there's no real need for me to put those ideas out there.

 

[Kitten]

Yeah, I've never suggested things to people, if they ask I answer honestly but I feel bad offering advice in case I sound preachy.

I had a woman come up to me in H&M on Saturday asking where I got my carrier from though hehe