Really hitting me hard

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by SmartieMeUp, Jun 13, 2013.

  1. SmartieMeUp

    SmartieMeUp Mum of 2 girls.

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    Sorry for length in advance.

    As some of you already know the story 6 weeks ago (ex/FOB also had his say in it too), it seems to be getting harder :cry:

    He came to pick LO up for 3 overnight stays, my heart was all over the place. I just wanted to have him there and then. I couldn't resist the urge to cuddle him. He jumped on the train and that was it, I cried on the platform and went to the toilet to sort myself out. I then went back to the train and asked for 5 minutes before it departed, on which I managed to receive a hug. Then he said he would speak to me later. When I picked her up he asked if I wanted another hug. HELL YES! Later that night was explaining that it was hurting him seeing me hurt, knowing he was doing it to me. Complimenting how amazing I looked, it made me feel so good.

    We spoke over the days, it was fine. I couldn't help but bring 'us' up every now and again. I was so low, I was breaking down on the floor at every sign of rejection. Over the week we come to some agreements of sorting things out with the problems from the relationship and as individuals... It seemed to go great. We were getting along. A lot of persuasion was needed.

    End of May we had plans for niece's birthday, he needed to stay overnight as it was an early leave the next day, then agreed that if we got on fine, he would stay an extra night. So he stayed Fri-Mo. We both agreed on our previous chats that we will give it another shot and prove to everybody the relationship had potential. Saying things which would happen in the future, giving great hope. Planning to go out together to have some fun with each other. I was over the moon. The weekend was great, I was so happy and so was he (well so I thought). We had sex every night he was here, it felt so right and amazing, we tried new things out too. He goes back to his with LO we had a kiss goodbye. And when I picked her up the same thing again.

    Now during the past 2 weeks we've been getting on so well and it was all happy days. I asked him about moving on as things seemed so one-sided with the effort of making this work. His response was "what makes you think that? Do you feel it's coming to some sort of hault?" I knew exactly what he was doing. Things escalated. I wish I never even brought it up, but I was being taken for a mug.

    I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks for my own pleasure, so I went to see him today, and he wasn't in the slightest pleased. I asked him why he slept with me, he said he doesn't know and he shouldn't of done it. He then admitted to using me for sex, messed with my head, lied to me, gave me hope. And to top it off that he doesn't even have any feelings or 'fancy' me in the slightest. I asked him how long has he felt this way, and he said since he was locked in a cell.

    I just feel so hurt and worthless. I am so fucking stupid for even having hope and letting him do things to me. I'm madly in love with him. I'm scared to move on, I'm scared to see him move on. :cry: :cry:
     
  2. creatingpeace

    creatingpeace Mommy to Avery!

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    Wow I don't know what to say! I am so sorry you are going through this, he sounds like such a complete jerk!
     
  3. SmartieMeUp

    SmartieMeUp Mum of 2 girls.

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    Well, I'd gladly like to update that I've walked away with a smile on my face and my pride high. I found out (seen for myself) today he tuned back to his old ways again like he was in 2011, going all secretive behind my back. It's like I was so happy to see it, knowing that was a closure to my pain. Admittedly it kept me up ALL night and I cried until no more tears came out which then I instantly felt nothing for him thereafter.

    He came to pick LO up earlier this morning and I told him I didn't want him near my house. He stayed on the street and we said nothing to each other. Then I managed to sleep. :D
     

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